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The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds

The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds

by John Bowlby 1979 224 pages
4.07
354 ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Attachment is a fundamental, evolved human need for proximity to trusted figures.

Attachment behaviour is conceived as any form of behaviour that results in a person attaining or retaining proximity to some other differentiated and preferred individual, who is usually conceived as stronger and/or wiser.

Beyond basic needs. Attachment theory posits that the drive to form strong affectional bonds is a primary, biologically rooted instinct, distinct from needs like hunger or sex. This behavior, seen across many mammalian species, ensures proximity to a protective figure, especially in times of vulnerability. It's not merely "dependency" learned through feeding, but an innate system for safety.

Lifelong significance. This need for connection persists throughout life, though its expression changes with age. While most evident in infants seeking closeness to parents, adults also rely on attachment figures—often spouses, family, or close friends—for security. The presence of a trusted person provides a vital sense of safety.

Emotional core. The formation, maintenance, disruption, and renewal of these bonds are the source of our most intense emotions. Falling in love, feeling secure, experiencing anxiety over threat of loss, grieving actual loss, and feeling joy upon reunion are all tied to the state of our affectional bonds.

2. Early experiences with caregivers profoundly shape lifelong attachment patterns.

Because of these interactions, whatever pattern is first established tends to persist.

Foundation for future. The quality of a child's early interactions with their primary caregiver, typically the mother, lays the groundwork for their capacity to form and maintain relationships throughout life. The responsiveness, availability, and sensitivity of the caregiver are crucial in shaping the child's developing attachment style.

Persistence of patterns. The patterns of relating established in these early bonds tend to endure. A child who experiences consistent, sensitive care is likely to develop secure attachment, while inconsistent or rejecting care can lead to insecure patterns. These early dynamics create templates for future interactions.

Circular influence. A child's early experiences influence their expectations of others and their own behavior in relationships. These expectations, in turn, affect how they interact with new people, often eliciting responses that confirm their initial beliefs. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle, highlighting the critical importance of early care.

3. Separation and loss are inherently distressing events with potential pathogenic effects.

Probably all of us today are keenly aware of the anxiety and distress that can be caused by separations from loved figures, of the deep and prolonged grief that can follow bereavement, and of the hazards to mental health that these events can constitute.

Universal distress. Separation from an attachment figure is a naturally fear-arousing situation, rooted in evolutionary history where isolation increased vulnerability. This response is not limited to humans or to childhood; it is a fundamental reaction to the loss of
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Review Summary

4.07 out of 5
Average of 354 ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising Bowlby's insights on attachment theory and child development. Many find the book informative and accessible, highlighting its relevance to psychology and therapy. Some reviewers note the dated language and repetitive content due to the lecture format. Critics appreciate Bowlby's integration of various psychological approaches and his emphasis on the importance of early relationships. Overall, readers find the book valuable for understanding human nature and emotional bonds, though some consider it basic or dry.

Your rating:
4.56
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About the Author

John Bowlby was a British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst who made significant contributions to the field of child development. He is best known as the founder of attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of early relationships between children and their caregivers. Bowlby's work revolutionized understanding of child-parent bonds and their impact on emotional and social development. His research combined elements from psychoanalysis, ethology, and cognitive psychology. Bowlby's theories have had a lasting influence on developmental psychology, psychotherapy, and parenting practices. His focus on the biological basis of attachment behavior and its evolutionary significance set him apart from his contemporaries and continues to shape modern psychological thought.

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