The Myth of Male Power

1. Male Power: A Socially Constructed Myth

The single biggest barrier to getting men to look within is that what any other group would call powerlessness, men have been taught to call power.

Challenging the Narrative. The book argues that the conventional understanding of male power is a myth, a social construct that masks the unique vulnerabilities and disposability of men. Men are conditioned to equate their roles as protectors and providers with power, even when these roles lead to their own detriment. This conditioning prevents men from acknowledging their own struggles and seeking help.

Examples of Male Disposability. The author points to several statistics that highlight male vulnerability:

• Higher suicide rates among men, especially young men
• Shorter life expectancy for men compared to women
• Disproportionate representation of men in dangerous occupations
• The draft, which historically conscripted only men

Reframing Power. The book redefines power as control over one's own life, rather than dominance over others. By this definition, men, particularly those in marginalized communities, often lack true power.

2. From Role Mates to Soul Mates: The Evolving Definition of Love

Male anguish is not the concern of men alone. A man’s suicide affects his wife, children, parents, colleagues, friends. So does his early death, his alcoholism, his addiction to beautiful young women. . . . Each affects corporate profits and national productivity. When men are victims, we are all victims.

Shifting Expectations. The book traces the evolution of marriage from a Stage I "role mate" arrangement, where survival was the primary focus, to a Stage II "soul mate" ideal, where personal fulfillment and emotional connection are paramount. This shift has created new challenges for both sexes, as traditional roles no longer align with modern expectations.

The Divorce Trade-off. The pursuit of Stage II love has led to increased divorce rates, as couples struggle to meet the demands of a more conditional and emotionally demanding relationship. The very qualities that made a "perfect couple" in a Stage I marriage often lead to divorce in Stage II.

Male and Female Anguish. While women have been vocal about their desire for emotional connection and personal fulfillment, men's struggles have often been repressed or dismissed as "midlife crises." This has left men feeling gagged and isolated, contributing to higher rates of suicide, alcoholism, and early death.

3. Bisexism: The Two-Way Street of Gender Roles

Feminism justified female “victim power” by convincing the world that we lived in a sexist, male-dominated, and patriarchal world. The Myth of Male Power explains why the world was bi-sexist, both male- and female-dominated, both patriarchal and matriarchal—each in different ways. It explains why “patriarchy” and “male dominance” doubled as code words for male disposability.

Beyond Sexism. The book challenges the notion that the world has historically been solely dominated by men, arguing instead that we have lived in a "bisexist" world, where both sexes have been restricted by rigid gender roles. Each sex has been both dominant and subservient in different ways.

The Myth of Patriarchy. The author argues that the term "patriarchy" is often used as a code word for male disposability, obscuring the sacrifices and vulnerabilities inherent in traditional male roles. Men were socialized to be heroes, willing to sacrifice themselves in war or work, while women were valued for their roles as mothers and caregivers.

Recognizing Both Sides. The book calls for a more balanced understanding of gender roles, acknowledging the unique challenges and sacrifices faced by both sexes. This requires moving beyond blame and embracing a more nuanced perspective on the forces that have shaped our society.

4. The Disposable Sex: Men in Harm's Way

We don’t call “male-killing” sexism; we call it “glory.” We don’t call the one million men who were killed or maimed in one battle in World War I (the Battle of the Somme) a holocaust, we call it “serving the country.” We don’t call those who selected only men to die “murderers.” We call them “voters.”

The "Glass Cellar." The book introduces the concept of the "glass cellar," which represents the dangerous and undesirable occupations disproportionately held by men. These jobs, such as logging, construction, and coal mining, often come with a high risk of injury or death.

The Invisible Victims. The author argues that men are often the invisible victims of violence, both in society and in the media. While violence against women is rightly condemned, violence against men is often normalized or even glorified.

The "Work Obligation Gap." Men are often pressured to choose careers that pay more, even if they are less fulfilling, in order to meet societal expectations as providers. This "work obligation gap" contributes to men's stress and shorter life expectancy.

5. The Unpaid Bodyguard: Men's Sacrificial Role

What would you pay someone who agreed that, if he was ever with you when you were attacked, he would intervene and try to get himself killed slowly enough to give you time to escape? What is the hourly wage for a bodyguard? You know that is your job as a man—every time you are with a woman . . . any woman, not just your wife.

The Protector Instinct. The book highlights the often-unacknowledged role of men as protectors, both in personal relationships and in society at large. Men are socialized to put themselves in harm's way to protect women and children, often without recognition or compensation.

Unpaid Labor. This protective role is often unpaid and unappreciated, contributing to men's sense of disposability. Men are expected to be strong and selfless, but their sacrifices are often taken for granted.

The Bodyguard Analogy. The author uses the analogy of a bodyguard to illustrate the constant vigilance and potential danger that men face in their role as protectors. This analogy challenges the notion that men are always in positions of power and control.

6. The Government as Substitute Husband: Skewed Support Systems

Feminism justified female “victim power” by convincing the world that we lived in a sexist, male-dominated, and patriarchal world. The Myth of Male Power explains why the world was bi-sexist, both male- and female-dominated, both patriarchal and matriarchal—each in different ways. It explains why “patriarchy” and “male dominance” doubled as code words for male disposability.

Shifting Responsibilities. The book argues that as traditional family structures have evolved, the government has increasingly taken on the role of "substitute husband," providing support and protection to women. However, this has often come at the expense of men, who are left with fewer resources and less control over their own lives.

Unequal Support. The author points to the disproportionate number of government programs and resources dedicated to women's issues, while men's struggles are often ignored. This creates a system where women are seen as victims in need of protection, while men are expected to be self-sufficient and resilient.

The Need for Balance. The book calls for a more equitable distribution of resources and support, recognizing the unique challenges faced by both sexes. This requires moving beyond the "women good/men bad" dichotomy and embracing a more nuanced understanding of gender roles.

7. The Seduction of "Victim Power"

The challenge to women will be to be as open to the man’s experience of powerlessness as you would to the woman’s—to care as much about a man who joins the army for money as about a woman who has sex for money.

The Allure of Victimhood. The book explores the concept of "victim power," where individuals gain social and political influence by portraying themselves as victims of oppression. While acknowledging the historical injustices faced by women, the author cautions against the dangers of embracing a victim mentality.

The Downside of Entitlement. The book argues that an overemphasis on victimhood can lead to a sense of entitlement, where individuals feel justified in demanding special treatment or compensation for past wrongs. This can undermine personal responsibility and create resentment among those who are not seen as victims.

Empowerment vs. Entitlement. The author calls for a shift from "victim power" to real empowerment, where individuals take control of their own lives and work to create positive change. This requires moving beyond blame and embracing a more proactive and solution-oriented approach.

8. The New Battle of the Sexes: A Dialogue of Both Sexes

Simply stated, women cannot hear what men do not say.

The Importance of Communication. The book emphasizes the need for open and honest communication between men and women, arguing that many of the conflicts between the sexes stem from a lack of understanding and empathy. Men have often been socialized to suppress their emotions, making it difficult for women to understand their experiences.

Breaking the Silence. The author calls on men to speak up about their struggles and challenges, and on women to listen with an open mind. This requires creating a safe space for both sexes to express their feelings without fear of judgment or ridicule.

Moving Beyond Blame. The book challenges both sexes to move beyond blame and embrace a more collaborative approach to solving gender-related problems. This requires recognizing the unique vulnerabilities and sacrifices of both men and women, and working together to create a more equitable and fulfilling society.

9. The Boy Crisis: A Generation Adrift

For the last half-century the industrialized world’s binoculars were focused on maximizing female empowerment. In the process, a boy crisis emerged that, although it has been around us and growing for decades, is just now beginning to be acknowledged.

The Neglect of Boys. The book highlights the growing crisis facing boys in modern society, as they struggle with issues such as fatherlessness, academic underachievement, and a lack of purpose. While efforts have been focused on empowering girls, boys have often been left behind.

The Absence of Role Models. The author argues that the decline of traditional male roles has left many boys without positive role models or a clear sense of direction. This has contributed to a sense of purposelessness and a higher risk of depression, suicide, and violence.

The Need for Intervention. The book calls for a renewed focus on the needs of boys, providing them with the support and guidance they need to thrive. This requires addressing issues such as fatherlessness, academic underachievement, and the lack of positive male role models.

10. Redefining Masculinity: Purpose Beyond Provider and Protector

The challenge is to guide boys toward a new sense of purpose without using “women bad” as a unifying force.

Beyond Traditional Roles. The book challenges the traditional definition of masculinity, which has historically been tied to roles as providers and protectors. As these roles have become less central to men's identities, there is a need to redefine what it means to be a man in the modern world.

Fathering as a New Purpose. The author suggests that fathering can be a new source of purpose for men, providing them with a sense of meaning and connection. This requires valuing men who are skilled at raising children, not just those who are successful in their careers.

The Importance of Nurturance. The book calls for a reevaluation of traditional gender roles, recognizing the importance of nurturance and emotional intelligence for both sexes. This requires creating a society where men are encouraged to express their emotions and connect with others on a deeper level.

11. The Power of Appreciation: Recognizing Male Contributions

In exchange they ask only for appreciation. In exchange they are ignored.

The Need for Recognition. The book emphasizes the importance of recognizing and appreciating the contributions of men, both in their traditional roles as providers and protectors and in their new roles as caregivers and emotional partners. Men often feel invisible and unappreciated, which can lead to feelings of resentment and isolation.

Challenging Stereotypes. The author challenges the negative stereotypes that are often associated with men, such as the "deadbeat dad" or the "emotionally unavailable husband." These stereotypes perpetuate harmful assumptions and prevent men from being seen as complex and multifaceted individuals.

Creating a Culture of Gratitude. The book calls for a shift in societal attitudes, creating a culture where men are valued for their contributions and supported in their struggles. This requires acknowledging the sacrifices that men have made throughout history and recognizing the unique challenges they face in the modern world.

Last updated: April 23, 2025