The Naked Roommate

1. College is a transition: Expect the unexpected and be patient.

Comfort takes time.

Embrace the uncomfortable. College is a massive transition, and transitions are naturally uncomfortable. Fighting this discomfort only creates more. Instead, face it, work through it, and understand that finding your footing, friends, and favorite spots takes time – often two semesters or even two years.

Manage expectations. Don't arrive with rigid expectations of instant perfection. College brochures show the shiny 90% amazing part, but the 10% difficult can consume you if you're not prepared. Expecting the unexpected allows you to be flexible and turn challenges into adventures.

Be patient with yourself. You'll experience many firsts, from living with strangers to navigating classes and social life. It's normal not to feel completely comfortable right away. Give yourself grace, relax, have fun, and enjoy the journey of figuring things out.

2. Build your support system: Find your people and places.

You are surrounded by people who can listen, support, and guide you.

Identify your corner. College can be emotionally grueling, but you're never truly alone. Find at least five people on campus who can support you through problems, questions, or concerns. These can be paid staff, volunteers, or people you simply ask for help.

Seek out your places. Don't rely on just one group or activity. Find at least three different places on campus where you feel connected – perhaps one academic, one social, and one spiritual. This creates options and a safety net if one group isn't the right fit or engages in unhealthy behavior.

Get out and connect. Your people and places won't magically appear. You have to actively seek them out.

• Talk to RAs, advisors, professors, and student leaders.
• Visit campus offices like Student Activities or Counseling.
• Connect with current students online or during orientation.
  Being proactive ensures you have a support system when you need it most.

3. Master roommate dynamics: Respect differences and communicate early.

Roommates who want to get along will find a way to get along.

Set ground rules. Living with a stranger requires effort and clear communication. Agree on basic rules before issues arise, covering things like guests, cleanliness, noise, and sharing. Use a roommate contract to guide these discussions and set expectations.

Communicate discomfort. Don't let small annoyances fester. Follow "The Uncomfortable Rule": if something makes you uncomfortable, discuss it within 24-48 hours. Silence implies consent and allows problems to escalate.

Friendship is a bonus. Your roommate doesn't have to be your best friend. Focus on mutual respect and coexisting peacefully. Build your core friendships outside the room to avoid codependency and ensure you have other social outlets.

4. Engage in campus life: Get involved beyond the classroom.

Get involved sooner rather than later.

Unlock opportunities. Getting involved in clubs, organizations, sports, or other activities is crucial for finding your place, meeting like-minded people, and gaining a sense of belonging. It's the master key to a fulfilling college experience.

Explore diverse interests. Don't limit yourself to just one activity. Try at least three different types of groups – perhaps academic, social, and service-oriented. This broadens your social circle and helps you discover new passions.

Take the leap. Don't be afraid to attend meetings or events alone. Many other students are also looking to connect.

• Check the campus website for a list of organizations.
• Attend the activities fair.
• Reach out to group leaders via email or social media.
  Getting involved early provides a head start in building your campus community.

5. Navigate academics strategically: Go to class and seek help.

Professors are your friends.

Show up consistently. While attendance may not always be mandatory, going to class is fundamental to academic success. You'll absorb key material, understand professor expectations, and be present for quizzes or extra credit opportunities.

Build professor relationships. Don't be intimidated by instructors. Introduce yourself, attend office hours, and ask questions. Professors want you to succeed and can offer invaluable support, guidance, and even future recommendations if they know you.

Utilize resources. Don't struggle alone.

• Form study groups with classmates.
• Attend review sessions.
• Seek help from teaching assistants or free tutoring services.
• Use old exams (if permitted) to understand testing styles.
  Being proactive and resourceful is key to mastering challenging material and achieving your desired grades.

6. Understand college relationships: Talk about what you want.

Thousands of people will want you…millions will not.

Embrace the URT. Accept the Universal Rejection Truth: not everyone you're interested in will be interested back. This is normal. Focus on who you want and take risks, knowing that rejection is part of the process and doesn't diminish your worth.

Communicate intentions. Whether you're looking for a hookup, a date, or a long-term partner, be clear about your desires. Don't assume or rely on ambiguity, which often leads to confusion and hurt feelings. Talking about what you want upfront saves time and emotional energy.

Prioritize self-love. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Work on being comfortable in your own skin and loving who you are. When you love yourself, you're less likely to settle for unhealthy relationships or depend on others for validation.

7. Approach sex responsibly: Consent, protection, and emotional health matter.

Make sure sex is consensual.

Consent is non-negotiable. Clear, enthusiastic consent is required every time, from all partners, while sober. Anything less is sexual assault. Understand that intoxication legally invalidates consent.

Protect yourself and partners. STIs and unplanned pregnancies are real risks in college.

• Use condoms consistently and correctly.
• Discuss sexual history and get tested regularly.
• Understand various birth control options and use them reliably.
  Free resources are available on campus health centers.

Consider emotional impact. Sex is intense and can bring a flood of emotions. Don't use sex as a crutch for loneliness or insecurity. Ensure you're emotionally ready and comfortable with your partner, and understand what happens after the encounter.

8. Handle alcohol and drugs wisely: Know the facts and your limits.

If you can’t handle drinking and going to school, then you’s not responsible enough to do both.

Challenge perceptions. Not everyone is drinking heavily in college. Many students drink little or not at all. Don't feel pressured to drink to fit in; find friends who accept your choices.

Understand the risks. Alcohol and drugs impair judgment, increase the risk of accidents, sexual assault, and legal trouble. Mixing substances is particularly dangerous. Know the facts about different drugs and their effects.

Recognize warning signs. If you or a friend are drinking or using drugs excessively, struggling with control, or using substances to cope, seek help. Addiction is a serious issue, and resources are available on campus and through national hotlines.

9. Manage your money: Understand costs and seek aid.

There’s money out there if you go after it.

Navigate financial aid. College is expensive, but most students don't pay the sticker price. Understand the process for grants, scholarships, loans, and work-study. Fill out your FAFSA early and explore all available resources.

Connect with advisors. Your financial aid advisor is a key resource. Build a relationship with one advisor who understands your situation and can help you find money, navigate paperwork, and understand loan repayment.

Be financially responsible.

• Create a budget and track spending.
• Use credit cards wisely, paying balances immediately to avoid debt and protect your credit score.
• Avoid unnecessary fees like overdraft charges.
  Responsible financial habits in college build a strong foundation for the future.

10. Prioritize your well-being: Mental health and safety are paramount.

Asking for a little help does not make you weak.

Seek support for mental health. College can be stressful, and mental health issues like depression or anxiety are common. Reaching out to campus counseling services is a sign of strength, not weakness. Don't suffer in silence.

Be aware of eating disorders. The college environment can trigger or exacerbate eating disorders. Pay attention to your relationship with food and exercise, and seek professional help if you notice unhealthy patterns in yourself or friends.

Stay safe on campus. Be mindful of your surroundings, especially when alcohol is involved. Watch out for yourself and your friends, and don't hesitate to report suspicious behavior or get help in an emergency. Your safety is the top priority.

Last updated: May 17, 2025