The Not So Subtle Art of Being a Fat Girl

1. Overcome childhood trauma and bullying through self-love and determination

"I've realized that throughout my life there have been moments that have shaped me into who I am, and people who helped me along the way to get to where I am now."

Resilience through hardship. Tess Holliday's journey began with a challenging childhood marked by frequent moves, an abusive father, and her mother's near-fatal shooting. These experiences, coupled with relentless bullying at school due to her size, could have broken her spirit. Instead, they fueled her determination to succeed and love herself.

Turning pain into power. Rather than succumbing to negativity, Holliday used her experiences as motivation to challenge societal norms and become a voice for those who feel marginalized. She learned to:

• Develop a thick skin against criticism
• Channel her pain into creative pursuits
• Find strength in her uniqueness
• Use humor as a coping mechanism

2. Embrace your body and challenge societal beauty standards

"Eff Your Beauty Standards"

Redefining beauty. Holliday's journey to self-acceptance led her to challenge conventional beauty norms. She became a pioneer in the plus-size modeling industry, breaking barriers and inspiring others to love their bodies at any size.

Creating a movement. The #effyourbeautystandards hashtag, created by Holliday, became a rallying cry for body positivity. It encouraged people to:

• Celebrate their bodies, regardless of size or shape
• Reject societal pressure to conform to unrealistic standards
• Share photos of themselves embracing their unique beauty
• Support and uplift others in their journey to self-love

This movement not only empowered individuals but also began to shift the fashion and media industries towards more inclusive representation.

3. Pursue your dreams relentlessly, even in the face of adversity

"Banking on trying to fundamentally change your partner is shaky ground to build a relationship on. You're only setting both of you up for heartache."

Perseverance pays off. Despite facing numerous setbacks and rejections, Holliday never gave up on her dream of becoming a model. Her journey from a small town in Mississippi to becoming the first model of her size signed to a major agency is a testament to her unwavering determination.

Creating opportunities. When traditional paths seemed closed, Holliday forged her own:

• Utilized social media to build her brand and following
• Organized pin-up photo shoots to empower other women
• Continuously improved her skills and professionalism
• Remained open to unconventional opportunities

Her success story demonstrates that with persistence and creativity, it's possible to achieve seemingly impossible goals.

4. Build a supportive network and learn from positive role models

"I think it is important to look for the role models in your life, whether they are conventional mentors such as parents or teachers or crazy, off-the-wall people like Tina."

Chosen family. Throughout her life, Holliday found strength and inspiration from a diverse group of individuals who supported her dreams and helped shape her worldview.

Key influences:

• Her mother: A survivor who taught her resilience
• Tina: A friend who showed her the power of unapologetic self-expression
• The Cozad family: Provided a nurturing environment and positive male role model
• Fellow plus-size models and body-positive activists: Offered community and solidarity

These relationships taught Holliday the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences and the value of different perspectives in personal growth.

5. Navigate relationships and sexuality with confidence and self-respect

"Never let someone rush or pressure you into having sex. There's no shame in saying NO. Never let someone verbally abuse you or put you down in a relationship, you deserve BETTER."

Learning from experiences. Holliday's romantic journey, from teenage relationships to her marriage with Nick, taught her valuable lessons about self-worth, consent, and healthy partnerships.

Key relationship insights:

• Don't compromise your values for a partner
• Communicate openly about needs and boundaries
• Seek partners who celebrate your authentic self
• Recognize and leave toxic relationships
• Embrace your sexuality on your own terms

These experiences shaped her understanding of love and helped her find a partner who truly supports and appreciates her.

6. Turn social media into a platform for empowerment and change

"When you embrace the things that people see as your flaws, you rob them of any power their words have to hurt you."

Harnessing digital influence. Holliday transformed social media from a source of bullying into a powerful tool for change and empowerment. She used platforms like Instagram and Facebook to:

• Share her journey and connect with fans
• Challenge beauty standards with bold photoshoots
• Create viral campaigns like #effyourbeautystandards
• Provide a voice for the plus-size community

Dealing with trolls. While facing intense criticism and hate online, Holliday developed strategies to cope:

• Focusing on positive interactions
• Using humor to deflect negativity
• Recognizing that hateful comments often reflect the commenter's insecurities
• Leveraging criticism to fuel her motivation for change

7. Balance career success with personal growth and family life

"I think most mothers will understand that feeling of losing your identity when you have a child. You become so conditioned to putting your baby's needs first and worrying about their wellbeing that you almost lose yourself."

Juggling responsibilities. As Holliday's career took off, she faced the challenge of balancing her professional aspirations with her role as a mother and partner.

Strategies for balance:

• Prioritizing quality time with family
• Involving loved ones in her career journey when possible
• Setting boundaries between work and personal life
• Recognizing the importance of self-care
• Being flexible and adaptable to changing circumstances

Her journey highlights the ongoing struggle many face in trying to "have it all" and the importance of finding a balance that works for each individual and family.

8. Address mental health openly and support loved ones through their struggles

"Now I know that some days can be unbearable for him. When he is struggling, even the simplest tasks, such as calling to pay a phone bill, can be daunting."

Breaking the stigma. Holliday's openness about her husband Nick's mental health challenges helps normalize discussions about mental illness and the impact it has on relationships.

Supporting a loved one:

• Educate yourself about their condition
• Be patient and understanding during difficult times
• Encourage professional help when needed
• Communicate openly about needs and boundaries
• Take care of your own mental health

By sharing her experiences, Holliday contributes to a broader conversation about mental health in society and the importance of support systems in managing these challenges.

Last updated: August 16, 2024