The Opposite of Spoiled

1. Money conversations are crucial for raising financially responsible children

Children's early years are characterized by a compulsion to find out, a strong urge to both map out and transform reality.

Breaking the silence. Many parents avoid talking about money with their children due to discomfort, shame, or a desire to protect their innocence. However, this silence can lead to confusion and anxiety. Instead, parents should embrace open, age-appropriate discussions about finances.

Answering tough questions. When children ask about money, respond with "Why do you ask?" This buys time to formulate a thoughtful answer and helps understand the child's motivation. Be honest, avoid lying, and use these moments as opportunities to teach values and financial concepts.

• Key money conversations:
  • Family income and expenses
  • Savings and investments
  • Charitable giving
  • Making financial choices

2. Allowances teach patience, budgeting, and financial decision-making

Allowance ought to stand on its own, not as a wage but as a teaching tool that gets sharper and more potent over a decade or so of annual raises and increasing responsibility.

Structuring allowances. Start by first grade, using a three-jar system: Spend, Save, and Give. This introduces budgeting concepts and encourages thoughtful financial decisions. Increase the allowance annually, but avoid tying it to chores, which should be separate family responsibilities.

Teaching delayed gratification. Allowances help children learn to wait and save for desired items, building patience and financial planning skills. As they grow, introduce concepts like compound interest and long-term savings goals.

• Allowance best practices:
  • Start with $0.50 to $1 per week per year of age
  • Use clear containers to visualize money growth
  • Encourage saving for short and long-term goals
  • Discuss spending choices and trade-offs

3. Smart spending habits foster thrift and meaningful experiences

Every dollar we spend is an endorsement of something.

Value-based spending. Teach children to evaluate purchases using the "Fun Ratio" (hours of enjoyment per dollar spent) and the "More-Good/Less-Harm" rule. This encourages thoughtful consumption and aligns spending with personal values.

Experiential focus. Emphasize experiences over material possessions. Create family rituals around meaningful activities, like exploring local ice cream shops or visiting independent record stores. These memories often provide more lasting happiness than accumulating stuff.

• Smart spending strategies:
  • Use coupons and thrift stores to teach bargain-hunting
  • Create a "Want/Need continuum" for clothing and other purchases
  • Encourage children to research and compare options before buying
  • Discuss the environmental and social impact of consumer choices

4. Materialism can be countered through mindful parenting and experiences

We parents are all in the business of supplying 21 meals a week, plus snacks, so food preparation is probably the biggest household task there is.

Recognizing materialism. Be aware of the "economy of dignity" where children's self-worth is tied to possessions. Counteract this by focusing on experiences, relationships, and personal growth.

Creating alternatives. Limit exposure to advertising and social media that promote materialism. Instead, involve children in household tasks, outdoor activities, and creative pursuits that build self-esteem and life skills.

• Strategies to combat materialism:
  • Teach media literacy and critical thinking about advertising
  • Encourage gratitude practices and volunteering
  • Create family traditions that don't revolve around spending
  • Discuss the difference between wants and needs

5. Charitable giving instills empathy and social responsibility

We want them to know how to save but also how and when to splurge. She should know how to protect herself, too, from her own feelings about money and those of others who might manipulate her.

Making giving tangible. Involve children in charitable decisions from a young age. Use the "Give" jar from allowances to donate to causes they care about. Discuss the impact of different types of giving and volunteer together as a family.

Broadening perspectives. Use giving as a way to teach about social issues, economic inequality, and global challenges. Encourage children to research and choose causes that resonate with them personally.

• Ways to encourage charitable giving:
  • Set up a family giving budget and let children allocate a portion
  • Visit local charities or volunteer together
  • Discuss news events and how charitable organizations respond
  • Create homemade gifts or offer services to those in need

6. Work experiences build character and financial independence

I believe that we should take advantage of our being a community to underline and emphasize the less materialistic aspects of this very significant marker in the life of a Jewish person.

Early work opportunities. Encourage age-appropriate work experiences, from household chores to part-time jobs for teenagers. These build responsibility, time management skills, and an understanding of earning money.

Entrepreneurship. Support children's entrepreneurial efforts, whether it's a lemonade stand or a more complex business idea. This fosters creativity, problem-solving, and financial literacy.

• Benefits of youth work experiences:
  • Develop a strong work ethic
  • Learn to manage earnings and expenses
  • Gain real-world skills and build a resume
  • Understand the value of money through personal effort

7. Gratitude and perspective are essential for financial well-being

If you want to feel rich, just count all the gifts you have that money can't buy.

Cultivating gratitude. Establish family rituals that encourage expressing gratitude, such as sharing thankful moments at dinner. This helps children appreciate what they have and reduces the desire for more material possessions.

Gaining perspective. Expose children to diverse socioeconomic experiences through community service, travel, or cross-class friendships. This builds empathy and understanding of different financial realities.

• Ways to foster gratitude and perspective:
  • Keep a family gratitude journal
  • Volunteer at local organizations serving those in need
  • Discuss global economic issues and how they affect different communities
  • Encourage children to write thank-you notes for gifts and experiences

8. Financial education is an ongoing process of values and trade-offs

How much is enough, and what should we trade off so that we have all the things we need and enough of what we want to make us as happy as possible?

Ongoing dialogue. Financial education is not a one-time conversation but a continuous process throughout childhood and adolescence. Regularly discuss financial decisions, trade-offs, and values as a family.

Preparing for adulthood. As children approach college and independence, involve them in more complex financial discussions. This may include budgeting for education, understanding credit and debt, and planning for long-term financial goals.

• Key financial education topics:
  • Budgeting and saving
  • Investing basics
  • Understanding credit and loans
  • Insurance and risk management
  • Career planning and earning potential
  • Balancing financial goals with personal values

Last updated: July 26, 2024