Key Takeaways
1. Flexing: A Proactive, Flexible, and Manageable Approach to Personal Growth
Flexing is a particular method for increasing your own effectiveness and, for those in organizations, your effectiveness in influencing and leading others.
Proactive and Flexible Growth. Flexing is a unique system for personal development, putting you in the driver's seat. It's proactive, meaning you decide when, how, and why you want to grow, creating your own learning plan. It's also flexible, allowing you to pursue growth in ways that suit your needs and resources, whether at work, in relationships, or within community groups.
Manageable and Fun. Unlike major undertakings like grad school or therapy, flexing is manageable, fitting comfortably into daily schedules. It's about experimentation, trying new behaviors, and thinking differently about failure. It's a sprint, or a series of sprints, rather than a marathon, making personal development less daunting and more enjoyable.
Real-World Application. Flexing is not just theoretical; it's practical and applicable to everyday life. By approaching daily activities with a creative mindset, you can build personal effectiveness and leadership skills. It's about continually growing and developing by gathering insights and learning from the raw material we all have access to—the experiences we encounter simply by being alive.
2. Mindset Matters: Embrace a Learning Orientation Over a Performance-Prove One
What you see depends on the window from which you look.
The Power of Framing. How we frame experiences significantly impacts our thoughts, feelings, and actions. A performance-prove mindset focuses on demonstrating skills, while a learning mindset emphasizes growth and development. The learning mindset encourages behaviors like asking questions, trying new things, and seeking help, which are essential for flexing.
Fixed vs. Malleable Abilities. Psychologist Carol Dweck's research highlights the importance of believing that abilities are malleable, not fixed. A learning mindset, rooted in this belief, fosters a desire to improve and learn from experiences. This contrasts with a performance-prove mindset, which can lead to anxiety and avoidance of challenges.
Benefits of a Learning Mindset. Adopting a learning mindset enhances performance, reduces anxiety, and promotes resilience. It allows individuals to persist longer, handle setbacks better, and approach situations with curiosity and openness. This mindset is particularly valuable in complex and fast-moving environments, where adaptability is key.
3. Set a Flex Goal: Define a Specific, Aspirational Learning Focus
Choosing one or more flex goals is the essential first step in practicing the Power of Flexing.
The Power of Focus. Flex goals help you concentrate on personal development amidst daily challenges. These goals are self-set and learning-oriented, focusing on personal growth rather than task achievement. Setting a goal has a facilitating effect on behavioral enactment, making you more likely to take action.
Aspirational and Aversive Goals. Flex goals can stem from fantasies about the future (aspirational) or the pain of the present (aversive). Combining both drives can create especially intense and sustained effort. Imagining a desired future and addressing current pain points can be a powerful motivator.
SMART Goals vs. Flex Goals. While SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) are valuable in project management, flex goals are more about personal growth. They may incorporate some SMART elements, but their primary focus is on learning and development, not just achieving specific outcomes.
4. Unleash Your Inner Scientist: Plan and Conduct Small, Realistic Experiments
Experiences themselves don’t teach. People need to learn.
Experimentation for Growth. To learn and grow, you need to flex—try doing something different. Planning and conducting specific experiments, or flex behaviors, allows you to test new approaches and observe their impact. This process helps you identify which behaviors enhance your effectiveness and which do not.
The Experimental Method. Flexing draws on the scientific method, involving trial and error to generate insights. It requires an open-minded willingness to try new things without knowing the outcome. Even failures provide valuable information, helping you refine your approach.
Planning Your Experiment. Planning involves identifying a specific behavior change, testing it in a real-life situation, and defining success metrics. It's about small, realistic changes that move you out of your comfort zone. The goal is to test specific ways of acting and interacting, behaviors you can practice while carrying out the activities of your daily life.
5. It Takes a Village: Seek Feedback to Validate and Refine Your Growth
What you see depends on the window from which you look.
The Importance of Others' Perspectives. Personal effectiveness is often evaluated subjectively by others, making feedback essential. Others see aspects of your behavior that you may not be aware of. Seeking feedback helps you understand how you are perceived and identify areas for improvement.
Strategies for Feedback Seeking. Feedback can be gathered through inquiry (directly asking for input) or monitoring (observing reactions). Inquiry can be formal or informal, direct or indirect. Monitoring involves paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from others.
Overcoming Barriers to Feedback. Politeness norms, fear of hurting feelings, and the Dunning-Kruger effect can hinder feedback seeking. To overcome these barriers, create a safe environment, ask specific questions, and be open to both positive and negative feedback.
6. Wring Meaning from Experience: Engage in Systematic Reflection for Long-Term Gain
It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way.
The Power of Reflection. Systematic reflection involves examining your experiences and synthesizing takeaways for the future. It helps you understand what happened, why it happened, and what you can learn from it. Without reflection, experiences simply pass by, resulting in little or no learning.
Overcoming Reflection Reluctance. Many people shy away from reflection due to busyness, discomfort, or fear. To overcome this reluctance, schedule regular time for reflection, keep a journal, and engage in purposeful conversations with trusted individuals.
Structuring Time for Reflection. Effective reflection involves analyzing specific experiences, focusing on positive aspects, and stepping outside yourself to gain perspective. It also requires grappling with painful moments and challenging negative stories.
7. Manage Your Emotions: Regulate Feelings to Enhance Learning and Adaptability
Mental immunity is just learning to avoid the destructive emotions and to develop the positive ones.
Emotions as Derailers. Strong emotions, such as anxiety, self-doubt, and anger, can hinder learning and growth. Unmanaged emotions can lead to poor decisions, damaged relationships, and a reluctance to take risks. Emotion suppression, while common, is often ineffective and can have negative side effects.
Emotion Management Strategies. Effective emotion management involves regulating specific emotions and managing overall mood. Strategies include situation selection (avoiding emotion-inducing situations), situation modification (changing the situation), attention redeployment (refocusing attention), and cognitive reappraisal (reinterpreting the situation).
The Importance of Positive Emotions. Positive emotions, such as joy, gratitude, and inspiration, can enhance learning and resilience. They broaden your perspective, increase motivation, and build valuable resources. Savoring positive emotions and focusing on positive stories can further amplify their benefits.
8. Flexing in Action: Apply the Power of Flexing in Various Life Circumstances
The important thing is to be teachable—to stay a student even after your classroom days are over.
Flexing During Transitions. Career transitions, such as new jobs or promotions, offer prime opportunities for flexing. These transitions disrupt routines, increase visibility, and create a need for new skills and knowledge. By setting flex goals and experimenting with new behaviors, you can navigate transitions more effectively.
Flexing in Response to New Challenges. Unexpected challenges, such as market shifts or personal crises, also provide opportunities for growth. By adopting a learning mindset and experimenting with new solutions, you can adapt to changing circumstances and emerge stronger.
Flexing in Response to Feedback. Feedback, whether positive or negative, can be a powerful catalyst for growth. By seeking feedback and using it to refine your approach, you can continuously improve your skills and effectiveness.
9. Coaching Others: Empower Team Members to Embrace the Power of Flexing
It takes a village.
Creating a Context for Growth. As a coach, your role is to create a safe and supportive environment where others can explore their potential. This involves being present, communicating understanding, and fostering trust. It also requires helping individuals identify appropriate goals and challenge limiting assumptions.
Promoting Experimentation and Reflection. Coaches can encourage experimentation by sharing their own experiences, suggesting actionable ideas, and helping individuals break down big goals into smaller steps. They can also facilitate reflection by asking thought-provoking questions and providing feedback.
Overcoming Barriers to Growth. Coaches can help individuals overcome barriers to growth, such as perfectionism, negative mind chatter, and fear of failure. By addressing these underlying issues, coaches can empower individuals to embrace a learning mindset and take risks.
10. Flexing Your Company: Build a Learning Organization by Institutionalizing Growth
Human beings have always employed an enormous number of clever devices for running away from themselves.
Shifting from Differentiating the Few to Empowering the Many. Traditional leadership development programs often focus on a select few, neglecting the potential of the broader workforce. A more effective approach is to empower all employees to take ownership of their development through flexing.
Creating a Learning Environment. Building a learning organization requires a culture that values learning, experimentation, and feedback. This involves promoting a growth mindset, encouraging collaboration, and celebrating both successes and failures.
HR's Role in Institutionalizing Flexing. HR departments can play a key role in creating tools and resources that support flexing. This includes incorporating flexing into onboarding programs, performance appraisals, and training initiatives. By making flexing a part of the organizational DNA, companies can foster a culture of continuous growth and innovation.
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FAQ
1. What is The Power of Flexing by Susan J. Ashford about?
- Core concept: The book introduces the Power of Flexing, a system for personal and professional growth through small, daily experiments in behavior and mindset.
- Learning from experience: It emphasizes that real growth comes from actively engaging with and learning from everyday experiences, rather than passively accumulating experience.
- Universal applicability: The method is designed for anyone—leaders, employees, parents, or community members—seeking to develop interpersonal and intrapersonal skills.
- Empowerment: Readers are encouraged to take charge of their own development, rather than waiting for formal programs or external opportunities.
2. Why should I read The Power of Flexing by Susan J. Ashford?
- Develop critical soft skills: The book addresses the growing need for interpersonal effectiveness, adaptability, and emotional intelligence in today’s world.
- Self-directed growth: It provides a practical, research-backed framework for continuous self-improvement, putting readers in control of their own learning.
- Resilience and adaptability: The Power of Flexing helps build resilience and equips readers to navigate complex, unpredictable challenges.
- Organizational and coaching value: The approach is also valuable for leaders, HR professionals, and coaches aiming to foster growth in others.
3. What are the key takeaways from The Power of Flexing by Susan J. Ashford?
- Growth through experimentation: Small, intentional behavior changes—“flexes”—drive significant personal and professional development.
- Learning mindset: Adopting a learning mindset, rather than a performance-prove mindset, is essential for embracing challenges and feedback.
- Continuous cycle: The flexing process involves setting goals, experimenting, seeking feedback, reflecting, and managing emotions and mindset.
- Democratizing growth: Flexing is accessible to everyone, not just high-potential leaders, and can transform individuals and organizations.
4. What are the main components of the Power of Flexing method in Susan J. Ashford’s book?
- Five to six building blocks: The method includes managing mindset, setting flex goals, planning and conducting experiments, seeking feedback, and engaging in systematic reflection.
- Continuous learning cycle: These components work together in a loop, enabling ongoing growth from daily experiences.
- Experimentation and reflection: Trying new behaviors and reflecting on outcomes are central to extracting learning from experience.
- Emotion management: Recognizing and regulating emotions is crucial for maintaining a learning orientation and effective flexing.
5. How does Susan J. Ashford define and recommend setting “flex goals” in The Power of Flexing?
- Learning-focused objectives: Flex goals are self-set, personal development targets aimed at improving interpersonal or intrapersonal effectiveness, not just task completion.
- Specific and actionable: Effective flex goals are concrete, manageable, and phrased positively to guide behavior and sustain motivation.
- Commitment and reflection: They require strong personal commitment and are refined through reflection and feedback.
- Balancing drives: Flex goals often balance improvement (addressing weaknesses) and aspiration (building on strengths).
6. What is the role of mindset in the Power of Flexing, according to Susan J. Ashford?
- Performance-prove vs. learning mindset: The book contrasts a mindset focused on proving competence with one that embraces learning and growth.
- Benefits of a learning mindset: Adopting a learning mindset reduces anxiety, encourages risk-taking, and fosters openness to feedback.
- Mindset shift techniques: Strategies include reframing challenges, practicing self-compassion, and changing internal self-talk to support ongoing development.
- Organizational impact: A learning mindset is foundational for building a culture of growth within teams and organizations.
7. How does The Power of Flexing recommend using small daily experiments for personal growth?
- Behavioral experimentation: Readers are encouraged to try small, specific changes in real-life situations to test what improves their effectiveness.
- Trial and error: Each experiment is an opportunity to learn, with successes repeated and failures informing new approaches.
- Planning for obstacles: The book suggests using “if-then” plans to anticipate challenges and maintain focus during experiments.
- Playful and manageable: Experiments are designed to be low-risk and even playful, making growth less intimidating.
8. Why is feedback important in Susan J. Ashford’s Power of Flexing method, and how should it be sought?
- Essential for learning: Feedback provides critical information about how others perceive your behaviors and the impact of your flex experiments.
- Active seeking: The book recommends both direct inquiry (asking for feedback) and monitoring implicit cues (observing reactions).
- Overcoming barriers: Strategies include creating psychological safety, asking for feedforward (future-oriented advice), and using anonymous tools if needed.
- Feedback culture: Normalizing feedback and making it two-way enhances both individual and organizational growth.
9. What is the importance of systematic reflection in The Power of Flexing by Susan J. Ashford?
- Turning experience into learning: Reflection helps analyze what happened, why, and what can be learned, making growth intentional.
- Overcoming reluctance: The book addresses common barriers to reflection, such as discomfort or busyness, and offers practical ways to incorporate it.
- Structured reflection: Techniques include journaling, scheduled reflection time, and structured conversations with mentors or peers.
- Guiding future action: Reflection deepens insight and informs the setting of new flex goals.
10. How does emotion management contribute to growth in The Power of Flexing by Susan J. Ashford?
- Emotions as signals: Emotions like anxiety or excitement can either derail or facilitate learning, depending on how they are managed.
- Regulation strategies: The book outlines techniques such as situation selection, cognitive reappraisal, and response modulation to manage emotions before and after they arise.
- Positive emotions: Drawing on Barbara Fredrickson’s “broaden and build” theory, Ashford highlights how positive emotions expand possibilities and motivate growth.
- Sustaining a learning mindset: Effective emotion management helps maintain the mindset needed for ongoing experimentation and reflection.
11. How can the Power of Flexing be applied in different life and work circumstances, according to Susan J. Ashford?
- Transitions and challenges: Flexing is especially valuable during career or life transitions, when routines are disrupted and learning opportunities abound.
- Responding to feedback: The method helps individuals adapt to new challenges and use feedback constructively to improve skills and behaviors.
- Post-traumatic growth: Flexing can turn painful or traumatic experiences into opportunities for deeper learning and meaning.
- Universal relevance: The book provides examples from diverse contexts—leadership, parenting, startups, and more—demonstrating its broad applicability.
12. How can leaders, coaches, and organizations use the Power of Flexing to foster a culture of growth, as described by Susan J. Ashford?
- Coaching for growth: Coaches and leaders can facilitate others’ development by creating safe spaces, asking powerful questions, and encouraging experimentation.
- Building habits and accountability: The book emphasizes the importance of accountability partners, small wins, and regular coaching rhythms to embed growth as a habit.
- Democratizing development: Ashford advocates for moving from “differentiating the few” to “endorsing the many,” making growth opportunities accessible to all employees.
- Case studies: Examples like Microsoft’s cultural transformation under Satya Nadella illustrate how organizations can shift from a “know-it-all” to a “learn-it-all” culture by embracing flexing principles.
Review Summary
The Power of Flexing receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its practical approach to personal growth and development. Many appreciate the framework for continuous learning and experimentation in both personal and professional settings. Reviewers highlight the book's emphasis on small, everyday actions for improvement and its accessible writing style. Some readers found it particularly useful for leadership development and coaching. However, a few reviewers didn't connect with the content or didn't finish the book, contributing to mixed opinions.
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