The Power of Flexing

1. Flexing: A Proactive, Flexible, and Manageable Approach to Personal Growth

Flexing is a particular method for increasing your own effectiveness and, for those in organizations, your effectiveness in influencing and leading others.

Proactive and Flexible Growth. Flexing is a unique system for personal development, putting you in the driver's seat. It's proactive, meaning you decide when, how, and why you want to grow, creating your own learning plan. It's also flexible, allowing you to pursue growth in ways that suit your needs and resources, whether at work, in relationships, or within community groups.

Manageable and Fun. Unlike major undertakings like grad school or therapy, flexing is manageable, fitting comfortably into daily schedules. It's about experimentation, trying new behaviors, and thinking differently about failure. It's a sprint, or a series of sprints, rather than a marathon, making personal development less daunting and more enjoyable.

Real-World Application. Flexing is not just theoretical; it's practical and applicable to everyday life. By approaching daily activities with a creative mindset, you can build personal effectiveness and leadership skills. It's about continually growing and developing by gathering insights and learning from the raw material we all have access to—the experiences we encounter simply by being alive.

2. Mindset Matters: Embrace a Learning Orientation Over a Performance-Prove One

What you see depends on the window from which you look.

The Power of Framing. How we frame experiences significantly impacts our thoughts, feelings, and actions. A performance-prove mindset focuses on demonstrating skills, while a learning mindset emphasizes growth and development. The learning mindset encourages behaviors like asking questions, trying new things, and seeking help, which are essential for flexing.

Fixed vs. Malleable Abilities. Psychologist Carol Dweck's research highlights the importance of believing that abilities are malleable, not fixed. A learning mindset, rooted in this belief, fosters a desire to improve and learn from experiences. This contrasts with a performance-prove mindset, which can lead to anxiety and avoidance of challenges.

Benefits of a Learning Mindset. Adopting a learning mindset enhances performance, reduces anxiety, and promotes resilience. It allows individuals to persist longer, handle setbacks better, and approach situations with curiosity and openness. This mindset is particularly valuable in complex and fast-moving environments, where adaptability is key.

3. Set a Flex Goal: Define a Specific, Aspirational Learning Focus

Choosing one or more flex goals is the essential first step in practicing the Power of Flexing.

The Power of Focus. Flex goals help you concentrate on personal development amidst daily challenges. These goals are self-set and learning-oriented, focusing on personal growth rather than task achievement. Setting a goal has a facilitating effect on behavioral enactment, making you more likely to take action.

Aspirational and Aversive Goals. Flex goals can stem from fantasies about the future (aspirational) or the pain of the present (aversive). Combining both drives can create especially intense and sustained effort. Imagining a desired future and addressing current pain points can be a powerful motivator.

SMART Goals vs. Flex Goals. While SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) are valuable in project management, flex goals are more about personal growth. They may incorporate some SMART elements, but their primary focus is on learning and development, not just achieving specific outcomes.

4. Unleash Your Inner Scientist: Plan and Conduct Small, Realistic Experiments

Experiences themselves don’t teach. People need to learn.

Experimentation for Growth. To learn and grow, you need to flex—try doing something different. Planning and conducting specific experiments, or flex behaviors, allows you to test new approaches and observe their impact. This process helps you identify which behaviors enhance your effectiveness and which do not.

The Experimental Method. Flexing draws on the scientific method, involving trial and error to generate insights. It requires an open-minded willingness to try new things without knowing the outcome. Even failures provide valuable information, helping you refine your approach.

Planning Your Experiment. Planning involves identifying a specific behavior change, testing it in a real-life situation, and defining success metrics. It's about small, realistic changes that move you out of your comfort zone. The goal is to test specific ways of acting and interacting, behaviors you can practice while carrying out the activities of your daily life.

5. It Takes a Village: Seek Feedback to Validate and Refine Your Growth

What you see depends on the window from which you look.

The Importance of Others' Perspectives. Personal effectiveness is often evaluated subjectively by others, making feedback essential. Others see aspects of your behavior that you may not be aware of. Seeking feedback helps you understand how you are perceived and identify areas for improvement.

Strategies for Feedback Seeking. Feedback can be gathered through inquiry (directly asking for input) or monitoring (observing reactions). Inquiry can be formal or informal, direct or indirect. Monitoring involves paying attention to verbal and nonverbal cues from others.

Overcoming Barriers to Feedback. Politeness norms, fear of hurting feelings, and the Dunning-Kruger effect can hinder feedback seeking. To overcome these barriers, create a safe environment, ask specific questions, and be open to both positive and negative feedback.

6. Wring Meaning from Experience: Engage in Systematic Reflection for Long-Term Gain

It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way.

The Power of Reflection. Systematic reflection involves examining your experiences and synthesizing takeaways for the future. It helps you understand what happened, why it happened, and what you can learn from it. Without reflection, experiences simply pass by, resulting in little or no learning.

Overcoming Reflection Reluctance. Many people shy away from reflection due to busyness, discomfort, or fear. To overcome this reluctance, schedule regular time for reflection, keep a journal, and engage in purposeful conversations with trusted individuals.

Structuring Time for Reflection. Effective reflection involves analyzing specific experiences, focusing on positive aspects, and stepping outside yourself to gain perspective. It also requires grappling with painful moments and challenging negative stories.

7. Manage Your Emotions: Regulate Feelings to Enhance Learning and Adaptability

Mental immunity is just learning to avoid the destructive emotions and to develop the positive ones.

Emotions as Derailers. Strong emotions, such as anxiety, self-doubt, and anger, can hinder learning and growth. Unmanaged emotions can lead to poor decisions, damaged relationships, and a reluctance to take risks. Emotion suppression, while common, is often ineffective and can have negative side effects.

Emotion Management Strategies. Effective emotion management involves regulating specific emotions and managing overall mood. Strategies include situation selection (avoiding emotion-inducing situations), situation modification (changing the situation), attention redeployment (refocusing attention), and cognitive reappraisal (reinterpreting the situation).

The Importance of Positive Emotions. Positive emotions, such as joy, gratitude, and inspiration, can enhance learning and resilience. They broaden your perspective, increase motivation, and build valuable resources. Savoring positive emotions and focusing on positive stories can further amplify their benefits.

8. Flexing in Action: Apply the Power of Flexing in Various Life Circumstances

The important thing is to be teachable—to stay a student even after your classroom days are over.

Flexing During Transitions. Career transitions, such as new jobs or promotions, offer prime opportunities for flexing. These transitions disrupt routines, increase visibility, and create a need for new skills and knowledge. By setting flex goals and experimenting with new behaviors, you can navigate transitions more effectively.

Flexing in Response to New Challenges. Unexpected challenges, such as market shifts or personal crises, also provide opportunities for growth. By adopting a learning mindset and experimenting with new solutions, you can adapt to changing circumstances and emerge stronger.

Flexing in Response to Feedback. Feedback, whether positive or negative, can be a powerful catalyst for growth. By seeking feedback and using it to refine your approach, you can continuously improve your skills and effectiveness.

9. Coaching Others: Empower Team Members to Embrace the Power of Flexing

It takes a village.

Creating a Context for Growth. As a coach, your role is to create a safe and supportive environment where others can explore their potential. This involves being present, communicating understanding, and fostering trust. It also requires helping individuals identify appropriate goals and challenge limiting assumptions.

Promoting Experimentation and Reflection. Coaches can encourage experimentation by sharing their own experiences, suggesting actionable ideas, and helping individuals break down big goals into smaller steps. They can also facilitate reflection by asking thought-provoking questions and providing feedback.

Overcoming Barriers to Growth. Coaches can help individuals overcome barriers to growth, such as perfectionism, negative mind chatter, and fear of failure. By addressing these underlying issues, coaches can empower individuals to embrace a learning mindset and take risks.

10. Flexing Your Company: Build a Learning Organization by Institutionalizing Growth

Human beings have always employed an enormous number of clever devices for running away from themselves.

Shifting from Differentiating the Few to Empowering the Many. Traditional leadership development programs often focus on a select few, neglecting the potential of the broader workforce. A more effective approach is to empower all employees to take ownership of their development through flexing.

Creating a Learning Environment. Building a learning organization requires a culture that values learning, experimentation, and feedback. This involves promoting a growth mindset, encouraging collaboration, and celebrating both successes and failures.

HR's Role in Institutionalizing Flexing. HR departments can play a key role in creating tools and resources that support flexing. This includes incorporating flexing into onboarding programs, performance appraisals, and training initiatives. By making flexing a part of the organizational DNA, companies can foster a culture of continuous growth and innovation.

Last updated: April 15, 2025