The Power Paradox

1. Power is the ability to make a difference in the world

Power is about altering the states of others.

Redefining power. Traditional views of power as coercion or dominance are outdated. Instead, power should be understood as the capacity to influence others and create positive change. This broader definition applies to all relationships and interactions, from parenting to workplace dynamics to social movements.

Power is universal. Power dynamics exist in every interaction and relationship, not just in politics or business. Even small everyday actions can be expressions of power when they impact others. Examples include:

• A teacher inspiring a student
• A friend offering emotional support
• An activist mobilizing a community
• An artist moving an audience through their work

Power is not about wealth, titles, or fame, but about how effectively we can motivate others and shape our shared reality. By recognizing power in this way, we can better understand its role in our lives and use it more consciously.

2. Groups give power to those who advance the greater good

Groups give power continually to individuals in patterns of social behavior that often mystify or are objects of scorn and derision.

The social nature of power. Contrary to Machiavellian ideas of seizing power through force, research shows that groups tend to grant power to individuals who contribute positively to the collective. This process involves:

• Reputation building through gossip and observation
• Awarding status and esteem to prosocial individuals
• Using social sanctions against those who abuse power

Qualities that earn power. Groups typically empower individuals who demonstrate:

• Enthusiasm and bold action
• Kindness and cooperation
• Focus and ability to keep others on task
• Calm during stressful situations
• Openness to others' ideas

By cultivating these qualities and focusing on group welfare, individuals are more likely to be given power and influence by their peers. This illustrates how power ultimately stems from social processes rather than individual force.

3. Enduring power comes from empathy and focusing on others

Empathy is the understanding of what another person thinks and feels, the discerning of the nuanced thoughts and feelings that arise in another person's brain, that three-pound mass of 100 billion neurons connected in infinitely complex ways.

The empathy advantage. Developing strong empathy skills is crucial for maintaining long-term influence and power. Empathetic individuals are better able to:

• Understand others' perspectives and needs
• Navigate conflicts and negotiations effectively
• Build trust and rapport in relationships
• Lead teams to higher performance

Practices for other-focus. Key behaviors that help cultivate empathy and maintain power include:

• Active listening without interrupting
• Asking thoughtful questions
• Expressing genuine gratitude
• Sharing resources and giving to others
• Telling unifying stories that bring people together

By consistently engaging in these practices, individuals can create strong social bonds and maintain their influence even as their formal power grows. This "other-focus" serves as an antidote to the corrupting tendencies of power.

4. The experience of power can lead to abuses and corruption

People who enjoy elevated power are more likely to eat impulsively and have sexual affairs, to violate the rules of the road, to lie and cheat, to shoplift, to take candy from children, and to communicate in rude, profane, and disrespectful ways.

The power paradox. While empathy and prosocial behavior help individuals gain power, the experience of having power often diminishes these very qualities. This "power paradox" manifests in several ways:

• Reduced empathy and compassion for others
• Increased self-serving and impulsive behaviors
• Greater likelihood of breaking rules and ethical standards
• More frequent rude or disrespectful communication

Psychological effects. Power alters our psychology in subtle but significant ways:

• Increased focus on rewards and goals
• Reduced awareness of risks and consequences
• Heightened sense of entitlement and exceptionalism
• Tendency to objectify others and ignore their perspectives

Understanding these tendencies is crucial for anyone in a position of power to avoid falling into destructive patterns of behavior. Regular self-reflection and accountability measures can help counteract these effects.

5. Powerlessness has significant psychological and physical costs

Powerlessness amplifies the individual's sensitivity to threat; it hyperactivates the stress response and the hormone cortisol; and it damages the brain.

The biology of powerlessness. Chronic experiences of powerlessness trigger biological responses that can have severe long-term consequences:

• Elevated cortisol levels and chronic stress
• Increased inflammation and weakened immune function
• Changes in brain structure and function
• Higher risk of various physical and mental health issues

Social and psychological impacts. Beyond physical effects, powerlessness also influences behavior and cognition:

• Heightened vigilance to threats and potential danger
• Reduced ability to plan and pursue long-term goals
• Greater vulnerability to anxiety and depression
• Diminished sense of control over one's life

These effects create a cycle where powerlessness begets more powerlessness, making it crucial to address power imbalances at both individual and societal levels. Empowering individuals through education, opportunity, and social support can help break this cycle.

6. Reputation and status shape our capacity for influence

Groups construct reputations that determine the capacity to influence.

The power of reputation. Our ability to influence others is largely determined by how we are perceived within our social networks. Key aspects of reputation-building include:

• Consistent demonstration of prosocial behaviors
• Fulfillment of commitments and promises
• Skillful navigation of social norms and expectations
• Strategic sharing of accomplishments and abilities

Status as a social resource. Groups use status – the esteem and respect afforded to individuals – as a way to incentivize behaviors that benefit the collective. High-status individuals often enjoy:

• Greater access to resources and opportunities
• More attention and consideration from others
• Increased ability to shape group decisions and norms

By understanding the dynamics of reputation and status, individuals can more effectively build and maintain their influence within groups. This involves balancing self-promotion with genuine contributions to the greater good.

7. Storytelling and gratitude are powerful tools for building influence

Good storytelling makes for enduring power for now-familiar reasons: it enhances the interests of others and reduces the stresses of group living.

The influence of narratives. Skilled storytelling is a key component of enduring power and influence. Effective stories can:

• Unite groups around shared values and goals
• Make complex ideas more accessible and memorable
• Evoke emotions that motivate action
• Create a sense of shared identity and purpose

Gratitude as a social glue. Expressing genuine appreciation is another powerful way to build influence:

• It strengthens social bonds and trust
• Encourages reciprocity and cooperation
• Enhances the well-being of both giver and receiver
• Reinforces behaviors that benefit the group

By mastering these soft skills of influence, individuals can create more collaborative and productive environments, whether in personal relationships, professional settings, or broader social movements.

8. Awareness and humility are key to using power responsibly

Be aware of your feelings of power. The feeling of power is like a vital force moving through your body, involving the acute sense of purpose that results when we stir others to effective action.

Self-awareness in power. Recognizing our own feelings of power and influence is crucial for using it responsibly. This involves:

• Regularly reflecting on our impact on others
• Seeking feedback from trusted sources
• Being mindful of how power may be affecting our behavior and decisions

The importance of humility. Maintaining a humble attitude helps counteract the corrupting tendencies of power:

• Remembering that power is a gift and privilege, not a right
• Staying open to criticism and alternative viewpoints
• Recognizing the contributions of others to our success
• Continually seeking to learn and improve

By cultivating awareness and humility, those in positions of power can better navigate the challenges of influence and maintain their effectiveness over time. This approach also helps create more collaborative and equitable power dynamics in various social contexts.

Last updated: March 29, 2025