The POWER PRINCIPLE

1. Power is neutral, but how we use it defines our influence

Power itself is not negative or positive, although our feelings about it may be. Power is the potential to influence others for good or evil, to be a blessing or a scourge.

Power is omnipresent in our lives, affecting every interaction we have with others. It's not inherently good or bad, but rather a tool that can be wielded for various purposes. The key is understanding the different types of power and how they impact our relationships:

• Coercive power: Based on fear and force
• Utility power: Based on fairness and exchange
• Principle-centered power: Based on honor and respect

Our choice of which power base to operate from determines the quality and longevity of our influence on others. By recognizing that power is neutral, we can focus on developing the skills and character necessary to use it responsibly and effectively.

2. Powerlessness is a choice, not a permanent state

If we feel powerless in any of these ways, you're not alone.

Feeling powerless is common, but it's crucial to recognize that it's a mindset we can change. Powerlessness often stems from:

• Past experiences of failure or rejection
• Lack of confidence in our abilities
• Overwhelming circumstances or challenges

However, we always have a choice in how we respond to situations. By shifting our perspective and taking small, positive actions, we can begin to reclaim our power. This might involve:

• Identifying areas where we do have control
• Setting achievable goals and working towards them
• Seeking support from others or learning new skills

Remember, even in challenging circumstances, we have the power to choose our attitude and response, which can significantly impact our outcomes and sense of personal empowerment.

3. Coercive power yields short-term results but long-term damage

You can control their behavior, but you cannot control their emotions or the actions those emotions might spark.

Coercion undermines relationships and creates a cycle of fear and resentment. While it may produce immediate compliance, it erodes trust and loyalty over time. The negative consequences of coercive power include:

• Decreased motivation and creativity
• Increased resistance and sabotage
• Damaged self-esteem and morale
• High turnover in organizations

Instead of relying on force or threats, leaders should focus on building trust and respect. This approach may take more time initially but leads to stronger, more productive relationships in the long run. By treating others with dignity and valuing their input, we create an environment where people are motivated to contribute their best efforts willingly.

4. Utility power creates transactional relationships, not lasting influence

With utility power we have created a transaction that can contain the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Fairness-based exchanges are common in many interactions, especially in business settings. While utility power can be effective for short-term goals, it has limitations:

• Relationships are conditional and easily terminated
• Trust is limited to specific transactions
• There's constant renegotiation of terms
• Long-term loyalty is rare

Utility power is based on the principle of "What have you done for me lately?" This approach can work well for simple exchanges but falls short in building deep, meaningful relationships. In personal and professional settings, relying solely on utility power can lead to:

• Shallow connections
• Missed opportunities for collaboration
• Lack of emotional investment
• Difficulty in navigating complex or long-term challenges

To create lasting influence, we need to move beyond mere transactions and focus on building relationships based on mutual respect, shared values, and a genuine concern for others' well-being.

5. Principle-centered power builds enduring, transformative relationships

Honor is power. It is the legitimate power created when individuals perceive that their leaders are honorable.

Principle-centered power is based on mutual respect, trust, and shared values. It creates a deep, lasting influence that can transform relationships and organizations. Key aspects of principle-centered power include:

• Consistency between words and actions
• Genuine concern for others' well-being
• Focus on long-term outcomes rather than short-term gains
• Willingness to sacrifice personal interests for the greater good

By operating from this power base, leaders inspire others to follow willingly and wholeheartedly. This approach fosters:

• Increased creativity and innovation
• Higher levels of commitment and loyalty
• Improved problem-solving and collaboration
• Personal and professional growth for all involved

Principle-centered power requires continuous self-reflection and improvement, but the results are well worth the effort. It creates a positive ripple effect that extends far beyond immediate interactions, influencing entire communities and organizations.

6. Honor is the foundation of principle-centered power

To honor is to have great respect. When we honor others, we respect them, we trust them, we believe in them.

Honor is multifaceted, encompassing respect, trust, and belief in others' potential. It forms the bedrock of principle-centered power and involves:

• Recognizing the inherent worth of every individual
• Treating others with dignity, regardless of their status or position
• Believing in people's capacity for growth and improvement
• Being trustworthy and reliable in our own actions

To cultivate honor, we must develop several key attributes:

1. Persuasion: Sharing reasons and rationale behind decisions
2. Patience: Maintaining a long-term perspective
3. Gentleness: Being sensitive to others' vulnerabilities
4. Teachability: Remaining open to learning from others
5. Acceptance: Offering unconditional positive regard
6. Kindness: Demonstrating genuine care and consideration
7. Knowledge: Seeking to understand others deeply
8. Discipline: Offering constructive feedback with compassion
9. Consistency: Aligning our actions with our principles
10. Integrity: Matching our words, feelings, thoughts, and actions

By embodying these qualities, we create an environment where others feel valued, respected, and inspired to give their best efforts.

7. Effective leaders inspire others to follow willingly

Given all the choices that people have today, why would someone choose to follow you?

Leadership is about influence, not position or title. Effective leaders understand that followers have a choice and focus on inspiring rather than coercing. To lead with principle-centered power:

1. Develop a clear vision and communicate it effectively
2. Lead by example, demonstrating the values you espouse
3. Build trust through consistent, honorable behavior
4. Empower others by delegating authority and responsibility
5. Foster a culture of continuous learning and growth

Great leaders also recognize the importance of:

• Adapting their leadership style to different situations and individuals
• Balancing task-oriented and relationship-oriented approaches
• Cultivating emotional intelligence and self-awareness
• Encouraging open communication and diverse perspectives

By focusing on these elements, leaders can create an environment where people choose to follow out of respect, admiration, and shared purpose, rather than obligation or fear.

8. Teaching with power means honoring those you teach

Teachers who influence with honor see beyond the moment; they know they are building for the future.

Effective teaching goes beyond imparting knowledge; it involves inspiring a love of learning and helping students discover their potential. To teach with power:

1. Create a safe, supportive learning environment
2. Recognize and nurture each student's unique talents
3. Provide constructive feedback with kindness and respect
4. Model lifelong learning and curiosity

Teachers who honor their students:

• Listen actively and value students' perspectives
• Adapt their teaching methods to diverse learning styles
• Set high expectations while offering necessary support
• Celebrate progress and effort, not just results

By approaching teaching as a collaborative process rather than a one-way transmission of information, educators can have a lasting, positive impact on their students' lives and futures.

9. Selling with power means serving your customers' needs

Selling at its best is serving. Serving does not require you to be subservient; it requires you to be powerful.

Ethical selling focuses on understanding and meeting customers' genuine needs rather than pushing products or services. To sell with power:

1. Develop deep knowledge of your products and industry
2. Listen actively to understand customers' challenges and goals
3. Offer solutions that truly benefit the customer
4. Build long-term relationships based on trust and mutual respect

Powerful salespeople:

• Educate and inform rather than manipulate
• Are willing to walk away from deals that don't serve the customer
• Continuously seek to improve their skills and knowledge
• View themselves as problem-solvers and partners

By adopting this service-oriented approach, salespeople can create lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with their customers, leading to increased success and satisfaction for both parties.

10. Parenting with power requires balancing love and discipline

Family living is not for emotional weaklings.

Effective parenting involves creating a nurturing environment while also setting appropriate boundaries and expectations. To parent with power:

1. Demonstrate unconditional love and acceptance
2. Set clear, consistent rules and consequences
3. Model the behavior and values you want to instill
4. Encourage independence and decision-making skills

Powerful parents:

• Communicate openly and honestly with their children
• Adapt their parenting style to each child's unique needs
• Balance protection with allowing children to learn from mistakes
• Prioritize quality time and emotional connection

By approaching parenting as a long-term investment in their children's growth and development, parents can create strong, loving relationships that endure through challenges and evolve over time.

Last updated: May 12, 2025