The Rules of Love

1. Embrace Authenticity: Be Yourself to Find Real Love

So be you. Might as well get it all out in the open now—if it’s not who they’re looking for, at least you won’t get in too deep before they find out.

The real you. Trying to be someone you're not is unsustainable and ultimately leads to unhappiness. Authenticity attracts people who genuinely appreciate you, flaws and all. It's better to be single and true to yourself than to be in a relationship built on a false persona.

Lasting relationships. Pretending to be someone else sets a trap. You'll attract someone who is in love with an illusion, not the real you. This can lead to disappointment and resentment down the line.

Unique charm. Your quirks and imperfections are part of what makes you special. The right person will not only accept them but cherish them. Embrace your individuality and let your true self shine.

2. Heal Before You Seek: Emotional Readiness is Key

Do yourself a favor. Go away and hide somewhere while you lick your wounds.

Emotional baggage. Entering a new relationship while still hurting from the past can sabotage your chances of success. Unresolved issues can cloud your judgment and prevent you from fully investing in the present.

Repair the damage. Take time to heal and rebuild your emotional strength before seeking a new partner. Focus on self-care, personal growth, and rediscovering your own happiness. This will allow you to approach new relationships with a clear mind and open heart.

The right time. Rushing into a relationship before you're ready can lead to further heartbreak. Wait until you've processed your past experiences and are genuinely excited about the prospect of a new connection. This ensures you're entering the relationship for the right reasons, not out of desperation or loneliness.

3. Find Happiness Within: Self-Sufficiency Attracts Genuine Partners

Far too many people stay in unhappy relationships because they’re scared to be alone.

Fear of loneliness. Many people stay in unsatisfying relationships out of fear of being alone. This fear can lead to settling for less than you deserve and tolerating mistreatment.

Independent happiness. Learning to be happy and secure on your own is essential for healthy relationships. It allows you to set higher standards and leave situations that don't serve you.

The right reasons. When you're content with your own company, you'll only choose to be with someone who enhances your life. You'll be together because you want to, not because you need to. This creates a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

4. Trust Your Instincts: You'll Know When It's Right

If you aren’t sure right at the beginning, that’s normal.

No gamble. If you're unsure about a potential partner, don't take a gamble on the relationship. Trust your instincts and wait for someone who feels undeniably right.

Wedding day doubts. Many divorced people admit to having doubts even on their wedding day. This highlights the importance of certainty before making a lifelong commitment.

Pressure-free. Don't allow a partner to pressure you into a decision before you're ready. It's better to wait until you're absolutely sure, even if it takes time. The right person will understand and respect your need for clarity.

5. Laughter is Essential: Choose a Partner Who Makes You Smile

A sense of humor will last you long after everything else has gone.

Lasting quality. Physical attraction and status can fade over time, but a shared sense of humor is a lasting quality that can sustain a relationship through challenges.

Personal connection. Laughter is a very personal thing, and some people just make us laugh more than others. When you find the person who really tickles your funny bone, you've found someone special.

Laugh at yourself. The ability to laugh at yourself is a valuable trait that can help you navigate life's ups and downs. Find someone who can make you laugh at your own foibles and imperfections.

6. Imperfection is a Filter: Attract Those Who Value You for You

Anyone worth having will love you for yourself.

Superficial attraction. Some people choose partners based on looks and superficial qualities. These relationships are often shallow and unsustainable.

Deterrent. Your perceived imperfections can deter shallow people who are only interested in your appearance. This allows you to attract those who value you for your personality and character.

Inner beauty. Anyone worth having will love you for yourself and won't mind the physical imperfections. They'll see your unique charm and appreciate you for who you are on the inside.

7. Break Negative Patterns: Avoid Repeating Past Mistakes

You have to decide whether to commit your life to a string of failed relationships that everyone, including you, could have predicted.

Repeating cycles. Many people unconsciously repeat the same negative patterns in their relationships. This can lead to a string of failed partnerships and ongoing heartbreak.

Recognize the pattern. The first step to breaking the cycle is to recognize the pattern. Identify the types of people you're attracted to and the common threads in your failed relationships.

Change your behavior. Once you've identified the pattern, make a conscious effort to avoid it. This may involve building your confidence, setting new boundaries, or seeking professional help.

8. Honor Boundaries: Certain People Are Off Limits

I don’t know where you draw your line—but you do.

Integrity matters. Rules Players have enough integrity to know that certain people are off limits. This includes your friend's partner, your family member's spouse, or anyone who is already in a committed relationship.

Guilt feelings. Deep down, you know whether you feel guilty and have to make excuses to justify what you're doing. If you're questioning your actions, it's likely that you're crossing a line.

Long-term happiness. Resisting temptation and honoring boundaries may be difficult in the short term, but it will lead to greater happiness and peace of mind in the long run.

9. Accept, Don't Change: Love People for Who They Are

Everyone can be irritating from time to time in a relationship (including you).

Unrealistic expectations. It's unrealistic to expect your partner to change their personality or habits to suit your preferences. People are who they are, and you can't force them to be someone else.

Irritating habits. Everyone has irritating habits, and you're not going to change them. You're looking for someone whose irritating habits are worth putting up with, not for someone who you can mold to your personal requirements.

Love them as they are. If you can't live with certain characteristics, don't get involved with someone who has them. Find someone who you can truly love and accept for who they are, flaws and all.

10. Prioritize Connection: Relationships Are More Than Just Sex

The danger is that you’ll mistake lust for love.

Lasting relationships. Great sex is a wonderful thing, but it's not the foundation of a lasting relationship. The best partnerships are built on deeper connections that can withstand the challenges of life.

Mistaking lust. It's easy to mistake lust for love, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Don't let physical attraction blind you to the other important qualities that make a successful partnership.

Commitment. If you're not sure, then by all means go on enjoying the physical appeal of the relationship, but don’t commit yourself for life until the lust wears off and you can see clearly what’s left.

11. Time Reveals All: Know Someone Through All Seasons

If this is really the right person to be with, waiting twelve months will be well worth it.

Positive presentation. In a new relationship, we're going to do our best to present the most positive things to our new partner. It takes time to get to know someone well, and for them to feel sufficiently confident in you to drop their guard.

Hidden traits. It takes time to uncover a person's true character, including their flaws and weaknesses. Don't rush into major decisions before you've seen them in a variety of situations.

Worth the wait. A year is a perfectly reasonable length of time to ask someone to wait before deciding to live together, get married, have kids, emigrate, or to make any other big decisions. If this is really the right person to be with, waiting twelve months to decide your future will be well worth it.

12. Nurture the Bond: Put Each Other First

You can afford to ignore your own wants and needs, because your partner will be giving them priority for you.

Unselfishness. You have to put your partner’s happiness before your own, you have to be unselfish, you have to put yourself second—otherwise you will have arguments and a stalemate.

Mutual care. If you’ve chosen your partner well, they will be doing the same thing. That’s why it works. You can afford to ignore your own wants and needs, because your partner will be giving them priority for you. They’ll be putting you first so that you don’t have to.

Strong relationships. It’s the partnerships where both put the other first that are strong, warm, loving, and contented.

Last updated: March 17, 2025