The Sexually Confident Wife

1. Embrace your sexuality as a natural part of being human

"We simply do not have to be bound by soul ties to people that no longer enhance our lives."

Sexual confidence starts with self-acceptance. Recognize that your sexuality is an integral part of who you are as a human being. Let go of past sexual experiences or relationships that no longer serve you. Embrace your current sexual self without shame or guilt.

Reframe negative sexual messages. Many women carry harmful beliefs about sex from childhood or past experiences. Challenge these beliefs by:

• Recognizing where they came from
• Questioning their validity
• Replacing them with positive, empowering thoughts about your sexuality

Cultivate a sex-positive attitude. View sex as a natural, healthy part of life rather than something dirty or shameful. Celebrate your sexuality and the pleasure it can bring to your relationship.

2. Understand the purposes of sexuality: procreation, pleasure, and pair-bonding

"Sex is intended to be pleasurable to both husband and wife."

Procreation is just one aspect of sexuality. While creating new life is a powerful function of sex, it's not the only purpose. Recognize that sexual intimacy serves multiple important roles in a relationship.

Pleasure is a valid reason for sex. Your body is designed to experience sexual pleasure. Embrace and enjoy the physical sensations of arousal and orgasm without guilt. Sexual pleasure can:

• Reduce stress
• Improve mood
• Strengthen your immune system
• Enhance overall well-being

Pair-bonding through sex strengthens relationships. Sexual intimacy creates a unique emotional connection between partners. The hormones released during sex, like oxytocin, help foster feelings of love, trust, and attachment. Regular sexual activity can:

• Improve communication
• Increase relationship satisfaction
• Create a deeper sense of intimacy and closeness

3. Cultivate sexual confidence by addressing body image issues

"Beauty isn't just measured by the skin that person is in. It's measured by how she obviously feels about being in that skin."

Reject unrealistic beauty standards. Recognize that media images of "perfect" bodies are often artificially enhanced and unattainable. Focus instead on health, self-care, and feeling good in your own skin.

Appreciate your body's abilities. Rather than fixating on perceived flaws, celebrate what your body can do. This might include:

• Experiencing pleasure
• Creating and nurturing life
• Expressing love and affection
• Accomplishing physical feats

Practice self-love and acceptance. Treat your body with kindness and respect. Engage in positive self-talk and challenge negative thoughts about your appearance. Consider:

• Affirmations in the mirror
• Gratitude for specific body parts
• Pampering yourself with nurturing touch

Communicate openly with your partner. Share your insecurities and listen to your partner's perspective. Often, our partners see us as far more attractive than we see ourselves.

4. Master the art of sexual arousal and orgasm

"The female clitoris has eight thousand nerve fibers? That's almost twice as many as the male penis!"

Understand female sexual anatomy. Familiarize yourself with the structures involved in arousal and orgasm, particularly the clitoris. Knowledge is power when it comes to pleasure.

Explore different types of orgasms. Women can experience various orgasms, including:

• Clitoral
• Vaginal/G-spot
• Blended (combination of clitoral and vaginal)
• Multiple orgasms

Communicate your needs and desires. Be open with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't. Guide them in stimulating you effectively.

Practice mindfulness during sex. Stay present in the moment, focusing on physical sensations and pleasure rather than getting caught up in anxious thoughts or performance pressure.

5. Establish healthy sexual boundaries in your relationship

"Sex should never be painful to either partner (physically or emotionally)."

Define your comfort zone. Reflect on your sexual values, preferences, and limits. Communicate these clearly to your partner.

Respect your partner's boundaries. Listen to and honor your partner's expressed limits and comfort levels. Never pressure or coerce them into sexual activities they're not comfortable with.

Create a safe word or signal. Establish a way to communicate if things are moving too fast or becoming uncomfortable during sexual activity.

Regularly check in about boundaries. As individuals grow and change, so might sexual boundaries. Have open conversations about comfort levels and desires periodically.

6. Overcome common sexual challenges and dysfunctions

"Most of the problem isn't between our legs but rather between our ears."

Address physical issues. Many sexual dysfunctions have medical solutions. Don't hesitate to consult a doctor about:

• Painful intercourse
• Erectile dysfunction
• Low libido
• Inability to orgasm

Tackle psychological barriers. Anxiety, stress, and negative self-talk can significantly impact sexual function. Consider:

• Therapy or counseling
• Mindfulness techniques
• Cognitive behavioral strategies

Explore solutions together. Approach sexual challenges as a team with your partner. This might involve:

• Open communication about concerns
• Experimenting with new techniques or positions
• Using sex toys or aids
• Seeking professional help together

7. Integrate spirituality and sexuality for a fulfilling experience

"Spirituality and sexuality swirled together gives us even greater insight into both pleasures."

Recognize the sacred in sexuality. Many spiritual traditions view sex within marriage as a divine gift. Embrace the idea that sexual intimacy can be a spiritual experience.

Practice mindful lovemaking. Approach sex with intention and presence. This might involve:

• Setting a sacred atmosphere
• Engaging in pre-sex rituals or prayer
• Focusing on the connection with your partner and/or a higher power

Release guilt and shame. If religious upbringing has instilled negative beliefs about sex, work on reframing these ideas. Remember that healthy sexuality is compatible with most spiritual beliefs.

Use sex as a metaphor for spiritual connection. The vulnerability, trust, and union experienced in sex can deepen your understanding of spiritual concepts like:

• Surrender
• Unconditional love
• Divine union

Last updated: November 6, 2024