The Space That Keeps You

1. Home is an emotional anchor, not just a physical space.

This isn’t supposed to be a pretty design book. It’s an emotional design book.

Beyond aesthetics. The book emphasizes that a home's true value lies not in its visual appeal but in its capacity to evoke emotions and provide a sense of belonging. It explores the idea that a house becomes a home when it holds special meaning and memories for its inhabitants. The author challenges the notion of design as merely transactional, advocating for a deeper, more personal connection to the spaces we inhabit.

Personal connection. The author's own experiences of moving frequently and longing for a permanent home underscore the importance of emotional attachment to a space. The book delves into the stories of others who have found their "forever place," seeking to understand what makes a space truly "keep" someone. It's about the intangible qualities that transform a building into a sanctuary.

Emotional design. The book shifts the focus from superficial beauty to the "weird and thoughtful and special" aspects that resonate with the people who love their homes most. It's about creating spaces that reflect personal stories, values, and experiences, rather than simply adhering to design trends. The author's journey is about understanding the "why" behind people's attachment to their homes.

2. Design transcends aesthetics, fostering emotional connections.

Good design is design that makes you feel something, and at its best, it bolsters the moments that matter.

Design with intention. The author argues that design should be more than just visually pleasing; it should evoke emotions and enhance meaningful experiences. Good design supports the rituals and ceremonies that make a house a home, creating a space where memories are made and cherished. It's about creating an environment that nurtures the emotional lives of its inhabitants.

Emotional life. The book explores how design can be used to create spaces that feel safe, comforting, and inspiring. It highlights the importance of incorporating personal touches and meaningful objects that reflect the inhabitants' identities and values. The author emphasizes that the emotional life within a space is what truly makes it a home.

Design's limits. The author acknowledges that design can only go so far in creating a sense of home. While good design can enhance the emotional experience of a space, it is the emotional life that emerges within those walls that truly makes a house a home. The book is a quest to understand the emotional connections people form with their homes.

3. Homes reflect personal journeys and evolving identities.

We all relate to ideas of home in different ways, and my husband and I are a perfect case study for this.

Individual perspectives. The author emphasizes that everyone has a unique relationship with the idea of home, shaped by their personal experiences, memories, and values. The author and her husband, Nate, offer a case study in how two people can relate to a home in different ways, highlighting the subjective nature of the concept. The book explores the diverse ways people connect with their living spaces.

Personal growth. The author's journey of self-discovery is intertwined with her exploration of home. As she interviews others about their homes, she gains insights into her own desires and motivations. The book becomes a personal exploration of what it means to create a space that truly reflects one's identity.

Evolving needs. The author's experience of moving back into her first home on Fifth Avenue after nearly a decade illustrates how our needs and desires for a home can change over time. The return to this space symbolizes personal growth, partnership, and love, reflecting the author's evolving identity. The book shows how homes can adapt to different phases of life.

4. The energy of a space is shaped by memories and rituals.

What I would miss the most were the rituals and ceremonies that we would leave in that house, like the dance parties we had with the kids around the kitchen island every morning and evening.

Rituals and memories. The author emphasizes that the energy of a home is not just about its physical structure but also about the memories and rituals that take place within its walls. These moments, like dance parties with the kids, create a unique atmosphere that cannot be replicated elsewhere. The book explores how these rituals shape the emotional landscape of a home.

Echoes of the past. The author believes that the events that have happened within a home's walls remain contained there, echoing through time. These moments create a sense of history and connection to the past, making the space feel alive and meaningful. The book delves into the idea that homes hold the echoes of our lives.

Creating lasting energy. The author is fascinated by homes that have been passed down through generations, where grandchildren visit the same house where their parents were raised. She seeks to understand what it is about these spaces that holds people, creating a lasting energy that transcends time. The book is a quest to understand the enduring power of home.

5. Nature provides a grounding and nurturing sense of home.

Nature is always her sacred space. That is where she is most fully herself, most fully connected to all beings.

Connection to nature. Oprah's story highlights the importance of nature in creating a sense of home. Her "Promised Land" in Montecito is defined by its abundance of trees, ocean views, and connection to the surrounding landscape. The book explores how nature can provide a grounding and nurturing sense of belonging.

Six-tree dream. Oprah's "six-tree dream" illustrates her longing for a connection to nature, specifically trees. This dream came to fruition when she found her home in Montecito, surrounded by thousands of trees. The book shows how nature can fulfill our deepest desires for home.

Sacred space. For Oprah, nature is her sacred space, where she feels most fully herself and connected to all beings. Her relationship with the trees on her property, particularly the twelve oaks she calls The Apostles, underscores the spiritual significance of nature in creating a sense of home. The book emphasizes the importance of nature in creating a sense of peace and connection.

6. Preserving a home honors legacies and sustains connections.

When people die, and then you’re left with something beautiful, it’s really up to you to decide what you want to do with it. It’s not up to them anymore. It’s just a continuation.

Honoring the past. The story of Dagmar, Cosmas, and Degenhart, who inherited their parents' artistic haven in Mérida, Mexico, illustrates the importance of preserving a home to honor a legacy. They choose to maintain the house as an altar to their parents' memory, recognizing the energy and love imbued within its walls. The book explores how preserving a home can sustain connections to the past.

Guardians of a vision. The children see themselves as guardians and protectors of their parents' vision, rather than simply owners of a property. They understand that the house is more than just a building; it is a representation of their parents' love, creativity, and spirit. The book highlights the responsibility that comes with inheriting a meaningful home.

Continuing the story. The children's decision to preserve the house is not driven by obligation but by a genuine desire to continue their parents' story. They recognize that the house is a living testament to their parents' lives and values, and they are committed to ensuring that it continues to inspire and uplift others. The book emphasizes the importance of making a conscious choice to preserve a home.

7. Finding home can be a serendipitous and transformative process.

It’s a space that keeps us forever 21.

Unexpected journeys. Brooke and Michael's story illustrates how finding a home can be a serendipitous and transformative process. Their initial mistake of buying an apartment that was too small led to the unexpected opportunity to combine it with the neighboring unit, creating their dream home. The book explores how unexpected events can lead us to our ideal living spaces.

Courage to leap. Brooke's encouragement to "trust this moment" gave Michael the courage to take a leap of faith and buy the apartment, even though he was initially hesitant. This highlights the importance of trusting our intuition and being open to unexpected opportunities. The book emphasizes the role of courage in finding home.

Love in the bones. Brooke and Michael literally put their love in the bones of their home by carving their initials and messages of love on the beams. This symbolizes the deep emotional connection they have with their space and the transformative power of creating a home together. The book shows how love can shape a home.

8. Home is where family and loved ones create shared experiences.

It comes from us being together, and then deciding to create a family and housing that family within the four walls.

Family connection. The author emphasizes that home is not just a physical space but also a place where family and loved ones come together to create shared experiences. These experiences, like snack drawers, stocked refrigerators, and even diaper pails, define the idea of home for the author and her husband. The book explores how family connections shape our sense of home.

Supporting different pieces. The author and her husband have created a home on Fifth Avenue that supports all the different pieces of their lives—their family, their personal lifestyles, and their social connections. This highlights the importance of creating a space that caters to the diverse needs and interests of its inhabitants. The book emphasizes the importance of creating a versatile home.

Joyful moments. The author remembers the moment when the kids' floor was finished and they were in their rooms for the first time, feeling like someone had turned the lights on in the house. This illustrates how the presence of family can bring a home to life, filling it with joy and energy. The book shows how family can transform a house into a home.

9. Home is a sanctuary, offering safety and tranquility.

You see the ocean, and you really do feel like you’re in a whole other place mentally and physically.

Refuge from the world. Tracy and Brian's Montecito home serves as a sanctuary, offering an escape from the stresses and anxieties of their busy lives in Los Angeles. The house provides a sense of safety and tranquility, allowing them to disconnect from the outside world and reconnect with each other. The book explores how a home can be a refuge from the world.

Peaceful rhythms. The family finds peace in the simple rhythms of nature, like the sound of the stream running under the porch and the ocean breeze. These sensory experiences create a sense of calm and connection to the natural world, enhancing their sense of home. The book emphasizes the importance of creating a peaceful environment.

Choosing connection. The family can choose when to watch the news and when to shut the TV off and get back into the peaceful rhythms of nature. When Tracy worried that Stella, their youngest, was absorbing their stressed, worried energy, she knew they had a place where they could disconnect from their fear—and connect with one another instead. The book shows how a home can be a place of connection.

10. Home is a legacy to pass on to future generations.

Would you like a life in balance?

Passing on a legacy. The author's decision to buy a farm in Portugal is driven by a desire to create a legacy for her children. She envisions the land being passed down through generations, providing a sense of connection to their roots and a place to call home. The book explores how a home can be a legacy to pass on to future generations.

Life in balance. Nate sees the farm in Portugal as an opportunity to create a life in balance, offering a sense of comfort, serenity, and joy. He recognizes the transformative power of the land and the potential it holds for creating a lasting legacy. The book emphasizes the importance of creating a balanced life.

Rooted in tenderness. The author's memories of her grandmother's home, with its simple yet layered decor and nurturing atmosphere, illustrate the enduring power of a home rooted in tenderness. She hopes to create a similar space for her own children, where they can feel loved, supported, and connected to their family history. The book shows how a home can be a source of love and connection.

Last updated: April 17, 2025