The Spiritual Child

1. Spirituality is an innate, biological human capacity, distinct from religion.

Spirituality is foundational to our biological nature and is different from religion.

Hardwired for transcendence. Science now confirms that humans are born with an innate capacity for spirituality, a biologically based faculty for experiencing transcendence. This is distinct from religion, which is a chosen or socialized adherence to a particular set of beliefs or practices. While religion can be a pathway to cultivate spirituality, the capacity itself is inherent, much like our senses or cognitive abilities.

Genetic contribution. Research, including twin studies, shows a meaningful genetic contribution to personal spirituality (transcendent relationship), but not to religious adherence. This suggests that our potential for spiritual connection is part of our inherited nature, while our choice of religious expression is shaped by environment and personal decision. This inborn capacity is universal across cultures and traditions.

Beyond belief. Spirituality, in this scientific context, is defined as an inner sense of relationship to a higher power (God, nature, spirit, universe) that is loving and guiding. It's a felt connection, a dynamic dialogue with the transcendent, which can exist independently of formal religious affiliation. This innate capacity is a fundamental aspect of human makeup, linking brain, mind, and body.

2. Children are born naturally spiritual, possessing inherent transcendent awareness.

The infant arrives with the transcendent faculty intact and completely engaged.

Natural attunement. Young children possess a natural spirituality, an innate attunement to the transcendent dimension of life. Unlike other developmental lines like language or cognition, this spiritual capacity appears to begin whole and fully expressed from birth. They experience a sense of oneness with the world, a deep connection to nature, animals, and other people.

Implicit worldview. This natural spirituality manifests as a set of social-cognitive assumptions: perceiving an intentional, intelligent universe, viewing parents as all-knowing with God-like qualities, and assuming an afterlife or nonmaterial realm. They are inherently mindful, present, and open to the miracles of everyday life, seeing sacredness in the ordinary.

Core assets. This inborn spirituality comes with core assets: a natural love of spiritual ritual and prayer, capacity for spiritual perception ("heart knowing"), desire for right action and service, an innate sense of the specialness of family, and an affinity with nature and the life cycle. These assets are present before socialization and form the basis for later spiritual strengths.

3. Parents are crucial spiritual ambassadors, transmitting spirituality through love and presence.

The spiritual nod was far more powerful than all of the family risk factors for depression combined—genes and socialization.

The "nod". Parents play an extraordinary role in nurturing a child's innate spirituality through what the author calls "the nod" – the intergenerational transmission of spiritual attunement. This isn't about formal religious instruction alone, but a shared sensibility, values taught and received within the loving relationship. Research shows this shared spirituality is profoundly protective for children.

Love as template. A child's earliest experience of the transcendent relationship is often through their parents' love. Children literally imbue their sense of a higher power with the attributes of their parents. Unconditional parental love supports a child's sense of a loving, guiding higher power they can turn to.

Field of love. Parents, along with other caring adults (grandparents, mentors), create a "field of love," a relational space infused with spiritual presence. This collective space, built on unconditional love and shared spiritual values, becomes the child's spiritual home base and a powerful source of resilience and guidance.

4. Adolescence triggers a biological surge in spiritual capacity and a vital quest for meaning.

Adolescence is a time of spiritual awakening: a crucial window of engaging with spiritual reality.

Biological imperative. Puberty ignites a biological surge in the transcendent faculty, increasing genetic expression for spirituality by 50%. This primes teens for a heightened hunger for transcendence, meaning, and purpose, alongside other developmental changes like sexual maturation and cognitive growth.

Quest for self. This surge propels the adolescent quest – the intense inner work of individuation. Teens grapple with fundamental questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? What gives life meaning? This is fundamentally spiritual work, seeking coherence between their inner sense of truth and the external world.

Brain development. The adolescent brain undergoes rapid growth and changes in connectivity, particularly between the emotional/perceptual regions and the prefrontal cortex (command central). This creates heightened sensitivity and reactivity, but also the capacity for metacognition – reflecting on one's own thoughts and experiences to find deeper meaning.

5. Personal spirituality is the most powerful protective factor against adolescent suffering and risk.

In the entire realm of human experience, there is no single factor that will protect your adolescent like a personal sense of spirituality.

Robust resilience. Research consistently shows that a strong personal sense of spirituality is the most potent protective factor against major adolescent health risks. Teens with a personal transcendent relationship are significantly less likely to experience depression, substance abuse, and high-risk behaviors, including unprotected sex.

Buffering effect. This protective benefit is particularly pronounced during adolescence, a period of heightened vulnerability. Spirituality acts as a buffer, helping teens navigate challenges, resist negative peer pressure, and make healthier choices informed by their inner compass and sense of purpose.

Beyond rules. While religious rules can provide structure, it's the personal, felt connection to the transcendent that offers deep, lasting protection. This inner resource provides guidance and strength when external rules are insufficient or when teens find themselves in uncharted territory.

6. Severed spirit, or disconnected inner life, underlies common adolescent struggles.

A severed spirit is transcendence lost from the broad view of life.

Inner void. When spirituality is neglected or suppressed during development, particularly in adolescence, it can lead to a "severed spirit." This disconnect between the innate transcendent capacity and the rest of the self creates an inner void, a sense of emptiness and lack of deep bearings.

Misdirected quest. The natural adolescent hunger for transcendence doesn't disappear; it may be misdirected into unhealthy shortcuts. Risk-taking, substance abuse, and casual sex can become misguided attempts to experience connection, intensity, or escape the pain of this inner emptiness.

Disintegration. Severed spirit can manifest as a split self, where parts of identity (like sexuality or emotional vulnerability) are hidden or deemed unacceptable, leading to isolation and shame. It can also quash heart knowing, leaving teens reliant solely on analytical thought, disconnected from intuition and deeper meaning.

7. Integrating head knowing and heart knowing is essential for spiritual wholeness.

The goal is to keep both “head knowing” and “heart knowing” expanding and deepening together—for the child to integrate both of these ways of knowing into how they understand and interpret the world.

Two ways of knowing. Humans possess both "head knowing" (analytical, logical thought) and "heart knowing" (intuitive, spiritual perception). True spiritual development involves integrating these two, allowing intuition and transcendent awareness to inform rational thought and vice versa.

Childhood foundation. Young children naturally operate from heart knowing, sensing interconnectedness and sacredness. As they develop cognitive skills, the challenge is to maintain and integrate this intuitive wisdom rather than letting it be suppressed by a sole focus on logic and external validation.

Adolescent integration. The adolescent brain is primed to build connections between the analytical prefrontal cortex and the emotional/perceptual regions. Supporting the dialogue between head and heart during this period is crucial for developing a coherent sense of self, making values-aligned decisions, and navigating life's complexities with both wisdom and compassion.

8. The "Field of Love" – family and community – is the sacred space for spiritual growth.

The field of love is a relational space—a fluid, evolving, interpersonal space that we both discover and create in relationship with one another.

Beyond attachment. While parent-child attachment is vital, spiritual development thrives in an expanded "field of love." This includes family, extended relatives, friends, mentors, and community members who offer unconditional love, support, and shared spiritual values. This collective provides multiple sources of connection and guidance.

Sanctification of family. Families, regardless of religious affiliation, often experience a natural "sanctification," perceiving their bonds and shared life as sacred. Acknowledging and cultivating this sense of sacredness strengthens the family as a spiritual unit and a primary context for a child's spiritual growth.

Shared experience. The field of love is where spiritual values like compassion, forgiveness, generosity, and acceptance are lived out and learned through daily interaction. It's a safe space for exploring life's big questions and navigating challenges together, reinforcing the child's sense of belonging and worth.

9. Spiritual multilingualism fosters understanding and connection across diverse traditions.

Spiritual multilingualism enables us to cross familiar borders and embrace the essence of spirituality in its many cultural narratives.

Universal core. While spiritual expression varies across cultures and religions, the underlying human capacity for transcendence and the core spiritual values (love, compassion, meaning) are universal. Spiritual multilingualism is the ability to recognize and appreciate this shared essence across diverse traditions.

Beyond chauvinism. Encouraging children to learn about different spiritual paths from an early age helps prevent tribalism and prejudice. It fosters respect for others' beliefs and opens their minds to the many ways humans seek and experience the transcendent.

Expanded access. Being conversant in multiple spiritual "languages" enriches a child's own spiritual life. It provides a broader vocabulary and framework for understanding their own experiences and finding spiritual connection in various contexts throughout life.

10. Spiritual agency empowers children to act for good and create a "culture of love."

The culture of love spreads very quickly.

Right action. Children are naturally motivated by right action – the desire to be helpful, generous, and contribute to the well-being of others. Spiritual agency is the awareness of their power to make choices aligned with spiritual values and to act for the higher good.

Beyond "floor ethics". Spiritual development encourages moving beyond minimal "floor ethics" (what's barely acceptable) to "ceiling ethics" (how high we can go in kindness, compassion, and integrity). This involves repairing harm, seeking forgiveness, and actively contributing to a positive environment.

Collective impact. Spiritual agency extends from personal choices to co-creating a "culture of love" in families, schools, and communities. By modeling and encouraging acts of kindness, acceptance, and service, we build environments where spiritual values are the norm, benefiting everyone.

11. Adolescent depression is often a developmental spiritual struggle, not just an illness.

Developmental depression, rather than being an inconvenience or something teens need to just “get over,” is an indicator that your teen’s spiritual faculty is coming on line—prompting the quest that propels spiritual individuation.

Quest's dark side. While depression can have medical causes, in adolescence it is often intertwined with the spiritual quest and individuation process. The struggle for meaning, purpose, and identity can be inherently difficult, leading to feelings of emptiness, confusion, and despair – a "dark night of the soul."

Gateway to resilience. Adolescent depression, particularly subthreshold forms, can be a crucial opportunity for spiritual growth. Engaging with the struggle, seeking meaning, and developing spiritual resources can build lifelong resilience against future depressive episodes. Ignoring it increases risk.

Spiritual support. Reframing depression as a potential spiritual struggle calls for responses beyond just medication. Loving parental support, spiritually oriented therapy, contemplative practices, and connection to spiritual community can help teens navigate this difficult passage and harness it for growth.

12. Parenthood itself is a profound and transformative spiritual awakening.

Parenthood is a spiritual pilgrimage however you travel the path.

Awakening to love. The arrival of a child often triggers a spiritual awakening in parents, regardless of their prior beliefs. The intense, unconditional love for a child opens the heart, expands the sense of self, and reveals a "something more" that transcends ordinary experience.

Surrender and growth. Parenthood demands surrender – a loss of control and ego – which can be a powerful spiritual practice. Navigating challenges, exhaustion, and uncertainty compels parents to seek help, often turning to spiritual resources or community for strength and guidance.

Parallel journeys. Parents' spiritual growth can progress in tandem with their children's. By supporting a child's natural spirituality and engaging in their own quest, parents deepen their own transcendent connection, finding renewed meaning, purpose, and a richer experience of life.

Last updated: May 18, 2025