The Success Myth

1. Success is not a one-size-fits-all formula

We can't have it all, especially when we haven't even got equal amounts of the pie.

Success is personal. The idea that there's a universal formula for success is a myth perpetuated by society and the media. In reality, success looks different for everyone and is influenced by various factors such as privilege, luck, and individual circumstances.

• Factors influencing success:
  • Privilege (education, socioeconomic background, race, gender)
  • Luck and timing
  • Natural talent and skills
  • Hard work and perseverance
  • Support systems and networks

Redefine success for yourself. Instead of chasing society's definition of success, take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Consider your values, passions, and long-term goals. Success might mean financial stability for some, while others prioritize work-life balance or making a positive impact on the world.

2. Happiness is fleeting, embrace the full spectrum of emotions

Sometimes, we just aren't feeling well or happy, because life is hard, and our brains aren't wired to be continuously jolly, as most of the time they are just trying to keep us alive.

Emotions are complex. The pursuit of constant happiness is unrealistic and can lead to disappointment. Instead, recognize that a rich, fulfilling life includes experiencing a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative.

Embrace emotional diversity. Rather than striving for perpetual happiness, focus on:

• Developing emotional intelligence
• Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness
• Accepting and learning from negative emotions
• Finding meaning and growth in challenging experiences

By acknowledging and embracing all emotions, we can develop greater resilience and a more authentic sense of wellbeing.

3. Productivity obsession can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction

We glamorize over-working. We move on to the next thing without taking in what we've just done.

Productivity is not everything. Our culture's obsession with productivity and hustle culture can lead to burnout, stress, and a decreased quality of life. While being productive is important, it shouldn't come at the cost of our mental and physical health.

Find balance and meaning. Instead of focusing solely on output:

• Set realistic goals and priorities
• Practice self-care and establish boundaries
• Celebrate small wins and progress
• Incorporate rest and leisure into your routine
• Focus on the quality of your work, not just quantity

Remember that true success includes maintaining a healthy work-life balance and finding meaning in both your professional and personal life.

4. Your job is not your identity

You are not the work you do; you are the person you are.

Separate self-worth from work. Many people tie their identity and self-worth to their job or career. This can lead to anxiety, stress, and a sense of emptiness when faced with career setbacks or changes.

Cultivate a multifaceted identity. To avoid this trap:

• Develop interests and hobbies outside of work
• Nurture relationships and personal connections
• Explore different aspects of your personality
• Define yourself by your values and character, not your job title

By creating a well-rounded sense of self, you'll be better equipped to handle professional challenges and find fulfillment in various aspects of life.

5. Celebrity and status are not paths to fulfillment

Even though we had girlboss books and phrases like 'the future is female' on our T-shirts, we just still aren't there in terms of the equality we keep talking about.

Fame is not the answer. The pursuit of celebrity status and social media fame often leads to disappointment and a disconnect from authentic relationships and experiences. The reality of fame is often far different from the glamorous image portrayed in the media.

Focus on genuine connections. Instead of chasing status:

• Cultivate meaningful relationships with friends and family
• Seek personal growth and self-improvement
• Contribute to your community and causes you care about
• Find purpose in your daily life and work

True fulfillment comes from living authentically and making a positive impact on those around you, not from achieving widespread recognition or fame.

6. Money matters, but excess wealth doesn't guarantee happiness

Having one blanket and one fire makes us happy. One hundred fires and one hundred blankets does not make us one hundred times more happy.

Financial stability is important. Having enough money to meet basic needs and provide a sense of security is crucial for wellbeing. However, beyond a certain point, additional wealth doesn't significantly increase happiness or life satisfaction.

Focus on experiences and relationships. Rather than pursuing endless wealth:

• Prioritize financial stability and security
• Invest in experiences and relationships over material possessions
• Practice gratitude for what you have
• Use money as a tool to support your values and goals
• Consider how you can use your resources to help others

Remember that true wealth includes strong relationships, meaningful experiences, and a sense of purpose – things that money alone cannot buy.

7. Redefine ambition on your own terms

Ambition is no longer something I want to feast on unnecessarily.

Rethink traditional ambition. Society often equates ambition with climbing the corporate ladder or achieving external markers of success. However, this narrow definition can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.

Cultivate personal ambition. Redefine ambition to align with your values and desires:

• Set goals that reflect your personal growth and fulfillment
• Pursue projects and experiences that excite you
• Balance career aspirations with other life priorities
• Be open to changing your definition of success over time
• Celebrate progress and personal growth, not just achievements

By reframing ambition, you can pursue a life that feels truly successful and meaningful to you, rather than chasing society's expectations.

8. Break free from society's prescribed life milestones

We all have a list in our heads of the things we 'should' be achieving with our life.

Question societal expectations. Society often presents a prescribed set of life milestones (e.g., marriage, homeownership, having children) as markers of success. However, these expectations may not align with everyone's desires or circumstances.

Create your own path. Instead of following a predetermined timeline:

• Reflect on what truly matters to you
• Be open to alternative lifestyles and choices
• Celebrate unconventional achievements and milestones
• Support others in their unique life paths
• Recognize that life is not linear and everyone's journey is different

By letting go of societal pressures and expectations, you can create a life that authentically reflects your values and aspirations.

9. There is no final destination in life, only continuous growth

We grow up with linear thinking. Beginning, middle and end. But in reality, our lives are cyclical.

Embrace the journey. The idea that we will one day "arrive" at a perfect, settled state of success and happiness is a myth. Life is a continuous process of growth, change, and adaptation.

Focus on the present. Instead of constantly striving for a future ideal:

• Practice mindfulness and appreciate the present moment
• Set flexible, evolving goals rather than rigid endpoints
• Celebrate small victories and progress along the way
• Embrace lifelong learning and personal development
• Be open to change and new experiences

By recognizing that life is a journey rather than a destination, you can find joy and fulfillment in the process of growth and change, rather than constantly chasing an elusive end goal.

Last updated: October 20, 2024