This Is Me Letting You Go

1. Embrace Imperfection and Self-Acceptance

Who you are doesn’t cease to exist because there’s nobody there to admire it.

Intrinsic worth. This book emphasizes the importance of recognizing your inherent value, regardless of external validation. It encourages readers to appreciate their unique qualities and quirks, even when they feel unseen or unappreciated. It's about understanding that your worth isn't tied to someone else's admiration or affection.

Self-compassion. The book advocates for self-compassion, urging readers to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer a friend. This involves acknowledging your imperfections and forgiving yourself for past mistakes. It's about recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that self-criticism is often counterproductive.

Authenticity. The book encourages readers to embrace their authentic selves, rather than trying to conform to societal expectations or someone else's ideal. This involves accepting your flaws and vulnerabilities, and celebrating your unique strengths and passions. It's about living a life that is true to yourself, rather than trying to please others.

2. Love Without Expectation Starts With Self-Love

You love yourself first. Not necessarily most or best, but first.

Prioritizing yourself. The book stresses that loving without expectation begins with prioritizing your own needs and desires. This doesn't mean being selfish, but rather ensuring that your own well-being is a top priority. It's about setting boundaries and making choices that support your own happiness and fulfillment.

Honesty and integrity. Loving without expectation also involves being honest with yourself and others about your intentions and desires. This means avoiding games and being straightforward in your communication. It's about building relationships based on trust and transparency, rather than manipulation or deception.

Detachment from outcomes. The book encourages readers to detach from their personal investment in why people do what they do. This means accepting that you have limited control over other people's actions and choices. It's about focusing on your own behavior and letting go of the need to control others.

3. Timing is a Convenient Excuse; Right People are Timeless

The right people make you want to throw away the plans you originally had for one and follow them into the hazy, unknown future without a glance backwards.

Irrelevance of timing. The book challenges the notion that timing is a significant factor in relationships, arguing that the right people are timeless. It suggests that when you meet someone who is truly right for you, the timing becomes irrelevant. You're willing to adjust your plans and priorities to be with them.

Effortless integration. The right people seamlessly integrate into your life, becoming a part of your schedule and priorities. You don't have to force or contort your life to accommodate them; it happens naturally. They support your goals and dreams, and you support theirs.

Encouragement and growth. The book emphasizes that the right people encourage you to grow and pursue your dreams. They don't hold you back or make you choose between them and your aspirations. They inspire you to be a better version of yourself and support you every step of the way.

4. Letting Go is a Lifelong Process, Not a Single Event

Letting go isn’t simple or straightforward. It’s a dynamic, lifelong process.

Dynamic nature. The book emphasizes that letting go is not a one-time event, but rather an ongoing process. It acknowledges that healing from loss and heartbreak takes time and effort. There will be ups and downs, setbacks and breakthroughs.

Acceptance and patience. The book encourages readers to be patient with themselves and to accept that letting go is a gradual process. It's about recognizing that it's okay to have moments of sadness or longing, as long as you continue to move forward. It's about allowing yourself the time and space to heal.

Self-compassion. The book advocates for self-compassion throughout the letting go process. This involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. It's about recognizing that you're doing the best you can and that it's okay to not be perfect.

5. The Fierce Woman Within: Embrace Your Wild Heart

You are the flame, not the moth. And your job is to burn with conviction.

Unleashing inner strength. The book encourages women to embrace their inner strength and fierceness, rather than trying to conform to societal expectations. It's about recognizing your own power and potential, and refusing to be tamed or diminished.

Authenticity and self-acceptance. The book advocates for authenticity, urging women to be true to themselves, even if it means going against the grain. It's about accepting your unique qualities and quirks, and celebrating what makes you different.

Passion and purpose. The book encourages women to pursue their passions and live a life of purpose. It's about finding what ignites your soul and pursuing it with conviction. It's about making a difference in the world and leaving your mark.

6. Choose a Lifestyle Over a Person

You should be able to be with somebody you love and also live a life that entices, invigorates and inspires you.

Values alignment. The book emphasizes the importance of aligning your lifestyle with your values, rather than sacrificing your values for a relationship. It suggests that a fulfilling life is one where you are able to pursue your passions and live in accordance with your beliefs.

Growth and exploration. The book advocates for relationships that allow for growth and exploration on the part of both partners. It suggests that a healthy relationship is one where both individuals are able to pursue their own interests and develop their own identities.

Shared vision. The book encourages readers to seek out partners who share their vision for the future. This doesn't mean that you have to agree on everything, but rather that you have a shared sense of purpose and direction. It's about building a life together that is both fulfilling and meaningful.

7. Forgiveness is About Reclaiming Your Power

Forgiveness means you’re finally ready to take it back.

Letting go of anger. The book challenges the notion that forgiveness is about condoning or excusing someone's behavior. Instead, it argues that forgiveness is about letting go of anger and resentment, which can be incredibly damaging to your own well-being.

Accepting the past. The book emphasizes that forgiveness involves accepting the past and moving forward. It's about recognizing that you can't change what happened, but you can choose how you respond to it. It's about releasing the need for revenge or retribution.

Restoring inner peace. The book suggests that forgiveness is ultimately about restoring your own inner peace. It's about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment, and creating space for healing and growth. It's about taking control of your own emotions and choosing to move forward with a sense of hope and optimism.

8. The Worst Failures Lead to Necessary Change

Some catastrophes are not there to teach you a lesson, but to stop you in your tracks.

Failure as a catalyst. The book challenges the traditional view of failure as a learning opportunity, suggesting that some failures are meant to stop you in your tracks. These failures are often the result of poor judgment or selfish choices.

Intensive self-reflection. The book emphasizes the importance of intensive self-reflection in the wake of these failures. It's about honestly assessing your actions and their consequences, and taking responsibility for your mistakes.

Genuine transformation. The book suggests that these failures can lead to genuine transformation, prompting you to change your behavior and become a better person. It's about recognizing the need for change and committing to a new path.

9. The Courage to Care More Deeply

Just be the freaking person who cares more.

Overcoming indifference. The book challenges the societal norm of playing it cool and encourages readers to embrace their emotions and care deeply. It suggests that indifference is a defense mechanism that prevents us from experiencing true connection and fulfillment.

Authenticity and vulnerability. The book advocates for authenticity and vulnerability in relationships. It's about being honest about your feelings and needs, and allowing yourself to be seen and known by others.

Passion and enthusiasm. The book encourages readers to approach life with passion and enthusiasm. It's about pursuing your interests and dreams with a sense of abandon, and not being afraid to look a little foolish along the way.

10. Take a Chance, Despite the Uncertainty

Take a chance on me – because tomorrow the Universe could collapse in on itself and this city could disintegrate to ashes and the sun could burst into a thousand disjointed rays and goddammit if I am going to die never knowing what it feels like to have your lips on mine.

Embracing the unknown. The book encourages readers to take chances, even when the outcome is uncertain. It suggests that life is too short to be afraid of failure or rejection. It's about stepping outside of your comfort zone and pursuing your desires.

Living in the moment. The book emphasizes the importance of living in the moment and appreciating the present. It suggests that we shouldn't let fear of the future prevent us from enjoying the here and now. It's about seizing opportunities and making the most of every day.

Vulnerability and connection. The book advocates for vulnerability and connection in relationships. It's about being open to love and allowing yourself to be seen and known by another person. It's about taking a chance on someone, even when there are no guarantees.

Last updated: April 5, 2025