First Notes, First Friendships

Ramona and Sam meet as freshmen at Saint Joseph's Prep, instantly sensing a deep, fated connection. Their friendship is immediate and intense, built on a shared love of music and mutual outsider status in a school full of privileged, superficial classmates. Within days, they form a band—April and the Rain—cementing their bond through creative collaboration. Ramona, the drummer, quickly realizes her feelings for Sam go beyond friendship, but she buries them to protect the band and their closeness. Their world is small but meaningful, revolving around music, inside jokes, and dreams of escaping to Artibus College, a haven for artists and musicians. The foundation of their relationship is set: a blend of creative partnership, unspoken longing, and the comfort of being truly seen by another.

Artibus Dreams and Dilemmas

As senior year approaches, Ramona and Sam prepare for their Artibus College auditions, seeing it as their ticket out of high school's stifling environment. On audition day, they meet Tom, a moody, avant-garde musician with a passion for noise and experimental art. Ramona is drawn to Tom's authenticity and vulnerability, sensing he could be the missing piece in their band. The three bond over music, shared outsider status, and a mutual desire for something real. The Artibus dream becomes a symbol of hope and escape, but also a source of anxiety as each character quietly questions whether it's truly their path.

Tom's Arrival, Band's Awakening

Tom's addition to the band—now experimenting with synths, effects, and unconventional instruments—ushers in a new era. The trio, soon to be known as Vandalized by Glitter, finds a unique, experimental sound that excites and challenges them. Tom's presence also shifts the group dynamic: Ramona develops a crush on him, complicating her feelings for Sam, while Sam feels both threatened and invigorated by Tom's creative energy. The band becomes a safe space for all three, a place where they can be themselves, push boundaries, and find belonging.

Glitter Bombs and Garage Jams

Tom introduces Ramona to his guerrilla art—glitter bombing neglected city spaces—deepening their bond and inspiring the band's ethos. The trio spends hours in Sam's garage, jamming, experimenting, and recording. Their music becomes a form of activism and self-expression, blending personal struggles with broader social commentary. The garage is both sanctuary and crucible, where friendships are tested, feelings simmer, and the band's identity is forged. Through art and music, they challenge the world's ugliness, finding beauty and meaning in unlikely places.

High School, Enemies, and Ties

Ramona's nemesis, Emmalyn, embodies the petty cruelty of high school, constantly undermining her confidence. Ramona's unconventional style and refusal to conform make her a target, but also a symbol of resilience. Meanwhile, family histories—Ramona's mother's death, Sam's absent father, Tom's outsider status at home—shape their identities and ambitions. The trio's friendship is a lifeline amid the daily indignities and pressures of adolescence, offering solidarity against a world that often misunderstands or dismisses them.

Parental Pressures and Private Doubts

Each character faces parental expectations that conflict with their desires. Ramona's father pushes her toward a classical piano career, Sam's mother and counselor encourage him to pursue music, and Tom's parents expect a practical path. Beneath the surface, doubts fester: Sam questions whether music is truly his calling, Tom feels alienated from traditional ambitions, and Ramona struggles to balance her love for piano and drums. These private uncertainties threaten the group's shared dream, foreshadowing the upheavals to come.

New Sounds, New Feelings

As Vandalized by Glitter's music evolves, so do the members' feelings. Ramona's crush on Tom intensifies, even as her love for Sam lingers. Tom, meanwhile, enjoys Ramona's affection but feels ambivalent about physical intimacy, unsure of his own desires. Sam, quietly in love with Ramona, tries to suppress his feelings for the sake of the band. The trio's creative synergy is matched by emotional turbulence, as unspoken longings and insecurities threaten to disrupt their fragile balance.

Love Triangles and Secret Songs

The love triangle comes to a head as Ramona and Tom begin dating, leaving Sam heartbroken but supportive. Tom's asexuality emerges as a central issue—he loves Ramona but doesn't experience sexual attraction, leading to confusion and self-doubt. Ramona, torn between her feelings for both boys, struggles to reconcile her desires with the reality of their differences. The trio navigates these complexities with honesty and vulnerability, redefining what love and friendship can mean.

Art, Activism, and Identity

The band's art and activism become outlets for their inner turmoil. Tom's public art projects—glitter bombing, subversive posters, and flyers about world hunger—reflect his need to make a difference and assert his identity. Ramona and Sam support and participate, finding purpose in creative rebellion. These projects also serve as metaphors for their own struggles: the desire to be seen, to matter, and to leave a mark on the world. Through art, they confront societal expectations and their own limitations.

Cracks in the Plan

As graduation approaches, the trio's plans unravel. Tom reveals he's not going to college, choosing instead a path of self-education, travel, and art. Sam confesses he never applied to Artibus, opting for a future in chemistry and environmental science. Ramona, devastated, feels abandoned and betrayed—her vision of the three of them at Artibus shattered. The band's future, once so certain, is now in doubt, and each must confront the reality of growing up and growing apart.

Truths Revealed, Hearts Broken

The fallout is painful: Ramona withdraws, grieving the loss of her dream and the changes in her relationships. Tom comes out as asexual, fearing rejection but finding acceptance from Ramona and, eventually, from Sam. Sam finally confesses his love for Ramona, and she admits she loves both boys. Together, they begin to imagine a new kind of relationship—one that defies convention and honors the unique bonds between them. Through honesty and vulnerability, they begin to heal and redefine their connections.

Redefining Love and Friendship

The trio embraces a nontraditional relationship, acknowledging that love can take many forms and that their bond transcends labels. Ramona is with both Sam and Tom, each relationship distinct but equally meaningful. Tom's asexuality is respected, and the group finds a way to balance affection, intimacy, and friendship. Their love becomes a source of strength and inspiration, allowing them to face the uncertainties of the future with hope and solidarity.

Coming Out, Coming Together

Each character has difficult but necessary conversations with their families about their choices and identities. Tom negotiates his unconventional path with his parents, Sam's mother supports his decision to pursue chemistry, and Ramona asserts her desire to study both piano and percussion. These moments of coming out—about sexuality, ambition, and love—are acts of courage and self-definition. The trio's unity is tested but ultimately affirmed, as they choose authenticity over conformity.

Family Talks and Future Paths

The characters navigate the transition to adulthood, balancing independence with the need for connection. Tom's plan to travel and self-educate is met with resistance but eventual compromise. Ramona's pursuit of a dual musical focus is accepted, if reluctantly, by her father. Sam's academic ambitions are supported by his mother. The trio learns that growing up means making hard choices, but also that love and friendship can endure—even as paths diverge.

Senior Showcase, Final Performance

Vandalized by Glitter performs at Tom's senior showcase, sharing their music—and their story—with the world. The performance is both a celebration and a farewell, marking the end of high school and the beginning of new chapters. The band's music, once a private refuge, becomes a public statement of who they are: unapologetically different, fiercely creative, and bound by love. The applause is mixed, but the trio plays for themselves and for anyone who might understand.

Letting Go, Moving Forward

As graduation nears, the characters find closure with old enemies and unresolved issues. Ramona makes peace with Emmalyn, recognizing the shared pain beneath their rivalry. Tom reconnects with his ex, Sara, offering friendship and understanding. Each character lets go of past hurts and embraces the uncertainty of the future, trusting in the strength of their bonds and the lessons they've learned.

Music, Memory, and Meaning

The trio reflects on the journey they've shared—the music, the heartbreak, the growth. They recognize that love is not a zero-sum game, that it can expand to include new people and new forms. Their story is one of resilience, creativity, and the courage to be different. As they prepare to go their separate ways, they carry with them the knowledge that their connection will endure, no matter where life takes them.

This Song Is (Not) For You

In the end, the band's message is clear: their music, their love, their lives are not for the approval of others. They play for themselves, for each other, and for anyone who might need to hear that it's okay to be different, to love unconventionally, to choose your own path. The story closes with hope, humor, and the promise that, whatever happens, they will always have each other—and the music they made together.

Characters

Ramona Andrews

Ramona is the emotional and creative heart of the story—a drummer and pianist who lives for music and friendship. Her relationships with Sam and Tom are the axis around which her world turns. Ramona is bold, quirky, and unapologetically herself, but also deeply vulnerable, especially in matters of love and self-worth. She struggles with the pressure to live up to her late mother's legacy as a pianist, her father's expectations, and her own desire to be both a classical musician and a rock drummer. Ramona's journey is one of self-acceptance, learning that love can be complex and that it's possible to love more than one person at once. Her development is marked by increasing confidence in her identity, her art, and her capacity for unconventional love.

Sam Peterson

Sam is Ramona's best friend, bandmate, and eventual boyfriend. He is introspective, gentle, and often the voice of reason in the group. Sam's love for music is deep, but he quietly questions whether it's his true calling, ultimately choosing to pursue chemistry and environmental science. His relationship with Ramona is marked by unspoken longing and deep respect, while his friendship with Tom is built on mutual admiration and creative synergy. Sam's struggle is to reconcile his desire for stability with his love for Ramona and the band. He learns to accept change, embrace vulnerability, and redefine what it means to love and be loved.

Tom Cogsworthy

Tom is the catalyst for the band's transformation and the story's exploration of identity. An experimental musician and guerrilla artist, Tom is both deeply sensitive and fiercely independent. He struggles with feeling out of place—at home, at school, and in relationships—due to his asexuality and unconventional ambitions. Tom's journey is one of self-discovery and self-acceptance, as he learns to articulate his needs and boundaries, and to trust that he can be loved for who he is. His relationships with Ramona and Sam are transformative, teaching him that friendship and love can be as expansive and unconventional as he needs them to be.

Emmalyn Evans

Emmalyn is Ramona's high school nemesis, embodying the judgment and cruelty of adolescent social hierarchies. Beneath her antagonism lies her own pain and loss, particularly the death of her mother. Emmalyn's role is to challenge Ramona's self-image and force her to confront her own insecurities. Their eventual truce is a testament to the possibility of empathy and growth, even between rivals.

Sara Miller

Sara is Tom's ex, a class president and activist who genuinely wants to make the world better. Her breakup with Tom is a catalyst for his self-exploration, particularly regarding his asexuality. Sara's ability to work within the system contrasts with the trio's outsider status, but her sincerity and kindness make her a valuable friend and a symbol of hope for change.

Ramona's Father

A widowed English teacher, Ramona's father is loving but sometimes struggles to understand his daughter's unconventional ambitions. He wants her to follow in her mother's footsteps as a pianist, but ultimately learns to accept her choices. His relationship with Ramona is marked by mutual respect, occasional conflict, and a shared love of art and literature.

Sam's Mother

Sam's mother is a source of stability and support, even as she cycles through various personal reinventions. She encourages Sam's growth and independence, offering wisdom about change and the importance of continual self-discovery. Her acceptance of Sam's choices and relationships is a model of parental love.

Tom's Parents

Tom's parents struggle to understand his asexuality, artistic ambitions, and desire for an unconventional life. Their journey is one of gradual acceptance, negotiation, and love, even when they don't fully understand their son's choices.

Ally Tabor

Ally is a theater kid and former brief girlfriend of Tom's, who pushes him to participate in the senior showcase. Her role is to encourage Tom to share his art with the world and to embrace his identity, quirks and all.

Nanami

Nanami is the band's only online fan, a symbol of the power of art to connect people across distances. Her unwavering support gives the band confidence and a sense of purpose beyond their immediate circle.

Plot Devices

Multiple Perspectives and Rotating Narration

The novel alternates between Ramona, Sam, and Tom's perspectives, allowing readers to experience events, emotions, and misunderstandings from each character's unique vantage point. This structure creates dramatic irony, empathy, and a nuanced understanding of the love triangle and the characters' internal struggles. The rotating narration also mirrors the band's collaborative process, emphasizing the importance of each voice in the group's harmony.

Music as Metaphor and Motif

Music is both the literal and metaphorical heart of the story. The band's evolution parallels the characters' emotional journeys, with new sounds and songs marking turning points in their relationships. The act of making music together becomes a metaphor for communication, vulnerability, and the messy, beautiful process of growing up. Songs, instruments, and performances are used to symbolize connection, change, and self-expression.

Art and Activism as Self-Assertion

Tom's guerrilla art projects—glitter bombing, subversive posters, and world hunger flyers—serve as both plot devices and symbols of the characters' desire to make a difference and be seen. These acts of creative rebellion challenge societal expectations, assert the trio's identity, and provide catharsis for personal struggles. Art becomes a way to process pain, claim space, and connect with others.

Love Triangle and Polyamory

The central love triangle—Ramona, Sam, and Tom—evolves into a polyamorous relationship, challenging traditional narratives about love, jealousy, and exclusivity. The story explores asexuality, bisexuality, and the possibility of loving more than one person at once. This plot device allows for deep exploration of boundaries, communication, and the redefinition of friendship and romance.

Coming-of-Age and Self-Discovery

The novel is structured around the characters' final year of high school, using milestones—auditions, performances, graduation—as markers of growth and change. Each character must confront their fears, desires, and the expectations of others, ultimately choosing authenticity over conformity. The coming-of-age arc is both personal and collective, as the trio learns to navigate independence, interdependence, and the uncertainty of the future.

Analysis

This Song Is (Not) For You is a vibrant, emotionally honest exploration of what it means to grow up different in a world that prizes conformity. Through the intertwined stories of Ramona, Sam, and Tom, Laura Nowlin challenges readers to rethink the boundaries of love, friendship, and identity. The novel's polyamorous resolution, respectful depiction of asexuality, and embrace of nontraditional paths offer a refreshing alternative to typical coming-of-age romances. Music and art are not just hobbies but lifelines—ways to process pain, assert individuality, and connect with others. The story's message is clear: you don't have to fit into anyone else's mold to be worthy of love, and the most meaningful art (and life) is made not for the approval of others, but for yourself and those who truly understand you. In a world obsessed with labels and categories, this novel is a joyful, messy, and deeply compassionate argument for living—and loving—on your own terms.

Last updated: April 30, 2025