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This Song Is (Not) For You

This Song Is (Not) For You

by Laura Nowlin 2016 256 pages
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Plot Summary

First Notes, First Friendships

Ramona and Sam's instant connection sparks

Ramona and Sam meet as freshmen at Saint Joseph's Prep, instantly sensing a deep, fated connection. Their friendship is immediate and intense, built on a shared love of music and mutual outsider status in a school full of privileged, superficial classmates. Within days, they form a band—April and the Rain—cementing their bond through creative collaboration. Ramona, the drummer, quickly realizes her feelings for Sam go beyond friendship, but she buries them to protect the band and their closeness. Their world is small but meaningful, revolving around music, inside jokes, and dreams of escaping to Artibus College, a haven for artists and musicians. The foundation of their relationship is set: a blend of creative partnership, unspoken longing, and the comfort of being truly seen by another.

Artibus Dreams and Dilemmas

Auditions, ambitions, and new encounters

As senior year approaches, Ramona and Sam prepare for their Artibus College auditions, seeing it as their ticket out of high school's stifling environment. On audition day, they meet Tom, a moody, avant-garde musician with a passion for noise and experimental art. Ramona is drawn to Tom's authenticity and vulnerability, sensing he could be the missing piece in their band. The three bond over music, shared outsider status, and a mutual desire for something real. The Artibus dream becomes a symbol of hope and escape, but also a source of anxiety as each character quietly questions whether it's truly their path.

Tom's Arrival, Band's Awakening

Tom joins, transforming the band's sound

Tom's addition to the band—now experimenting with synths, effects, and unconventional instruments—ushers in a new era. The trio, soon to be known as Vandalized by Glitter, finds a unique, experimental sound that excites and challenges them. Tom's presence also shifts the group dynamic: Ramona develops a crush on him, complicating her feelings for Sam, while Sam feels both threatened and invigorated by Tom's creative energy. The band becomes a safe space for all three, a place where they can be themselves, push boundaries, and find belonging.

Glitter Bombs and Garage Jams

Artistic rebellion and creative synergy

Tom introduces Ramona to his guerrilla art—glitter bombing neglected city spaces—deepening their bond and inspiring the band's ethos. The trio spends hours in Sam's garage, jamming, experimenting, and recording. Their music becomes a form of activism and self-expression, blending personal struggles with broader social commentary. The garage is both sanctuary and crucible, where friendships are tested, feelings simmer, and the band's identity is forged. Through art and music, they challenge the world's ugliness, finding beauty and meaning in unlikely places.

High School, Enemies, and Ties

Navigating social hierarchies and personal histories

Ramona's nemesis, Emmalyn, embodies the petty cruelty of high school, constantly undermining her confidence. Ramona's unconventional style and refusal to conform make her a target, but also a symbol of resilience. Meanwhile, family histories—Ramona's mother's death, Sam's absent father, Tom's outsider status at home—shape their identities and ambitions. The trio's friendship is a lifeline amid the daily indignities and pressures of adolescence, offering solidarity against a world that often misunderstands or dismisses them.

Parental Pressures and Private Doubts

Expectations clash with personal truths

Each character faces parental expectations that conflict with their desires. Ramona's father pushes her toward a classical piano career, Sam's mother and counselor encourage him to pursue music, and Tom's parents expect a practical path. Beneath the surface, doubts fester: Sam questions whether music is truly his calling, Tom feels alienated from traditional ambitions, and Ramona struggles to balance her love for piano and drums. These private uncertainties threaten the group's shared dream, foreshadowing the upheavals to come.

New Sounds, New Feelings

Band chemistry and romantic confusion

As Vandalized by Glitter's music evolves, so do the members' feelings. Ramona's crush on Tom intensifies, even as her love for Sam lingers. Tom, meanwhile, enjoys Ramona's affection but feels ambivalent about physical intimacy, unsure of his own desires. Sam, quietly in love with Ramona, tries to suppress his feelings for the sake of the band. The trio's creative synergy is matched by emotional turbulence, as unspoken longings and insecurities threaten to disrupt their fragile balance.

Love Triangles and Secret Songs

Confessions, complications, and self-discovery

The love triangle comes to a head as Ramona and Tom begin dating, leaving Sam heartbroken but supportive. Tom's asexuality emerges as a central issue—he loves Ramona but doesn't experience sexual attraction, leading to confusion and self-doubt. Ramona, torn between her feelings for both boys, struggles to reconcile her desires with the reality of their differences. The trio navigates these complexities with honesty and vulnerability, redefining what love and friendship can mean.

Art, Activism, and Identity

Creative projects and personal revelations

The band's art and activism become outlets for their inner turmoil. Tom's public art projects—glitter bombing, subversive posters, and flyers about world hunger—reflect his need to make a difference and assert his identity. Ramona and Sam support and participate, finding purpose in creative rebellion. These projects also serve as metaphors for their own struggles: the desire to be seen, to matter, and to leave a mark on the world. Through art, they confront societal expectations and their own limitations.

Cracks in the Plan

Dreams diverge, futures uncertain

As graduation approaches, the trio's plans unravel. Tom reveals he's not going to college, choosing instead a path of self-education, travel, and art. Sam confesses he never applied to Artibus, opting for a future in chemistry and environmental science. Ramona, devastated, feels abandoned and betrayed—her vision of the three of them at Artibus shattered. The band's future, once so certain, is now in doubt, and each must confront the reality of growing up and growing apart.

Truths Revealed, Hearts Broken

Honesty, heartbreak, and acceptance

The fallout is painful: Ramona withdraws, grieving the loss of her dream and the changes in her relationships. Tom comes out as asexual, fearing rejection but finding acceptance from Ramona and, eventually, from Sam. Sam finally confesses his love for Ramona, and she admits she loves both boys. Together, they begin to imagine a new kind of relationship—one that defies convention and honors the unique bonds between them. Through honesty and vulnerability, they begin to heal and redefine their connections.

Redefining Love and Friendship

Polyamory, acceptance, and new beginnings

The trio embraces a nontraditional relationship, acknowledging that love can take many forms and that their bond transcends labels. Ramona is with both Sam and Tom, each relationship distinct but equally meaningful. Tom's asexuality is respected, and the group finds a way to balance affection, intimacy, and friendship. Their love becomes a source of strength and inspiration, allowing them to face the uncertainties of the future with hope and solidarity.

Coming Out, Coming Together

Family conversations and self-assertion

Each character has difficult but necessary conversations with their families about their choices and identities. Tom negotiates his unconventional path with his parents, Sam's mother supports his decision to pursue chemistry, and Ramona asserts her desire to study both piano and percussion. These moments of coming out—about sexuality, ambition, and love—are acts of courage and self-definition. The trio's unity is tested but ultimately affirmed, as they choose authenticity over conformity.

Family Talks and Future Paths

Negotiating independence and interdependence

The characters navigate the transition to adulthood, balancing independence with the need for connection. Tom's plan to travel and self-educate is met with resistance but eventual compromise. Ramona's pursuit of a dual musical focus is accepted, if reluctantly, by her father. Sam's academic ambitions are supported by his mother. The trio learns that growing up means making hard choices, but also that love and friendship can endure—even as paths diverge.

Senior Showcase, Final Performance

A public declaration of identity

Vandalized by Glitter performs at Tom's senior showcase, sharing their music—and their story—with the world. The performance is both a celebration and a farewell, marking the end of high school and the beginning of new chapters. The band's music, once a private refuge, becomes a public statement of who they are: unapologetically different, fiercely creative, and bound by love. The applause is mixed, but the trio plays for themselves and for anyone who might understand.

Letting Go, Moving Forward

Closure, forgiveness, and hope

As graduation nears, the characters find closure with old enemies and unresolved issues. Ramona makes peace with Emmalyn, recognizing the shared pain beneath their rivalry. Tom reconnects with his ex, Sara, offering friendship and understanding. Each character lets go of past hurts and embraces the uncertainty of the future, trusting in the strength of their bonds and the lessons they've learned.

Music, Memory, and Meaning

Reflecting on love, loss, and legacy

The trio reflects on the journey they've shared—the music, the heartbreak, the growth. They recognize that love is not a zero-sum game, that it can expand to include new people and new forms. Their story is one of resilience, creativity, and the courage to be different. As they prepare to go their separate ways, they carry with them the knowledge that their connection will endure, no matter where life takes them.

This Song Is (Not) For You

A final affirmation of self and friendship

In the end, the band's message is clear: their music, their love, their lives are not for the approval of others. They play for themselves, for each other, and for anyone who might need to hear that it's okay to be different, to love unconventionally, to choose your own path. The story closes with hope, humor, and the promise that, whatever happens, they will always have each other—and the music they made together.

Characters

Ramona Andrews

Creative, passionate, and fiercely loyal

Ramona is the emotional and creative heart of the story—a drummer and pianist who lives for music and friendship. Her relationships with Sam and Tom are the axis around which her world turns. Ramona is bold, quirky, and unapologetically herself, but also deeply vulnerable, especially in matters of love and self-worth. She struggles with the pressure to live up to her late mother's legacy as a pianist, her father's expectations, and her own desire to be both a classical musician and a rock drummer. Ramona's journey is one of self-acceptance, learning that love can be complex and that it's possible to love more than one person at once. Her development is marked by increasing confidence in her identity, her art, and her capacity for unconventional love.

Sam Peterson

Quiet, thoughtful, and searching for purpose

Sam is Ramona's best friend, bandmate, and eventual boyfriend. He is introspective, gentle, and often the voice of reason in the group. Sam's love for music is deep, but he quietly questions whether it's his true calling, ultimately choosing to pursue chemistry and environmental science. His relationship with Ramona is marked by unspoken longing and deep respect, while his friendship with Tom is built on mutual admiration and creative synergy. Sam's struggle is to reconcile his desire for stability with his love for Ramona and the band. He learns to accept change, embrace vulnerability, and redefine what it means to love and be loved.

Tom Cogsworthy

Innovative, idealistic, and asexual outsider

Tom is the catalyst for the band's transformation and the story's exploration of identity. An experimental musician and guerrilla artist, Tom is both deeply sensitive and fiercely independent. He struggles with feeling out of place—at home, at school, and in relationships—due to his asexuality and unconventional ambitions. Tom's journey is one of self-discovery and self-acceptance, as he learns to articulate his needs and boundaries, and to trust that he can be loved for who he is. His relationships with Ramona and Sam are transformative, teaching him that friendship and love can be as expansive and unconventional as he needs them to be.

Emmalyn Evans

Antagonist, mirror, and misunderstood rival

Emmalyn is Ramona's high school nemesis, embodying the judgment and cruelty of adolescent social hierarchies. Beneath her antagonism lies her own pain and loss, particularly the death of her mother. Emmalyn's role is to challenge Ramona's self-image and force her to confront her own insecurities. Their eventual truce is a testament to the possibility of empathy and growth, even between rivals.

Sara Miller

Compassionate, driven, and Tom's ex-girlfriend

Sara is Tom's ex, a class president and activist who genuinely wants to make the world better. Her breakup with Tom is a catalyst for his self-exploration, particularly regarding his asexuality. Sara's ability to work within the system contrasts with the trio's outsider status, but her sincerity and kindness make her a valuable friend and a symbol of hope for change.

Ramona's Father

Supportive, intellectual, and tradition-bound

A widowed English teacher, Ramona's father is loving but sometimes struggles to understand his daughter's unconventional ambitions. He wants her to follow in her mother's footsteps as a pianist, but ultimately learns to accept her choices. His relationship with Ramona is marked by mutual respect, occasional conflict, and a shared love of art and literature.

Sam's Mother

Evolving, open-minded, and nurturing

Sam's mother is a source of stability and support, even as she cycles through various personal reinventions. She encourages Sam's growth and independence, offering wisdom about change and the importance of continual self-discovery. Her acceptance of Sam's choices and relationships is a model of parental love.

Tom's Parents

Well-meaning, conventional, and challenged by difference

Tom's parents struggle to understand his asexuality, artistic ambitions, and desire for an unconventional life. Their journey is one of gradual acceptance, negotiation, and love, even when they don't fully understand their son's choices.

Ally Tabor

Persistent, dramatic, and supportive friend

Ally is a theater kid and former brief girlfriend of Tom's, who pushes him to participate in the senior showcase. Her role is to encourage Tom to share his art with the world and to embrace his identity, quirks and all.

Nanami

Distant, loyal, and symbolic fan

Nanami is the band's only online fan, a symbol of the power of art to connect people across distances. Her unwavering support gives the band confidence and a sense of purpose beyond their immediate circle.

Plot Devices

Multiple Perspectives and Rotating Narration

Shifting viewpoints deepen emotional resonance

The novel alternates between Ramona, Sam, and Tom's perspectives, allowing readers to experience events, emotions, and misunderstandings from each character's unique vantage point. This structure creates dramatic irony, empathy, and a nuanced understanding of the love triangle and the characters' internal struggles. The rotating narration also mirrors the band's collaborative process, emphasizing the importance of each voice in the group's harmony.

Music as Metaphor and Motif

Artistic creation reflects personal growth

Music is both the literal and metaphorical heart of the story. The band's evolution parallels the characters' emotional journeys, with new sounds and songs marking turning points in their relationships. The act of making music together becomes a metaphor for communication, vulnerability, and the messy, beautiful process of growing up. Songs, instruments, and performances are used to symbolize connection, change, and self-expression.

Art and Activism as Self-Assertion

Creative rebellion challenges norms and asserts identity

Tom's guerrilla art projects—glitter bombing, subversive posters, and world hunger flyers—serve as both plot devices and symbols of the characters' desire to make a difference and be seen. These acts of creative rebellion challenge societal expectations, assert the trio's identity, and provide catharsis for personal struggles. Art becomes a way to process pain, claim space, and connect with others.

Love Triangle and Polyamory

Romantic complexity drives character development

The central love triangleRamona, Sam, and Tom—evolves into a polyamorous relationship, challenging traditional narratives about love, jealousy, and exclusivity. The story explores asexuality, bisexuality, and the possibility of loving more than one person at once. This plot device allows for deep exploration of boundaries, communication, and the redefinition of friendship and romance.

Coming-of-Age and Self-Discovery

Transition to adulthood as central arc

The novel is structured around the characters' final year of high school, using milestones—auditions, performances, graduation—as markers of growth and change. Each character must confront their fears, desires, and the expectations of others, ultimately choosing authenticity over conformity. The coming-of-age arc is both personal and collective, as the trio learns to navigate independence, interdependence, and the uncertainty of the future.

Analysis

A celebration of unconventional love, creative rebellion, and the courage to be yourself

This Song Is (Not) For You is a vibrant, emotionally honest exploration of what it means to grow up different in a world that prizes conformity. Through the intertwined stories of Ramona, Sam, and Tom, Laura Nowlin challenges readers to rethink the boundaries of love, friendship, and identity. The novel's polyamorous resolution, respectful depiction of asexuality, and embrace of nontraditional paths offer a refreshing alternative to typical coming-of-age romances. Music and art are not just hobbies but lifelines—ways to process pain, assert individuality, and connect with others. The story's message is clear: you don't have to fit into anyone else's mold to be worthy of love, and the most meaningful art (and life) is made not for the approval of others, but for yourself and those who truly understand you. In a world obsessed with labels and categories, this novel is a joyful, messy, and deeply compassionate argument for living—and loving—on your own terms.

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FAQ

Synopsis & Basic Details

What is This Song Is (Not) For You about?

  • High school outsiders find connection: The novel follows Ramona, Sam, and Tom, three musically inclined teenagers navigating the superficial world of Saint Joseph's Prep, who form an experimental noise rock band called Vandalized by Glitter.
  • Music as a shared language: Their bond deepens through collaborative music creation and unconventional art projects, providing a sanctuary from adolescent pressures and family expectations.
  • Exploring identity and relationships: The story delves into their individual struggles with ambition, family history, and self-discovery, culminating in complex emotional dynamics that challenge traditional ideas of love and friendship.

Why should I read This Song Is (Not) For You?

  • Unique relationship dynamics: It offers a refreshing perspective on love and friendship, moving beyond conventional romance to explore polyamory and asexuality with honesty and depth.
  • Authentic artistic expression: The book vividly portrays the creative process and the power of music and art as tools for self-discovery, rebellion, and connection.
  • Relatable coming-of-age struggles: Readers will connect with the characters' anxieties about the future, parental expectations, and the search for belonging in a world that often feels alienating.

What is the background of This Song Is (Not) For You?

  • Focus on adolescent experience: The story is set during the characters' senior year of high school, capturing the specific pressures and uncertainties of this transitional period, including college applications and defining future paths.
  • Exploration of St. Louis setting: While not overtly geographical, the narrative references specific locations like Artibus College (an hour outside St. Louis), downtown St. Louis, Soulard, and the Mississippi River, grounding the characters' experiences in a real urban landscape.
  • Cultural context of music and art: The book is steeped in references to diverse music genres (riot grrrl, Nirvana, prog rock, noise, classical, jazz, pop) and artistic expression (glitter bombing, public art, performance), reflecting a counter-cultural sensibility against a backdrop of privilege.

What are the most memorable quotes in This Song Is (Not) For You?

  • "Have you ever met someone and you could feel that they were going to be important to you?": This opening line, repeated later by Ramona, establishes the theme of fated connection and the profound impact certain people have on our lives, highlighting the instant recognition she felt with both Sam and Tom.
  • "I think that as long as you can still see the machine, then you stand a chance of outrunning it.": Sam's response to Ramona's fear of conforming encapsulates their shared desire to resist societal pressures and maintain their individuality, a core theme of the book's coming-of-age narrative.
  • "This song is not for you. We aren't playing it for you. We're playing it for ourselves and anybody out there who might like it.": Tom's declaration at the senior showcase defines the band's ethos and the book's central message about creating art and living life authentically, independent of external validation.

What writing style, narrative choices, and literary techniques does Laura Nowlin use?

  • Multiple Perspectives and Rotating Narration: The story shifts perspectives between Ramona, Sam, and Tom, offering intimate access to their thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of shared events, which builds empathy and reveals the complexities of their relationships.
  • Conversational and Reflective Tone: The narrative voice often feels like a character speaking directly to the reader, sharing personal insights and philosophical musings on life, love, and art, creating a sense of immediacy and vulnerability.
  • Symbolism and Metaphor: Nowlin employs recurring symbols like music, glitter, specific locations (the garage, the warehouse), and even mundane objects (Ramona's drum kit Griselda, Tom's car, the metronome) to represent deeper themes of identity, connection, and transformation.

Hidden Details & Subtle Connections

What are some minor details that add significant meaning?

  • Ramona's Dyslexia History: The brief but poignant flashback to Ramona's childhood struggle with reading music and text, and her mother's reaction, reveals a hidden vulnerability and the deep roots of her dedication to music, connecting her past struggles with her present ambitions and fears of not being "good enough."
  • Tom's Car as a Mobile Art Piece: Tom's glitter-covered car, "Glitter in Odd Places," is more than just a quirky detail; it's a constant, visible manifestation of his artistic philosophy and desire to challenge conventional perceptions, serving as a backdrop for significant conversations and a symbol of his unapologetic self-expression.
  • The Significance of Food and Shared Meals: Small details like Ramona and Sam's "greasy diner" tradition, Sam's mom's experimental cooking phases (ginger-glazed edamame, Baked Alaska), and Tom's family dinner ritual highlight the domestic and nurturing aspects of their lives, contrasting with their public artistic rebellion and providing moments of quiet connection or tension.

What are some subtle foreshadowing and callbacks?

  • Ramona's "Feeling" Connections: From the very first chapter, Ramona emphasizes her intuitive sense of connection ("felt each other's names," "I can tell" Tom is good), subtly foreshadowing her later acceptance of loving both Sam and Tom, suggesting her capacity for unconventional emotional bonds is innate.
  • Tom's Asexuality Hints: Tom's discomfort with physical intimacy is hinted at early through his past relationship with Sara, where he "didn't think I would like her at all" initially and found kissing "a little boring," subtly preparing the reader for his later revelation about his asexuality.
  • The Recurring "Machine" Metaphor: Ramona's fear of being caught by "the machine" (societal pressure to conform) is introduced early and echoed throughout, serving as a callback whenever characters face pressure to pursue conventional paths (Artibus, careers, relationships), reinforcing the theme of resisting conformity.

What are some unexpected character connections?

  • Tom's Past with Sara Miller: Tom's detailed recounting of his relationship and breakup with Sara, a seemingly minor character from Saint Joe's, provides crucial backstory for his understanding of his asexuality and his fear of abandonment, revealing a depth to his past beyond his artistic persona.
  • Ramona's Truce with Emmalyn Evans: The unexpected moment of vulnerability and shared grief over their mothers' deaths between Ramona and her nemesis Emmalyn, followed by Ramona's gesture of giving her a rose, shows a capacity for empathy and forgiveness that transcends their high school rivalry, adding a layer of complexity to their dynamic.
  • Sam's Relationship with His Father: Sam's reflections on his distant, financially supportive father who "didn't know what to do with his son" reveal a source of quiet pain and a pattern of emotional unavailability that Sam actively seeks to avoid replicating, subtly influencing his desire for deep, honest connections with Ramona and Tom.

Who are the most significant supporting characters?

  • Ramona's Father: He represents the pressure of legacy and traditional success (classical piano, Ivy League), but also provides unwavering love and support, even when he doesn't fully understand Ramona's choices, highlighting the complexities of parental relationships.
  • Sam's Mother: Her evolving interests and open-mindedness provide a contrast to Sam's father and a model of continuous growth and acceptance, offering Sam emotional support and wisdom about navigating life's uncertainties.
  • Tom's Parents: While initially resistant to his unconventional path and asexuality, their struggle to understand and eventual negotiation with Tom demonstrate the challenges and possibilities of parental acceptance when faced with a child who defies expectations.

Psychological, Emotional, & Relational Analysis

What are some unspoken motivations of the characters?

  • Ramona's Need for Validation: Beyond her passion for music, Ramona is subtly motivated by a deep-seated need to prove her worth, stemming from her childhood struggles with dyslexia and her mother's legacy, driving her intense dedication to both piano and drums.
  • Sam's Fear of Disappointment: Sam's hesitation to reveal his changing ambitions (not wanting Artibus, choosing chemistry) is driven by a fear of disappointing Ramona, whose dreams are so intertwined with his, highlighting his deep loyalty and conflict between his own path and her expectations.
  • Tom's Desire for Acceptance: Tom's pursuit of unconventional art and relationships is fueled by a profound desire to be seen and accepted for his true self, including his asexuality, making his fear of abandonment a powerful underlying motivation in his interactions with Ramona and Sam.

What psychological complexities do the characters exhibit?

  • Ramona's Dual Identity: Ramona grapples with integrating her identity as a classical pianist (tied to her mother's legacy and father's expectations) with her identity as a rock drummer, reflecting a common adolescent struggle to reconcile different aspects of the self and forge a unique path.
  • Sam's Quiet Introspection vs. External Action: Sam's internal world is rich with observation and deep feeling (his love for Ramona, his thoughts on his father), but his struggle to articulate these feelings or take decisive action (like confessing his love or revealing his college plans) showcases a common psychological barrier between thought and expression.
  • Tom's Asexuality and Social Alienation: Tom's asexuality is presented not as a flaw but as a fundamental aspect of his identity that contributes to his feeling of being an outsider, highlighting the psychological impact of navigating a hypersexualized world when one doesn't experience sexual attraction.

What are the major emotional turning points?

  • Tom Joining the Band: This event is a major turning point, shifting the dynamic from a duo to a trio, introducing new creative energy, and immediately complicating the existing emotional landscape by introducing Tom as a potential romantic interest for Ramona.
  • The Artibus/College Revelations: Sam and Tom revealing their divergent future plans shatters Ramona's long-held vision for their shared future, triggering a crisis of identity and security that forces all three to confront the reality of growing up and potentially growing apart.
  • The Confessions of Love and Asexuality: The series of honest conversations where Sam confesses his love for Ramona, Ramona admits she loves both Sam and Tom, and Tom reveals his asexuality marks a pivotal shift towards radical honesty and the exploration of a non-traditional relationship structure.

How do relationship dynamics evolve?

  • From Duo to Trio: The initial intense, almost fated two-person bond between Ramona and Sam expands to include Tom, changing the creative process and introducing romantic complexity, moving from a simple friendship/crush dynamic to a more intricate group interaction.
  • Navigating Romantic and Platonic Love: The relationships evolve from a potential love triangle into a polyamorous structure, where the characters learn to differentiate and value both romantic love (Ramona/Sam, Ramona/Tom) and deep platonic love (Sam/Tom, Ramona/Sam, Ramona/Tom) simultaneously.
  • Embracing Honesty and Vulnerability: The characters' journey is marked by a progression towards greater emotional honesty, moving from unspoken feelings and fears (Sam's love, Tom's asexuality, Ramona's doubts) to open communication, which allows their relationships to deepen and adapt to their changing needs and identities.

Interpretation & Debate

Which parts of the story remain ambiguous or open-ended?

  • The Long-Term Future of the Trio's Relationship: While the book ends with the characters embracing their polyamorous structure and planning to stay connected, the practicalities of maintaining this bond as they pursue different paths (Artibus, chemistry, travel/self-education) are left open to interpretation.
  • The Impact of Tom's Asexuality on Physical Intimacy: The narrative acknowledges Tom's asexuality and Ramona's acceptance, but the specific nature of their physical relationship going forward, beyond hand-holding and kissing, is left somewhat ambiguous, allowing readers to imagine their own possibilities.
  • The Band's Future Success: Vandalized by Glitter has its first public performance, but its future as a band, especially with members potentially living in different cities or traveling, is uncertain, leaving the potential for their musical collaboration open-ended.

What are some debatable, controversial scenes or moments in This Song Is (Not) For You?

  • The Polyamorous Relationship: The central relationship structure, where Ramona is romantically involved with both Sam and Tom, is inherently debatable and challenges traditional monogamous norms, prompting readers to consider different models of love and connection.
  • Tom's Asexuality and Ramona's Acceptance: Tom's revelation of his asexuality and Ramona's decision to stay in a relationship with him despite her desire for sexual intimacy could be debated, raising questions about compatibility, compromise, and the definition of a fulfilling romantic partnership.
  • Tom's Public Art Projects: Tom's "glitter bombing" and "Lost Child" flyer projects, while framed as artistic activism, could be debated in terms of their effectiveness, legality, and potential ethical implications (e.g., the goldfish incident), prompting discussion about the boundaries of art and activism.

This Song Is (Not) For You Ending Explained: How It Ends & What It Means

  • Embracing Unconventional Love: The ending sees Ramona, Sam, and Tom solidify their unique relationship structure, where Ramona is romantically involved with both Sam and Tom, and all three share a deep platonic bond. This signifies their acceptance that love doesn't have to fit traditional molds and can be expansive and inclusive.
  • Divergent Paths, Enduring Connection: Despite Sam choosing chemistry at SLU, Tom opting for travel and self-education, and Ramona pursuing music (piano and percussion) at Artibus, they commit to staying connected. Their final performance as Vandalized by Glitter symbolizes their shared history and the lasting impact they've had on each other, proving their bond transcends physical proximity or conventional life plans.
  • Authenticity Over Conformity: The senior showcase performance, particularly Tom's defiant speech, encapsulates the book's core message: living and creating authentically, for oneself and those who understand, is more valuable than seeking external validation. The ending is a celebration of self-acceptance, courage, and the power of chosen family and unconventional love in navigating the uncertainties of adulthood.

Review Summary

2.59 out of 5
Average of 4.0K ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

This Song Is (Not) For You received mixed reviews, with an average rating of 2.61 out of 5. Some readers appreciated the exploration of asexuality and non-traditional relationships, while others found the writing style and character development lacking. The book's portrayal of music and unconventional love resonated with some, but others felt the plot was weak and the characters unrealistic. Several reviewers praised the unique approach to the love triangle trope, while some struggled to connect with the story and its characters.

Your rating:
3.37
45 ratings

About the Author

Laura Nowlin is an author with a B.A. in English, focusing on Creative Writing from Missouri State University. She combines her passion for writing with her love of reading, believing that books offer the opportunity to experience multiple lives within one lifetime. Nowlin works at a public library, drawing inspiration from patrons for her writing. She resides in St. Louis with her husband, who is a musician, along with their pets. Nowlin's approach to writing is ambitious, and she dedicates time at home to crafting her novels while balancing her work at the library.

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