Key Takeaways
1. Reality is the bedrock of success in business and life
Reality is neither the way you wish things to be nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are. Either you acknowledge reality and use it to your benefit, or it will automatically work against you.
Embrace reality. Successful people understand and accept the world as it is, not as they wish it to be. This allows them to make informed decisions and take effective actions. Many individuals struggle because they cling to idealistic beliefs about how the world works, refusing to acknowledge reality even in the face of repeated failures.
Avoid self-delusion. Self-delusion leads to failure and misery. While truth can be painful, it is always preferable to falsehood. By accepting reality, you can:
- Make better decisions
- Avoid repeating mistakes
- Adapt to changing circumstances
- Identify and seize opportunities
Practical application: Regularly assess your beliefs and assumptions against real-world evidence. Be willing to change your views when faced with contradictory facts. Seek out diverse perspectives and constructive criticism to challenge your preconceptions.
2. Positive attitude and hard work alone don't guarantee success
The overriding message in many motivation and how-to books is that if a person just maintains a positive mental attitude and works long, hard hours, he ultimately will succeed. A nice thought, to be sure, but one that borders more on mysticism than reality.
Redefine positive attitude. A true positive mental attitude stems from being prepared and understanding the realities of success. It's not about forcing positivity or reciting affirmations, but about:
- Being good at what you do
- Understanding what it takes to succeed
- Having self-discipline to act on that knowledge
Work smart, not just hard. Long hours alone don't guarantee success. Focus on:
- Efficiency and productivity
- Strategic thinking and planning
- Continuous learning and skill development
The Uncle George Theory: Working long, hard hours only guarantees one thing: getting old. Success requires a combination of:
- Preparation
- Strategy
- Timing
- Opportunity recognition
- Effective execution
3. There are only three types of people in the business world
There are only three types of people in the business world (with the one exception noted above), as follows: Type Number One, Type Number Two, and Type Number Three.
Understanding the three types:
- Type Number One: Openly declares their intention to get your chips and follows through.
- Type Number Two: Assures you they won't take your chips, then does so anyway.
- Type Number Three: Sincerely means not to take your chips but ends up doing so due to circumstances.
Implications for business dealings:
- Always assume people will try to grab your chips, regardless of their intentions
- Develop strategies to protect your interests with all three types
- Type Ones are easiest to deal with due to their honesty
- Be most wary of Type Twos, as they are deliberately deceptive
Practical application: When entering business relationships, focus on:
- Clear, written agreements
- Building in safeguards and contingencies
- Maintaining a healthy skepticism
- Judging actions rather than words or intentions
4. Image and legal power are crucial for a strong posture
It's not what you say or do that counts, but what your posture is when you say or do it.
Develop a strong posture. Your posture, or perceived power and authority, greatly influences how others treat you in business dealings. Key elements of a strong posture include:
- Projecting confidence and expertise
- Having legal protections in place
- Demonstrating performance power (getting results)
Image power tactics:
- Use impressive marketing materials (e.g., the author's Earth brochure)
- Travel by private jet or other high-status means
- Speak and act with authority and certainty
Legal power essentials:
- Proper licensing in relevant jurisdictions
- Signed commission agreements
- Use of certified mail for all important communications
Performance power: Consistently deliver results and build a reputation for excellence in your field. This backs up your image with substance and makes it harder for others to dismiss or intimidate you.
5. The five steps of selling, with emphasis on getting paid
Closing deals is so much trash, If you, my friend, don't get no cash.
The five steps of selling:
- Having a product that others value
- Locating a market for your product
- Implementing a sales presentation/marketing strategy
- Closing the sale
- GETTING PAID
Focus on the fifth step. Many salespeople and entrepreneurs neglect the crucial final step of actually receiving payment. Strategies for ensuring payment:
- Clear, written agreements specifying payment terms
- Building relationships with all parties involved
- Being prepared to walk away if payment is not assured
- Having legal representation at closings
Avoid premature celebration. Don't consider a deal done until the money is in your account. Be vigilant about protecting your right to payment throughout the entire sales process.
6. Overcoming the Attorney Goal Line Defense
Legalman would immediately begin to implement the "he-we-I" evolution strategy.
Understand Legalman's tactics. Attorneys often try to kill deals at the last minute, using various strategies:
- The "he-we-I" evolution: Taking control of the deal from the client
- Raising numerous "problems" that need solving
- Delaying tactics to give time for deals to fall apart
Counterstrategies:
- Maintain a calm, matter-of-fact attitude
- Reframe "problems" as normal "points" to be handled
- Take initiative in solving issues quickly
- Use your own attorney to invoke the Universal Attorney-to-Attorney Respect Rule
- Create a sense of urgency to counteract delays
Preparation is key. Anticipate common legal objections and have solutions ready. Be willing to walk away if the attorney's demands become unreasonable, as this can often bring the other party back to the table.
7. Persistence and preparation are key to closing deals
The secret to bluffing is to not bluff.
The power of persistence. Many deals succeed only after multiple attempts and overcoming numerous obstacles. Key aspects of effective persistence:
- Continually follow up and keep communication lines open
- Be willing to adjust strategies and offers as needed
- Don't give up at the first sign of resistance
Thorough preparation. Success often comes down to being more prepared than others:
- Gather extensive information about properties and parties involved
- Anticipate potential objections and have counter-arguments ready
- Have all necessary documents and resources at hand
The Bluff Theory: Only make threats or ultimatums you're prepared to follow through on. This builds credibility and respect, making others take you seriously in future negotiations.
8. Don't let flattery or friendship cloud your judgment
There is no greater feeling of brotherhood than giving hope to a threesome of alcoholics.
Maintain professional distance. While building rapport is important, don't let personal relationships interfere with business judgment:
- Be wary of excessive praise or flattery
- Don't assume friendship equates to fair treatment in business
- Keep emotions separate from business decisions
Trust but verify. Even when dealing with seemingly friendly parties:
- Get all agreements in writing
- Maintain your legal protections
- Be prepared for potential betrayal
Learn from mistakes. The author recounts personal experiences where he let his guard down due to flattery or perceived friendship, resulting in significant losses. Use these lessons to stay vigilant in your own dealings.
9. Time is the enemy when closing deals
The longer you fiddle around with a deal, the greater the odds that it will never close.
The Fiddle Theory. Time works against deal completion for several reasons:
- Circumstances can change unexpectedly
- Other opportunities may arise for either party
- Momentum and enthusiasm can wane
- New obstacles or objections may surface
Strategies for swift deal closure:
- Create a sense of urgency
- Address objections and issues quickly
- Be prepared to make decisions and commitments
- Use time limits and deadlines strategically
Take responsibility for progress. Don't rely on others to move the deal forward. Be proactive in:
- Gathering necessary information
- Scheduling meetings and follow-ups
- Solving problems as they arise
- Pushing for clear decisions and next steps
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FAQ
What is "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer about?
- Defending Against Intimidation: The book is a guide to defending yourself against intimidating people, especially in business, rather than a manual for intimidating others.
- Businessworld Jungle Metaphor: Ringer uses the metaphor of the "Businessworld Jungle" to describe the harsh realities and predatory behaviors encountered in professional life.
- Autobiographical Lessons: The author shares autobiographical stories from his real estate career to illustrate how to recognize, handle, and overcome intimidation.
- Reality-Based Philosophy: The core message is to acknowledge and act according to reality, not wishful thinking or societal myths about success.
Why should I read "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer?
- Practical Survival Skills: The book offers practical strategies for protecting your interests and getting what you deserve in business and life.
- Debunks Success Myths: Ringer challenges common motivational myths, such as the sufficiency of positive thinking and hard work, replacing them with actionable, reality-based advice.
- Universal Application: While focused on business, the principles and techniques can be applied to personal relationships and other areas of life.
- Engaging Storytelling: The book is filled with entertaining, real-life anecdotes that make the lessons memorable and relatable.
What are the key takeaways from "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer?
- Acknowledge Reality: Success depends on seeing things as they are, not as you wish them to be (Theory of Reality).
- Posture is Power: Your results are determined more by your posture (how you present and position yourself) than by what you say or do.
- Legal and Practical Tools: Always protect yourself with the right legal tools (licenses, written agreements, certified mail) and practical strategies.
- Types of People: Recognize the three types of people in business—those who openly try to take your "chips," those who pretend not to but do, and those who mean well but still end up hurting you.
- Getting Paid is the Goal: The ultimate step in any deal is not just closing, but actually getting paid—never lose sight of this.
How does Robert J. Ringer define "intimidation" in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" and why is it important?
- Intimidation as a Universal Force: Ringer sees intimidation as a common thread in all business situations, often deciding the outcome of important events.
- Not About Bullying: The book is not about becoming an intimidator, but about defending yourself from those who use intimidation, often subtly.
- Recognizing Intimidators: Many who decry intimidation are actually skilled at using it; recognizing this is key to self-defense.
- Importance for Success: Understanding and countering intimidation is crucial for achieving your goals and protecting your interests.
What are the main myths about success that Robert J. Ringer shatters in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?"
- Myth of Positive Thinking: Ringer argues that a positive mental attitude alone is not enough; preparation and realism are essential.
- Myth of Hard Work: Working long, hard hours does not guarantee success; efficiency, strategy, and posture matter more.
- Myth of Universal Honesty: Not everyone is honest or has your best interests at heart; you must protect yourself accordingly.
- Myth of Fairness: The idea that everyone benefits equally in business deals is often false, especially regarding commissions and fees.
What are the core theories and concepts introduced in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer?
- Theory of Reality: Reality is not what you wish or appear it to be, but what it actually is; ignoring this leads to failure.
- Theory of Relativity and Relevance: Success depends on understanding that terms like honesty, hard work, and success are relative and must be defined in context; focus on what is relevant to your goals.
- Mortality and Ice Ball Theories: Life is short (Mortality Theory), and in the grand scheme, our problems are insignificant (Ice Ball Theory), so aim high but don’t take yourself too seriously.
- Theory of Intimidation and Posture Theory: Your results are inversely proportional to how much you are intimidated; posture (how you present yourself) is more important than words or actions.
- Tortoise and Hare Theory: Long-term, consistent effort (like the tortoise) wins over flashy, short-term bursts (the hare).
How does Robert J. Ringer categorize people in business in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" and why does it matter?
- Three Types of People: Type Number One openly tries to take your chips; Type Number Two pretends to be your friend but intends to take your chips; Type Number Three means well but still ends up taking your chips.
- Recognizing Motives: Understanding these types helps you anticipate and defend against attempts to deprive you of what you’ve earned.
- Irrelevance of Intentions: Whether someone is sorry or not for hurting you is irrelevant; the result is the same if you’re not protected.
- Practical Application: This categorization is crucial for negotiating, structuring deals, and ensuring you actually get paid.
What practical methods and advice does Robert J. Ringer offer in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" for protecting yourself and getting paid?
- Legal Tools: Always have the proper licenses, written agreements, and use certified mail to document your involvement.
- Image and Posture: Develop a strong, unique image (e.g., Ringer’s $5 Earth brochure) to set yourself apart and command respect.
- Control the Process: Take initiative in all aspects of deals—gather information, manage communication, and never rely on others to protect your interests.
- Assume the Worst: Expect deals to fall through and be prepared for setbacks; this helps maintain a positive attitude and persistence.
- Don’t Bluff Unless Ready: Only make ultimatums if you’re prepared to follow through; determination is a substitute for wealth in negotiations.
How does the "Theory of Sustenance of a Positive Attitude through the Assumption of a Negative Result" work in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?"
- Expect Setbacks: Assume that most deals will not close due to factors beyond your control, even if you are well-prepared.
- Emotional Resilience: By expecting negative results, you reduce the emotional impact of failure and maintain your confidence.
- Law of Averages: Success comes from working on many deals, knowing only a few will close, and not being discouraged by the rest.
- Learning from Failure: Treat each negative result as a learning experience, extract the lesson, and move on quickly—“Next!”
What is the "Leapfrog Theory" in "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" and how can it be applied?
- No Need to Wait: You have no obligation to work your way up through the ranks; you can choose to operate at a higher level whenever you’re prepared.
- Preparation is Key: Leapfrogging only works if you are truly ready; otherwise, reality will push you back down.
- Ignore the Pack: The easiest way to eliminate competition is to refuse to acknowledge it and simply start operating at a higher level.
- Self-Authorization: You don’t need permission from industry leaders or society to move up—take the initiative yourself.
What are the best quotes from "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer and what do they mean?
- "Reality is neither the way you wish things to be nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are." – Emphasizes the importance of seeing and acting on reality, not illusions.
- "The results a person achieves are inversely proportionate to the degree to which he is intimidated." – The less you allow yourself to be intimidated, the more successful you’ll be.
- "With a written agreement, you have a prayer; with a verbal agreement, you have nothing but air." – Stresses the necessity of written contracts for protection.
- "Closing deals is so much trash, if you, my friend, don’t get no cash." – Reminds readers that getting paid is the true measure of success, not just making deals.
- "Next!" – Encourages moving on quickly from failures or setbacks without dwelling on them.
What are the most common mistakes people make, according to "To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" by Robert J. Ringer, and how can they be avoided?
- Relying on Myths: Believing that positive thinking and hard work alone guarantee success, instead of preparing and acting on reality.
- Lack of Legal Protection: Failing to secure proper licenses, written agreements, and documentation, leaving yourself vulnerable.
- Ignoring Human Nature: Trusting others’ intentions instead of protecting your own interests, regardless of how sincere they seem.
- Weak Posture: Presenting yourself as “just another” agent or employee, rather than cultivating a strong, unique image and posture.
- Not Focusing on Getting Paid: Celebrating deals before the check clears, rather than ensuring you actually receive what you’ve earned.
Review Summary
"To Be or Not to Be Intimidated?" receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its insights on negotiation, business tactics, and dealing with intimidation. Many find the book humorous and relatable, appreciating Ringer's self-deprecating style and real-world examples from his real estate career. Reviewers note that while the book focuses on real estate, its lessons are applicable to various business situations. Some readers consider it a must-read for understanding human behavior in competitive environments, though a few find it less useful or overly cynical.
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