To Sell is Human

1. We're all in sales now: Moving others is universal

"Leave aside sleep, exercise, and hygiene, and it turns out that I spend a significant portion of my days trying to coax others to part with resources."

Redefining sales. The traditional notion of sales as a distinct profession is outdated. In today's economy, everyone engages in "non-sales selling" – persuading, influencing, and convincing others to part with resources. This includes teachers motivating students, doctors encouraging patients to follow treatment plans, and entrepreneurs pitching ideas.

Prevalence of selling. Research shows that people spend about 40% of their work time selling in some form. This applies across various professions and industries, not just traditional sales roles. The rise of small entrepreneurs, the need for elastic skills in established companies, and the growth of the education and healthcare sectors (Ed-Med) have all contributed to this shift.

Breaking stereotypes. The negative stereotypes associated with sales – pushy, dishonest, manipulative – are outdated. Modern selling is about moving others through understanding, empathy, and service. It's a fundamental human skill that can be developed and refined.

2. The new ABCs of selling: Attunement, Buoyancy, and Clarity

"Attunement, buoyancy, and clarity: These three qualities, which emerge from a rich trove of social science research, are the new requirements for effectively moving others on the remade landscape of the twenty-first century."

Attunement is the ability to bring one's actions and outlook into harmony with other people and the context. It involves perspective-taking, reading emotions, and adapting to different situations. This skill helps in understanding the needs and motivations of others, making it easier to influence them.

Buoyancy is the capacity to stay afloat in an "ocean of rejection." It combines a positive mindset with resilience, helping individuals bounce back from the frequent rejections inherent in sales and persuasion. Techniques like interrogative self-talk and explanatory style contribute to buoyancy.

Clarity is about making sense of information and helping others see their situations in fresh ways. In an age of information abundance, the ability to curate information, frame choices, and uncover problems is crucial. Clarity involves both problem-finding and problem-solving skills.

3. Attunement: Perspective-taking and social cartography

"To sell well is to convince someone else to part with resources—not to deprive that person, but to leave him better off in the end."

Power paradox. Research shows an inverse relationship between power and perspective-taking ability. To attune effectively, assume a position of lower power, which enhances your ability to see from others' viewpoints.

Cognitive empathy. While emotional empathy is valuable, perspective-taking (cognitive empathy) is more effective in moving others. It allows for better calibration between cooperation and competition, leading to mutually beneficial outcomes.

Social cartography. Develop the ability to map social relationships and dynamics in any given situation. This skill helps in understanding the key players, their motivations, and how to best approach them.

• Strategic mimicry: Subtly mirroring others' body language and speech patterns can build rapport and trust.
• Ambivert advantage: People in the middle of the introversion-extraversion spectrum often make the best salespeople due to their balanced approach.

4. Buoyancy: Staying afloat in an ocean of rejection

"The hardest part of selling, Norman Hall says, occurs before his well-polished shoes even touch the streets of San Francisco. 'Just getting myself out of the house and facing people' is the stiffest challenge, he says."

Interrogative self-talk. Instead of pumping yourself up with declarative statements, ask yourself questions like "Can I do this?" Research shows this approach is more effective in preparing for challenging tasks.

Positivity ratios. Aim for a 3-to-1 ratio of positive to negative emotions for optimal performance. This balance provides enough positivity for flourishing while retaining the benefits of "appropriate negativity."

Explanatory style. How you explain negative events affects your resilience. Develop an optimistic explanatory style by viewing setbacks as temporary, specific, and external rather than permanent, pervasive, and personal.

• Before: Use interrogative self-talk to prepare
• During: Maintain a positive-to-negative emotion ratio of about 3-to-1
• After: Explain setbacks with an optimistic style

5. Clarity: Curating information and finding problems

"Clarity depends on contrast."

Problem-finding. In an age of abundant information, the ability to identify the right problems to solve is more valuable than pure problem-solving. Develop skills in uncovering hidden issues and framing situations in new ways.

Framing choices. Use contrast and comparison to clarify options. Five effective frames:

• The less frame: Limit choices to make decisions easier
• The experience frame: Emphasize experiences over material goods
• The label frame: Use labels to set expectations
• The blemished frame: Highlight a minor flaw to enhance perceived value
• The potential frame: Focus on future possibilities rather than past accomplishments

Curation. Develop skills in sorting through vast amounts of information to present the most relevant and clarifying pieces. This helps others make sense of complex situations and make better decisions.

6. From elevator pitch to six successors: Evolving persuasion

"The purpose of a pitch isn't necessarily to move others immediately to adopt your idea. The purpose is to offer something so compelling that it begins a conversation, brings the other person in as a participant, and eventually arrives at an outcome that appeals to both of you."

Elevator pitch evolution. The traditional elevator pitch is outdated in today's fast-paced, information-rich environment. Six modern alternatives:

1. One-word pitch: Distill your message to a single, powerful word
2. Question pitch: Frame your pitch as a thought-provoking question
3. Rhyming pitch: Use rhyme to increase memorability and perceived accuracy
4. Subject line pitch: Craft email subject lines that promise utility or pique curiosity
5. Twitter pitch: Convey your message in 140 characters or less
6. Pixar pitch: Use a six-sentence narrative structure inspired by Pixar's storytelling formula

These new pitching techniques are designed to start conversations, engage the other person, and lead to collaborative outcomes rather than immediate decisions.

7. Improvise: Listen, accept, and make your partner look good

"The bread and butter of improv is hearing offers."

Hearing offers. Train yourself to listen deeply and recognize potential opportunities in every interaction. What seems like an objection might be an offer in disguise.

Say "Yes and." Instead of rejecting ideas or using "Yes, but," build on others' suggestions with "Yes, and." This approach fosters creativity and collaboration.

Make your partner look good. Focus on mutual benefit rather than personal gain. By helping others succeed, you create better outcomes for everyone involved.

• Active listening: Practice "listening without listening for anything"
• Acceptance: Treat every statement as an offer you can build upon
• Collaboration: Aim for win-win situations rather than personal victories

8. Serve: Make it personal and purposeful

"If the person you're selling to agrees to buy, will his or her life improve? When your interaction is over, will the world be a better place than when you began?"

Personal connection. Humanize your interactions by recognizing the individual behind each transaction. This approach improves performance and outcomes in various fields, from medicine to customer service.

Purposeful action. Tap into people's innate desire to contribute to something larger than themselves. Frame actions in terms of how they benefit others or serve a greater purpose.

Upserving, not upselling. Instead of trying to increase what others can do for you, focus on elevating what you can do for them. This approach builds trust and long-term relationships.

• Make it personal: See the human being behind every interaction
• Make it purposeful: Connect actions to larger, meaningful goals
• Serve first, sell second: Prioritize improving others' lives over immediate gains

Last updated: January 22, 2025