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Total Leadership

Total Leadership

Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life
by Stewart D. Friedman 2008 272 pages
4.04
5k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Clarify Your Core Values and Leadership Vision

"A useful leadership vision must be rooted in your past and address the future while dealing with today's realities."

Articulate your values. To become an authentic leader, you must first identify and articulate your core values - the principles that guide your decisions and actions. Reflect on critical events in your life, people you admire, and the future you envision for yourself. This self-awareness forms the foundation for your leadership journey.

Craft your leadership vision. A compelling leadership vision is an achievable future state that inspires both you and others. It should:

  • Draw from your past experiences
  • Address current challenges
  • Paint a vivid picture of the future
  • Align with your core values
  • Serve a purpose beyond yourself

2. Align Your Actions with What's Important to You

"Being real by demonstrating authenticity is a necessary first step."

Assess your current reality. Take stock of how you currently allocate your time and energy across the four domains of your life: work, home, community, and self. Use tools like the Four-Way Attention Chart to identify any misalignments between what you value and where you focus your efforts.

Close the gap. Once you've identified discrepancies, take intentional steps to bring your actions into closer alignment with your values and vision. This might involve:

  • Reprioritizing your commitments
  • Setting boundaries
  • Delegating tasks
  • Saying "no" to activities that don't serve your core purpose

Remember, authenticity isn't about perfection, but about consistently striving to live and lead in a way that reflects your true self.

3. Respect the Whole Person: Integrate Work, Home, Community, and Self

"Integrity, while usually referring to sincerity and honor, refers here to the strength inherent in a well-designed structure or system, as in the statement 'Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater has great integrity.'"

Embrace a holistic perspective. Recognize that you are more than just your job title or role in any single domain. By respecting the whole person - including your professional, personal, social, and inner lives - you can tap into greater strength and resilience as a leader.

Seek synergies, not trade-offs. Instead of viewing different life domains as competing forces, look for ways they can mutually reinforce each other. For example:

  • Skills developed at work can enhance your community involvement
  • Personal relationships can provide support for professional growth
  • Self-care practices can improve your performance across all domains

By integrating these aspects of your life, you create a more coherent and sustainable leadership approach.

4. Engage in Meaningful Dialogues with Key Stakeholders

"Trust—the willingness to ascribe good intentions to and have confidence in others' words and actions—is the glue that holds relationships together."

Identify key stakeholders. In each domain of your life, determine the people who have the most significant impact on your success and well-being. These might include family members, colleagues, mentors, or community leaders.

Conduct stakeholder dialogues. Engage in open, honest conversations with these key individuals to:

  • Clarify mutual expectations
  • Uncover shared interests
  • Build trust and understanding
  • Explore new ways of meeting each other's needs

Approach these dialogues with curiosity and a genuine desire to understand others' perspectives. By doing so, you'll strengthen your relationships and create a more supportive network for your leadership journey.

5. Design and Implement Four-Way Win Experiments

"The only way to fail with an experiment is to fail to learn from it."

Craft smart experiments. Design small, achievable experiments that aim to create positive outcomes across all four life domains. These experiments should:

  • Address a real need or opportunity
  • Be specific and time-bound
  • Have clear metrics for success
  • Involve key stakeholders

Types of experiments:

  • Tracking and reflecting
  • Planning and organizing
  • Rejuvenating and restoring
  • Appreciating and caring
  • Focusing and concentrating
  • Revealing and engaging
  • Time-shifting and re-placing
  • Delegating and developing
  • Exploring and venturing

Implement and adjust. As you carry out your experiments, remain flexible and open to feedback. Be prepared to make adjustments based on what you learn. Remember, the goal is not just to achieve specific outcomes, but to develop your capacity for innovative leadership.

6. Cultivate a Supportive Network and Practice Continuous Learning

"Social capital is a portable, lifelong asset that compounds over time, so it's wise to have an investment strategy for developing yours."

Build your network. Intentionally cultivate relationships that support your growth as a leader. This includes:

  • Mentors who can offer guidance
  • Peers for mutual support and idea-sharing
  • Coaches to provide accountability and feedback
  • Diverse connections that broaden your perspective

Embrace lifelong learning. Adopt a growth mindset and commit to ongoing development. This might involve:

  • Seeking out new challenges and experiences
  • Reflecting regularly on your actions and their outcomes
  • Asking for and acting on feedback
  • Staying curious about emerging trends and ideas in leadership

By investing in your network and your own learning, you create a sustainable foundation for long-term leadership success.

7. Tell Your Leadership Story to Inspire and Connect

"The story is a basic human cognitive form. The artful creation and articulation of stories constitutes a fundamental part of the leader's vocation."

Craft your narrative. Develop a compelling story that communicates your leadership journey, values, and vision. A powerful leadership story:

  • Draws on personal experiences
  • Illustrates growth and learning
  • Connects to universal themes
  • Inspires action in others

Share authentically. Look for opportunities to share your story in ways that resonate with different audiences. This might be through:

  • Formal presentations
  • Casual conversations
  • Written communications
  • Mentoring relationships

By effectively telling your leadership story, you not only clarify your own path but also inspire others to reflect on and pursue their own leadership potential.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.04 out of 5
Average of 5k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Total Leadership receives mostly positive reviews, with readers appreciating its holistic approach to leadership across work, home, community, and self domains. Many find the exercises and self-reflection valuable, though some feel the book becomes redundant. Readers praise the concept of "four-way wins" and the emphasis on aligning personal values with leadership goals. Some criticize the writing style as verbose or dated. Overall, reviewers recommend the book for those seeking to improve their leadership skills and achieve better work-life integration.

Your rating:

About the Author

Stewart D. Friedman is an organizational psychologist and faculty member at the Wharton School since 1984. He founded Wharton's Leadership Program and Work/Life Integration Project. Friedman has been recognized by Thinkers50 and received numerous awards for his work in leadership and work-life integration. He created the Total Leadership program while at Ford, which has been implemented worldwide. Friedman has authored bestselling books, including "Total Leadership" and "Leading the Life You Want." He is a sought-after speaker, consultant, and advocate for family-supportive policies. Friedman hosts a SiriusXM Wharton Business Radio show and podcast called "Work and Life."

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