Grief and Pizza Dough

Lauren, recently widowed, is raising her teenage daughter Lena in a small Montana town. The loss of her husband, Spencer, is a constant ache, symbolized by the untouched ball of pizza dough in the freezer—his legacy and a reminder of the life they lost. Lauren copes with grief through routine, avoidance, and the comfort of food, while Lena's pain manifests as anger and withdrawal. Their relationship is fraught, each unable to fully reach the other, both haunted by the absence of the man who held them together.

Teenage Rebellion, Small Towns

Flashbacks reveal Lauren's own adolescence after her father's death. She was rebellious, angry, and labeled "trouble" by her small town. Her brother Gabe, now a movie star, was her closest ally, while Spencer, her future husband, was the quiet, good boy from a religious family. Lauren's early experiences with grief, poverty, and judgment shaped her, teaching her to hide pain behind bravado and to distrust the easy comfort of small-town platitudes.

Hollywood Distractions

Gabe, now a famous actor, invites Lauren and Lena to Philadelphia to visit his movie set. The trip is both an escape and a confrontation: Lauren is forced to face her own feelings of inadequacy, her complicated relationship with her brother, and the persistent ache of loss. On set, Lena finds solace with Uncle Ollie, Gabe's British director friend, while Lauren is unexpectedly drawn to Ben Walsh, a charming, much younger actor with a reputation for risk-taking and a magnetic presence.

Sibling Bonds and Secrets

Gabe's success masks his own battles with addiction and loneliness. Lauren and Gabe's bond is tested by old wounds and unspoken resentments, especially as Gabe tries to protect Lauren from Ben, warning her about his "reputation." The siblings' shared history of loss—first their father, then Spencer—binds them, but also leaves them emotionally stunted, unable to fully process or discuss their pain.

The Weight of Loss

Lauren's memories of Spencer are interwoven with her present, coloring every interaction. She recalls their love story: from awkward teenage encounters to the slow, steady building of a life together. Spencer's death was sudden, senseless, and left Lauren unmoored. She struggles with guilt, wondering if she said "I love you" the last time she saw him, and with the pressure to be "fine" for Lena's sake.

Flirting with the Future

In Philadelphia, Lauren and Ben's flirtation turns into a passionate, if complicated, affair. Their chemistry is undeniable, but Lauren is plagued by guilt and fear—of betraying Spencer's memory, of what her daughter and small town would think, of her own capacity for happiness. Ben, for his part, is open, vulnerable, and refreshingly honest about his own losses and desires. Their connection is a lifeline for Lauren, a reminder that she is still alive and capable of joy.

The Past Isn't Past

Back in Montana, Lauren's attempts to move forward are hampered by unresolved grief and the ever-present scrutiny of her community. Lena's struggles intensify, culminating in a public meltdown and a painful confrontation with Lauren. The pizza dough, now moldy, becomes a flashpoint for their shared sorrow—a symbol of everything they can't let go.

Permission to Feel Again

As Lena's pain becomes more visible, Lauren is forced to reckon with her own. Therapy, friendship, and the slow work of healing help her realize that she doesn't have to choose between honoring Spencer's memory and embracing a new future. With encouragement from friends and family, she allows herself to pursue happiness with Ben, even as the prospect of his leaving for a major film role looms.

First Loves, First Hurts

Flashbacks to Lauren's teenage years reveal her pattern of seeking intimacy and validation through sex, often as a way to numb pain. Her relationship with Spencer was different—built on trust, patience, and genuine connection. These memories inform her present, reminding her of what she truly wants: not just sex, but intimacy, safety, and the freedom to be herself.

Motherhood and Mistakes

Lauren's relationship with Lena is fraught with misunderstandings, guilt, and the ever-present fear of failing her daughter. Lena's coming out, her struggles with identity, and her grief over her father's death force Lauren to confront her own limitations as a parent. Through honest conversations and shared vulnerability, they begin to rebuild trust, learning that love is not about perfection, but about showing up—even when it's hard.

The Art of Letting Go

As Ben prepares to leave for Australia to film James Bond, Lauren is faced with another potential loss. Their goodbye is tender, painful, and honest—both acknowledging that love sometimes means letting go. Lauren and Lena, too, must learn to release the past: the pizza dough, the old house, the ghosts of what might have been. In doing so, they make space for new beginnings.

Risk, Romance, and Regret

Lauren realizes that life is short, and that the heart is capable of expanding to hold both grief and new love. With Lena's blessing, and her own hard-won self-acceptance, she decides to take a risk on Ben. He, in turn, chooses her over fame and fortune, turning down the Bond role to stay in Montana and build a life with her.

Family, Found and Forged

The novel's climax is a celebration of found family: Gabe's wedding to Chani, Lena's reconciliation with Eve, and the community that rallies around Lauren and Ben. The Cozy bookstore becomes a hub for love, acceptance, and new traditions. Even as old wounds linger, the characters learn that family is not just blood, but the people who choose to love and support you.

Coming Out, Coming Home

Lena's journey mirrors Lauren's: both must learn to accept themselves, to come out—whether as queer, as grieving, or as ready to love again. The process is messy, painful, and nonlinear, but ultimately liberating. The small town, once a source of judgment and constraint, becomes a place of belonging and possibility.

The Cost of Survival

The novel does not shy away from the realities of addiction, depression, and the long, slow work of healing. Gabe's sobriety, Ben's family history, and Lauren's struggles with mental health are treated with nuance and compassion. Survival is not about being "fine," but about finding meaning, connection, and hope in the midst of pain.

The Heart Expands

The story's resolution is not a fairy tale, but a hard-won acceptance that love and grief can coexist. Lauren, Lena, and Ben each find ways to honor their pasts while embracing the future. The heart, as Ben says, is miraculous and resilient—it can break, but it can also grow.

Saying Goodbye, Starting Over

The epilogue finds Lauren, Ben, Lena, and their extended family celebrating Gabe's wedding in the Cozy bookstore. Lena gifts Ben Spencer's scarf for his role in the local play, symbolizing acceptance and the blending of old and new. Lauren reflects on the journey from grief to hope, realizing that she is, finally, totally and completely fine.

Characters

Lauren Parker

Lauren is the novel's protagonist—a woman in her early forties, widowed, and raising a teenage daughter in a small Montana town. Her life is defined by loss: first her father, then her husband Spencer. Lauren is practical, sarcastic, and fiercely protective of Lena, but struggles with vulnerability and self-acceptance. Her journey is one of learning to grieve openly, to forgive herself for imperfection, and to risk loving again. Through therapy, friendship, and a passionate romance with Ben, Lauren gradually reclaims her sense of self, discovering that she can hold both grief and joy.

Lena Parker

Lena is Lauren's thirteen-year-old daughter, navigating adolescence, grief, and her emerging queer identity. She is angry, withdrawn, and often at odds with her mother, but deeply sensitive and loyal. Lena's relationship with her late father was foundational, and his absence leaves her unmoored. Her friendship-turned-romance with Eve is a lifeline, but also a source of conflict as she struggles with coming out in a conservative town. Lena's arc is one of learning to trust, to express her feelings, and to accept love in all its forms.

Ben Walsh

Ben is a thirty-year-old, biracial, bisexual actor from Hawaii and Ireland, with a reputation for thrill-seeking and a magnetic presence. Beneath his confidence lies a history of loss—his mother's death, a distant father, and the pressures of fame. Ben is open, emotionally intelligent, and refreshingly honest, offering Lauren a chance at intimacy and connection. His willingness to choose love over career, and his gentle support of Lena, mark him as a true partner and a catalyst for healing.

Gabe Parker

Lauren's younger brother, Gabe, is a movie star whose success masks deep wounds: the loss of his father, struggles with addiction, and a complicated relationship with his family. Gabe is charming, generous, and sometimes oblivious, but ultimately devoted to those he loves. His journey toward sobriety, love (with Chani), and community involvement (the local theatre) mirrors Lauren's own path toward healing.

Spencer Parker

Though deceased, Spencer's presence permeates the novel. He was Lauren's high school sweetheart, a gentle, reliable man who provided stability and love. His death is the central trauma for both Lauren and Lena, and their memories of him—his pizza dough, his tools, his kindness—are both comfort and burden. Spencer represents the possibility of enduring love, and his absence forces the characters to redefine family and happiness.

Chani

Chani is Gabe's partner, a sharp, witty, and compassionate journalist who becomes an integral part of the Parker family. Her outsider perspective helps bridge gaps, and her relationship with Gabe is a model of mature, supportive love. Chani's presence challenges Lena and Lauren to expand their definitions of family and acceptance.

Ollie (Oliver Matthias)

Ollie is Gabe's British director friend, a steadying influence and beloved "uncle" to Lena. He is wise, efficient, and deeply loyal, having helped shield the family from media intrusion after Spencer's death. Ollie's role as a queer elder and mentor to both Lena and Ben underscores the novel's themes of chosen family and intergenerational support.

Allyson

Allyson is Lauren's best friend and coworker, a recent transplant from the Bay Area. She is supportive, irreverent, and always ready with advice or a distraction. Allyson's own romantic misadventures and eventual happiness parallel Lauren's journey, and her unwavering loyalty provides a safe space for vulnerability.

Diana (Lauren's mother-in-law)

Diana is Spencer's mother, a devout, conservative woman whose rigid beliefs and judgmental attitude create conflict for Lauren and Lena. She represents the pressures of small-town conformity and the pain of generational misunderstanding, especially around grief and sexuality.

Eve

Eve is Lena's extroverted, supportive, and pink-loving friend-turned-girlfriend. She is a source of light and acceptance for Lena, encouraging her to embrace her identity and take risks. Their relationship is a microcosm of the novel's larger themes: the courage to love, the pain of loss, and the hope of new beginnings.

Plot Devices

Dual Timelines (Now and Then)

The novel alternates between Lauren's present-day struggles and flashbacks to her youth, her relationship with Spencer, and the early years of motherhood. This structure allows the reader to see how past traumas and choices inform present behavior, deepening our understanding of grief, love, and resilience.

Symbolism of Food and Craft

Food—especially pizza dough and baked goods—serves as a tangible link to Spencer and a means of connection for Lauren and Lena. Crafting, organizing, and sewing pockets become Lauren's coping mechanisms, symbolizing her attempts to create order and meaning in the chaos of loss.

The Untouched Pizza Dough

The ball of pizza dough in the freezer is a recurring symbol: a relic of Spencer's presence, a source of comfort and pain, and ultimately, a catalyst for confrontation and release. Its eventual disposal marks a turning point in the family's journey toward acceptance.

The "Stacks" in the Bookstore

The secluded corner of the Cozy bookstore becomes a site for secret make-outs, both for teenagers and, eventually, for Lauren and Ben. It represents the tension between public scrutiny and private desire, and the courage required to claim happiness in the open.

The Cross at the Intersection

The roadside memorial for Spencer is where Lena goes to grieve, and where mother and daughter finally share their pain and begin to heal together. It is a place of both loss and connection, anchoring the novel's exploration of how we honor the dead while choosing to live.

Foreshadowing and Repetition

The novel uses repeated motifs—songs, recipes, phrases ("I'm fine")—to show how history shapes the present. Foreshadowing is used to build emotional resonance, as early scenes and symbols gain new meaning in light of later events.

Analysis

Totally and Completely Fine is a deeply compassionate, sharply observed exploration of grief, love, and the messy, nonlinear process of healing. Elissa Sussman's novel refuses easy answers or tidy resolutions, instead embracing the complexity of human emotion and the reality that "fine" is often a work in progress. Through Lauren's journey—from numbed widowhood to the risk and reward of new love—the book interrogates the cultural pressure to "move on" and the myth of closure. It celebrates the resilience of the heart, the necessity of chosen family, and the courage required to claim joy after loss. By centering the experiences of women in midlife, queer teens, and those living with addiction and mental health struggles, the novel offers a modern, inclusive vision of romance and recovery. Its ultimate message is one of hope: that we are allowed to be both broken and whole, to grieve and to love, and that being "totally and completely fine" is not a destination, but a practice—one we undertake together.

Last updated: July 15, 2025