Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life

1. Embrace the custard: Anxiety is like walking on a sea of custard

We exhaust ourselves, running, running, and running, just to remain where we are.

The custard metaphor. Anxiety is likened to walking on a sea of custard, where we must constantly expend energy just to stay afloat. This vivid imagery illustrates the exhausting nature of anxiety and how it can prevent us from moving forward in life.

Breaking free. To escape this cycle, we must:

• Recognize the patterns of thought that keep us trapped
• Develop strategies to reach "solid ground"
• Accept that some anxiety is normal and even beneficial
• Focus on building a life of meaning and purpose, rather than constantly fighting against our fears

2. Observe and defuse from unhelpful thoughts

We don't have to believe everything we think.

Thought observation. Practice observing your thoughts without judgment, as if they were passing clouds in the sky. This helps create distance between you and your thoughts, reducing their power over your emotions and behavior.

Defusion techniques:

• Label thoughts: "I'm having the thought that..."
• Imagine thoughts in a silly voice or accent
• Thank your mind for the thought
• Visualize thoughts as leaves floating down a stream

By regularly practicing these techniques, you can learn to respond to thoughts more flexibly, rather than automatically reacting to them as if they were facts.

3. Practice acceptance to break emotional feedback loops

Acceptance is NOT the same as giving up.

Understanding acceptance. Acceptance means acknowledging reality as it is, without trying to fight or change it. This doesn't mean we like or approve of the situation, but that we stop expending energy resisting what we cannot control.

Breaking the loop:

1. Recognize primary emotions (e.g., fear, sadness)
2. Notice secondary emotions (e.g., anxiety about being anxious)
3. Practice accepting primary emotions to prevent escalation
4. Use techniques like mindful breathing to stay grounded

By accepting our initial emotional responses, we can prevent the amplification that occurs when we judge or fight against our feelings.

4. Cultivate self-compassion and challenge your inner critic

There is no internal war that only has one casualty: ourselves.

Self-compassion defined. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a good friend. This involves recognizing our shared humanity, being mindful of our experiences, and offering ourselves warmth and support during difficult times.

Challenging the inner critic:

• Recognize critical thoughts as a voice, not the truth
• Name your inner critic to create distance
• Respond to criticism with compassion and understanding
• Actively practice self-kindness and positive self-talk

Remember that self-compassion is not self-indulgence or weakness. It's a powerful tool for resilience and personal growth.

5. Stay present and mindful to reduce anxiety and depression

We spend the majority of our lives being anywhere but the present moment.

Mindfulness benefits. Staying present helps us avoid ruminating on the past (which can lead to depression) or worrying about the future (which can cause anxiety). It allows us to fully engage with our lives and make more conscious choices.

Mindfulness practices:

• Body scan meditation
• Focused breathing exercises
• Mindful eating or walking
• Regular meditation practice

Start small, with just a few minutes of mindfulness each day, and gradually increase the duration as it becomes more natural.

6. Recognize and escape from comparison and perfectionism traps

Perfectionism is an enemy of contentment.

Comparison dangers. Constantly comparing ourselves to others leads to dissatisfaction and anxiety. Remember that we're seeing others' highlight reels, not their behind-the-scenes struggles.

Overcoming perfectionism:

• Recognize that perfection is impossible and subjective
• Set realistic, achievable goals
• Celebrate progress and effort, not just outcomes
• Practice self-compassion when you fall short

By letting go of impossible standards and the need to constantly measure up to others, we can find greater peace and satisfaction in our lives.

7. Identify your values and set concrete, actionable goals

Values are a direction, while goals are places we visit along the way.

Values vs. goals. Values are ongoing guiding principles, while goals are specific, achievable milestones. Aligning our goals with our values ensures we're moving in a direction that's truly meaningful to us.

Setting effective goals:

1. Identify your core values (e.g., creativity, family, health)
2. Create specific, measurable goals that align with these values
3. Break larger goals into smaller, actionable steps
4. Regularly review and adjust your goals as needed

Remember to celebrate your progress and be compassionate with yourself when facing setbacks.

8. Face mortality to live more fully and authentically

Accepting the fact of death allows us to live more fully in the present.

Death anxiety. Fear of death is a fundamental human anxiety that can underlie many of our fears and neuroses. By confronting this fear directly, we can reduce its power over us and live more authentically.

Strategies for facing mortality:

• Reflect on your values and what truly matters to you
• Practice gratitude for the life you have
• Consider how you want to be remembered
• Use the reality of death as motivation to live fully now

Embracing our mortality can paradoxically lead to a richer, more meaningful life.

9. Build resilience through gratitude and detachment from outcomes

Detachment from outcome subconsciously tells us we depend on it.

Cultivating gratitude. Regularly practicing gratitude helps shift our focus from what we lack to what we have, increasing overall life satisfaction and resilience.

Detachment strategies:

• Focus on the process, not just the outcome
• Recognize that you can't control everything
• Practice acceptance of various possible results
• Find value in the journey, not just the destination

By combining gratitude with a healthy detachment from outcomes, we can build greater emotional resilience and find contentment regardless of external circumstances.

Last updated: August 20, 2024