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What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic

What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic

Unpuzzling a Life on the Autism Spectrum
by Annie Kotowicz 2022 118 pages
4.40
1k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Autism is a neurological difference, not a disorder

I believe that autism can be a superpower, because it means perceiving an abundance of sensory details and patterns.

Autism as a neurotype. Autism is a neurological difference that affects how individuals process information, perceive the world, and interact with others. It's characterized by hyper-connected neural pathways in some areas and less connected in others, resulting in a unique way of experiencing and interpreting the environment. This neurological variation can lead to both challenges and strengths.

Spectrum of experiences. The autism spectrum encompasses a wide range of traits and experiences, making each autistic individual unique. Some common characteristics include:

  • Intense focus on specific interests
  • Attention to detail
  • Difficulty with social cues and nonverbal communication
  • Sensory sensitivities
  • Need for routine and predictability

While these traits can present challenges in a neurotypical-centric world, they can also be valuable assets when understood and supported appropriately.

2. Sensory experiences are intensified for autistic individuals

Everything is intense, which has been called "Intense World Theory."

Heightened sensory perception. Autistic individuals often experience sensory input more intensely than neurotypical people. This can lead to both positive and negative experiences:

  • Overwhelming sensations: Bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures can be painful or distressing
  • Enhanced appreciation: Beautiful music, intricate patterns, or specific textures can be deeply enjoyable and calming

Coping strategies. To manage sensory overload, autistic people may:

  • Seek out calming sensory experiences (e.g., weighted blankets, soft textures)
  • Use tools to reduce sensory input (e.g., noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses)
  • Create controlled environments when possible
  • Practice self-regulation techniques

Understanding and accommodating these sensory needs can significantly improve an autistic person's comfort and ability to function in various settings.

3. Autistic communication and social interactions have unique challenges

I miss what others catch, and I catch what others miss.

Different communication styles. Autistic individuals often have a more direct and literal communication style, which can lead to misunderstandings with neurotypical people. Some common differences include:

  • Difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues and tone of voice
  • Tendency to take language literally
  • Challenges with small talk and unwritten social rules
  • Need for more time to process verbal information

Strategies for better understanding. To bridge the communication gap:

  • Be clear and specific in your communication
  • Allow extra time for processing and responding
  • Don't assume intentions based on neurotypical norms
  • Ask for clarification when needed
  • Recognize that lack of eye contact doesn't mean lack of attention

By understanding these differences, both autistic and neurotypical individuals can learn to communicate more effectively with each other.

4. Stimming serves important functions for autistic people

So, what should we do? Give autistics the right to finish, and withhold that right from everyone else? No, just be mindful that someone's internal state may be different than you expect, and different than you'd feel if you were acting like them.

Purpose of stimming. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, is a common autistic trait that serves several important functions:

  • Self-regulation: Helps manage emotions and sensory input
  • Focus: Aids in concentration and processing information
  • Comfort: Provides a sense of security and familiarity
  • Expression: Communicates feelings or needs nonverbally

Common forms of stimming:

  • Repetitive movements (e.g., hand flapping, rocking)
  • Visual stimulation (e.g., watching spinning objects)
  • Auditory stimulation (e.g., humming, repeating words)
  • Tactile stimulation (e.g., rubbing textures, fidgeting with objects)

While stimming may appear unusual to others, it's a natural and often necessary behavior for autistic individuals. Accepting and allowing stimming in appropriate contexts can greatly reduce stress and improve overall well-being for autistic people.

5. Meltdowns are physical responses, not behavioral choices

A meltdown doesn't always mean that I'm upset. Often, it simply means that I'm depleted.

Understanding meltdowns. Autistic meltdowns are intense physical and emotional responses to overwhelming situations, not willful behavior or tantrums. They can be triggered by:

  • Sensory overload
  • Changes in routine or expectations
  • Cumulative stress or fatigue
  • Communication difficulties

Supporting during meltdowns. To help an autistic person during a meltdown:

  • Ensure their safety and the safety of others
  • Reduce sensory input if possible
  • Avoid making demands or asking questions
  • Offer a calm, reassuring presence
  • Allow time and space for recovery

It's important to remember that meltdowns are not within the person's control and that prevention through understanding triggers and providing appropriate accommodations is key.

6. Autistic traits can be both strengths and challenges

I believe that autism can be a superpower, because it means perceiving an abundance of sensory details and patterns. Some things are overwhelmingly beautiful. I also believe that autism can be a disability, because it means struggling to process all that information. Some things are just plain overwhelming.

Dual nature of autistic traits. Many autistic characteristics can be viewed as both strengths and challenges, depending on the context:

  • Attention to detail: Can lead to exceptional accuracy but may cause difficulty seeing the big picture
  • Intense focus: Allows for deep expertise in areas of interest but can make switching tasks challenging
  • Literal thinking: Promotes clear communication but may lead to misunderstanding of figurative language
  • Sensory sensitivity: Can result in rich sensory experiences but also overwhelming environments

Leveraging strengths. By recognizing and nurturing these traits as potential strengths, autistic individuals can:

  • Excel in fields that require precision and attention to detail
  • Develop deep expertise in areas of interest
  • Offer unique perspectives and problem-solving approaches
  • Appreciate sensory experiences in profound ways

Understanding this duality can help autistic individuals and those around them to better navigate challenges and capitalize on strengths.

7. Self-discovery and self-acceptance are crucial for autistic individuals

Through learning about autism, I came to know myself. Through knowing myself, I came to accept myself. And through accepting myself, I was more prepared to enter a healthy relationship when an amazing person for me came along.

Journey of self-discovery. For many autistic individuals, particularly those diagnosed later in life, learning about autism can be a transformative experience. This process often involves:

  • Recognizing autistic traits in oneself
  • Reframing past experiences through an autistic lens
  • Understanding personal needs and preferences better
  • Connecting with the autistic community

Benefits of self-acceptance. Embracing one's autistic identity can lead to:

  • Improved self-esteem and mental health
  • Better ability to advocate for personal needs
  • More authentic relationships with others
  • Reduced masking and associated stress

Self-discovery and acceptance are ongoing processes that can significantly enhance an autistic person's quality of life and sense of self.

8. Accommodations and understanding can greatly improve autistic lives

I think it's important to recognize when a weakness is also a strength. That doesn't mean I have to stop calling it a weakness—it can be both at once. But seeing the positive flipside lets me evaluate the trade-offs of change, and identify a balance to aim for, while feeling good about who I am in the meantime.

Importance of accommodations. Providing appropriate accommodations can significantly improve an autistic person's ability to function and thrive in various environments. Common accommodations include:

  • Flexible work/school schedules
  • Quiet spaces for sensory breaks
  • Written instructions or visual aids
  • Alternative communication methods (e.g., text-based communication)
  • Sensory-friendly environments (e.g., adjustable lighting, noise reduction)

Fostering understanding. Educating others about autism and promoting acceptance can lead to:

  • More inclusive workplaces and schools
  • Reduced stigma and discrimination
  • Better support systems for autistic individuals
  • Improved social interactions and relationships

By implementing accommodations and fostering understanding, we can create a more inclusive society that allows autistic individuals to reach their full potential.

9. Neurodiversity celebrates the beauty of all minds

I believe that autistic brains are beautiful—not only from the outside looking in, but also from the inside looking out.

Embracing neurodiversity. The neurodiversity paradigm recognizes and celebrates neurological differences as natural variations in human cognition. This approach:

  • Challenges the idea of a single "normal" or "ideal" brain
  • Promotes acceptance and inclusion of all neurotypes
  • Encourages leveraging diverse cognitive strengths
  • Advocates for accommodations rather than "cures"

Benefits of neurodiversity. Embracing neurodiversity can lead to:

  • More inclusive and innovative societies
  • Improved mental health for neurodivergent individuals
  • Greater diversity in problem-solving approaches
  • Richer cultural and social experiences for all

By recognizing the value of diverse minds, including autistic ones, we can create a world that better supports and benefits from the unique contributions of all individuals.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.40 out of 5
Average of 1k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic receives overwhelmingly positive reviews, with readers praising its clarity, relatability, and insight into the autistic experience. Many find it deeply validating, whether they are autistic themselves or know someone who is. The book is commended for its accessible writing style, helpful analogies, and practical advice. Readers appreciate the author's personal anecdotes and her ability to explain complex concepts in an understandable way. Some note that while it focuses on one person's experience, it offers valuable perspectives for both autistic and neurotypical individuals.

Your rating:

About the Author

Annie Kotowicz is an autistic author and advocate who received her diagnosis at age 28. She created the blog Neurobeautiful to explore autism and neurodiversity. Kotowicz has a diverse professional background, serving as a Chief Technology Officer and Special Education Teacher. She is also a member of Mensa. Her interests include writing, dancing, parkour, and drawing Celtic knots. Kotowicz authored "What I Mean When I Say I'm Autistic: Unpuzzling a Life on the Autism Spectrum" and has contributed articles and poetry to various publications. She resides near Washington, D.C., where she enjoys organizing her cozy and colorful home.

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