Who Am I? The 16 Basic Desires That Motivate Our Actions and Define Our Personalities

1. The 16 Basic Desires: Understanding Human Motivation

According to the extensive research I present in this book, the meaning, value, and purpose of life cannot be explained entirely in terms of pleasure and pain.

Comprehensive framework. The 16 basic desires provide a nuanced understanding of human motivation, going beyond simplistic pleasure-pain models. These desires include:

• Power
• Independence
• Curiosity
• Acceptance
• Order
• Saving
• Honor
• Idealism
• Social contact
• Family
• Status
• Vengeance
• Romance
• Eating
• Physical activity
• Tranquility

Individual differences. Each person has a unique "desire profile" that prioritizes these 16 desires differently. This profile shapes our behavior, choices, and what we find meaningful in life.

Intrinsic motivators. These desires are not means to an end but are valued for their own sake. Understanding them can help us gain insight into our own behavior and that of others.

2. Value-Based Happiness vs. Feel-Good Happiness

True happiness comes from meaning, and meaning comes from basic desires and values. Pleasurable sensations are not enough.

Two types of happiness. Feel-good happiness is short-lived and based on pleasant sensations. Value-based happiness is long-lasting and derived from living a meaningful life aligned with one's core desires and values.

Enduring satisfaction. Value-based happiness can persist even in difficult circumstances. It's about fulfilling one's most important desires and living according to one's values, rather than simply seeking pleasure or avoiding pain.

Balance and moderation. While feel-good happiness has its place, focusing solely on it can lead to a shallow, unfulfilling life. The key is to find a balance, with an emphasis on value-based happiness for long-term well-being.

3. Power and Independence: Driving Forces of Human Behavior

People differ considerably in how loyal and principled they are.

Power dynamics. The desire for power manifests as a need for influence, achievement, and leadership. It shapes how people interact in relationships, work environments, and society at large.

• High power desire: Ambitious, seeks leadership roles, may be domineering
• Low power desire: Prefers following, may avoid responsibility

Independence spectrum. The desire for independence ranges from a strong need for self-reliance to a preference for interdependence.

• High independence: Values autonomy, may resist advice or help
• Low independence: Comfortable with reliance on others, values teamwork

These desires significantly impact personal relationships, career choices, and overall life satisfaction.

4. Curiosity, Acceptance, and Order: Shaping Our Worldview

Curiosity should not be confused with intelligence. Intelligence refers to how easily a person learns things, whereas curiosity refers to how much a person enjoys the process of learning.

Intellectual engagement. Curiosity drives the pursuit of knowledge and understanding. It's not about ability, but about the intrinsic enjoyment of learning and exploration.

Self-acceptance. The desire for acceptance influences self-esteem and how we interact with others. It can range from a strong need for approval to self-assuredness.

Structure and predictability. The desire for order manifests in preferences for cleanliness, organization, and routine. It can significantly impact personal and professional relationships.

• High order: Enjoys planning, may be seen as inflexible
• Low order: Values spontaneity, may be seen as disorganized

5. Honor, Idealism, and Social Contact: The Social Dimension of Desires

Some people have such a strong sense of duty that it takes precedence over everything else they do.

Moral compass. Honor relates to loyalty, duty, and moral principles. It influences how people view their responsibilities to family, heritage, and society.

Pursuit of justice. Idealism drives involvement in social causes and the desire to improve the world. It can manifest in volunteering, activism, or choosing careers in public service.

Social connections. The desire for social contact shapes how people interact with others and seek out friendships and social activities.

• High social contact: Enjoys parties, seeks frequent interaction
• Low social contact: Values privacy, may prefer solitude

These desires collectively influence a person's social behavior and engagement with the broader community.

6. Family, Status, and Vengeance: Complex Motivators

A parent has a natural tendency to favor the child who best fulfills the parent's own basic desires.

Family dynamics. The desire for family influences parenting styles, relationships with children, and the importance placed on family life.

Social standing. Status-seeking behavior is driven by the desire for prestige and recognition. It can impact career choices, consumer behavior, and social interactions.

Competitive drive. The desire for vengeance manifests not just as a need for retribution, but also as competitiveness and a drive to win.

These desires can create complex interactions in personal and professional relationships, often leading to conflicts when misaligned between individuals.

7. Romance, Eating, and Physical Activity: Primal Desires

Although nearly everybody embraces the 16 basic desires, individuals vary in how intensely each desire is experienced.

Romantic pursuits. The desire for romance encompasses both sexual attraction and appreciation of beauty. It influences relationship choices and aesthetic preferences.

Eating habits. The desire for food goes beyond basic nutrition, impacting cultural practices, social interactions, and personal enjoyment.

Physical engagement. The desire for physical activity shapes exercise habits, sports participation, and overall lifestyle choices.

These primal desires have significant impacts on health, relationships, and daily lifestyle choices. They often interact with other desires, such as social contact or status, in complex ways.

8. Tranquility: The Search for Inner Peace

People with a strong desire for tranquility require a job that is relatively free of stress.

Stress management. The desire for tranquility influences how people handle stress, anxiety, and uncertainty in their lives.

Risk aversion. High desire for tranquility often correlates with risk-averse behavior and a preference for stable, predictable environments.

Coping mechanisms. Understanding one's need for tranquility can help in developing effective coping strategies for dealing with life's challenges and maintaining mental well-being.

9. Compatibility in Relationships: Aligning Desire Profiles

Couples bond when their desire profiles are similar.

Shared values. Compatibility in relationships is often determined by how well partners' desire profiles align. Similar priorities can lead to stronger bonds and fewer conflicts.

Potential conflicts. Mismatched desire profiles can lead to recurring disagreements and misunderstandings in relationships.

Communication. Understanding each other's desire profiles can improve communication and empathy in relationships, even when profiles differ.

10. Career Satisfaction: Matching Jobs to Desires

Generally, we feel fulfilled in our work when we hold a job that satisfies our most important basic desires.

Job fit. Career satisfaction is closely tied to how well a job aligns with an individual's strongest desires.

Career choices. Understanding one's desire profile can guide more fulfilling career decisions and help in identifying potential areas of workplace conflict.

Work-life balance. Aligning work with personal desires can lead to greater overall life satisfaction and reduced stress.

11. Spirituality and Religion: Fulfilling Desires Through Faith

The 16 basic desires teach us that the motivation for change must come from within ourselves.

Spiritual fulfillment. Religion and spirituality can satisfy multiple basic desires, including tranquility, idealism, and social contact.

Individual experience. The way people experience and practice faith is influenced by their unique desire profiles.

Personal growth. Understanding how spirituality interacts with basic desires can lead to more meaningful religious experiences and personal development.

Human behavior is complex, but understanding these 16 basic desires provides a framework for personal growth, improved relationships, and greater life satisfaction. By recognizing our own desire profiles and those of others, we can make more informed decisions, communicate more effectively, and find greater meaning in our personal, professional, and spiritual lives.

Last updated: September 11, 2024