Who's Got Your Back

1. Build a support network of trusted advisors to achieve your goals

Behind every great leader, at the base of every great tale of success, you will find an indispensable circle of trusted advisors, mentors, and colleagues.

Success is collaborative. No one achieves greatness alone. The most successful people in any field have a network of trusted advisors who provide support, guidance, and accountability. These "lifeline relationships" are critical for personal and professional growth.

Create your dream team. Identify 3-5 people who can serve as your trusted advisors. Look for individuals who:

• Share your values and ambitions
• Have diverse skills and perspectives
• Are willing to be candid and hold you accountable
• Demonstrate generosity and a commitment to your success

Cultivate these relationships. Invest time in deepening these connections through regular meetings, open communication, and mutual support. Your dream team will help you overcome obstacles, make better decisions, and achieve your full potential.

2. Practice generosity to create deeper relationships

The pinnacle of generosity is allowing other people to help us.

Give to receive. Generosity is the foundation of strong relationships. By freely offering your time, knowledge, and support to others, you create an environment of trust and reciprocity. This opens the door to deeper connections and mutual support.

Be generous in multiple ways:

• Share your knowledge and expertise
• Offer emotional support and encouragement
• Connect people in your network
• Give your time and attention generously
• Allow others to help you (this is often overlooked)

Overcome the scarcity mindset. Many people hesitate to be generous because they fear there isn't enough to go around. Embrace an abundance mentality – the more you give, the more you receive. By helping others succeed, you create a network of people invested in your success as well.

3. Embrace vulnerability to foster trust and intimacy

Being vulnerable takes incredible courage. It is a crucial mind-set to master if you hope to build a circle of trusted advisors in your life.

Courage to be authentic. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's the courage to be your authentic self. By sharing your fears, doubts, and struggles, you create deeper connections with others. This openness invites trust and empathy, essential components of strong relationships.

Create a safe space. Establish an environment where people feel safe to be vulnerable:

• Lead by example in sharing openly
• Respond with empathy and without judgment
• Maintain confidentiality
• Encourage and validate others' openness

Build intimacy gradually. Start with small disclosures and gradually increase the level of vulnerability as trust builds. This process of mutual self-disclosure strengthens bonds and creates a foundation for lifeline relationships.

4. Cultivate candor for honest feedback and growth

Candor is the greatest gift you can give if it comes from a place of caring about the other person enough to want her to get better.

Truth as a catalyst for growth. Candor – the ability to give and receive honest feedback – is essential for personal and professional development. Without it, we remain blind to our weaknesses and fail to reach our full potential.

Create a culture of candor:

• Explicitly ask for honest feedback
• Respond to feedback with gratitude, not defensiveness
• Practice active listening
• Separate the person from the behavior when giving feedback
• Focus on specific, actionable observations

Balance candor with care. Effective candor comes from a place of genuine concern for the other person's growth. It should be delivered thoughtfully and with respect, not as a weapon or to assert dominance.

5. Implement accountability to sustain change and progress

Accountability refers to the action of following through on the promises you make to others. It's about giving and receiving the feet-to-the-fire tough love through which real change is sustained.

Commitment to action. Accountability transforms good intentions into tangible results. By making commitments to your support network and allowing them to hold you responsible, you dramatically increase your chances of following through on your goals.

Implement accountability systems:

• Set clear, specific goals with deadlines
• Regularly report progress to your support team
• Establish consequences for missed commitments
• Celebrate successes together
• Use an accountability partner for more frequent check-ins

Embrace positive pressure. View accountability not as a burden, but as a powerful tool for growth. The desire to avoid letting down your support team can provide the extra motivation needed to push through challenges and achieve your goals.

6. Set clear goals and create a personal success wheel

Every December I take a week off solely for the purpose of reassessing my personal life strategy, and reset the specific goals I've created to achieve the life I want.

Holistic goal-setting. Create a Personal Success Wheel that encompasses all areas of your life: professional, financial, personal relationships, health and wellness, intellectual growth, spirituality, and giving back. This ensures a balanced approach to personal development.

Set SMART goals:

• Specific: Clearly define what you want to achieve
• Measurable: Establish concrete criteria for tracking progress
• Achievable: Set challenging but attainable goals
• Relevant: Ensure goals align with your overall vision
• Time-bound: Set deadlines for accomplishment

Blend, don't balance. Look for ways to integrate different areas of your life rather than treating them as separate compartments. This approach leads to greater fulfillment and efficiency in pursuing your goals.

7. Learn to spar constructively with your support team

Sparring is a vitally important exercise, one that's much more intense (and productive in achieving a specific goal) than a conversational long slow dinner.

Productive conflict. Sparring is a structured form of debate and challenge within your support group. It's designed to push your thinking, uncover blind spots, and refine your ideas and plans.

Guidelines for effective sparring:

• Create a safe environment where challenging ideas is encouraged
• Focus on ideas, not personal attacks
• Use the Socratic method to probe assumptions and clarify thinking
• Embrace the possibility of being wrong
• Aim for collaboration, not winning an argument

Growth through challenge. Regular sparring sessions with your support team will sharpen your thinking, improve your decision-making, and accelerate your personal and professional growth.

8. Diagnose and address your self-defeating behaviors

Understanding your weaknesses can end up being the source of your greatest strength. Those who understand what's holding them back are already moving forward.

Self-awareness is key. Identifying the behaviors and mindsets that hold you back is crucial for personal growth. These self-defeating patterns often operate unconsciously, sabotaging our efforts to succeed.

Common self-defeating behaviors:

• Perfectionism
• Procrastination
• Fear of failure or success
• Negative self-talk
• Avoiding conflict or confrontation

Strategies for overcoming self-defeat:

1. Enlist your support team to help identify blind spots
2. Choose one behavior to focus on at a time
3. Develop alternative, positive behaviors to replace negative ones
4. Practice self-compassion and celebrate small victories
5. Use accountability to reinforce new habits

9. Commit to improvement and sustain changes through daily engagement

Through daily engagement, mutual support becomes as easy as switching on a light; it's a process that sustains itself, in a sense.

Consistency is crucial. Lasting change requires ongoing effort and reinforcement. Daily engagement with your goals and support network helps embed new behaviors and mindsets.

Strategies for daily engagement:

• Set small, achievable daily tasks aligned with your larger goals
• Check in regularly with your accountability partner
• Journal about your progress and challenges
• Practice the Four Mind-Sets (generosity, vulnerability, candor, accountability) in daily interactions
• Celebrate small wins to maintain motivation

Fake it till you make it. Even when you don't feel motivated, act as if you are. This "behavioral activation" can help generate the emotions and momentum needed to sustain change.

10. Form or join a formal support group for structured growth

There are countless existing peer support organizations, each with its own membership requirements and fees, that can relieve you of the burden of starting your own group from scratch.

Power of structured support. Formal support groups provide a structured environment for personal and professional growth. They offer regular meetings, established protocols, and a community of like-minded individuals committed to mutual success.

Options for formal support:

• Join existing organizations (e.g., Young Presidents' Organization, Entrepreneurs' Organization)
• Form your own "Greenlight Group" using the guidelines in the book
• Implement peer support structures within your workplace

Key elements of effective support groups:

• Regular meetings with a clear agenda
• Confidentiality and trust
• Diverse membership with complementary skills and experiences
• Commitment to mutual growth and accountability
• Structured exercises and protocols for feedback and goal-setting

By actively participating in a formal support group, you create a powerful engine for personal and professional development, accelerating your progress towards your most important goals.

Last updated: December 6, 2024