Writing My Wrongs

1. Childhood trauma and neglect can lead to a destructive path

"I was lost in thought when, out of nowhere, Coop fired several more shots into the man's body. To this day, I think those shots were a cover for what Coop really wanted to do, which was cry."

Childhood experiences shape adult behavior. Shaka's early life was marked by emotional neglect, physical abuse, and exposure to violence. These experiences led to feelings of abandonment, anger, and a distorted sense of self-worth. As a result, he turned to the streets for acceptance and validation, ultimately leading to his involvement in drug dealing and violent crime.

The cycle of violence perpetuates itself. Growing up in an environment where violence was normalized, Shaka learned to use aggression as a means of self-protection and problem-solving. This mentality followed him into adulthood, culminating in his fatal shooting of another man. The incident with Coop demonstrates how violence can become a coping mechanism for deeper emotional pain.

2. The prison system often perpetuates violence and dehumanization

"I was terrified by the depth of the psychosis that I witnessed on a daily basis. From the guy beating on his door to the man down the hall who took a magazine staple and ripped his scrotum open, or my neighbor who would cut himself and destroy his cell in a rage, I got to the point where I could no longer tell who was crazy."

Prison culture breeds violence. The harsh environment of prison, with its strict hierarchies and constant threat of danger, often forces inmates to adopt aggressive behaviors as a means of survival. This perpetuates a cycle of violence that can be difficult to break, even for those who genuinely want to change.

Dehumanization is systemic. The prison system, through its policies and practices, often strips inmates of their dignity and humanity. This is evident in:

• Overcrowded and unsanitary living conditions
• Lack of mental health support
• Use of solitary confinement as punishment
• Arbitrary rules and punishments
• Limited access to education and rehabilitation programs

3. Self-reflection and education are powerful tools for personal growth

"Each time I filled a page of my journal, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted. No longer did I feel the old familiar bitterness; I was learning a new way to get it out."

Education opens new perspectives. Through reading and studying, Shaka began to understand the historical and societal context of his experiences. This knowledge helped him:

• Develop critical thinking skills
• Gain a sense of cultural pride and identity
• Understand the systemic issues affecting his community

Journaling facilitates self-discovery. By writing about his thoughts, feelings, and experiences, Shaka was able to:

• Process past trauma and emotions
• Identify patterns in his thinking and behavior
• Develop empathy for others and himself
• Set goals for personal growth

4. Solitary confinement can be both a curse and an opportunity for change

"I was growing in my consciousness, but the gravitational pull of prison life was overwhelming. I found myself in a constant internal battle, and the only time I felt at peace was when I was in the recreation center working out."

The harsh reality of isolation. Solitary confinement is a psychologically damaging experience that can lead to:

• Mental health deterioration
• Increased aggression and paranoia
• Loss of social skills
• Sensory deprivation

Turning isolation into transformation. Despite the challenges, Shaka used his time in solitary to:

• Develop a rigorous self-education program
• Practice meditation and self-reflection
• Write and develop his creative skills
• Confront his past actions and their consequences

5. Genuine relationships can provide hope and support during incarceration

"Ebony's visits, letters, and phone calls became my lifeline. We grew tremendously as a couple during that time, and on my roughest days, I would keep myself grounded by thinking about the dreams we shared and the future we hoped for."

Family support is crucial. Throughout his incarceration, Shaka's father remained a constant source of support, demonstrating the power of unconditional love and forgiveness. This relationship provided:

• Emotional stability
• A connection to the outside world
• Motivation to change and improve

Romantic relationships can be transformative. Shaka's relationship with Ebony provided:

• A sense of hope for the future
• Emotional intimacy and vulnerability
• Practical support in navigating the prison system
• Motivation to continue personal growth

6. The parole process is often arbitrary and frustrating

"Have a good day, Mr. White," she said. "I am recommending you take AOP before being released. You will get a decision in the mail soon." Then the camera went blank.

Systemic barriers to release. The parole process often seems designed to keep people incarcerated rather than facilitate rehabilitation and reentry. Challenges include:

• Long waiting lists for required programs
• Subjective decision-making by parole board members
• Emphasis on past offenses rather than current behavior and growth
• Limited consideration of support systems and reentry plans

Emotional toll of uncertainty. The parole process can be emotionally draining for both inmates and their loved ones due to:

• Long waiting periods between hearings
• Lack of transparency in decision-making
• Seemingly arbitrary denials
• Constant hope followed by disappointment

7. Transformation is possible, but the journey is long and challenging

"I knew I would never attempt to kill myself again, but I was still carrying around the pain that manifested itself in my body like a malignant tumor, and I had no idea how to cope with it."

Change is a gradual process. Shaka's transformation from an angry, violent young man to a thoughtful, empathetic adult took years of:

• Self-reflection and introspection
• Education and learning
• Confronting past traumas and behaviors
• Developing new coping mechanisms
• Building healthy relationships

Obstacles to change. Even as Shaka worked to improve himself, he faced numerous challenges:

• The violent and dehumanizing prison environment
• Limited access to resources and support
• Setbacks and moments of doubt
• The weight of past actions and their consequences

The power of purpose. Finding meaning and purpose was crucial to Shaka's transformation. This included:

• Developing his writing skills and sharing his story
• Mentoring younger inmates
• Planning for a future of community activism and youth outreach
• Building a relationship with his son and working to be a better father

Last updated: November 6, 2024