A CHANCE IN THE WORLD

1. Overcoming childhood trauma through resilience and determination

"I am going to do this my way," I said, to no one in particular. "I am going to get away from this house and these monsters— today."

Survival instinct. Steve Pemberton endured severe abuse and neglect in the Robinson foster home. He faced constant physical violence, emotional manipulation, and deprivation of basic needs like food and proper clothing. Despite these horrific circumstances, Steve developed remarkable resilience and determination to survive and eventually escape.

Inner strength. He found ways to outsmart his abusers, such as stealing and hiding food, and maintained hope that he would one day be free. Steve's unwavering spirit and refusal to be broken by his circumstances were crucial to his survival and eventual triumph over adversity.

2. The power of education and reading as tools for escape and growth

"Books became my shelter, protecting me as the Robinsons' slings and arrows rained overhead."

Refuge in literature. Reading became Steve's escape from the harsh realities of his life. Books provided him with knowledge, imagination, and hope for a better future. He found solace and inspiration in stories of resilience and adventure, such as "Watership Down."

Academic excellence. Despite attempts by the Robinsons to thwart his education, Steve excelled academically. He saw education as his ticket out of his abusive situation and worked tirelessly to achieve good grades and pursue higher education. His determination to learn and grow intellectually became a driving force in his life, ultimately leading him to Boston College and beyond.

3. The complex impact of foster care on identity and belonging

"I had been many things— foster child, college graduate, student-athlete, fighter—but he had denied me the identity and role I had most wanted, that of a son."

Identity struggle. Growing up in foster care, Steve grappled with questions of identity and belonging. He had no knowledge of his biological family or cultural heritage, which left him feeling disconnected and unsure of his place in the world.

Racial ambiguity. Steve's mixed-race background and light complexion added another layer of complexity to his identity. He faced questions and confusion from both white and black communities, struggling to find acceptance and understanding. This experience shaped his perspective on race and identity throughout his life.

4. The search for biological family and confronting painful truths

"Like my father, my mother, too, had written me right out of her life, this time literally."

Uncovering the past. Steve's search for his biological family led him to discover painful truths about his parents. He learned that his father, Kenny Pemberton, was a talented boxer with a troubled past who had never acknowledged Steve as his son. His mother, Marian, had struggled with addiction and poverty, ultimately losing custody of her children.

Emotional reckoning. Confronting these realities was difficult for Steve, as he had to come to terms with the fact that his parents had abandoned him. However, this process also allowed him to better understand his origins and find closure on some of the questions that had haunted him for years.

5. Breaking cycles of abuse and addiction through conscious choices

"I can end this, I thought. All of it. I can make certain this never happens again. I can begin anew. Right now."

Breaking the chain. Despite his traumatic upbringing, Steve made a conscious decision to break the cycle of abuse and addiction that had plagued his biological family. He chose to pursue education, build healthy relationships, and create a stable home for his own children.

Personal responsibility. Steve's commitment to breaking these cycles required tremendous self-awareness and effort. He had to confront his own emotional wounds and make deliberate choices to parent differently than he had been parented. This determination to create a better life became a driving force in his personal and professional endeavors.

6. The importance of mentors and supportive figures in personal development

"Mrs. Levin's books gave me something else that I did not fully appreciate until many years later: a model for dealing with the Robinsons."

Positive influences. Throughout his life, Steve encountered key individuals who provided support, guidance, and inspiration. These included Mrs. Levin, who supplied him with books; Ruby Dottin, who supported his educational pursuits; and John Sykes, who became a father figure and provided a stable home during his high school years.

Lifelong impact. These mentors and supportive figures played crucial roles in Steve's development, offering him glimpses of a better life and helping him navigate challenges. Their influence extended far beyond their immediate interactions, shaping Steve's values, aspirations, and approach to life.

7. Forging a new identity and future despite a difficult past

"Armed with this new identity, I moved on."

Reclaiming control. Steve took active steps to forge his own identity, including legally changing his last name to Pemberton. This act symbolized his determination to move beyond his painful past and create a new future on his own terms.

Professional success. Steve's drive and resilience led him to achieve significant professional success, including a career in college admissions at Boston College. He used his experiences and insights to help other students, particularly those from disadvantaged backgrounds, access higher education and create better futures for themselves.

8. The healing power of forgiveness and understanding

"For the first time I began to feel for her and the long, hard road that had been her existence."

Empathy for parents. As Steve uncovered more about his parents' lives and struggles, he began to develop empathy and understanding for their choices. This shift in perspective allowed him to move towards forgiveness, even if he couldn't fully excuse their actions.

Self-healing. The process of forgiving and understanding his parents' experiences was crucial to Steve's own healing. It allowed him to release some of the anger and pain he had carried for years, making room for personal growth and happiness in his own life.

9. Building a loving family as a path to redemption and fulfillment

"Fatherhood brought me the greatest joy of my life."

Creating stability. Steve's commitment to building a loving, stable family with his wife Tonya became a source of redemption and fulfillment. He embraced fatherhood with enthusiasm, determined to provide his children with the love, security, and support he had lacked in his own childhood.

Healing through love. The unconditional love Steve experienced as a father helped heal many of the wounds from his past. His children's innocence and trust in him reinforced his determination to break cycles of abuse and create a positive legacy for future generations. Through his family, Steve found a sense of belonging and purpose that had eluded him for much of his life.

Last updated: December 4, 2024