A Fierce Love

1. Unexpected marital crisis reveals the power of faith and perseverance

"God had asked me to do something unthinkably hard. It had been a little over a month since he gave me the Love Filter to follow. I had set off to follow him on this path he so graciously invited me to go on with him."

Shauna's world shattered when her husband Micah asked for a divorce after ten years of marriage. Despite the pain and shock, she felt God calling her to fight for her marriage. This crisis became a transformative journey of faith, revealing the power of perseverance and trust in God's plan.

The author's experience demonstrates how unexpected challenges can become opportunities for spiritual growth and strengthened relationships. Through her unwavering commitment to follow God's guidance, Shauna discovered inner strength she never knew she possessed. Her story serves as an inspiration for others facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their relationships.

2. Implementing a "Love Filter" based on 1 Corinthians 13 transforms relationships

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs."

The Love Filter concept, based on 1 Corinthians 13, became Shauna's guiding principle in her efforts to save her marriage. This approach involves filtering all actions, thoughts, and words through the characteristics of love described in the Bible passage.

Implementing the Love Filter required:

• Patience in the face of rejection
• Kindness despite hurt feelings
• Avoiding envy, boasting, and pride
• Honoring others, even when feeling dishonored
• Putting aside self-seeking behavior
• Controlling anger and resentment
• Letting go of past wrongs

By consistently applying these principles, Shauna witnessed a gradual transformation in her relationship with Micah and in her own character.

3. Spiritual warfare and demonic influences can impact marriages

"I became convinced that the words Micah had spoken to me were not true. Lies had been planted in his mind by the enemy and they had taken root until Micah believed them."

Shauna's experience led her to recognize the presence of spiritual warfare in her marriage. She identified negative thoughts, confusion, and destructive behaviors as potential signs of demonic influence.

Key aspects of spiritual warfare in relationships:

• Recognizing the enemy's tactics
• Identifying lies and replacing them with truth
• Seeking God's protection and guidance
• Utilizing prayer and Scripture as weapons
• Understanding the power of the name of Jesus

By acknowledging and actively combating these spiritual forces, Shauna and Micah were able to break free from destructive patterns and rebuild their relationship on a stronger foundation.

4. God's presence provides strength and comfort in times of despair

"In the midst of such heartbreak and uncertainty, a beautiful thing happened. I changed. Now I think it is impossible to stand and remain in God's presence like that and not be changed."

Shauna discovered that seeking God's presence during her darkest moments provided unexpected strength and comfort. This experience of divine support became a crucial element in her journey of healing and restoration.

Benefits of seeking God's presence in times of crisis:

• Renewed hope and perspective
• Emotional healing and peace
• Clarity of thought and decision-making
• Supernatural strength to persevere
• Deepened faith and trust in God's plan

The author's testimony highlights the transformative power of actively pursuing intimacy with God, especially during challenging seasons of life.

5. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and restoration

"I believe this kind of forgiveness is divine, meaning it is given from our Father, not fabricated by us. It is possible only by receiving God's love and by understanding that every hardship that happens is worked together for your good and the good of those around you."

Shauna's journey of forgiveness was crucial in the restoration of her marriage. She learned that true forgiveness goes beyond simply pardoning an offense; it involves embracing love and letting go of bitterness.

Key aspects of forgiveness:

• Recognizing it as a choice, not a feeling
• Understanding it as a process, not a one-time event
• Letting go of the right to punish or seek revenge
• Seeing the offender through God's eyes of love
• Trusting God to work all things for good

By choosing to forgive Micah, Shauna created space for healing and reconciliation, ultimately leading to a stronger and more intimate relationship.

6. Personal growth and self-reflection are crucial for marital recovery

"I realized then that I had failed as a wife. For my husband to believe that I thought so little of him that I could easily replace him! For him not to know that I would be completely devastated by his absence."

Shauna's crisis forced her to confront her own shortcomings and areas for personal growth. This process of self-reflection and improvement played a vital role in the recovery of her marriage.

Areas of personal growth:

• Identifying past mistakes and negative patterns
• Taking responsibility for one's actions and attitudes
• Developing better communication skills
• Cultivating empathy and understanding
• Growing in faith and spiritual maturity

The author's willingness to examine her own faults and work on personal improvement contributed significantly to the healing and strengthening of her relationship with Micah.

7. Intimacy with God leads to deeper intimacy in marriage

"Just as I did not want staleness to creep back into my marriage with my husband, I never ever wanted to cut God out of my heart again."

Shauna discovered that pursuing intimacy with God directly impacted the depth of her relationship with Micah. As she grew closer to God, she experienced a new level of vulnerability and connection in her marriage.

Benefits of cultivating intimacy with God:

• Increased capacity to love and forgive
• Greater emotional stability and security
• Improved communication and understanding
• Enhanced ability to meet each other's needs
• Shared spiritual growth and purpose

The author's experience demonstrates how a strong personal relationship with God can serve as a foundation for a thriving marriage.

8. Overcoming past traumas is essential for emotional healing

"As a little boy he had perfected the skill of building up walls to escape all the horrors of that life. As he built up walls, he would learn to escape to a place where he would feel nothing."

Micah's childhood trauma had a significant impact on his ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Recognizing and addressing these past wounds was crucial for his personal healing and the restoration of his marriage.

Steps in overcoming past traumas:

• Acknowledging the impact of past experiences
• Seeking professional help or counseling when needed
• Developing healthy coping mechanisms
• Practicing vulnerability and emotional honesty
• Allowing God's love to heal deep-seated wounds

By confronting his past and allowing himself to feel and process emotions, Micah was able to break down walls and cultivate a deeper connection with Shauna.

9. The importance of community support during difficult times

"I learned through Aunt Jan and Shannon what Christian community can be. I still feel honored even now to have shared in their friendship and to have been loved by them so selflessly."

Shauna's experience highlighted the crucial role of supportive community during times of crisis. The unwavering support of friends and family members provided encouragement, accountability, and practical help throughout her journey.

Benefits of community support:

• Emotional encouragement and prayer
• Practical assistance with daily tasks
• Accountability in maintaining faith and perseverance
• Wisdom and counsel from trusted individuals
• A sense of belonging and shared purpose

The author's story demonstrates how surrounding oneself with a supportive community can provide strength and hope during challenging seasons of life.

10. Embracing imperfections strengthens marital bonds

"I wanted to give it back to you in our daily routine. This is what I am saying yes to. I am saying yes to this, to you, to the kids, to all of it. Yes to our messy lives."

Micah's decision to recommit to the marriage in the midst of everyday chaos taught Shauna the value of embracing imperfections. This acceptance of reality, rather than an idealized version of marriage, strengthened their bond.

Advantages of embracing imperfections:

• Reduced pressure to maintain a "perfect" image
• Increased authenticity and vulnerability
• Greater appreciation for everyday moments
• Improved ability to weather life's challenges together
• Deeper understanding and acceptance of each other

By choosing to love and commit in the midst of real-life messiness, Micah and Shauna built a more resilient and authentic relationship.

11. Controlling emotions is key to maintaining a healthy relationship

"Ungodly emotions will control us. They will put us on a roller coaster of instability in life. They will try to force us to live by their dictates, possess our mouths and wills."

Shauna learned the importance of managing her emotions, especially during times of stress and uncertainty. This skill proved crucial in maintaining a stable and healthy relationship with Micah.

Strategies for emotional control:

• Doubting and questioning intense emotions
• Focusing on positive aspects of situations
• Seeking God's perspective on circumstances
• Practicing mindfulness and self-awareness
• Developing healthy outlets for emotional expression

By mastering her emotions, Shauna was able to respond to challenges with grace and wisdom, contributing to the healing and growth of her marriage.

12. Restored marriages can be stronger than before the crisis

"Our marriage is still not perfect, of course, but I never imagined I'd have the positive, productive, loving relationship that I enjoy with my husband today."

Shauna and Micah's story demonstrates that marriages can not only survive crises but emerge stronger and more vibrant than before. Their journey of restoration led to a deeper, more authentic relationship built on a foundation of faith, forgiveness, and mutual growth.

Factors contributing to a stronger restored marriage:

• Increased communication and vulnerability
• Shared spiritual growth and purpose
• Greater appreciation for each other
• Improved conflict resolution skills
• A renewed commitment to love and forgiveness

The author's experience offers hope and encouragement to couples facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, showing that with faith, perseverance, and hard work, marriages can be transformed and strengthened through adversity.

Last updated: November 11, 2024