A Womans Way Through The Twelve Steps

1. Addiction stems from disconnection with self and others

We have harmed ourselves with our drinking or using. When we're out of control, we violate our values and place ourselves in dangerous or harmful situations.

Addiction as escape: Substance abuse and addictive behaviors often serve as coping mechanisms for underlying pain, trauma, or feelings of inadequacy. Many women use alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behaviors to:

• Numb emotional pain
• Escape from difficult realities
• Fill a void left by unhealthy relationships
• Cope with low self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness

Disconnection and isolation: Addiction creates a vicious cycle of disconnection:

• From oneself: losing touch with true feelings, values, and needs
• From others: damaging relationships and pushing people away
• From life: neglecting responsibilities and meaningful activities

This disconnection further fuels the addiction, as the person feels increasingly isolated and turns to their substance or behavior for comfort.

2. Recovery begins with admitting powerlessness and finding a higher power

Step One tells us there is a surprising solution: only when we realize we can't control our drinking or drug use or eating, do we find a way to change.

Surrender as strength: Paradoxically, admitting powerlessness over addiction is the first step towards regaining control of one's life. This involves:

• Acknowledging that willpower alone is not enough
• Recognizing the futility of trying to control addictive behaviors
• Accepting the need for help and support

Higher Power concept: Finding a power greater than oneself provides:

• A source of strength and guidance
• Relief from the burden of trying to control everything
• Hope for change and healing

The "Higher Power" can be interpreted broadly:

• Traditional religious concepts
• Nature or the universe
• The collective wisdom of a recovery group
• One's own "higher self" or inner wisdom

3. Self-discovery is crucial for healing and growth in recovery

Recovery is when you look inside and begin to ask, What do I think? What do I feel? What is my truth? What are my options?

Reconnecting with self: Recovery involves a process of self-exploration and rediscovery:

• Identifying and naming emotions
• Uncovering personal values and beliefs
• Recognizing patterns of behavior and thought

Inventory process: Taking a "searching and fearless moral inventory" helps:

• Identify harmful patterns and behaviors
• Uncover underlying fears and motivations
• Recognize strengths and positive qualities

Balancing self-awareness: It's important to approach self-examination with compassion:

• Acknowledge both strengths and weaknesses
• Avoid excessive self-criticism or blame
• Recognize how past experiences have shaped current behaviors

This process of self-discovery lays the foundation for personal growth and healthier relationships in recovery.

4. Honesty and accountability are essential for making amends

Admitting our "wrongs" helps us uncover the reality of the past and present so that we can change.

Taking responsibility: Making amends involves:

• Acknowledging harm caused to others and oneself
• Taking ownership of past actions without excuses
• Committing to changed behavior moving forward

Types of amends:

• Direct amends: Apologizing and making restitution where possible
• Living amends: Demonstrating changed behavior over time
• Symbolic amends: Finding alternative ways to make things right when direct contact isn't possible

Balanced approach: It's important to:

• Consider potential harm in making certain amends
• Focus on one's own accountability, not others' faults
• Recognize shared responsibility in some situations

Making amends is not just about apologizing, but about actively working to repair relationships and rebuild trust.

5. Relationships in recovery require authenticity and mutual growth

We heal in relationship and in connection with other people. In recovery we move from isolation to connection.

Healthy connections: Recovery offers the opportunity to build relationships based on:

• Honesty and vulnerability
• Mutual support and understanding
• Respect for boundaries and individual needs

Growth-fostering relationships: Characteristics include:

• Increased energy and vitality for both parties
• Empowerment to act and make choices
• Greater self-knowledge and understanding of others
• Enhanced self-worth
• Desire for more connection

Balancing self and others: Recovery teaches how to:

• Maintain a strong sense of self within relationships
• Express needs and feelings authentically
• Support others without losing oneself
• Navigate conflicts in healthy ways

These skills allow for deeper, more fulfilling connections with others while maintaining personal integrity.

6. Sexuality in recovery involves reconnecting with one's body and desires

Now I feel very feminine when I get out of the tub and powder myself. I used to do that to please a man, but now I do it for me.

Reclaiming sexuality: Recovery offers a chance to:

• Heal from past sexual trauma or negative experiences
• Explore desires and preferences without substance use
• Develop a positive body image and self-acceptance

Barriers to address:

• Cultural messages about sexuality and desirability
• Shame or guilt related to past experiences
• Disconnection from one's body due to substance abuse

Healthy sexuality in recovery:

• Focuses on mutual pleasure and respect
• Involves clear communication of boundaries and desires
• Integrates emotional and physical intimacy
• Enhances overall well-being and self-esteem

Developing a healthy relationship with one's sexuality is an important aspect of holistic recovery and personal growth.

7. Ongoing spiritual practice maintains recovery and personal growth

Prayer and meditation can bring us serenity—moments, hours, maybe even days of it—that we perhaps have never experienced before.

Spiritual maintenance: Regular spiritual practice helps:

• Maintain connection with one's higher power
• Cultivate inner peace and serenity
• Provide guidance in difficult situations

Diverse approaches: Spiritual practice can take many forms:

• Traditional prayer or meditation
• Mindfulness exercises
• Connecting with nature
• Creative expression
• Service to others

Benefits of spiritual practice:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Enhances self-awareness
• Provides perspective on life's challenges
• Reinforces commitment to recovery

Developing a consistent spiritual practice supports long-term recovery by providing a source of strength and guidance beyond oneself.

8. Carrying the message helps sustain one's own recovery

We keep it by giving it away.

Service in recovery: Helping others in their recovery journey:

• Reinforces one's own commitment to sobriety
• Provides a sense of purpose and meaning
• Builds connections within the recovery community

Ways to carry the message:

• Sponsoring newcomers in recovery programs
• Sharing one's story at meetings or events
• Volunteering at treatment centers or recovery organizations
• Offering support to friends and family in need

Balance in service: It's important to:

• Maintain focus on one's own recovery
• Set healthy boundaries when helping others
• Recognize when additional support is needed

By sharing their experience, strength, and hope, recovering individuals not only help others but also strengthen their own foundation in recovery.

Last updated: November 25, 2024