After[AFTER][Paperback]

1. Hardin's tumultuous past shapes his present actions.

As the snow soaks into my clothes, I want to blame my father for passing his addiction on to me; I want to blame my mum for staying with him for too long and helping create such a fucked-up child; I want to blame Tessa for ever speaking to me.

Inherited trauma. Hardin's difficult childhood, marked by his father's addiction and his mother's struggles, significantly impacts his behavior and relationships. He grapples with anger, insecurity, and a tendency to self-destruct, often projecting these issues onto those closest to him. This creates a cycle of pain and mistrust that is difficult to break.

Defense mechanisms. Hardin's past experiences have led him to develop defense mechanisms, such as emotional detachment and a tendency to push people away. These mechanisms, while intended to protect him from further hurt, often sabotage his relationships and prevent him from forming genuine connections. He struggles to trust others and is quick to assume the worst, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Self-blame and externalization. Hardin often oscillates between blaming himself for his problems and externalizing responsibility onto others. This internal conflict makes it difficult for him to take ownership of his actions and make meaningful changes. He struggles to reconcile his desire for love and connection with his fear of vulnerability and rejection.

2. Tessa's forgiving nature is both a strength and a weakness.

I made excuses for him because of the things he went through as a child, but now I’m beginning to wonder if he was lying about that, too.

Empathy and compassion. Tessa possesses a deep capacity for empathy and compassion, which allows her to see beyond Hardin's flaws and connect with his underlying pain. She is willing to forgive him for his mistakes, often attributing his behavior to his difficult past and believing in his potential for change. This makes her a source of comfort and support for Hardin, but also leaves her vulnerable to manipulation and abuse.

Enabling behavior. Tessa's forgiving nature can sometimes enable Hardin's destructive behavior. By constantly forgiving him, she inadvertently reinforces his belief that he can get away with anything, hindering his personal growth and perpetuating the cycle of pain. She struggles to set boundaries and assert her own needs, often prioritizing Hardin's well-being over her own.

Self-sacrifice. Tessa's willingness to sacrifice her own happiness for Hardin's sake is both admirable and detrimental. She often puts his needs before her own, neglecting her own desires and aspirations in order to support him. This self-sacrificing behavior can lead to resentment and burnout, ultimately undermining the relationship.

3. Miscommunication and secrets breed distrust and chaos.

Every kiss and touch have been shared among Hardin’s friends, every moment on display. My most intimate moments. My only intimate moments aren’t mine at all.

Lack of transparency. The relationship between Tessa and Hardin is plagued by miscommunication and secrets, which erode trust and create a breeding ground for conflict. Hardin's tendency to withhold information and make impulsive decisions without consulting Tessa leaves her feeling betrayed and disrespected. This lack of transparency makes it difficult for them to build a foundation of honesty and mutual understanding.

Assumptions and misunderstandings. Both Tessa and Hardin are prone to making assumptions about each other's thoughts and feelings, leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts. They often fail to communicate their needs and expectations clearly, resulting in hurt feelings and resentment. This lack of open communication prevents them from resolving their issues effectively.

Erosion of trust. The constant cycle of miscommunication and secrets gradually erodes trust between Tessa and Hardin. Tessa struggles to believe Hardin's promises of change, given his history of deception. This lack of trust makes it difficult for them to build a healthy and sustainable relationship.

4. Love and hate are intertwined, creating a volatile relationship.

You’re my breath, my pain, my heart, my life!

Passionate intensity. The relationship between Tessa and Hardin is characterized by intense passion, both positive and negative. Their love is all-consuming, but it is also intertwined with anger, jealousy, and resentment. This volatile mix of emotions creates a rollercoaster of highs and lows, making it difficult for them to find stability and peace.

Destructive patterns. The intensity of their emotions often leads to destructive patterns of behavior. They are quick to anger and prone to impulsive actions, which further damage their relationship. This cycle of conflict and reconciliation becomes addictive, but also unsustainable in the long run.

Codependency. Tessa and Hardin's relationship exhibits elements of codependency, where their identities and self-worth become intertwined. They rely on each other for validation and struggle to function independently. This codependency makes it difficult for them to break free from the destructive patterns of their relationship.

5. Outside influences exacerbate internal conflicts.

I didn’t want Ken and Karen to know . . . but it may not make much of a difference, since after tonight they surely won’t really want to see me again.

Peer pressure. Hardin's friends, particularly Jace and Molly, exert a negative influence on his behavior, encouraging him to engage in destructive activities and undermining his relationship with Tessa. Their presence amplifies his insecurities and makes it difficult for him to break free from his past.

Family dynamics. The complex family dynamics of both Tessa and Hardin contribute to their internal conflicts. Tessa's strained relationship with her mother and Hardin's troubled relationship with his father create additional stress and make it difficult for them to navigate their own relationship.

Social expectations. The social expectations and pressures of college life also play a role in their struggles. The desire to fit in and maintain a certain image can lead to compromises and betrayals, further complicating their relationship.

6. The cycle of forgiveness and betrayal is difficult to break.

I know I fucked up big-time—but I love you. I need you.

Repeated offenses. The relationship between Tessa and Hardin is marked by a recurring cycle of forgiveness and betrayal. Hardin repeatedly makes mistakes, causing Tessa pain and disappointment. While he often expresses remorse and promises to change, he struggles to break free from his destructive patterns.

Erosion of trust. Each betrayal erodes Tessa's trust in Hardin, making it increasingly difficult for her to believe in his promises of change. This lack of trust creates a barrier to intimacy and prevents them from building a secure and stable relationship.

Addictive cycle. The cycle of forgiveness and betrayal becomes addictive for both Tessa and Hardin. Tessa is drawn to Hardin's vulnerability and his expressions of remorse, while Hardin relies on Tessa's forgiveness to validate his own self-worth. This codependent dynamic makes it difficult for them to break free from the destructive patterns of their relationship.

7. Personal growth requires confronting past demons.

I’m trying to be honest. And when I told everyone about the things we did, I didn’t tell them what we were actually doing . . . I couldn’t do that to you, even in the beginning.

Acknowledging past mistakes. Hardin's journey toward personal growth requires him to confront his past mistakes and take responsibility for his actions. This involves acknowledging the pain he has caused others and making amends for his behavior.

Breaking destructive patterns. In order to change, Hardin must identify and break the destructive patterns that have defined his life. This requires him to challenge his ingrained beliefs and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Seeking help and support. Hardin's personal growth may require him to seek professional help and build a support system of positive influences. This can provide him with the tools and resources he needs to overcome his challenges and build a more fulfilling life.

8. Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild.

I can’t believe how stupid I was—I gave up everything for him. But the worst feeling in the world is loving someone who doesn’t love you.

Fragility of trust. Trust is a fragile commodity that can be easily broken and difficult to rebuild. Once trust has been violated, it takes time, effort, and consistent behavior to restore it.

Demonstrating trustworthiness. To rebuild trust, Hardin must consistently demonstrate his trustworthiness through his actions. This involves being honest, reliable, and respectful of Tessa's boundaries.

Patience and understanding. Rebuilding trust requires patience and understanding from both Tessa and Hardin. Tessa must be willing to give Hardin the opportunity to prove himself, while Hardin must be patient with Tessa's hesitation and skepticism.

9. The past casts a long shadow on the present.

He has tainted every aspect of my life, including the entire state of Washington.

Lingering effects of trauma. The trauma of Hardin's past actions continues to haunt Tessa, casting a long shadow on their present relationship. Memories of his betrayals and lies resurface, making it difficult for her to fully trust him and move forward.

Triggers and reminders. Certain people, places, and situations can serve as triggers, reminding Tessa of Hardin's past mistakes and reigniting her pain. These triggers can create anxiety and make it difficult for her to feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Breaking free from the past. To move forward, Tessa and Hardin must find ways to break free from the grip of the past. This involves acknowledging the pain, processing their emotions, and creating new, positive experiences that can overshadow the negative memories.

10. The definition of love is tested through trials and tribulations.

I don’t know who I am without you anymore.

Unconditional acceptance. True love involves accepting someone for who they are, flaws and all. This requires a willingness to see beyond their mistakes and appreciate their inherent worth.

Sacrifice and compromise. Love often requires sacrifice and compromise. This involves putting the needs of the other person before your own and finding ways to meet each other's needs.

Growth and transformation. Love can be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. By challenging each other and supporting each other's goals, couples can help each other become better versions of themselves.

Last updated: April 10, 2025