Beyond the Instant

1. Happiness comes from giving, not taking

"The more concerned we are with our own happiness, the less likely we are to achieve it."

Happiness paradox. True happiness stems from focusing on others rather than ourselves. Studies show that generosity and volunteering benefit people of all ages both physically and psychologically, leading to lower blood pressure, reduced anxiety and depression, and overall greater happiness.

Giving creates meaning. By extending ourselves for others, we shift our focus from internal contentment to shared responsibility. This outward orientation helps forge stronger connections with family, community, and spiritual pursuits, providing a sense of purpose that fleeting pleasures cannot match.

Examples of giving:

• Volunteering time at local charities
• Mentoring others in your field of expertise
• Supporting friends and family through difficult times
• Donating to causes you believe in
• Performing random acts of kindness

2. Commitment is essential for lasting relationships

"Marriage is happiness in slow motion. It is a world far beyond the instant."

Safety in commitment. Marriage creates the highest possible level of commitment, allowing partners to feel comfortable sharing and revealing their inner selves. This deep emotional connection eases existential separateness and anxiety, fostering true intimacy.

Shared purpose strengthens bonds. Couples need to be partners in a mission beyond themselves, focusing on something higher than each other. This shared purpose, whether raising a family, supporting a cause, or pursuing spiritual growth, provides fulfillment and helps the relationship withstand challenges.

Keys to lasting relationships:

• Open communication
• Mutual respect and trust
• Shared values and goals
• Willingness to compromise
• Commitment to growth, both individually and as a couple

3. Sex can be a path to holiness when approached mindfully

"Sex is ultimately a way for married couples to achieve holiness, depending, of course, on how it is approached."

Sacred instrument. Judaism views sex positively, not just for procreation but as a means to deepen love, trust, and commitment between partners. When approached mindfully within a committed relationship, sex can create a state of holiness and sanctity.

Balance of pleasure and purpose. While physical pleasure is important, Judaism teaches that sex should also serve a higher purpose in strengthening the bond between partners and creating a foundation for a loving home. This balanced approach helps ensure that the sexual relationship remains part of something deeper and more long-lasting than momentary gratification.

Elements of a holy sexual relationship:

• Mutual respect and consideration
• Focus on giving pleasure to one's partner
• Emotional intimacy and vulnerability
• Awareness of the sacred nature of the act
• Commitment to growth and deepening connection

4. Failure is a necessary step towards success

"To succeed we often need to fail—but that never means we're failures."

Embracing setbacks. Failure is an essential part of growth and learning. Many successful people, from Abraham Lincoln to Thomas Edison, experienced numerous failures before achieving their goals. These setbacks provided valuable lessons and opportunities for improvement.

Persistence and resilience. The key to overcoming failure is to view it as a temporary setback rather than a permanent condition. By maintaining belief in oneself and learning from mistakes, individuals can persist in the face of adversity and ultimately achieve success.

Strategies for turning failure into success:

• Analyze what went wrong and identify areas for improvement
• Seek feedback and advice from mentors or experts
• Set realistic goals and break them into manageable steps
• Celebrate small victories along the way
• Maintain a growth mindset, viewing challenges as opportunities to learn

5. Take responsibility for your actions instead of blaming others

"Playing the blame game will prevent us from becoming the people we have the potential to be."

Ownership empowers growth. By taking responsibility for our actions and decisions, we gain the power to change and improve. Blaming others or external circumstances keeps us stuck in a victim mentality, preventing personal growth and problem-solving.

Self-reflection leads to solutions. When faced with challenges or setbacks, asking "What can I do differently?" rather than pointing fingers allows us to identify areas for improvement and take constructive action. This approach fosters resilience and adaptability in both personal and professional contexts.

Steps to cultivate responsibility:

• Practice self-awareness and honest self-evaluation
• Focus on what you can control, rather than external factors
• Learn from mistakes and view them as opportunities for growth
• Set clear goals and hold yourself accountable
• Seek feedback and be open to constructive criticism

6. Transform yourself from object to subject in life

"Man's task in the world, according to Judaism, is to transform fate into destiny; a passive existence into an active existence."

Asserting control. Even in challenging circumstances, we have the power to shape our response and take an active role in our lives. This transformation from passive object to active subject is essential for personal growth and fulfillment.

Examples of empowerment. Historical figures like Joseph in the Bible and modern individuals like Natan Sharansky demonstrate how people can assert control and maintain dignity even in seemingly helpless situations. By refusing to be victims of circumstance, they became masters of their own destiny.

Strategies for becoming the subject of your life:

• Identify areas where you feel powerless and brainstorm ways to take action
• Set personal goals and actively work towards them
• Cultivate a mindset of agency and responsibility
• Seek opportunities for growth and learning, even in difficult situations
• Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your autonomy

7. Everyone has a unique mission to fulfill

"Each of us has a purpose and Judaism teaches us to live in such a way as to reflect this belief."

Individual purpose. Every person has a unique spiritual mission that only they can fulfill. This mission is not determined by wealth, status, or fame, but by the distinct role each individual plays in the world.

Valuing all contributions. Just as every instrument in an orchestra is essential for the full piece of music, every person's role in life is important, regardless of how prominent or visible it may be. Recognizing the value in all types of work and service can lead to greater fulfillment and sense of purpose.

Discovering your mission:

• Reflect on your unique talents and passions
• Consider how you can use your skills to benefit others
• Seek opportunities to make a positive impact in your community
• Be open to unexpected paths and experiences
• Cultivate gratitude for the unique gifts you possess

8. Choose ethics over etiquette in decision-making

"We need to stop caring so much about what others think and be more concerned with what's right."

Principle over popularity. Making decisions based on ethical principles rather than social approval leads to a more meaningful and authentic life. While etiquette focuses on appearances and societal norms, ethics guide us towards what is truly right and just.

Long-term benefits. Choosing ethics over etiquette may sometimes lead to short-term discomfort or unpopularity, but it ultimately earns respect and creates a foundation for lasting integrity. This approach allows individuals to live according to their values and make a positive impact on the world.

Balancing ethics and social norms:

• Identify your core values and ethical principles
• Practice standing up for your beliefs, even when it's uncomfortable
• Seek out role models who exemplify ethical leadership
• Educate yourself on ethical frameworks and moral philosophy
• Regularly reflect on your actions and their alignment with your values

9. Celebrate the journey, not just the destination

"Remember it's not just the fruit produced, it's also about the tree—the experience we have in getting there."

Process over product. While achieving goals is important, finding joy and meaning in the journey itself leads to greater fulfillment. By appreciating the experiences and growth that occur along the way, we can cultivate a richer, more satisfying life.

Mindfulness and gratitude. Practices like observing the Sabbath and reciting blessings help develop awareness and appreciation for the present moment. These habits train us to be more mindful and grateful, allowing us to fully engage with and enjoy our daily experiences.

Strategies for savoring the journey:

• Set intermediate goals and celebrate small victories
• Practice mindfulness through meditation or reflection
• Keep a gratitude journal to focus on daily blessings
• Engage fully in activities without obsessing over the end result
• Share experiences and learning with others along the way

10. Free will empowers us to change and grow

"We may fail, but that doesn't mean we are failures."

Power of choice. While we cannot control all circumstances in our lives, we have the power to choose how we respond to them. This ability to make conscious decisions, regardless of our background or past experiences, is the essence of free will.

Potential for change. The belief in free will empowers individuals to break free from negative patterns and make positive changes in their lives. It encourages personal responsibility and growth, rather than resignation to fate or circumstances.

Exercising free will:

• Recognize the power of your choices in shaping your life
• Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences
• Identify areas where you feel stuck and explore alternative choices
• Seek support and resources to help implement desired changes
• Cultivate a growth mindset that embraces the possibility of change and improvement

Last updated: July 28, 2024