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Key Takeaways
1. Unexpected Journey: From Atheism to Christianity
A simple, terrifying, holy exchange. All I had to do was reach out and take it.
Conversion experience. Rachel Gilson's journey from atheism to Christianity was unexpected and transformative. As a Yale student, she stumbled upon C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity" and was confronted with the reality of God's existence and Jesus Christ's sacrificial love. This encounter led to a profound shift in her worldview and identity.
Challenges and growth. Gilson's newfound faith presented immediate challenges, particularly regarding her same-sex attraction. She grappled with reconciling her sexuality with her Christian beliefs, a process that involved:
- Studying Scripture to understand God's design for sexuality
- Seeking support from Christian friends and mentors
- Learning to trust in God's goodness and wisdom, even when it conflicted with her desires
2. God's Design for Sexuality: Diversity, Life, and Love
Marriage is a metaphor for non-interchangeable entities in an intimate relationship: Jesus Christ and his church.
Biblical perspective on sexuality. God's design for sexuality encompasses three main blessings:
- Diversity: The creation of male and female reflects God's image and promotes unity in difference.
- Life: Sexual union within marriage has the potential to create new life, mirroring God's creative power.
- Love: Marriage serves as a metaphor for Christ's relationship with the Church, demonstrating sacrificial love and commitment.
Challenging cultural narratives. This biblical view challenges contemporary ideas about sexuality by:
- Emphasizing the purpose of sex beyond personal fulfillment
- Highlighting the significance of male-female complementarity in marriage
- Presenting a vision of love that transcends romantic feelings
3. Battling Same-Sex Attraction: A Christian Perspective
We obey him, not our sinful desires. They are strong, but he is stronger.
Understanding temptation. Same-sex attraction is viewed as a temptation to sin, not a sin itself. Christians experiencing these attractions are called to:
- Recognize the reality of their desires without acting on them
- Trust in God's power to overcome temptation
- Focus on growing in holiness rather than attempting to become heterosexual
Practical strategies:
- Cultivate a deep relationship with Jesus through prayer and Bible study
- Seek accountability and support from trusted Christian friends
- Develop a biblical understanding of identity rooted in Christ, not sexuality
4. The Power of Christian Community for Same-Sex Attracted Believers
We are not alone. The eunuch would have felt among the least in the time of the old covenant—the incomplete, the forgotten. But God saw him and called him in his singleness.
Importance of community. Christian community plays a crucial role in supporting same-sex attracted believers by:
- Providing a sense of belonging and family
- Offering opportunities for meaningful relationships and service
- Creating a safe space for vulnerability and growth
Challenges and opportunities:
- Navigating close friendships while maintaining appropriate boundaries
- Learning to give and receive love within the context of spiritual family
- Embracing diverse experiences and perspectives within the church
5. Marriage and Singleness: Unexpected Paths for Same-Sex Attracted Christians
Marriage is not promised or preferred. It can't make you straight nor prove that you're committed. It's not the prize for faithfulness, nor the source. Jesus Christ is the prize.
Reframing expectations. Both marriage and singleness can be valid paths for same-sex attracted Christians:
- Marriage to an opposite-sex partner is possible for some, but should not be seen as a "cure" for same-sex attraction
- Singleness can be embraced as a meaningful and fulfilling lifestyle, focused on serving God and others
Key considerations:
- The decision to marry or remain single should be guided by prayer, wise counsel, and a desire to honor God
- Both paths require trust in God's goodness and provision
- The ultimate goal is not finding a spouse, but growing in Christ-likeness
6. Navigating Relationships: Same-Sex Attracted Christians and Their Partners
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Communication and trust. For couples where one partner experiences same-sex attraction, open and honest communication is crucial:
- Discuss expectations, fears, and hopes openly
- Seek God's wisdom and guidance together
- Be willing to address challenges as they arise
Practical advice:
- Focus on building a strong friendship and shared faith
- Don't assume same-sex attraction is always the root of relationship issues
- Seek support from mature Christians and professional counselors when needed
7. Identity in Christ: Beyond Sexual Orientation Labels
We don't need to become Jews, or straight, to enter into the family of God. By faith, we have full access to forgiveness, acceptance, and transformation into the likeness of Christ.
Redefining identity. Christians are called to find their primary identity in Christ, not in their sexual orientation:
- Recognize that sexual attractions, while real, do not define a person's core identity
- Embrace the freedom to describe experiences of same-sex attraction without adopting limiting labels
- Focus on growing in Christ-likeness rather than conforming to cultural expectations
Practical applications:
- Use language that prioritizes one's identity in Christ (e.g., "Christian who experiences same-sex attraction" rather than "gay Christian")
- Engage with others based on shared humanity and faith, not sexual orientation
- Seek to understand and empathize with diverse experiences while maintaining biblical convictions
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FAQ
What’s "Born Again This Way" by Rachel Gilson about?
- Personal journey of faith: The book is Rachel Gilson’s memoir of coming out as same-sex attracted, her unexpected conversion to Christianity, and her ongoing journey of faith.
- Navigating sexuality and belief: It explores the tension between her sexual orientation and the traditional Christian sexual ethic, offering a candid look at her struggles and choices.
- Scriptural engagement: Gilson grounds her story in biblical teaching, aiming to show how Scripture speaks to issues of sexuality, identity, and discipleship.
- Broader application: While focused on same-sex attraction, the book addresses universal Christian themes of obedience, trust, and finding identity in Christ.
Why should I read "Born Again This Way" by Rachel Gilson?
- Unique perspective: Gilson offers a rare, honest account of being both same-sex attracted and a committed evangelical Christian, a voice often missing in the conversation.
- Compassionate and practical: The book is praised for its pastoral tone, theological depth, and practical advice for those wrestling with sexuality and faith.
- Encouragement for many: It’s written for same-sex-attracted Christians, their loved ones, and anyone seeking to understand the intersection of faith and sexuality.
- Scriptural focus: Readers will find a strong emphasis on the sufficiency and goodness of Scripture, making it valuable for personal growth and church ministry.
What are the key takeaways of "Born Again This Way"?
- Jesus is worth everything: Gilson’s central message is that Christ is more beautiful and satisfying than romance, sex, or any other earthly desire.
- Obedience before understanding: She emphasizes trusting God’s commands even when they don’t make sense, drawing parallels to the Garden of Eden.
- Holiness over heterosexuality: The goal for same-sex-attracted Christians is not to become straight, but to pursue faithfulness and holiness in Christ.
- The church as family: Gilson highlights the importance of Christian community, friendship, and spiritual family for all believers, especially singles and those with same-sex attraction.
How does Rachel Gilson define and address same-sex attraction in "Born Again This Way"?
- Not chosen, but real: Gilson describes her same-sex attraction as unchosen and persistent, but not the defining feature of her identity.
- Desire vs. action: She distinguishes between experiencing same-sex attraction (desire) and acting on it, emphasizing that temptation itself is not sin, but acting on it is.
- Biblical framework: The book consistently refers to Scripture’s teaching that same-sex sexual relationships are outside God’s design, but that all Christians battle sinful desires.
- Compassion and clarity: Gilson offers both empathy for those who struggle and clear guidance on resisting temptation and living faithfully.
What is Rachel Gilson’s advice for Christians experiencing same-sex attraction?
- Trust God’s goodness: She encourages believers to trust God’s character and commands, even when they feel counterintuitive or painful.
- Pursue community: Gilson stresses the need for honest, supportive Christian friendships and church family, rather than isolation.
- Focus on faithfulness: The goal is not to become straight, but to say “no” to sinful desires and “yes” to Christ, relying on the Holy Spirit’s power.
- Seek accountability and support: She recommends confession, accountability, and practical steps to avoid temptation, while rejecting shame and secrecy.
How does "Born Again This Way" by Rachel Gilson address the question: “Do I have to become straight to be a faithful Christian?”
- Holiness, not heterosexuality: Gilson argues that the Bible never commands same-sex-attracted Christians to become straight, but to pursue holiness and obedience.
- Temptation may persist: She acknowledges that many believers never experience a change in their attractions, but can still live faithfully.
- Crucify sinful desires: The focus is on resisting and “crucifying” sinful desires, not on changing orientation.
- God’s power is sufficient: Gilson assures readers that God provides the strength to say no to temptation, regardless of whether attractions change.
What does "Born Again This Way" say about identity and labels like “gay Christian” or “same-sex-attracted Christian”?
- Primary identity in Christ: Gilson insists that a Christian’s core identity is being “in Christ,” not in their sexual orientation or attractions.
- Language matters: She discusses the pros and cons of labels like “gay Christian” and “same-sex-attracted Christian,” urging caution and charity in language choices.
- Acknowledging reality: While not denying the reality of same-sex attraction, she warns against making it the central truth about oneself.
- Unity and witness: Gilson encourages language that promotes unity in the church and helps believers fight sin and love Jesus more deeply.
How does Rachel Gilson describe the role of friendship and community for same-sex-attracted Christians in "Born Again This Way"?
- Church as true family: Gilson elevates the biblical vision of the church as a spiritual family, offering belonging and intimacy beyond biological ties.
- Value of same-sex friendships: She affirms the goodness of deep, non-romantic same-sex friendships, while warning against unhealthy emotional dependency or romanticization.
- Sibling language: The book advocates for reclaiming “sibling” language in the church to foster chaste, affectionate, and supportive relationships.
- Accountability and boundaries: Gilson provides practical advice on navigating attraction within friendships, including honesty, accountability, and sometimes setting boundaries.
What does "Born Again This Way" teach about marriage and celibacy for same-sex-attracted Christians?
- Marriage is possible, not required: Gilson shares her own story of marrying a man, but clarifies that marriage is not the goal or reward for faithfulness.
- Celibacy as a calling: She affirms the dignity and value of celibacy, drawing on biblical examples and the promise of spiritual family and fruitfulness.
- Realistic expectations: The book warns against entering marriage to “fix” one’s attractions or to prove faithfulness, and encourages discernment and honesty.
- Both paths are honored: Gilson emphasizes that both marriage and singleness can be faithful, fruitful ways to serve God.
How does "Born Again This Way" by Rachel Gilson address the church’s role in supporting same-sex-attracted believers?
- Compassion and truth: Gilson calls the church to offer both grace and truth, avoiding both harshness and revisionism regarding biblical sexuality.
- Avoiding extra burdens: She warns against adding to God’s word by demanding heterosexuality or treating same-sex-attracted believers as second-class.
- Creating safe spaces: The book urges churches to be places where people can honestly share their struggles and receive support, not shame or exclusion.
- Equipping for ministry: Gilson highlights the unique witness and ministry that same-sex-attracted Christians can offer the church and the world.
What are the best quotes from "Born Again This Way" by Rachel Gilson and what do they mean?
- “Jesus is the best lover.” – Emphasizes that Christ’s love surpasses all human romance or sexual fulfillment.
- “Holiness does not equal heterosexuality.” – Reminds readers that the Christian life is about faithfulness, not changing one’s orientation.
- “We are free to use our bodies as the good gifts they are designed by their Creator to be.” – Encourages stewardship of sexuality in line with God’s design.
- “You only give up something awesome for something even better.” – Highlights the cost and reward of following Jesus over personal desires.
What practical steps and methods does Rachel Gilson recommend in "Born Again This Way" for living faithfully as a same-sex-attracted Christian?
- Root yourself in Scripture: Gilson urges regular engagement with the Bible to understand God’s design and find strength for obedience.
- Build honest relationships: She recommends seeking out trustworthy friends, mentors, and church family for support and accountability.
- Practice confession and repentance: Regularly confessing struggles and failures, and receiving forgiveness, is key to spiritual health.
- Embrace your purpose: Gilson encourages believers to see their unique story as a means to serve others, witness to Christ, and glorify God.
Review Summary
Born Again This Way receives mostly positive reviews for its biblical approach to same-sex attraction. Readers appreciate Gilson's honesty, theological depth, and compassionate tone. Many find it helpful for Christians experiencing same-sex attraction and those seeking to understand the issue. The book is praised for its gospel-centered perspective and practical wisdom. Some readers note its focus on female experiences, while a few disagree with certain theological points. Overall, it's recommended as a valuable resource for Christians grappling with sexuality and faith.
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