1. Addiction as a Universal Human Condition

"We are all addicts. Human beings are addictive by nature."

Universal addiction. Addiction is not limited to substance abuse but extends to our habitual ways of thinking and behaving. We are all addicted to our own patterns of processing reality, which often blind us to truth and keep us trapped in destructive cycles.

Stinking thinking. The most pervasive addiction is to our own mental patterns, which create fixed worldviews and prevent us from seeing reality clearly. This "stinking thinking" is often unconscious and deeply ingrained, making it difficult to recognize and change without intentional effort and outside help.

Cultural addictions. Societies as a whole can be addicted to certain ideologies, power structures, and ways of life that perpetuate harm. Examples include:

• American addiction to oil, war, and empire
• The church's addiction to its own exceptionalism
• The wealthy person's addiction to entitlement

2. The Power of Surrender and Acceptance

"We suffer to get well. We surrender to win. We die to live. We give it away to keep it."

Paradoxical wisdom. True spiritual growth often requires embracing seeming contradictions. By surrendering our ego's need for control, we gain a deeper sense of peace and connection. Accepting our powerlessness over certain aspects of life allows us to focus on what we can change.

Grace through surrender. When we stop trying to manipulate outcomes and instead trust in a higher power or the natural flow of life, we open ourselves to unexpected gifts and transformations. This surrender is not passive resignation but an active choice to let go of our limited perspective.

Dying to the false self. Surrender involves letting go of our constructed identities and defenses, which can feel like a kind of death. However, this "dying" to our old ways of being creates space for a more authentic, liberated self to emerge.

3. Confronting the Shadow Self

"We cannot heal what we do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you."

Importance of self-awareness. Healing and growth require us to face the parts of ourselves we'd rather ignore – our flaws, fears, and destructive patterns. By bringing these aspects into consciousness, we can begin to integrate and transform them.

Shadow boxing. The process of confronting our shadow self involves:

• Honest self-reflection
• Willingness to feel uncomfortable emotions
• Seeking feedback from others
• Recognizing our projections onto others

Transformative power of acknowledgment. Simply admitting our faults and shortcomings can be profoundly liberating. It allows us to stop expending energy on denial and instead focus on growth and healing.

4. The Transformative Nature of Forgiveness

"Nothing new happens without apology and forgiveness. It is the divine technology for the regeneration of every age and every situation."

Forgiveness as liberation. Forgiving others – and ourselves – frees us from the burden of resentment and allows for new possibilities in relationships and personal growth. It's not about condoning harmful actions but releasing their power over us.

Making amends. The process of actively seeking to right our wrongs:

• Promotes healing for both parties
• Builds empathy and understanding
• Breaks cycles of hurt and retaliation

Forgiveness as a practice. Like any skill, forgiveness requires cultivation and ongoing effort. It's not a one-time event but a continual choice to release grievances and open our hearts.

5. Prayer and Meditation as Paths to Conscious Contact

"Prayer is not about changing God, but being willing to let God change us."

Shifting perspective. True prayer and meditation involve changing our mental "operating system" from ego-centered to soul-centered. This shift allows us to see life from a broader, more compassionate viewpoint.

Contemplative practice. Regular meditation or contemplative prayer:

• Quiets the incessant chatter of the mind
• Increases awareness of our inner landscape
• Cultivates a sense of connection to something greater than ourselves

Conscious contact. The goal of spiritual practice is not to manipulate external circumstances but to deepen our awareness of and connection to the divine or our highest selves. This conscious contact becomes a source of guidance, strength, and peace.

6. The Importance of Service and Carrying the Message

"We do not truly comprehend any spiritual thing until we ourselves give it away."

Service as spiritual growth. Helping others is not just a nice add-on to spiritual practice; it's essential for our own growth and understanding. By sharing what we've learned, we deepen our own insights and reinforce positive changes.

Breaking the cycle of self-centeredness. Addiction often thrives on self-absorption. Service pulls us out of our own heads and connects us to the broader human experience, fostering empathy and perspective.

Ripple effect. When we share our experiences and insights with others:

• We create a supportive community
• We inspire hope in those still struggling
• We contribute to a culture of healing and growth

7. Suffering as a Path to Spiritual Awakening

"Only people who have suffered in some way can save one another."

Transformative power of pain. While suffering is not desirable, it can be a catalyst for profound spiritual growth and awakening. It often breaks down our defenses and opens us to new perspectives and deeper compassion.

Shared vulnerability. When we embrace our own suffering and share it with others, we create opportunities for genuine connection and mutual healing. This shared vulnerability is often more powerful than any theoretical knowledge or advice.

A suffering God. The concept of a divine presence that suffers with us, rather than remaining distant and unmoved, can provide comfort and meaning in difficult times. It suggests that our pain is not meaningless but part of a larger process of transformation and redemption.

Human Development | Spirituality | Psychology | Addiction Recovery
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6 Pillars of Self-Esteem.md

Human: <documents>
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<source>The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem</source>
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The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

by Nathaniel Branden

• The practice of living consciously

• The practice of self-acceptance

• The practice of self-responsibility

• The practice of self-assertiveness

• The practice of living purposefully

• The practice of personal integrity

Introduction

Almost everyone is aware that a positive self-esteem is very important for their happiness and success, but most people don't really know what self-esteem is, how it develops, how it can be built up or torn down.

The goal of this book is to offer such understanding.

Sentence completion work and other self-help exercises are given throughout this book to assist readers in translating the ideas presented into personal experience and knowledge.

This book is addressed to everyone who wants to grow in self-esteem and help others grow. It represents a synthesis and an evolution of ideas developed in my earlier books and clinical practice.

Chapter 1 - Self-Esteem: Basic Principles

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.

It has two components:

1. self-efficacy - confidence in one's ability to think, learn, choose, and make appropriate decisions
2. self-respect - confidence in one's right to be happy; feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert one's needs and wants and to enjoy the fruits of one's efforts.

For example, if we lack confidence in our ability to think or in our competence to handle the challenges of life, our self-esteem is affected. Or if we lack confidence in our right to happiness, our right to respect and friendship, our right to love and be loved, again our self-esteem is affected.

Self-esteem is not a substitute for a roof over one's head or food in one's stomach, but increases the likelihood that one will be able to achieve these things. It is not an alternative to competence, but a contributor to it.

Self-esteem is not the euphoria or buoyancy that may be temporarily induced by a drug, a compliment, or a love affair. It is not an illusion or hallucination. If it is not grounded in reality, if it is not built over time through the appropriate operation of mind, it is not self-esteem.

When we have confidence in our mind and value, when our self-esteem is high, we feel better equipped to cope with life's challenges. We feel more ambitious. We feel more creative. We feel more determined to succeed. We feel happier. We feel more benevolent.

When our self-esteem is low, we feel less equipped to cope with life's challenges. We tend to feel more anxious and uncertain. We tend to avoid risks, stick with the familiar, seek safety. We are more inclined to destructive relationships because they feel familiar. We tend to be more influenced by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy.

The level of our self-esteem influences our choice of a mate or friends, how we function in our job, how high we are likely to rise, how much we are likely to achieve - and, in the corporate world, which decisions we are likely to implement.

The higher our self-esteem, the more ambitious we tend to be, not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life - emotionally, intellectually, creatively, spiritually. The lower our self-esteem, the less we aspire to, and the less we are likely to achieve.

Either path tends to be self-reinforcing and self-perpetuating.

The survival-value of self-esteem lies in the fact that our level of self-esteem affects our choices and decisions, which in turn affect the existential results we create - which in turn affect our self-esteem.

We can understand the value of self-esteem more deeply if we consider what happens when it is deficient or absent.

A poor self-esteem can show up as:

• anxiety
• depression
• fear of intimacy
• fear of success
• alcohol or drug abuse
• underachievement at school or at work
• emotional dependence
• domestic violence
• sexual disorders
• suicide
• chronic anger
• emotional immaturity

The challenges we face in our personal lives and on the job require a healthy sense of self. No factor is more important in psychological development and motivation than the value a person places on himself or herself. How we feel about ourselves crucially affects virtually every aspect of our experience, from the way we function at work, in love, in sex, to the way we operate as parents, to how high we are likely to rise. Our responses to events are shaped by who and what we think we are. The dramas of our lives are the reflections of our most private visions of ourselves. Thus, self-esteem is the key to success or failure.

Self-esteem is not the euphoria or buoyancy that may be temporarily induced by a drug, a compliment, or a love affair. It is not an illusion or hallucination. If it is not grounded in reality, if it is not built over time through the appropriate operation of mind, it is not self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem correlates with rationality, realism, intuitiveness, creativity, independence, flexibility, ability to manage change, willingness to admit mistakes, benevolence, and cooperativeness.

Poor self-esteem correlates with irrationality, blindness to reality, rigidity, fear of the new and unfamiliar, inappropriate conformity or inappropriate rebelliousness, defensiveness, being over-controlling or overly submissive behavior, and fear of or hostility toward others.

The survival value of self-esteem lies in the fact that our level of self-esteem affects our choices and decisions, which in turn affect the existential results we create - which in turn affect our self-esteem.

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem are the practices essential to the health of the mind - and a program for personal growth. They are:

1. The practice of living consciously
2. The practice of self-acceptance
3. The practice of self-responsibility
4. The practice of self-assertiveness
5. The practice of living purposefully
6. The practice of personal integrity

Self-esteem is a consequence, a product of internally generated practices. Practices are specific behaviors, done consistently, that generate a specific result.

The more these six practices are integrated into our daily lives, the higher our self-esteem is likely to be. When they are absent or deficient, self-esteem necessarily suffers.

This is true whether we are considering the self-esteem of a child, an adult, a company CEO, or an entire organization.

Chapter 2 - The Practice of Living Consciously

To live consciously means to seek to be aware of everything that bears on our interests, actions, values, purposes, and goals. It is the quest to keep expanding our awareness and understanding, both of the world external to self and the world within. It is respect for reality and respect for the distinction between the real and the unreal. It is commitment to see what we see and know what we know. It is recognition that the act of focusing is volitional - that we are responsible for the mental activity that drives our existence - and that passivity of consciousness is not an acceptable option if we wish to live and function successfully.

Since the quality of our life and the sense of personal worth are intimately tied to the appropriateness of our behavior, the practice of living consciously is essential to our well-being.

Some of the practices of living consciously include:

• Striving to be aware of the important aspects of our environment that relate to our actions and goals.

• Striving to be aware of our emotions, values, goals, and behavior.

• Seeking to understand the consequences of our actions.

• Looking for feedback from the environment about the results and appropriateness of our behavior.

• Persevering in the attempt to understand in spite of difficulties.

• Being receptive to new knowledge and willing to reexamine old assumptions.

• Being willing to see and correct mistakes.

• Seeking always to expand awareness - a commitment to learning.

• Being concerned to understand the world around us.

• Being concerned to know not only external reality but also internal reality, the reality of our needs, feelings, aspirations, and motives, so that we do not become strangers and mysteries to ourselves.

Living consciously means taking responsibility for our choices and actions. It means giving up the fantasy that somehow, somewhere, somebody else or something else is responsible for the key decisions of our life.

To live consciously is to be committed to awareness as a way of life. It is the commitment to look at our beliefs and assumptions and ask, "Are they logical?" "Do they make sense?" "Do they correspond to reality as I understand it?"

To live consciously is to be present to what we are doing while we are doing it. If we are talking to someone, we are present to the encounter; we are not mentally somewhere else. If we are performing a task, we are present to the task; our mind is focused on what we are doing. If we are sitting on a beach looking at the ocean, we are present to the ocean, to its sounds and rhythms and movements.

Living consciously means striving to be aware of the areas where we might be living unconsciously or semi-consciously. It means being willing to confront uncomfortable or unpleasant facts about ourselves and our lives. It means striving to be aware of our emotions and to understand them. It means analyzing our behavior and being willing to question our motives.

When we live consciously, we do not run from challenges, but welcome them as opportunities to learn, expand our horizons, and grow. We do not shrink from conflicts or disagreements; we face them directly, seeking understanding and resolution. We do not avoid responsibility; we embrace it as essential to our well-being and achievement.

Living consciously means living being aware of what we are doing and why we are doing it. It means being present in the moment, rather than living in the past or the future. It means being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and actions, and taking responsibility for them.

Exercises for living consciously:

1. Throughout the day, at random moments, ask yourself: "Am I fully conscious right now?" "Am I fully present to what I am doing?"

2. When you are with other people, practice being more aware of their facial expressions and body language. Ask yourself: "What might this person be feeling right now?"

3. When you feel any sort of discomfort - physical or emotional - practice staying with the feeling and exploring it, rather than running from it or trying to suppress it.

4. Practice being more aware of your environment - the sights, sounds, smells, and textures around you.

5. At the end of each day, reflect on your actions and decisions. Ask yourself: "Was I fully conscious when I made those choices? What might I do differently next time?"

By consistently practicing living consciously, we can dramatically improve our self-esteem and overall quality of life.

Chapter 3 - The Practice of Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is being for ourselves - not against ourselves. It is the willingness to say of any emotion or behavior, "This is an expression of me, not necessarily an expression I like or admire, but an expression of me nonetheless." It is the virtue of realism applied to the self. It is the willingness to face

Last updated: November 11, 2024