Key Takeaways
1. Collaboration is increasingly necessary but challenging
The central challenge of collaboration is crystallized in the tension between its two dictionary definitions. It means simply "to work jointly with," but also "to cooperate traitorously with the enemy."
Increasing complexity and diversity make collaboration more crucial than ever before. As our world becomes more interconnected and individualistic, we often find ourselves needing to work with people we don't agree with, like, or trust. This challenge is amplified by:
- The breakdown of traditional hierarchies
- Increased volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity
- The need to address complex issues that span multiple sectors and stakeholders
However, collaboration also brings risks of compromise, cooptation, and betrayal. The key is to find ways to work together effectively while maintaining integrity and achieving shared goals.
2. Four options for dealing with problematic situations
Collaborating presents the opportunity, as we work with others—perhaps opponents and enemies as well as colleagues and friends—to find a more effective way forward and have a larger and more sustained impact on our situation.
When faced with a challenging situation, we have four primary options:
- Forcing: Attempting to unilaterally impose our solution
- Adapting: Adjusting to the situation without trying to change it
- Exiting: Leaving the situation entirely
- Collaborating: Working with others to find a mutually beneficial solution
Collaboration is often the best choice when:
- We cannot solve the problem alone
- Forcing is not possible or desirable
- Adapting or exiting are unacceptable
However, collaboration must be a conscious choice, not a default option. We must carefully consider the costs and benefits of each approach in any given situation.
3. Conventional collaboration is becoming obsolete
The conventional approach to collaboration that I learned in the first part of my career is of limited use. It works only in simple, controlled situations where everyone agrees or goes along and where their actions produce the results they intend.
Traditional collaboration models often rely on three assumptions:
- There is one "right" answer or solution
- Agreement on the problem, solution, and plan is necessary
- Execution follows a linear, controlled process
However, in today's complex and dynamic environments, these assumptions rarely hold true. Conventional collaboration fails because:
- It doesn't account for diverse perspectives and interests
- It assumes control over outcomes that are often unpredictable
- It struggles to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances
As a result, new approaches to collaboration are needed to address the challenges of our time.
4. Stretch collaboration: Embracing conflict and connection
Stretch collaboration requires all of us to embrace both love and power. If we constrict—if we weaken our stronger pole or outsource our weaker pole—we will not be successful in collaborating in tough contexts.
Stretch collaboration involves three key shifts:
- Embracing both conflict and connection
- Experimenting a way forward
- Stepping into the game
The first shift requires balancing two complementary drives:
- Power: The drive for self-realization, expressed through asserting
- Love: The drive for unity, expressed through engaging
To collaborate effectively, we must:
- Alternate between asserting and engaging
- Recognize when we're overusing one drive and consciously employ the other
- Embrace the tension between individual and collective interests
This approach allows for a more dynamic and resilient form of collaboration that can handle complex, conflictual situations.
5. Experimenting a way forward in complex situations
We cannot know our route before we set out; we cannot predict or control it; we can only discover it along the way.
In stretch collaboration, we move forward through experimentation rather than rigid planning. This approach involves:
- Taking small steps and learning from the results
- Remaining open to unexpected outcomes and opportunities
- Embracing uncertainty and ambiguity
Key practices for experimenting a way forward:
- Rapid prototyping and iterative design
- Articulating and testing assumptions
- Viewing mistakes as valuable learning opportunities
This experimental mindset allows collaborators to navigate complex situations more effectively, adapting to changing circumstances and discovering new possibilities along the way.
6. Stepping into the game: Taking responsibility
If you're not part of the problem, you can't be part of the solution.
Personal responsibility is crucial in stretch collaboration. Instead of focusing solely on changing others, we must:
- Recognize our own role in creating and maintaining the current situation
- Be willing to change ourselves and our actions
- Fully engage in the collaborative process, even when it's uncomfortable
This shift requires:
- Moving from a spectator or director mindset to that of an active participant
- Overcoming the tendency to blame others for problems
- Embracing vulnerability and the possibility of personal transformation
By stepping into the game, we increase our ability to influence outcomes and create meaningful change.
7. Balancing power and love in collaborative efforts
Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.
Effective collaboration requires balancing two complementary forces:
- Power: The drive for self-realization and asserting one's interests
- Love: The drive for unity and connection with others
Key principles for balancing power and love:
- Recognize that both forces are necessary and valuable
- Alternate between asserting and engaging, rather than trying to do both simultaneously
- Pay attention to feedback that signals imbalance and make corrective moves
By consciously employing both power and love, collaborators can create more robust and sustainable solutions to complex challenges.
8. Shifting from downloading to presencing
In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few.
Four ways of talking and listening in collaborative settings:
- Downloading: Reconfirming habitual judgments
- Debating: Exchanging ideas and arguments
- Dialoguing: Empathetic listening and self-reflection
- Presencing: Generative listening from the emerging whole
To collaborate effectively in complex situations, we must:
- Move beyond downloading and debating
- Cultivate the capacity for dialoguing and presencing
- Remain open to new possibilities and perspectives
This shift allows for more creative and transformative collaborations, enabling groups to discover solutions that were previously unimagined.
9. Learning to stretch: Practical exercises for improvement
The way to learn new behaviors is to practice them over and over.
Developing stretch collaboration skills requires deliberate practice and self-reflection. A six-week program of exercises can help build these capabilities:
Week 1-2: Establish a baseline for power and love usage, then practice balancing them
Week 3-4: Observe your talking and listening patterns, then shift towards dialoguing and presencing
Week 5-6: Identify a stuck collaborative project and practice stepping into the game
Key elements of the practice:
- Daily journaling and reflection
- Feedback from a trusted colleague or friend
- Willingness to try new behaviors and learn from mistakes
By consistently practicing these new approaches, individuals can develop the skills necessary for effective stretch collaboration in complex and challenging situations.
Last updated:
FAQ
What's "Collaborating with the Enemy" about?
- Focus on collaboration: The book explores how to work effectively with people you don't agree with, like, or trust, especially in complex and contentious situations.
- Challenge of collaboration: It addresses the central challenge of collaboration, which involves working with diverse others, including opponents and enemies, to achieve common goals.
- New approach: Adam Kahane proposes a new approach called "stretch collaboration," which abandons the illusion of control and embraces conflict and connection.
- Practical guidance: The book provides practical guidance and real-world examples of how to implement this unconventional approach to collaboration.
Why should I read "Collaborating with the Enemy"?
- Relevance to modern challenges: The book is highly relevant in today's divisive and polarized world, where collaboration is often necessary but difficult.
- Practical solutions: It offers practical solutions and methodologies for working with diverse groups to address complex challenges.
- Insightful examples: The book includes insightful examples from Kahane's experiences in various countries, providing a global perspective on collaboration.
- Personal and professional growth: Reading the book can enhance your ability to collaborate effectively in both personal and professional settings.
What are the key takeaways of "Collaborating with the Enemy"?
- Stretch collaboration: The book introduces the concept of stretch collaboration, which involves embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
- Three stretches: It outlines three fundamental stretches: embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
- Alternating power and love: Kahane emphasizes the importance of balancing power and love in collaboration, using both drives alternately to achieve effective outcomes.
- Role of self-awareness: The book highlights the need for self-awareness and personal responsibility in collaboration, encouraging individuals to focus on their own actions and contributions.
What is "stretch collaboration" as described by Adam Kahane?
- Abandoning control: Stretch collaboration involves giving up the illusion of control and embracing the messy realities of discord, trial and error, and co-creation.
- Three fundamental shifts: It requires three shifts: embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
- Focus on relationships: The approach emphasizes the importance of relationships, encouraging collaborators to engage with both conflict and connection.
- Iterative process: Stretch collaboration is an iterative process that involves experimenting with different possibilities and learning from the outcomes.
How does Adam Kahane define "power and love" in collaboration?
- Power as self-realization: Power is defined as the drive of everything living to realize itself, manifested in the behavior of asserting.
- Love as unity: Love is defined as the drive towards the unity of the separated, manifested in the behavior of engaging.
- Complementary drives: Kahane argues that power and love are complementary drives that must be employed alternately for effective collaboration.
- Balancing act: The book emphasizes the need to balance these drives to avoid the pitfalls of overemphasizing one at the expense of the other.
What are the three stretches in "Collaborating with the Enemy"?
- Embrace conflict and connection: This stretch involves working with both conflict and connection within and beyond the team, rather than focusing solely on harmony.
- Experiment a way forward: It requires experimenting with different perspectives and possibilities, taking one step at a time, and learning from the outcomes.
- Step into the game: This stretch involves fully participating in the situation, being open to changing oneself, and taking responsibility for one's role in the collaboration.
What is the "enemyfying syndrome" mentioned in the book?
- Definition: Enemyfying is the behavior of thinking and acting as if the people we are dealing with are our enemies, who are the cause of our problems.
- Common behavior: It is a common behavior that simplifies complex realities into black and white, often leading to increased conflict and reduced problem-solving capacity.
- Impact on collaboration: Enemyfying can amplify conflicts, narrow the space for creativity, and distract from the real work needed to address challenges.
- Overcoming enemyfying: The book suggests that overcoming enemyfying requires embracing conflict and connection and focusing on collaboration rather than division.
How does "Collaborating with the Enemy" address the issue of control in collaboration?
- Illusion of control: The book argues that in complex situations, collaboration cannot and need not be controlled, and attempts to do so are often counterproductive.
- Stretch collaboration: Stretch collaboration involves abandoning the assumption of control and embracing the realities of discord and co-creation.
- Iterative process: It emphasizes an iterative process of experimenting and learning, rather than rigidly adhering to a predetermined plan.
- Role of flexibility: Flexibility and openness to change are crucial for successful collaboration in uncontrolled and complex contexts.
What are some real-world examples used in "Collaborating with the Enemy"?
- South Africa's transition: The book discusses Kahane's involvement in South Africa's transition from apartheid to democracy, highlighting the role of collaboration.
- Colombian peace process: It includes examples from the Colombian peace process, where diverse stakeholders worked together to end a long-standing civil war.
- Drug policy in the Americas: Kahane describes his work on drug policy in the Americas, where collaboration opened up new possibilities for addressing the issue.
- Guatemala's post-conflict efforts: The book also covers efforts in Guatemala to implement peace accords and repair the social fabric after a civil war.
What are the best quotes from "Collaborating with the Enemy" and what do they mean?
- "The miraculous option is that we work things through together." This quote highlights the transformative potential of collaboration, even in seemingly impossible situations.
- "Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." It emphasizes the need to balance power and love in collaboration for effective outcomes.
- "We are crossing the river by feeling for stones." This metaphor illustrates the iterative and exploratory nature of stretch collaboration, where the path is discovered through action.
- "If you’re not part of the problem, you can’t be part of the solution." It underscores the importance of self-awareness and personal responsibility in collaborative efforts.
How does "Collaborating with the Enemy" suggest dealing with disagreement and conflict?
- Embrace conflict: The book suggests embracing conflict as a natural and necessary part of collaboration, rather than avoiding or suppressing it.
- Alternate power and love: It recommends alternating between asserting (power) and engaging (love) to manage conflict and move forward.
- Focus on relationships: Building strong relationships and connections can help navigate disagreements and find common ground.
- Experiment and learn: The book encourages experimenting with different approaches and learning from the outcomes to address conflict effectively.
What exercises does "Collaborating with the Enemy" recommend for practicing stretch collaboration?
- Establish a baseline: The book suggests starting by assessing your current use of power and love in collaboration.
- Strengthen weaker drive: It recommends practicing actions that strengthen your weaker drive, whether it be power or love.
- Shift talking and listening: The exercises include shifting your talking and listening from downloading and debating to dialoguing and presencing.
- Step into the game: Finally, the book encourages stepping into the game by taking responsibility for your role in the collaboration and being open to change.
Review Summary
Collaborating with the Enemy receives mixed reviews. Some praise its insights on complex collaboration and conflict resolution, drawing from Kahane's diverse experiences. Critics find it lacking depth, overly focused on the author's accomplishments, and less applicable to everyday workplace situations. Readers appreciate the concise writing and unique perspective but note the book's limited practical advice. The power-love framework and stretch collaboration concept are highlighted as valuable contributions. Overall, opinions vary on its usefulness, with some finding it enlightening and others disappointed by its content and approach.
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