Collaborating with the Enemy

1. Collaboration is increasingly necessary but challenging

The central challenge of collaboration is crystallized in the tension between its two dictionary definitions. It means simply "to work jointly with," but also "to cooperate traitorously with the enemy."

Increasing complexity and diversity make collaboration more crucial than ever before. As our world becomes more interconnected and individualistic, we often find ourselves needing to work with people we don't agree with, like, or trust. This challenge is amplified by:

• The breakdown of traditional hierarchies
• Increased volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity
• The need to address complex issues that span multiple sectors and stakeholders

However, collaboration also brings risks of compromise, cooptation, and betrayal. The key is to find ways to work together effectively while maintaining integrity and achieving shared goals.

2. Four options for dealing with problematic situations

Collaborating presents the opportunity, as we work with others—perhaps opponents and enemies as well as colleagues and friends—to find a more effective way forward and have a larger and more sustained impact on our situation.

When faced with a challenging situation, we have four primary options:

1. Forcing: Attempting to unilaterally impose our solution
2. Adapting: Adjusting to the situation without trying to change it
3. Exiting: Leaving the situation entirely
4. Collaborating: Working with others to find a mutually beneficial solution

Collaboration is often the best choice when:

• We cannot solve the problem alone
• Forcing is not possible or desirable
• Adapting or exiting are unacceptable

However, collaboration must be a conscious choice, not a default option. We must carefully consider the costs and benefits of each approach in any given situation.

3. Conventional collaboration is becoming obsolete

The conventional approach to collaboration that I learned in the first part of my career is of limited use. It works only in simple, controlled situations where everyone agrees or goes along and where their actions produce the results they intend.

Traditional collaboration models often rely on three assumptions:

1. There is one "right" answer or solution
2. Agreement on the problem, solution, and plan is necessary
3. Execution follows a linear, controlled process

However, in today's complex and dynamic environments, these assumptions rarely hold true. Conventional collaboration fails because:

• It doesn't account for diverse perspectives and interests
• It assumes control over outcomes that are often unpredictable
• It struggles to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances

As a result, new approaches to collaboration are needed to address the challenges of our time.

4. Stretch collaboration: Embracing conflict and connection

Stretch collaboration requires all of us to embrace both love and power. If we constrict—if we weaken our stronger pole or outsource our weaker pole—we will not be successful in collaborating in tough contexts.

Stretch collaboration involves three key shifts:

1. Embracing both conflict and connection
2. Experimenting a way forward
3. Stepping into the game

The first shift requires balancing two complementary drives:

• Power: The drive for self-realization, expressed through asserting
• Love: The drive for unity, expressed through engaging

To collaborate effectively, we must:

• Alternate between asserting and engaging
• Recognize when we're overusing one drive and consciously employ the other
• Embrace the tension between individual and collective interests

This approach allows for a more dynamic and resilient form of collaboration that can handle complex, conflictual situations.

5. Experimenting a way forward in complex situations

We cannot know our route before we set out; we cannot predict or control it; we can only discover it along the way.

In stretch collaboration, we move forward through experimentation rather than rigid planning. This approach involves:

• Taking small steps and learning from the results
• Remaining open to unexpected outcomes and opportunities
• Embracing uncertainty and ambiguity

Key practices for experimenting a way forward:

• Rapid prototyping and iterative design
• Articulating and testing assumptions
• Viewing mistakes as valuable learning opportunities

This experimental mindset allows collaborators to navigate complex situations more effectively, adapting to changing circumstances and discovering new possibilities along the way.

6. Stepping into the game: Taking responsibility

If you're not part of the problem, you can't be part of the solution.

Personal responsibility is crucial in stretch collaboration. Instead of focusing solely on changing others, we must:

1. Recognize our own role in creating and maintaining the current situation
2. Be willing to change ourselves and our actions
3. Fully engage in the collaborative process, even when it's uncomfortable

This shift requires:

• Moving from a spectator or director mindset to that of an active participant
• Overcoming the tendency to blame others for problems
• Embracing vulnerability and the possibility of personal transformation

By stepping into the game, we increase our ability to influence outcomes and create meaningful change.

7. Balancing power and love in collaborative efforts

Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.

Effective collaboration requires balancing two complementary forces:

1. Power: The drive for self-realization and asserting one's interests
2. Love: The drive for unity and connection with others

Key principles for balancing power and love:

• Recognize that both forces are necessary and valuable
• Alternate between asserting and engaging, rather than trying to do both simultaneously
• Pay attention to feedback that signals imbalance and make corrective moves

By consciously employing both power and love, collaborators can create more robust and sustainable solutions to complex challenges.

8. Shifting from downloading to presencing

In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few.

Four ways of talking and listening in collaborative settings:

1. Downloading: Reconfirming habitual judgments
2. Debating: Exchanging ideas and arguments
3. Dialoguing: Empathetic listening and self-reflection
4. Presencing: Generative listening from the emerging whole

To collaborate effectively in complex situations, we must:

• Move beyond downloading and debating
• Cultivate the capacity for dialoguing and presencing
• Remain open to new possibilities and perspectives

This shift allows for more creative and transformative collaborations, enabling groups to discover solutions that were previously unimagined.

9. Learning to stretch: Practical exercises for improvement

The way to learn new behaviors is to practice them over and over.

Developing stretch collaboration skills requires deliberate practice and self-reflection. A six-week program of exercises can help build these capabilities:

Week 1-2: Establish a baseline for power and love usage, then practice balancing them
Week 3-4: Observe your talking and listening patterns, then shift towards dialoguing and presencing
Week 5-6: Identify a stuck collaborative project and practice stepping into the game

Key elements of the practice:

• Daily journaling and reflection
• Feedback from a trusted colleague or friend
• Willingness to try new behaviors and learn from mistakes

By consistently practicing these new approaches, individuals can develop the skills necessary for effective stretch collaboration in complex and challenging situations.

Last updated: October 23, 2024