Shattered on Black Ice

Tegan Lawson's world is upended in a single, tragic moment. Pregnant and blissfully happy with her husband Gabe, she is thrown into chaos when a patch of black ice sends their car careening into disaster. The crash leaves Tegan physically and emotionally shattered: she loses her unborn child, her ability to have children, and, as she later learns, her beloved Gabe. The initial aftermath is a blur of hospital rooms, grief, and the numbing realization that nothing will ever be the same. Tegan's pain is compounded by guilt and anger—especially toward Gabe, who was driving. The loss is so profound that it leaves her hollow, unable to imagine a future, and desperate for any way to escape the agony.

Grief's Unbearable Weight

Tegan's days become a cycle of numbness, rage, and self-destruction. She pushes away her family and friends, unable to accept comfort or even basic care. Her best friend Anna and her mother try to coax her back to life, but Tegan is mired in depression, haunted by what-ifs and the physical reminders of her loss. She wears a necklace containing her baby's ashes, clinging to it as a lifeline. Her marriage, once a source of joy, is now a battleground of blame and sorrow. Tegan's anger at Gabe festers, and she struggles with the idea of forgiveness—both for him and herself. The pain is so overwhelming that she contemplates ending her own life, leading to a stint in a psychiatric ward where she is forced to confront the depths of her suffering.

The Jar of Spontaneity

Amidst the darkness, Gabe reminds Tegan of their "Jar of Spontaneity"—a collection of dream destinations and experiences they once hoped to share. Desperate for change, Tegan reluctantly agrees to draw three slips from the jar, each representing a place to visit: Thailand, Italy, and Hawaii. The journey is meant to be a way to create new memories, to force herself to live again, and perhaps to find a path toward healing. With the support of her family and friends, and Gabe's encouragement, Tegan sets out on a trip that will take her far from home, but not, as she soon learns, far from her grief.

Running from the Ruins

Tegan and Gabe embark on their journey, but the pain follows. In Thailand, the chaos and beauty of Bangkok and Chiang Mai offer moments of distraction, but also trigger memories and fresh waves of sorrow. Tegan's interactions with fellow travelers, the kindness of strangers, and the sensory overload of new places force her to engage with the world again, even as she resists. The trip is not a cure; grief is her constant companion, and she finds herself oscillating between fleeting joy and crushing despair. The physical journey mirrors her internal struggle: she cannot outrun her loss, but she cannot stay still either.

Thailand: Laughter and Loss

In Thailand, Tegan experiences both the healing power of laughter and the persistence of pain. She befriends other travelers, is humbled by cultural missteps, and finds herself laughing for the first time since the accident. Yet, reminders of her loss are everywhere—especially in the simple question, "Do you have children?" A visit to an elephant sanctuary, where she buys a painting made by an elephant, becomes a symbol of hope and resilience. But even as she collects new memories, Tegan's grief remains raw, and her relationship with Gabe is strained by unspoken anger and unresolved guilt.

Italy: Searching for Flavor, Self

The next stop is Ravello, Italy, where Tegan immerses herself in cooking classes and the stunning Amalfi Coast. The act of learning to cook authentic Italian food, a wish from the jar, becomes a metaphor for her attempt to reclaim agency and joy. She is surrounded by reminders of family, love, and the passage of time. Yet, a canceled class triggers a breakdown, revealing how fragile her progress is. Through the kindness of strangers and the sensory pleasures of Italy, Tegan begins to glimpse the possibility of a future, but the pain of what she's lost—her child, her marriage, her old self—remains ever-present.

Hawaii: Waves and Farewells

In Hawaii, Tegan is confronted by memories of happier times with Gabe. Surfing lessons, the ocean's vastness, and the beauty of Maui become both a balm and a challenge. She meets Kai, a compassionate surf instructor, whose gentle presence offers comfort and a glimpse of connection. As Tegan learns to ride the waves, she also learns to ride the unpredictable currents of grief. The ocean becomes a place of both remembrance and release, and Tegan is forced to face the truth she has been avoiding.

The Truth Unveiled

The narrative's central twist is revealed: Gabe has been dead since the accident. Tegan's entire journey has been marked by a psychotic break—her mind conjuring Gabe's presence as a way to survive the unbearable pain. The conversations, the shared experiences, the arguments and reconciliations—all were manifestations of her desperate need to keep him with her. When Kai finds Tegan's necklace and asks about the inscription to "Gabe," the illusion collapses. Tegan is forced to confront the full reality of her loss, and the depth of her mental illness.

The Depths of Madness

Tegan's breakdown is both terrifying and necessary. She is hospitalized, forced to reckon with the truth of Gabe's death and her own survival. The psychosis that allowed her to function is gone, leaving her exposed and raw. With the help of her family, friends, and compassionate professionals, Tegan begins the slow process of recovery. She learns to accept medication, to ask for help, and to forgive herself for the ways she tried to escape her pain. The journey is not linear, and setbacks are frequent, but Tegan's resilience begins to emerge.

Letting Go, Letting In

The climax of Tegan's journey comes in Hawaii, where she returns to the ocean with Kai's support. In a ritual of release, she lets go of the necklace containing Gabe's and her baby's ashes, and casts their wish-list notes into the sea. The act is both a farewell and a promise: to carry their love forward, but not be defined by loss. Tegan acknowledges that Gabe will always be a part of her, but she must live for herself now. The ocean, once a symbol of overwhelming grief, becomes a place of peace and possibility.

Homecoming and Memorials

Tegan comes back to Chicago, changed but not unbroken. She faces the memorial service for Gabe, surrounded by family and friends who have also been changed by loss. She speaks honestly about their love, their flaws, and the pain of saying goodbye too soon. The act of remembrance is both painful and healing, allowing Tegan to integrate her grief into the fabric of her life. She visits Gabe's grave, brings him tokens from her travels, and speaks to him and their son with love and gratitude.

The Shape of Survival

Two years later, Tegan has found a measure of peace. She has returned to teaching, maintained her relationships, and even found new love and friendship with Kai. The scars of loss remain, but they no longer define her. She honors Gabe and their son by living fully, embracing new experiences, and allowing herself to be happy again. The journey has not erased the pain, but it has transformed it into a source of strength and compassion.

Love That Remains

The story ends with Tegan in Hawaii, speaking to Gabe as she surfs the waves. She carries his memory with her—not as a ghost, but as a part of the person she has become. The love they shared, and the pain of losing it, have shaped her, but do not limit her. Tegan's journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, the necessity of letting go, and the enduring power of love—even after loss.

Characters

Tegan Lawson

Tegan is the heart of the novel—a woman whose life is shattered by sudden, catastrophic loss. Her journey is one of profound grief, psychological collapse, and eventual healing. Tegan's relationships—with Gabe, her family, Anna, and later Kai—reveal her complexity: she is loving, stubborn, angry, and deeply wounded. Her psychological journey is marked by denial, rage, depression, and, ultimately, acceptance. Tegan's development is nonlinear; she regresses, lashes out, and contemplates self-destruction, but also demonstrates remarkable resilience. Her ability to eventually let go of Gabe and embrace a new life is hard-won, and her story is a nuanced exploration of trauma, love, and survival.

Gabe Lawson

Gabe is both a real person and a psychological construct. In life, he is Tegan's partner—charming, optimistic, and deeply in love with her. After his death, he becomes the voice of her grief, appearing as a hallucination that both comforts and torments her. Gabe's presence in Tegan's mind is a testament to the depth of their bond, but also a symptom of her inability to accept his loss. Through their imagined interactions, Tegan works through her anger, guilt, and longing. Gabe's character is ultimately a mirror for Tegan's own journey toward acceptance.

Anna Cheng

Anna is Tegan's best friend and emotional lifeline. She is persistent, compassionate, and unafraid to challenge Tegan's self-destructive tendencies. Anna's own struggles and humor provide relief and perspective, and her unwavering support is crucial to Tegan's survival. Anna represents the importance of friendship in the face of tragedy, and her presence grounds Tegan in reality when she is most at risk of losing herself.

Kai Edwards

Kai is a surf instructor in Hawaii who becomes a source of comfort and, eventually, hope for Tegan. His own experience with loss allows him to empathize with Tegan's pain without judgment. Kai's patience and kindness help Tegan reconnect with the world and herself. He is not a replacement for Gabe, but a symbol of the possibility of new love and healing after devastation.

Janet and Richard McCall (Tegan's parents)

Tegan's parents are present throughout her ordeal, offering practical help and emotional support. Their own grief is palpable, but they prioritize Tegan's needs, even when she pushes them away. Richard's advice about love and survival provides Tegan with perspective, and Janet's quiet strength is a model for resilience.

Rosa and David Lawson (Gabe's parents)

Gabe's parents are devastated by the loss of their son and grandchild, but they remain loving and inclusive toward Tegan. Rosa's Italian heritage and traditions provide a sense of continuity and comfort. Their willingness to claim Tegan as family, even after Gabe's death, is a testament to the enduring bonds of love.

Dr. Rakesh

Dr. Rakesh is the professional who helps Tegan navigate her mental health crisis. His gentle persistence and insight allow Tegan to confront the reality of her loss and the necessity of treatment. He represents the importance of seeking help and the possibility of recovery, even from the depths of despair.

Jason and Connor (Tegan's brothers)

Tegan's brothers provide both practical support and moments of levity. Their concern for her well-being is genuine, and their presence reminds Tegan of her roots and the importance of family.

Francesca and Gia

Francesca and her daughter Gia run the cooking school in Ravello. Their warmth, expertise, and hospitality help Tegan reconnect with the pleasures of life and the importance of community. They represent the healing power of food, tradition, and shared experience.

Bud Edwards

Bud is a minor but meaningful character, representing the possibility of new connections and the blending of past and future. His café becomes a place of gathering and healing for Tegan and her new circle.

Plot Devices

The Jar of Spontaneity

The jar is a literal and metaphorical device—a collection of wishes and dreams that propels Tegan's journey. It represents the life she and Gabe hoped to build, and becomes a tool for survival after loss. Drawing slips from the jar forces Tegan to engage with the world, to create new memories, and to confront the impossibility of returning to the past. The jar's contents structure the narrative, providing both a roadmap for the plot and a measure of Tegan's progress.

Unreliable Narration / Psychosis

The novel's most powerful device is its use of Tegan's unreliable perspective. For much of the story, readers believe Gabe is alive and traveling with her, only to discover that he has been dead all along. This revelation reframes the entire narrative, highlighting the devastating impact of trauma and the mind's capacity for self-protection. The device is used not for shock value, but to deepen the reader's empathy for Tegan and to explore the boundaries between reality and grief-induced fantasy.

Travel as Metaphor

The structure of the novel—moving from Chicago to Thailand, Italy, and Hawaii—mirrors Tegan's internal progression from paralysis to engagement, from denial to acceptance. Each location offers unique challenges and opportunities for growth, and the sensory details of food, landscape, and culture enrich the narrative. Travel is both escape and confrontation, forcing Tegan to face her pain in new contexts.

Symbolic Objects (Necklace, Painting, Letters)

Objects like the necklace containing ashes, the elephant painting, and the letters to Gabe serve as tangible links to the past and tools for letting go. Their presence and eventual release mark key moments in Tegan's healing process, providing ritual and closure.

Nonlinear Structure and Flashbacks

The novel weaves together present-day action, memories of Tegan and Gabe's relationship, and scenes from before and after the accident. This structure allows for a gradual unfolding of both character and plot, building suspense and emotional resonance. Flashbacks provide context for Tegan's grief and deepen the reader's understanding of what has been lost.

Analysis

Come Away with Me is a luminous, emotionally charged exploration of grief, trauma, and the resilience of the human spirit. Through Tegan's journey, Karma Brown examines the ways in which loss can fracture identity, distort reality, and threaten survival. The novel's central twist—that Gabe has been dead all along—serves not only as a narrative shock, but as a profound commentary on the mind's capacity to protect itself from unbearable pain. Brown's use of travel as both metaphor and mechanism for healing underscores the necessity of movement—literal and figurative—in the process of recovery. The story does not offer easy answers or tidy resolutions; instead, it honors the complexity of grief and the slow, nonlinear path to acceptance. Ultimately, Come Away with Me is a celebration of love's enduring power, the importance of community, and the courage required to let go of the past and embrace the possibility of a new future. The novel's message is clear: even in the aftermath of unimaginable loss, life—messy, beautiful, and unpredictable—can still be worth living.

Last updated: June 9, 2025