Come of Age

1. Elderhood is not automatic with age, but a cultivated wisdom

"Clearly the prolongation of life that we have wrested from the Lords of Life has not conjured anything like a proportionally grand number of elders among us."

Elderhood is earned, not given. It requires a deep understanding of life's limits and an acceptance of one's place in the greater scheme of things. Unlike the automatic accumulation of years, elderhood is a conscious cultivation of wisdom gained through experience and reflection.

• Characteristics of true elders:
  • Embrace the natural order of things
  • Understand their role as bearers of cultural memory
  • Accept their own mortality and limitations
  • Serve as bridges between generations

Elderhood is not about clinging to youth or power, but about developing a profound understanding of life's cycles and sharing that wisdom with younger generations.

2. Modern society lacks true elders, despite an aging population

"We have more old people than ever before, and it seems that there are fewer elders than ever before, and it seems that there could be a causal connection between those two things."

Quantity doesn't equal quality. The modern world has more older people than ever before, but paradoxically, fewer true elders. This discrepancy stems from our society's obsession with youth and its rejection of the wisdom that comes with age.

Factors contributing to the lack of elders:

• Worship of youth and vitality
• Dismissal of traditional knowledge
• Rapid technological change outpacing older generations
• Emphasis on individual achievement over communal wisdom

The result is a society that values the appearance of youth over the substance of experience, leaving us bereft of the guidance and perspective that true elders can provide.

3. The West's obsession with growth hinders the development of elderhood

"Growth untethered to its consequences strikes me as something like artificial intelligence. It is ingenuity unburdened by conscience, utterly unaccountable, sociopathic."

Growth at all costs is the mantra of modern Western society, but this obsession comes at a great price. The relentless pursuit of growth - economic, personal, and technological - leaves little room for the development of elderhood, which requires acceptance of limits and an understanding of cycles.

Consequences of growth obsession:

• Devaluation of wisdom gained through experience
• Disregard for natural limits and sustainability
• Erosion of intergenerational relationships
• Loss of cultural memory and traditions

This fixation on constant growth and improvement prevents us from recognizing the value of elderhood, which often involves a graceful acceptance of decline and an understanding of life's natural rhythms.

4. Ancestral memory and cultural roots are vital for elderhood

"The ripple of unbidden memory, the murmur of a possibility breaking on the shoal of authority and amnesia: this is as much the presence of an ancestry unsought and unbidden, a redemptive consequence of an unwelcome, inconvenient, grief-encrusted memory that is conjured by the particulars of someone else's story."

Roots nourish wisdom. Ancestral memory and cultural heritage are crucial components of elderhood. They provide a foundation of shared experiences and wisdom that can guide future generations.

Importance of ancestral memory:

• Connects individuals to a larger narrative
• Provides context for understanding present challenges
• Offers tested solutions to perennial human problems
• Fosters a sense of belonging and identity

However, modern society often severs these connections, leaving individuals rootless and without the benefit of accumulated wisdom. True elders serve as living links to this ancestral knowledge, bridging past and present.

5. Elderhood requires embracing limits and endings, not eternal youth

"The elder's job in a competence-addicted culture is not to prevail or succeed or win. It is to wane, and then to end, and to be good at it."

Accepting mortality is key. Elderhood isn't about clinging to youth or denying the realities of aging. Instead, it's about embracing the natural limits of life and finding meaning in the process of decline.

Aspects of embracing limits:

• Recognizing the value of experience over potential
• Finding peace with one's mortality
• Sharing wisdom gained through life's challenges
• Modeling graceful aging for younger generations

This acceptance of limits stands in stark contrast to modern society's obsession with eternal youth and unlimited potential. True elders understand that their role is not to compete with the young, but to complement them with hard-earned wisdom.

6. True elders are bridges between past and present, not relics

"Elders are the visitation of time upon the people. By virtue of their willingness to forgo both the follies and the capacities of their younger days, and to be summoned to the feast hall of days, and to answer the summons pilgrim style, seeking the generous host who has included them on the guest list, by practicing with the limits of dexterity and endurance the courtesies age would recognize them by, elders are the mystery days of younger people."

Living links to wisdom. Elders serve as crucial bridges between the past and the present, not as outdated relics to be discarded. They embody lived experience and cultural memory, offering invaluable perspective to younger generations.

Roles of elders as bridges:

• Interpreting past wisdom for current challenges
• Preserving cultural traditions and values
• Offering context for societal changes
• Providing continuity in times of rapid change

True elders don't simply dwell in the past, but actively engage with the present, helping to guide their communities through changing times with the benefit of long-term perspective.

7. The "spells" of the West: universality, eternality, potentiality, and inevitability

"The West as we know it now was born. That was The Truth, at work."

Breaking the enchantment. Jenkinson identifies four "spells" that dominate Western thinking and hinder the development of true elderhood: universality, eternality, potentiality, and inevitability.

The four spells and their effects:

1. Universality: Erases cultural differences and unique wisdom
2. Eternality: Denies the reality of change and endings
3. Potentiality: Overvalues future possibilities over present realities
4. Inevitability: Removes human agency and responsibility

These spells create a worldview that is incompatible with the wisdom of elderhood, which embraces specificity, transience, limits, and human responsibility. Recognizing and breaking these spells is crucial for fostering true elderhood.

8. Sacrifice and preservation can hinder true cultural continuity

"Sacrifice is probably the deification of profanation, practiced by a culture whose creation story is one of fallenness or rupture, or sin, whose religious foundation is anarchy."

Letting go to hold on. Paradoxically, attempts to preserve culture through sacrifice or museum-like preservation can actually hinder true cultural continuity. Authentic culture is lived, not enshrined.

Problems with sacrifice and preservation:

• Freezes culture in time, preventing natural evolution
• Creates a false sense of separation between past and present
• Turns living traditions into static artifacts
• Disconnects people from the everyday practice of culture

True cultural continuity, and by extension elderhood, involves a dynamic relationship with tradition, allowing it to evolve and remain relevant while maintaining its core wisdom.

9. Elderhood involves radical hospitality and generosity of speech

"The spirit geometry of the thing is a marvel. Darkness is brought to light by a diet of what it darkened. The spell is articulated, you could say, or broken, by eloquence."

Speak life into being. Elderhood is characterized by a radical hospitality towards all aspects of life, including its challenges and sorrows. This hospitality is expressed through generous, eloquent speech that doesn't shy away from difficult truths.

Aspects of elder speech:

• Acknowledges both joy and sorrow in life
• Speaks truth without bitterness or resentment
• Uses rich, poetic language to convey deep truths
• Offers comfort without denying reality

This generous speech stands in contrast to the often cynical or superficial communication that dominates modern discourse. Elders use language to weave connections and offer perspective, not to divide or dominate.

10. The elder's role is to bear witness and remember, not to prevail

"Elders are redemption, in the form of memory."

Witnesses, not winners. The role of elders is not to triumph over adversity or to prove their superiority, but to bear faithful witness to life's joys and sorrows, and to remember what others forget.

Key aspects of the elder's role:

• Holding cultural memory for the community
• Bearing witness to historical events and changes
• Offering perspective on current challenges
• Reminding younger generations of forgotten wisdom

This role of witness and rememberer is crucial in a society that often values novelty over continuity and instant gratification over long-term perspective. Elders serve as the collective memory of their communities, ensuring that valuable lessons and traditions are not lost.

Last updated: August 4, 2024