Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life

1. Recognize the traits of crazy-makers: Aggressors, Egotists, Borderlines, Sufferers, and Control Freaks

Crazy-makers are, above everything else, egocentric.

Aggressors use anger as their primary weapon, intimidating others through rage and temper tantrums. They thrive on the power that comes from making others feel small and afraid.

Egotists demand attention and believe the world revolves around them. They often brag, exaggerate, and lack empathy for others' feelings and needs.

Borderlines are emotionally volatile, swinging between idealization and devaluation of others. They struggle with managing emotions and often twist reality to suit their perceptions.

Sufferers play the victim role, constantly seeking sympathy and attention for their problems. They tend to exaggerate their difficulties and minimize others' challenges.

Control freaks insist on having things done their way, often using criticism and rigid thinking to maintain power over others. They struggle with flexibility and compromise.

2. Understand the power of deception and distorted thinking in crazy-making relationships

The truth sets us free, but deception keeps us in bondage.

Deception breeds confusion and chaos in relationships with crazy-makers. They often employ tactics such as denial, minimization, and projection to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain control over others.

Distorted thinking patterns used by crazy-makers include:

• Over-generalization: Making sweeping statements based on limited evidence
• Making assumptions: Believing they know what others think or feel without verification
• Black-and-white thinking: Seeing situations as all-or-nothing with no middle ground
• Mind-reading: Claiming to know others' thoughts and intentions
• Blaming: Refusing to take responsibility for their actions and placing fault on others

These thinking errors create a confusing and unstable environment, making it difficult for others to maintain a clear sense of reality and personal boundaries.

3. Identify the hooks and baits used by crazy-makers to manipulate others

Getting hooked means we doubt our view of reality and question whether we are the crazy ones.

Emotional manipulation is a common tactic used by crazy-makers to hook others into their dysfunctional patterns. They may use guilt, shame, or fear to control others' behaviors and reactions.

Common hooks and baits include:

• Playing the victim to elicit sympathy and support
• Using anger or aggression to intimidate and control
• Employing charm and flattery to disarm and manipulate
• Creating chaos and drama to maintain attention and power
• Using silent treatment or withdrawal to punish and control

Recognizing these tactics is crucial for maintaining emotional stability and avoiding being drawn into the crazy-maker's world.

4. Break free from enabling behaviors and establish healthy boundaries

Boundaries deliver freedom.

Identify enabling behaviors such as making excuses for the crazy-maker, justifying their actions, or cleaning up their messes. These behaviors perpetuate the dysfunctional cycle and prevent the crazy-maker from facing the consequences of their actions.

Establish clear boundaries by:

• Communicating your limits and expectations clearly
• Refusing to engage in arguments or power struggles
• Setting consequences for boundary violations and following through
• Practicing self-care and prioritizing your own needs
• Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals

Remember that setting boundaries is not selfish; it is essential for maintaining your mental health and promoting healthier relationships.

5. Develop emotional detachment and individuality to counter crazy-making

To survive and thrive with a borderline, you must develop the ability to love from a distance.

Emotional detachment involves creating a psychological buffer between yourself and the crazy-maker's behavior. This doesn't mean you stop caring; rather, it allows you to maintain your sense of self and reality while interacting with them.

Cultivate individuality by:

• Pursuing your own interests and goals
• Developing a strong support network outside the relationship
• Practicing self-reflection and self-awareness
• Trusting your own perceptions and feelings
• Refusing to take responsibility for the crazy-maker's emotions or actions

By maintaining your individuality, you become less susceptible to the crazy-maker's attempts to control or manipulate you.

6. Embrace normalcy by reconnecting with your four primary functions

When we pay close attention to our lives, we notice what brings us joy and what causes us grief.

Reconnect with your four primary functions to regain a sense of normalcy:

1. Feeling: Acknowledge and validate your emotions
2. Sensate: Trust your physical senses and perceptions
3. Intuitive: Honor your gut instincts and hunches
4. Thinking: Engage in rational thought and analysis

Crazy-makers often attempt to disconnect you from these functions, causing you to doubt your own experiences and reality. By consciously reconnecting with these aspects of yourself, you can rebuild your sense of self and resist manipulation.

7. Practice self-care and nurturing rules to maintain sanity in the face of crazy-making

Survival lies in sanity, and sanity lies in paying attention.

Prioritize self-care by attending to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. This includes getting adequate rest, maintaining a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Adopt nurturing rules such as:

• Accepting that your feelings are valid and okay
• Asking for what you want and need
• Telling the truth at all times
• Respecting your own and others' boundaries
• Recognizing that making mistakes is part of growth
• Developing a balanced sense of responsibility

By implementing these practices, you create a strong foundation for maintaining your sanity and well-being, even when dealing with crazy-making behaviors from others.

Last updated: August 9, 2024