Anonymous Advice, Secret Selves

Sophie, a driven, type-A Chinese American first-year at Wellesley College, runs the anonymous Instagram advice account "Dear Wendy", dispensing thoughtful, research-backed relationship advice to her peers. She relishes the power and anonymity, especially as someone who is aromantic and asexual (aroace), feeling more heard as a faceless text than in person. Her roommate Priya is the only one who knows her secret. Meanwhile, Jo, a laid-back, witty, and proudly type-B student, creates a parody account, "Sincerely, Wanda", initially to cheer up her roommate after a breakup. Wanda's advice is brash, irreverent, and quickly gains traction, setting the stage for a campus-wide rivalry. Both accounts become fixtures of Wellesley's vibrant, queer, and social-media-savvy student culture, with students speculating about their identities and loyalties.

Rivalry Ignites: Wendy vs. Wanda

As Wanda's following grows, Sophie feels threatened and annoyed by the mockery and the possibility that Wanda's unserious advice might actually help people. The two accounts begin to publicly spar in Instagram comments, with Wanda's snark clashing against Wendy's earnestness. Their banter becomes a campus spectacle, with students taking sides and fueling the drama. Both Sophie and Jo, unaware of each other's alter egos, become increasingly invested in the rivalry, even as they begin to cross paths in real life—most notably as partners in a women's and gender studies class. Their online personas and offline selves start to blur, each feeling the pressure to outdo the other while maintaining their anonymity.

Campus Connections and Confessions

Sophie and Jo's friendship grows through class projects and shared experiences as queer, a-spec students of color at a historically women's college. They bond over their outsider status, family expectations, and the challenges of navigating identity in a world obsessed with romance and sex. Both struggle with the tension between their public advice-giving roles and their private uncertainties. Meanwhile, their respective friend groups—Priya and Alicia for Sophie; Katy and Lianne for Jo—navigate their own romantic dramas, breakups, and crushes, often seeking advice from Wendy or Wanda, unknowingly drawing the two advice-givers further into each other's orbits.

Gender, Identity, and Belonging

The novel delves into the nuances of gender, sexuality, and cultural identity. Sophie and Jo reflect on what it means to be aroace in a hyper-romantic, sex-positive environment, and how their intersecting identities as queer people of color shape their experiences. Classroom discussions, campus events, and late-night conversations reveal the complexities of Wellesley's queer community, the persistence of aphobia (discrimination against asexual/aromantic people), and the longing for representation and understanding. Both protagonists wrestle with internalized doubts—about their worth, their futures, and whether they'll ever find true belonging.

Friendship, Family, and Friction

Sophie and Jo's families, both loving but imperfect, struggle to understand their daughters' identities and choices. Sophie's immigrant parents pressure her about prestige, relationships, and "growing out" of her asexuality, while Jo's lesbian moms are supportive but can't shield her from loneliness. Friendships are tested by jealousy, unrequited crushes, and the fear of being left behind as others pair off. The advice accounts become both a lifeline and a source of stress, as Sophie and Jo pour themselves into helping others while neglecting their own needs and boundaries.

Advice Wars Escalate

The Wendy-Wanda feud intensifies, with each account critiquing the other's advice and style. Their followers egg them on, and the rivalry spills into campus conversations, memes, and even academic discussions. Both Sophie and Jo feel the strain—Sophie worries about losing her authority, Jo about being taken seriously. When a particularly sensitive question from a mutual friend (Lianne) lands in both their inboxes, the limits of their objectivity and the risks of anonymity are exposed. The tension culminates in a public blow-up, with both accounts facing backlash and the threat of being "canceled."

Unmasking and Fallout

A series of miscommunications and confessions lead Sophie and Jo to discover each other's secret identities. The revelation is messy and painful, as both feel betrayed and exposed—not just to each other, but to their friends and the wider campus. Their fight is raw, dredging up insecurities about trust, authenticity, and the right to give advice. The fallout ripples through their friend groups, with Lianne and Alicia caught in the crossfire, and both advice accounts going on hiatus. Sophie and Jo retreat into themselves, questioning whether they can ever repair the damage.

Loneliness, Labels, and Love

In the aftermath, both protagonists confront their deepest fears: of being unlovable, of never finding community, of being "too much" or "not enough." They reflect on the limits of labels, the messiness of identity, and the ways society privileges romantic love above all else. Family conversations, therapy, and heart-to-hearts with friends help them process their pain and begin to heal. The campus discourse around asexuality and aromanticism, sparked by the Wendy-Wanda drama, forces both to reckon with their visibility and the importance of representation.

Making Amends, Finding Community

Sophie and Jo, with nudges from friends and mentors, reach out to each other and apologize—first awkwardly, then with growing honesty and vulnerability. They realize that their friendship, rooted in shared experience and mutual respect, is worth fighting for. Together, they revive the Dianas, an a-spec student group, and work to create a space for others like them. Their collaboration, both online and offline, becomes a model for healthy, supportive community-building, and their advice accounts evolve from rivals to partners.

Platonic Partnerships and Pride

As the semester ends, Sophie and Jo's friendship deepens into a queerplatonic partnership—a committed, non-romantic bond that defies conventional categories. They become roommates, co-leaders, and co-conspirators, supporting each other through academic, personal, and family challenges. Their story inspires others on campus, especially incoming students searching for belonging. The Dianas flourish, and the Wendy-Wanda collaboration becomes a beloved fixture of Wellesley's queer community.

Healing, Humor, and Hope

The novel's tone remains witty and self-aware, using humor to deflate tension and highlight the absurdities of campus life, internet culture, and the search for identity. Sophie and Jo learn to balance seriousness with play, to accept imperfection, and to find joy in small gestures—friendship bracelets, inside jokes, and late-night talks. Their advice, once a source of rivalry, becomes a shared project rooted in empathy and lived experience.

New Beginnings, Shared Stories

With the end of the school year, Sophie and Jo reflect on how far they've come—from anonymous advice-givers to visible leaders, from lonely outsiders to the heart of a chosen family. They welcome new students, share their stories, and encourage others to embrace their identities, however messy or uncertain. The campus, once a site of anxiety and exclusion, becomes a place of possibility and pride.

The Power of Chosen Family

The novel affirms the importance of chosen family—friends, partners, and mentors who see and celebrate each other's full selves. Sophie and Jo's journey is mirrored in the growth of their friend groups, the healing of old wounds, and the creation of new traditions. The message is clear: love comes in many forms, and everyone deserves to find their people.

Grown, Not Alone

In the final chapters, Sophie and Jo step into their next year with confidence and hope. They've learned that being aroace doesn't mean being alone, that advice is most powerful when it's honest and compassionate, and that growth comes from vulnerability and connection. Their story ends not with a grand romance, but with the quiet, enduring love of friendship—a love that is, in its own way, revolutionary.

Characters

Sophie Chi

Sophie is a Chinese American first-year at Wellesley, defined by her ambition, perfectionism, and deep desire to help others. As the anonymous "Dear Wendy", she dispenses thoughtful, research-based advice, drawing on her own experiences as an aromantic asexual woman. Sophie's identity is shaped by her immigrant family's high expectations, her outsider status in both mainstream and queer spaces, and her longing for community. She is fiercely loyal to her friends, especially Priya and Alicia, but struggles with self-doubt and the fear of being unlovable. Over the course of the novel, Sophie learns to embrace vulnerability, accept imperfection, and value platonic love as deeply as any romance.

Jo Ephron

Jo is a Jewish, white, queer, and a-spec student with lesbian moms, known for her humor, creativity, and type-B energy. As "Sincerely, Wanda", she offers brash, irreverent advice that masks her own insecurities about belonging and being taken seriously. Jo's asexuality and aromanticism are sources of both pride and pain, fueling her fear of being left behind as friends pair off. Her friendship with Sophie becomes a lifeline, helping her move from self-deprecating isolation to genuine connection. Jo's journey is one of self-acceptance, learning that her way of loving—deep, platonic, and chosen—is just as valid as any other.

Priya Chakrabarti

Priya is Sophie's roommate and confidante, a queer Bengali American student navigating her own long-distance relationship with her girlfriend, Izzy. She is the grounding force in Sophie's life, offering tough love, practical advice, and a safe space for vulnerability. Priya's own struggles with family acceptance and cultural expectations mirror Sophie's, and her relationship with Izzy models healthy, communicative queer love.

Alicia Flores

Alicia is Sophie's friend and neighbor, a Latinx student with journalistic ambitions and a knack for reading people. She is open-minded, supportive, and unafraid to call out nonsense, providing comic relief and emotional ballast. Alicia's own romantic adventures intersect with the main plot, especially as she becomes the object of Lianne's affections.

Katy Murphy

Katy is Jo's roommate, an artist recovering from a toxic relationship. She is the "mom friend," offering care and stability to Jo and Lianne, but struggles with her own anxieties about love and self-worth. Katy's journey is one of healing, learning to set boundaries and prioritize her own happiness.

Lianne Butler

Lianne is Jo's other roommate, a Black queer student from Texas grappling with unrequited crushes and the complexities of dating in a small, interconnected community. Her vulnerability and honesty drive key plot points, especially when her anonymous question to Wendy and Wanda triggers the novel's central crisis. Lianne's arc is about self-discovery, learning to trust her feelings, and finding love on her own terms.

Izzy Sun

Izzy is Priya's girlfriend and Sophie's high school friend, a Chinese American student at Brown. She is demisexual, providing a different perspective on a-spec identity, and her relationship with Priya is a model of mutual support and joy. Izzy's presence highlights the importance of queer friendship and the challenges of long-distance love.

Professor Lisa Fineman

Professor Fineman is Sophie and Jo's women's and gender studies instructor, a queer academic who serves as a mentor and sounding board. She models intellectual curiosity, empathy, and the importance of creating inclusive spaces. Her office hours become a safe haven for Sophie, offering perspective and encouragement.

Evelyn Dawson, Charlie Santos, Hannah Rizzo

These students are early members of the Dianas, the a-spec discussion group founded by Sophie and Jo. Each brings their own experiences of marginalization, exclusion, and hope, helping to create a space where a-spec students can be seen and celebrated. Their stories underscore the diversity and resilience of the a-spec community.

Abby Chi

Sophie's younger sister, Abby, is a source of comic relief and sibling rivalry, but also a reminder of the importance of family, both biological and chosen. Her teasing and honesty help Sophie stay grounded, and her own coming out as a lesbian provides a point of comparison for Sophie's struggles with acceptance.

Plot Devices

Dual Anonymous Advice Accounts

The novel's central device is the existence of two anonymous Instagram advice accounts—Dear Wendy and Sincerely, Wanda—run by protagonists who are friends in real life but rivals online. This structure allows for dramatic irony, as readers see the disconnect between public personas and private selves. The accounts become a microcosm of campus culture, a stage for debates about love, identity, and authority, and a crucible for the protagonists' growth. The eventual unmasking of both accounts serves as the novel's emotional climax, forcing characters to confront their fears and desires.

Social Media as Community and Battleground

Instagram, Twitter, and campus-specific apps are not just backdrops but active agents in the story, shaping reputations, fueling conflict, and enabling connection. The rapid spread of rumors, the performative nature of online advice, and the pressure to curate an identity all reflect the realities of Gen Z college life. Social media is both a source of anxiety and a tool for activism, allowing marginalized students to find each other and build community.

Queerplatonic Partnership

Rather than culminating in a romantic relationship, the novel celebrates the formation of a queerplatonic partnership—a committed, non-romantic bond that is as meaningful as any romance. This device challenges amatonormativity (the assumption that romantic love is the highest form of connection) and offers a new model for what "happily ever after" can look like. The friendship between Sophie and Jo is treated with the same depth, complexity, and emotional stakes as a love story.

Campus Microcosm

The setting—a historically women's college with a vibrant, diverse, and sometimes insular queer community—serves as both a safe haven and a source of tension. The novel uses campus traditions, jargon, and social dynamics to explore broader questions of identity, inclusion, and the limits of progressivism. The Dianas, the a-spec student group, becomes a symbol of the power and challenges of grassroots organizing.

Advice as Self-Reflection

Both Sophie and Jo use their advice-giving as a way to process their own doubts, fears, and hopes. The questions they receive—about love, sex, friendship, and family—mirror their own struggles, forcing them to confront what they believe and what they need. The act of giving advice becomes a form of self-care, a way to claim authority over their own narratives.

Analysis

**A celebration of queer friendship, a-spec identity, and the radical power of chosen family, Dear Wendy is a witty, heartfelt, and deeply contemporary novel that reimagines what love and community can look like for those who don't fit the mold. Ann Zhao uses the device of dueling anonymous advice accounts to explore the tension between public persona and private self, the messiness of identity, and the longing for connection in a world obsessed with romance. The novel's greatest strength is its centering of platonic love—not as a consolation prize, but as a source of joy, growth, and meaning. Through Sophie and Jo's journey from rivals to partners, Zhao offers a blueprint for queer, a-spec, and neurodivergent readers seeking representation and hope. The book is also a sharp commentary on campus culture, internet drama, and the ways marginalized students carve out space for themselves. Ultimately, Dear Wendy argues that everyone deserves to be seen, celebrated, and loved—on their own terms, and in their own way.

Last updated: June 7, 2025