Dirty Laundry

1. ADHD is not a deficit of attention, but a difference in how attention is regulated

I do not have a deficit of attention. I have a wild, untameable attention.

Attention regulation. ADHD brains often struggle with sustained focus on mundane tasks but can hyperfocus intensely on subjects of interest. This isn't a lack of attention, but rather an inability to control where that attention is directed. The ADHD mind is like a powerful spotlight that can't be easily aimed.

Misconceptions and strengths. The term "Attention Deficit" is misleading, as many with ADHD can concentrate deeply when engaged. This intense focus can lead to exceptional creativity and problem-solving abilities in areas of interest. However, it can also result in neglecting other important tasks.

Coping strategies:

• Recognize and leverage periods of hyperfocus
• Create environments that minimize distractions
• Use timers and external reminders to shift attention when needed
• Seek help from others to manage tasks that don't naturally engage attention

2. Shame and self-blame often accompany undiagnosed ADHD, but understanding can lead to self-acceptance

Letting go of the desire for perfection will be our best friend here.

The shame cycle. Undiagnosed ADHD often leads to a pattern of perceived failures and self-blame. Individuals may internalize societal expectations and judge themselves harshly for not meeting neurotypical standards. This shame can be deeply damaging to self-esteem and mental health.

Diagnosis as liberation. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis can be a turning point, providing context for lifelong struggles. It allows individuals to reframe their experiences, recognizing that their challenges stem from neurological differences rather than personal failings. This understanding is the first step towards self-acceptance and developing effective coping strategies.

Path to self-acceptance:

• Educate yourself about ADHD and its manifestations
• Challenge negative self-talk and internalized stigma
• Seek support from therapists, coaches, or support groups
• Celebrate your unique strengths and accomplishments
• Practice self-compassion and forgiveness for past struggles

3. Time blindness and hyperfocus are two sides of the ADHD coin

For me, five minutes and 45 minutes mean the exact same thing. They mean "not now, but soon."

Time perception challenges. ADHD often involves difficulty accurately perceiving the passage of time, leading to chronic lateness and poor time management. This "time blindness" can cause significant stress in personal and professional life.

Hyperfocus paradox. Conversely, ADHD can also manifest as hyperfocus – periods of intense concentration where hours pass unnoticed. While this can be a strength in certain situations, it can also lead to neglecting other important tasks or responsibilities.

Balancing strategies:

• Use external time management tools (timers, alarms, visual schedules)
• Break tasks into smaller, timed segments
• Develop routines and habits to anchor daily activities
• Communicate openly about time management challenges
• Harness hyperfocus for productive pursuits when possible
• Build in buffer time for transitions between activities

4. ADHD can significantly impact personal hygiene and household management

I'm never going to bed showered, with brushed teeth and clean PJs, but I manage two of those things most days and that's good enough for me.

Daily struggles. Many with ADHD find maintaining consistent personal hygiene and household cleanliness challenging. These tasks often feel overwhelming or simply slip from mind, leading to cluttered spaces and irregular self-care routines.

Redefining success. Rather than aiming for perfection, it's important to set realistic goals and celebrate small victories. Creating systems and routines that work with ADHD tendencies, rather than against them, can lead to gradual improvements.

Practical approaches:

• Use visual reminders and checklists
• Break cleaning tasks into smaller, manageable steps
• Set timers for short bursts of cleaning or self-care
• Create designated spaces for items to reduce clutter
• Develop a "good enough" standard rather than perfection
• Seek help from family members or professionals when needed

5. Financial struggles are common with ADHD, but strategies can help

Credit card debt, payday loans, unopened red letters, final demands, and bailiffs. The reality of being in debt, and having ADHD, is so incredibly frightening.

Impulsivity and oversight. ADHD can lead to impulsive spending, difficulty tracking expenses, and overlooking bills. These tendencies, combined with challenges in long-term planning, often result in financial instability.

Building financial stability. With understanding and the right tools, individuals with ADHD can improve their financial health. This often involves creating systems to manage money more effectively and seeking support when needed.

Financial management techniques:

• Automate bill payments and savings
• Use budgeting apps or spreadsheets for visual tracking
• Implement a "cooling off" period before major purchases
• Work with a financial advisor or ADHD coach
• Consider having a trusted person help oversee finances
• Educate yourself on personal finance basics
• Address any shame or anxiety around money to prevent avoidance

6. Task avoidance and directional challenges are frequent ADHD hurdles

If you are meant to be cleaning your room and you find yourself sat cross-legged on the floor reading every birthday card you've ever been sent, call it out.

Procrastination and distraction. ADHD often manifests as difficulty initiating or completing important tasks, especially if they're perceived as boring or overwhelming. This can lead to a pattern of avoidance and last-minute rushes.

Navigational struggles. Many with ADHD experience "directional dyslexia," finding it challenging to navigate new environments or follow verbal directions. This can cause anxiety and frustration in daily life.

Overcoming obstacles:

• Break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps
• Use the "body doubling" technique (working alongside someone else)
• Implement the "two-minute rule" for quick tasks
• Create detailed, visual directions for new routes
• Use GPS and map apps liberally
• Practice self-compassion when struggles occur
• Communicate openly about these challenges with others

7. Impulsivity in ADHD can lead to both creative breakthroughs and challenges

So here's to the ADHDers who start their soap-making businesses, who start selling crafts on Etsy, who start writing a book or offering parenting classes, who go into acting, or who open a gluten-free bakery. Here's to the ones who never give up, even though all the data points tell them they are a failure.

Double-edged sword. Impulsivity in ADHD can spark innovative ideas and bold actions. However, it can also lead to rash decisions with negative consequences. The challenge lies in harnessing the creative potential while mitigating risks.

Channeling impulsivity. Learning to recognize impulsive urges and implement strategies to evaluate them can help individuals with ADHD make more balanced decisions. This doesn't mean suppressing creativity, but rather finding ways to express it productively.

Balancing strategies:

• Implement a "cooling off" period for big decisions
• Seek input from trusted friends or mentors
• Keep a log of ideas to revisit later
• Set boundaries on time and resources for new projects
• Celebrate the creative process, not just outcomes
• Learn from past experiences, both successes and setbacks
• Find outlets for creative energy that don't require major commitments

8. ADHD affects relationships, but understanding and communication can strengthen bonds

Rather than keep secrets, which leads to pain for everyone involved, we are called to the harder task of sharing our most intimate selves with somebody else and allowing ourselves to be completely known.

Relationship challenges. ADHD can impact relationships through forgetfulness, emotional intensity, and difficulty with consistent communication. These traits can be misinterpreted as a lack of care or commitment.

Building stronger connections. Open communication about ADHD and its effects is crucial for healthy relationships. When both partners understand the challenges and work together on solutions, it can lead to deeper intimacy and mutual support.

Relationship strategies:

• Educate partners about ADHD and its manifestations
• Develop systems for shared responsibilities and reminders
• Practice active listening and validate each other's experiences
• Be honest about struggles and ask for help when needed
• Celebrate each other's strengths and progress
• Consider couples therapy or ADHD coaching
• Find ways to channel ADHD traits positively in the relationship

9. Support from loved ones is crucial for managing ADHD symptoms

Compassion and non-judgement will bring about more positive change than shame and judgement ever will.

The power of understanding. Having supportive partners, friends, and family who understand ADHD can make a tremendous difference in managing symptoms and building self-esteem. Non-judgmental support allows individuals with ADHD to be more open about their struggles and seek help when needed.

Collaborative approach. When loved ones work together with the person with ADHD, it creates a team mentality in tackling challenges. This collaborative spirit can lead to creative solutions and a more positive home environment.

Supporting an ADHDer:

• Educate yourself about ADHD and its various manifestations
• Practice patience and avoid criticism
• Offer help with organization and time management when needed
• Celebrate successes, no matter how small
• Be open to adjusting expectations and finding compromises
• Encourage professional support (therapy, coaching, medication if appropriate)
• Recognize and appreciate the unique strengths that come with ADHD

10. Embracing neurodiversity leads to a more compassionate and understanding world

We need to find a way for our impulsivity to work for us, as opposed to against us. The starting place for that is accepting that we are very impulsive.

Shifting perspectives. Recognizing ADHD as a form of neurodiversity rather than a disorder can lead to greater acceptance and accommodation in society. This view celebrates the unique strengths and contributions of different neurotypes.

Creating inclusive environments. By understanding and accommodating neurodiversity, we can create schools, workplaces, and communities that allow everyone to thrive. This benefits not just those with ADHD, but society as a whole through increased innovation and diverse problem-solving approaches.

Fostering neurodiversity:

• Educate others about ADHD and neurodiversity
• Advocate for accommodations in schools and workplaces
• Challenge stigma and misconceptions about ADHD
• Celebrate the strengths and contributions of neurodivergent individuals
• Support research and initiatives that promote understanding of neurodiversity
• Encourage self-advocacy and pride in neurodivergent identities
• Work towards a society that values different ways of thinking and processing information