Dreaming in Hindi

1. Disorientation and Desire Drive the Language Journey

By immersing yourself as a neophyte in a realm that's more controllable than your now unwieldy and sorry whole existence, you keep yourself in one piece, at least in this one area.

Seeking transformation. The author's decision to learn Hindi in India stemmed from a life upended by job loss and recurring cancer. Feeling disoriented and lacking the language to describe her own life, she sought a radical change, viewing language learning as a way to rebuild identity and find control in a chaotic world.
A passionate pursuit. While not a natural linguist, the author was deeply fascinated by language, seeing it as a "strange veiled code" offering covert glimpses into other worlds. This passion, rather than innate talent, fueled her pursuit of Hindi, a language distant and challenging enough to offer a truly transformative experience.
Beyond the classroom. The initial trip to India, taken on a whim, sparked a desire to understand the country through its language. This accidental encounter solidified the author's yearning to "speak menu" of a place, not just see its sights, setting the stage for a year of total immersion.

2. Immersion Begins in "Bhram," the Sweet Illusion

"Main bhram mein hoon," he said: "I am in bhram," and for the rest of the year, I used that sentence more than any other.

Living in confusion. Upon arrival, the author's primary state was bhram, initially understood as confusion but later revealed to mean illusion. This state of not fully understanding, of constantly misunderstanding, became a defining characteristic of early immersion, a frustrating yet fascinating experience.
A defamiliarized world. Without the ability to name things, the familiar world dissolved, forcing the author to see everything anew. This "delight of defamiliarization" was a key pleasure of languaging, requiring a fresh look at sky, dirt, air, and even one's own feet, as the mind struggled to apply new names.
Beyond words. The initial language barrier meant relying on gestures, context, and intuition. This forced reliance on non-verbal cues, while limiting communication, also opened up new ways of perceiving and interacting with the environment and people, creating a unique, wordless understanding.

3. Language Learning Physically Remakes the Brain and Self

What I learned was that to some extent, a second language does. It makes you not quite yourself, your old one.

Neural pathways shift. Learning a second language, especially later in life, involves using different brain circuits than the first. While native language (procedural knowledge) is deeply wired, new language (declarative knowledge) is stored more diffusely, requiring conscious effort and creating a "space-bump feeling."
Brain plasticity. The brain is continually repairing and remaking itself based on experience. Intensive language study, particularly immersion, physically alters neural connections. This can manifest in unexpected ways, like changes in pronunciation, shifts in personality, or even, as the author experienced, a temporary inability to recognize one's own face.
Language and identity. We reside in language; it is part of our identity. Learning a new language requires giving up the self encoded in the first one, becoming a "half an overgrown child" who speaks simply and is received as such. This loss of facility and authority can be profoundly unsettling.

4. The Silent Period is Essential for Deep Acquisition

But listening without speaking is important. Only months later did I find that the dread silences had allowed words to set.

A necessary phase. The "silent period" is a recognized stage in language acquisition where learners absorb sounds and patterns without producing much language. While frustrating for adults eager to communicate, this period of intense listening allows words and grammar to "set" in the brain.
Beyond conscious effort. Progress during the silent period often happens below the level of conscious awareness. Despite feeling stuck or making little visible progress, the brain is actively processing the new language, building the foundation for later fluency.
Unlocking potential. Resisting the urge to speak prematurely and embracing the silence can lead to surprising breakthroughs. The author experienced this phenomenon, finding that after periods of intense frustration and perceived stagnation, her Hindi comprehension and production would suddenly leap forward.

5. Language Acts as a Map, Reshaping Reality and Perception

"Most of the distinctions we make about ourselves—what time it is, where we are—we learn through the map of language," Becker said.

A different orientation. Language is not merely a code but a map of reality that orients speakers differently in space and time. Concepts like "here" and "there" (deictics) vary across languages, influencing how speakers perceive their position in the world.
Obligatory distinctions. Every language contains grammatical elements that require speakers to focus on specific aspects of a situation, such as gender, time, or the source of information. These "obligatory" distinctions can subtly shape how speakers attend to and remember events.
Perception shifts. The language one speaks can influence perception, from how colors are categorized to how objects are described. Studies suggest that even the direction of reading (left-to-right vs. right-to-left) can affect visual processing and spatial biases.

6. Cultural Values and Emotions Are Embedded in Words

"You can only really speak intimately in your native tongue. In Hindi," he says, "I could have told you how I loved you."

Beyond translation. Many words and concepts are deeply rooted in culture and lack direct equivalents in other languages. Terms like bhram (illusion), viraha (love-in-separation), or patidev (husband-god) carry layers of cultural and religious meaning that simple translation cannot capture.
Cultural scripts. Emotions are not universal but are shaped by "cultural scripts" learned through language. The Hindi word viraha describes a specific, bittersweet longing for the divine that is central to Hindu devotion, a feeling the author experienced intensely through song lyrics.
Language and religion. Hindi is deeply intertwined with Hinduism, with many words carrying religious connotations. Learning the language involves absorbing aspects of the religion and its worldview, blurring the lines between linguistic and spiritual acquisition.

7. Language is Contagious, Affecting Behavior and Identity

"I think the process might be better called contagion," Chris Frith was saying... "We take in culture through the mirror system."

Automatic imitation. Humans have an innate tendency to imitate others, from gestures to expressions and even moods. This "contagion" is mediated by mirror neurons in the brain and plays a role in social bonding and learning.
Mirroring language. The mirror neuron system overlaps with brain regions involved in language. This suggests that language acquisition may involve imitating sounds, rhythms, and even the physical movements associated with speech, making language, to some extent, "catching."
Assimilation of values. Through this process of linguistic and physical synchronization, learners can absorb cultural values and behaviors, sometimes unconsciously. The author noticed herself adopting Indian mannerisms, speech patterns, and even ways of thinking about modesty and social hierarchy.

8. Confronting Difficult Truths Through Language and Culture

"If you get cancer here, you die."

Unveiling harsh realities. Language learning stripped away the author's preconceived notions and exposed her to difficult truths about poverty, inequality, and violence in India. Encounters like the hospital visit revealed the stark contrast between her own medical privilege and the limited options available to others.
Language as a firewall. The inability to fully articulate complex thoughts in Hindi sometimes served as a barrier, preventing the author from engaging in challenging conversations or expressing dissent. This "half language" state limited her ability to fully process and respond to the harsh realities she witnessed.
The cost of understanding. As her Hindi improved, the author gained deeper insight into the country's social and political tensions, including rising anti-Muslim sentiment and the horrors of the Gujarat riots. This increased understanding came at a cost, forcing her to confront disturbing perspectives and question her own assumptions and relationships.

9. Language Learning is a Journey of Unveiling and Connection

Out of my old senses, the five I arrived with, I'm a poet and don't even know it.

Self-discovery. The process of learning Hindi became a journey of self-discovery, revealing hidden aspects of the author's personality and past. Confronting her limitations and vulnerabilities in a new language forced her to re-evaluate her identity and motivations.
Unexpected connections. Despite language barriers and cultural differences, the author formed deep connections with individuals who became intermediaries and guides. These relationships, built through shared experiences and mutual effort, provided support and insight into the complexities of Indian life and language.
A new way of being. By the end of the year, the author's perception, reflexes, and even physical presence had been altered by the language and culture. She gained a "double vision," seeing the world through both English and Hindi lenses, and discovered a capacity for "goodness" that she hadn't recognized in herself before.

Last updated: May 3, 2025