Energy Rising

1. Transform Emotional Pain into Power

To rise to new levels of your emotional power, you will have to accept one core counterintuitive premise: that your emotional pain—all those negative feelings you keep trying to avoid—is often the precise path to your empowerment.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Emotional pain is not something to be avoided, but rather an energy to be transformed. This transformation occurs through two key strategies: picking a more powerful pain and holding your emotional shake. Picking a more powerful pain involves choosing a challenging but growth-oriented discomfort over a familiar but stagnating one. Holding your emotional shake means staying present with uncomfortable feelings until your nervous system adapts to a new level of resilience.

• Examples of more powerful pain:

  • Risking rejection to pursue authentic self-expression
  • Facing uncertainty to start a new venture
  • Embracing vulnerability to deepen relationships

• Steps to hold your emotional shake:

  1. Identify situations that cause discomfort
  2. Rank them by intensity
  3. Gradually expose yourself to these situations
  4. Stay present with the discomfort until it subsides

2. Build a Power Pattern for Resilience

Your brain is, quite literally, the ultimate electrical machine. Sending electrical impulses traveling at speeds up to 260 miles an hour and catalyzing thousands of electrochemical reactions every second, your brain builds reality.

Your brain is a pattern-detection powerhouse. To harness this ability, create a power pattern - a bold, expansive framework that supports you through life's challenges. This pattern should be big enough to hold both your triumphs and tragedies, leaving you continuously empowered. The process involves three steps: designing your power pattern, testing it in real-world situations, and repeating it until it becomes ingrained.

Examples of power patterns:

• "I am my greatest work of art"
• "Everything contributes to my powerful evolution"
• "I am ahead of my time"

Benefits of a strong power pattern:

• Increased resilience in face of setbacks
• Greater confidence in decision-making
• Enhanced ability to see opportunities in challenges

3. Harness the Energy of Humiliation

Humiliation is so powerful that you don't even need to be humiliated to be activated; you just need to be afraid that you might be.

Humiliation is the root of most emotional pain. Understanding and working with this energy is crucial for emotional empowerment. The "pain tree" model illustrates how humiliation at the root gives rise to fear in the trunk and various situational pains in the leaves. By addressing the root energy of humiliation, you can transform a wide range of painful experiences into sources of power.

• Steps to harness humiliation's energy:

  1. Identify situations where fear of humiliation is holding you back
  2. Acknowledge the pain without judgment
  3. Reframe the energy as an opportunity for growth
  4. Take bold action in spite of the fear

• Key insight: Humiliation only destroys your power if you let it. By facing it head-on, you can transform it into a source of strength and authenticity.

4. Master Uncertainty to Lead Effectively

There is a soothing clarity that comes when you know how to work with your challenging emotional energies across a range of variable situations.

Uncertainty is a constant in life and leadership. Rather than trying to eliminate it, effective leaders learn to work with uncertainty's energy. This involves recognizing that the pain of uncertainty often comes from our attempts to avoid it, not from the uncertainty itself. By embracing uncertainty and learning to say "I don't know," leaders can build trust and adaptability in their teams.

Strategies for mastering uncertainty:

• Be an information seeker, not a reassurance seeker
• Practice saying "I don't know" when appropriate
• Focus on what you can control, rather than what you can't
• Use uncertainty as a catalyst for innovation and growth

Benefits of mastering uncertainty:

• Increased adaptability in rapidly changing environments
• Enhanced problem-solving abilities
• Greater trust and authenticity in relationships

5. Rewire Your Childhood Source Code

Your source code, the original patterning of who you would ultimately grow up to be, was constructed at a time you can't fully access.

Early childhood experiences shape your leadership style. Your "source code" - the patterns and beliefs formed in early childhood - significantly influences how you lead as an adult. By understanding and rewiring this source code, you can overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors, leading to more effective and authentic leadership.

The process of rewiring your source code involves four steps:

1. Remember: Bring unconscious childhood patterns into awareness
2. Relate: Connect early experiences to current leadership challenges
3. Recognize: Identify how source code manifests in unhelpful behaviors
4. Rewire: Design and implement more empowering alternatives

Examples of source code influences:

• Tendency to micromanage stemming from childhood neglect
• Difficulty with conflict due to growing up in a volatile home
• Perfectionism rooted in conditional parental love

6. Quit Commanding, Start Connecting

When you manage this uncertainty by trying to be something you don't even want to be, pain is your inevitable consequence.

Command energy stifles authentic connection. Many leaders resort to commanding others as a way to manage their own insecurities and uncertainties. However, this approach ultimately leads to disconnection and resistance. By quitting the command energy and focusing on authentic connection, leaders can build more dynamic and productive relationships.

Signs of command energy:

• Micromanaging
• Insisting on being right
• Using criticism as a motivational tool
• Refusing to acknowledge mistakes or uncertainties

Benefits of quitting command energy:

• Increased trust and psychological safety in teams
• More innovative and collaborative work environments
• Enhanced employee engagement and retention
• Improved personal relationships and emotional well-being

7. Unleash Your Magnetic Leadership

Your job was never to lead them. The command-and-control paradigm of leadership was always a setup, a bad design that cannot sustainably work based on how we now know human brains work.

Magnetic leadership attracts followers naturally. Instead of trying to control or motivate others, focus on embodying the qualities and energy you want to see in your team or organization. This approach aligns with how the brain naturally operates, creating a win-win scenario where people choose to follow you because they're inspired by your example.

Key aspects of magnetic leadership:

• Authenticity: Being true to yourself and your values
• Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotions and triggers
• Inspiration: Focusing on your own motivation and passion
• Trust: Believing in others' capabilities and potential

Exercises to develop magnetic leadership:

1. Reflect on your core values and how they align with your actions
2. Practice vulnerable and honest communication
3. Cultivate curiosity about others' perspectives and experiences
4. Regularly assess and adjust your own energy and mindset

8. Build Future-Focused Relationships

To build deeply successful relationships at work and at home, you can't just think about them as they presently stand. You need to envision them in the future.

Strong relationships require a clear future vision. Many relationship problems stem from being stuck in past patterns or present frustrations. By creating a compelling vision of your future relationship and aligning your actions with that vision, you can transform your connections at work and home.

Steps to build future-focused relationships:

1. Visualize the relationship you want in detail
2. Identify specific behaviors that align with this vision
3. Commit to embodying these behaviors consistently
4. Regularly reassess and adjust your vision and actions

Benefits of future-focused relationships:

• Increased resilience during conflicts or challenges

• Greater motivation to invest in the relationship

• Enhanced ability to overcome past hurts or disappointments

• More intentional and purposeful interactions

• Key insight: Your relationships are co-creations. By focusing on your own growth and alignment with your vision, you create space for others to do the same, leading to more fulfilling and dynamic connections.

Last updated: April 21, 2025