Fearless Living

1. Fear is a natural response that can be mastered for personal growth

Fear is just an affirmation of your growth. It's just a way of letting you know you are alive and walking out into the unknown.

Fear is universal. Everyone experiences fear, regardless of their outward appearance of confidence. Fear is a primal survival mechanism, triggered by the brain's hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) system, which releases chemical messengers like dopamine and adrenaline.

Fear can be mastered. While we can't erase fear completely, we can learn to recognize it as a sign of growth and opportunity rather than a threat. By reframing our relationship with fear, we can use it as a tool for personal development and motivation to take positive actions.

Growth requires discomfort. Stepping out of our comfort zone and facing our fears is essential for personal growth. By understanding that fear is a natural part of the growth process, we can embrace it as a sign that we're moving in the right direction, rather than allowing it to hold us back.

2. Identify your Wheel of Fear to understand your core fears and reactions

The Wheel of Fear may be triggered during the big risks in your life but it will no longer be a daily occurrence.

Understanding your Wheel of Fear. The Wheel of Fear is a cyclical process that keeps us trapped in negative patterns. It consists of four key components:

1. A trigger thought (e.g., being seen as incompetent)
2. Fear-driven behaviors (e.g., overworking, perfectionism)
3. Core negative feelings (e.g., feeling unlovable or worthless)
4. Self-destructive behaviors to numb the pain (e.g., overeating, drinking)

Identify your personal Wheel of Fear. Reflect on your fears, reactions, and behaviors to understand your unique Wheel of Fear. This awareness is crucial for breaking free from fear-driven patterns.

Recognize fear symptoms. Common symptoms of being on the Wheel of Fear include:

• Impatience
• Exhaustion
• Self-righteousness
• Feeling misunderstood
• Paranoia
• Paralysis
• Shame
• Feeling defeated or out of control

3. Develop your Wheel of Freedom to align with your essential nature

When you are true to yourself, others are given permission to do the same. When I live from my Wheel of Freedom, I am free to fulfill my potential and live fearlessly.

Discover your essential nature. Your essential nature is your true self, free from fear and environmental influences. It's the foundation of your Wheel of Freedom. To identify it, consider the qualities you admire most in others, as these often reflect your own essential nature.

Create your Wheel of Freedom. The Wheel of Freedom consists of:

1. Your essential nature (e.g., authenticity, compassion)
2. Proactive behaviors that align with your nature
3. A sense of wholeness (e.g., self-acceptance, inner joy)
4. Self-affirming behaviors that naturally follow

Live from your Wheel of Freedom. By consciously aligning your actions with your essential nature, you can break free from fear-driven patterns and live a more fulfilling life. This shift allows you to make choices based on your true self rather than fear or external expectations.

4. Recognize and eliminate Fear Junkies from your life

Everyone has a Wheel of Fear. Think of the people you love. No matter how together they seem, they, too, have fears.

Identify Fear Junkies. Fear Junkies are people who, often unknowingly, reinforce your fears and hold you back. They come in various forms:

• Dream Drainers: discourage you from pursuing your goals
• Complaining Buddies: reinforce negative perspectives
• Puppeteers: try to control your life choices
• Rivals in Disguise: sabotage your efforts out of jealousy
• Rearview Mirrors: constantly bring up past mistakes

Set boundaries with Fear Junkies. While you may not be able to eliminate all Fear Junkies from your life, you can:

• Limit your exposure to them
• Filter out their negative influences
• Consciously choose not to engage in their fear-driven behaviors

Focus on positive influences. Surround yourself with people who support your growth and encourage you to face your fears. This shift in your social environment can significantly impact your ability to live fearlessly.

5. Build a supportive Fearbuster Team for your journey

Maya Angelou said, "Nobody, but nobody, can make it out here alone."

Assemble your Fearbuster Team. A Fearbuster Team consists of 3-7 people who support your growth and help you overcome fear. Team members can play different roles:

• Support Buddies: offer unconditional love and encouragement
• Wise Council: provide objective perspective and advice
• Voices of Experience: share insights from similar experiences
• Powerful Partners: commit to long-term mutual growth and support

Cultivate supportive relationships. Nurture relationships with people who:

• Believe in your potential
• Offer honest feedback
• Celebrate your successes
• Support you during challenges

Be a good team member. Remember that support is a two-way street. Offer the same level of encouragement and support to your Fearbuster Team members that you hope to receive from them.

6. Live with intention, not expectation, to overcome fear

Expectations breed fear and discontent. And our unfulfilled expectations are the catalyst for acting out the rage, self-pity, and victimization that stem from our fears.

Shift from expectation to intention. Expectations set us up for disappointment and fear, while intentions align us with our true selves and values. Intentions focus on the process rather than the outcome, allowing for growth and flexibility.

Recognize expectation language. Words and phrases that indicate expectation-driven thinking include:

• "Should"
• "Need to"
• "Have to"
• "Supposed to"
• "If only"

Adopt intention language. Replace expectation language with intention-focused alternatives:

• "I choose"
• "I want"
• "I decide"
• "I am committed to"
• "Where is the opportunity in this situation?"

Practice living with intention. Set daily intentions that align with your essential nature and values. Focus on the actions you can take and the person you want to be, rather than specific outcomes you expect to achieve.

7. Practice gratitude and self-acknowledgment to boost confidence

Gratitudes shift your focus so that you are aware of what you have instead of what you don't have.

Cultivate daily gratitude. Write down five specific things you're grateful for each day. This practice helps shift your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life. Guidelines for effective gratitudes:

• Use present tense
• Be specific
• Focus on external events and people, not personal accomplishments
• Include both small and significant experiences

Acknowledge your progress. Write down five daily self-acknowledgments to build self-esteem and confidence. Acknowledgments:

• Recognize small steps and actions
• Focus on your process and efforts, not just outcomes
• Help you discover your true self and working style

Accept compliments graciously. Learn to receive compliments without deflecting or minimizing them. This practice reinforces positive self-perception and strengthens connections with others.

8. Take calculated risks to move beyond fear and embrace growth

Consider the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Embrace risk-taking. Taking calculated risks is essential for personal growth and overcoming fear. Remember that the very act of risking often protects you from the pain you've been trying to avoid.

Use the R.I.S.K. formula:

• Release your attachment to the outcome
• Invest fully in your intention
• Stand for the truth
• Keep kindness a priority

Focus on the process, not the outcome. When taking risks, concentrate on what you can learn and how you can grow, rather than fixating on specific results. This approach allows for more flexibility and resilience in the face of challenges.

Start small and build momentum. Begin with small risks in areas of your life where you feel more confident. As you experience success and build trust in yourself, gradually take on bigger challenges in areas where fear has held you back.

Last updated: September 22, 2024