Friendship in an Age of Economics

1. Neoliberalism Shapes Our Relationships

Part of the goal of these pages is to show how who we are, with ourselves and one another, is a product of our times, these times.

The pervasive influence. Neoliberalism, with its emphasis on market values, isn't just an economic system; it's a cultural force that shapes our identities and relationships. It encourages us to view ourselves and others through an economic lens, prioritizing individual gain and market efficiency over deeper human connections. This influence is subtle but profound, affecting how we interact, what we value, and even how we understand ourselves.

Beyond economics. Neoliberalism's impact extends beyond the marketplace, influencing our political, social, and personal lives. It fosters a culture of competition, individualism, and self-reliance, often at the expense of community, empathy, and social responsibility. This shift can lead to a sense of isolation and alienation, as traditional forms of social support and connection erode.

Understanding the forces. Recognizing the influence of neoliberalism is the first step toward resisting its more harmful effects. By understanding how it shapes our perceptions and behaviors, we can begin to consciously cultivate relationships that prioritize genuine connection, mutual support, and shared values over economic gain. This awareness allows us to make more intentional choices about how we engage with the world and with each other.

2. Friendship as a Site of Struggle

Our relationships with one another, then, are a site of a struggle.

A battleground for values. Our friendships are not immune to the forces of neoliberalism. They become a space where competing values clash: the market-driven values of competition and self-interest versus the humanistic values of empathy, trust, and mutual support. This struggle plays out in subtle ways, influencing how we define friendship, what we expect from our friends, and how we navigate the complexities of our relationships.

Resisting the figures. The figures of the consumer and the entrepreneur, products of neoliberal ideology, can infiltrate our friendships, turning them into transactional relationships based on pleasure or utility. However, friendships also offer a powerful means of resisting these figures, providing an alternative model of connection based on genuine care, shared values, and mutual growth.

Conscious cultivation. Resisting the influence of neoliberalism in our friendships requires conscious effort. It means actively choosing to prioritize genuine connection over superficial interactions, valuing empathy and support over competition and self-interest, and cultivating relationships that foster personal growth and shared meaning. This conscious cultivation can create a space of resistance within our own lives.

3. Consumerism: The Allure of the Present

The consumer is engaged with his or her current consumption rather than with the future or the past.

The now-focused figure. The consumer, a dominant figure in neoliberal society, is characterized by a focus on immediate gratification and the passive consumption of goods and experiences. This orientation prioritizes the present moment, often at the expense of long-term goals, meaningful connections, and a sense of historical context. The consumer seeks pleasure and entertainment, often without regard for the consequences or the deeper meaning of their actions.

Entertainment and branding. This focus on the present is fueled by the constant barrage of advertising and the pervasive influence of entertainment culture. We are encouraged to see our lives as a series of consumable experiences, constantly seeking the next source of pleasure or excitement. Branding further reinforces this mindset, as we identify ourselves with the products we consume, seeking validation and belonging through material possessions.

Individualized egoism. The consumer's focus on the present and passive consumption often leads to an individualized egoism, where personal pleasure and satisfaction are prioritized over the needs and concerns of others. This can erode empathy, diminish social responsibility, and weaken the bonds of community. The consumer is encouraged to see the world as a source of personal gratification, rather than a shared space for collaboration and mutual support.

4. Entrepreneurship: Investing in the Future Self

The entrepreneur is the figure who thinks of himself or herself in terms of investing toward the future for the sake of particular returns.

The future-oriented figure. In contrast to the consumer, the entrepreneur is driven by a focus on the future and the pursuit of long-term goals. This figure sees life as a series of investments, constantly calculating the potential returns on their time, energy, and resources. The entrepreneur is proactive, strategic, and driven by a desire for self-improvement and personal success.

Economic rationality. The entrepreneur's approach to relationships is often characterized by economic rationality, viewing others as potential resources or assets to be cultivated for future gain. This can lead to a transactional mindset, where relationships are valued primarily for their instrumental benefits, rather than for their intrinsic worth.

Individualized ambition. While the entrepreneur may be altruistic, their primary focus is on individual achievement and personal advancement. This can lead to a competitive and self-centered approach to relationships, where others are seen as rivals or stepping stones on the path to success. The entrepreneur's ambition, while admirable in some respects, can also undermine genuine connection and erode the bonds of community.

5. Beyond Neoliberalism: The Essence of Deep Friendship

Those who wish for their friends’ good for their friends’ sake are friends in the truest sense, since their attitude is determined by what their friends are and not by incidental considerations.

Other-regarding connections. Deep friendships offer an alternative to the transactional relationships fostered by neoliberalism. They are characterized by a genuine concern for the well-being of the other, a desire to support their growth and flourishing, and a commitment to the relationship itself, regardless of its instrumental benefits. This other-regarding orientation stands in stark contrast to the self-centeredness of the consumer and the strategic calculations of the entrepreneur.

Passion and affection. Deep friendships are also marked by a strong sense of affection and liking for the whole person, not just for their specific qualities or attributes. This affection is often irrational, transcending logical calculations and enduring even when the friend's behavior or circumstances change. It is a deep, abiding connection that goes beyond superficial attraction or shared interests.

Commitment and tending. Deep friendships require commitment and tending, a willingness to invest time, energy, and emotional resources in nurturing the relationship. This involves actively listening, offering support, sharing experiences, and navigating the inevitable challenges and conflicts that arise over time. It is a conscious effort to prioritize the relationship and to cultivate a bond that is both meaningful and enduring.

6. Trust: The Foundation of Meaningful Connection

The speaker is asking that a certain authority of his be acknowledged—the authority to invest his utterance with a particular epistemic import—and this investment occurs by his explicit assumption of responsibility for his utterance’s being a reason for belief.

Beyond mere information. Trust is the bedrock of deep friendships, going beyond mere reliance on another person's competence or reliability. It involves a willingness to be vulnerable, to share one's innermost thoughts and feelings, and to depend on the other person's integrity and support. This level of trust creates a space for genuine connection, empathy, and mutual understanding.

Telling and being told. The act of "telling," of sharing one's experiences and perspectives, is central to building trust in friendships. It involves a willingness to be open and honest, to take responsibility for one's words, and to invite the other person into one's inner world. This act of sharing creates a bond of intimacy and mutual understanding that strengthens the relationship.

Resisting isolation. In a neoliberal society that often fosters distrust and competition, the trust found in deep friendships offers a powerful antidote to isolation and alienation. It provides a sense of belonging, security, and mutual support that can help us navigate the challenges of a market-driven world. Trust becomes a form of resistance, a way of reclaiming our humanity in the face of forces that seek to commodify and instrumentalize our relationships.

7. Equality: The Cornerstone of Solidarity

Political activity is always a mode of expression that undoes the perceptible divisions of the police order by implementing a basically heterogeneous assumption. . . the equality of any speaking being with any other speaking being.

Beyond hierarchy. Deep friendships are characterized by a fundamental sense of equality, a recognition that each person's experiences, perspectives, and needs are equally valid and worthy of respect. This equality transcends social hierarchies and power dynamics, creating a space where each person can be seen and valued for who they are, not for their status or achievements.

Challenging the police order. This emphasis on equality in deep friendships can serve as a powerful challenge to the "police order" of neoliberal society, which often reinforces inequalities based on wealth, status, and power. By treating each other as equals, friends can resist the tendency to internalize these hierarchies and to perpetuate them in their own relationships.

Foundation for solidarity. The equality found in deep friendships can also serve as a foundation for broader movements of solidarity. By recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of each individual, friends can extend this sense of equality to others, building bridges across social divides and working together to create a more just and equitable world. This is the essence of a political movement rooted in friendship.

8. Friendship: A Training Ground for Resistance

An anti-authoritarian democratic organization must not understand itself as defined by a set of formal procedures.

Cultivating virtues. Deep friendships provide a training ground for the virtues necessary for effective political resistance. They cultivate empathy, compassion, and a willingness to listen to and understand different perspectives. They also foster a sense of responsibility, a commitment to mutual support, and a willingness to challenge injustice.

Building trust. Perhaps most importantly, deep friendships train us in the art of trust, a crucial ingredient for any successful movement of solidarity. By learning to trust our friends, we develop the capacity to trust others, even those who are different from us, and to work together toward common goals. This trust is essential for building strong, resilient communities that can resist the forces of division and oppression.

Beyond formal procedures. The training that friendship provides is not about learning a set of formal rules or procedures. It is about cultivating a way of being in the world, a way of relating to others that is characterized by respect, empathy, and a commitment to equality. This embodied understanding of solidarity is far more powerful than any set of abstract principles or political ideologies.

9. The Power of Shared Experiences

The loss of an intimate friends, then, is the loss of a jointly created world of significance and possible activities—a world that owes its contours to the friends’ own past activities rather than to mere serendipity.

Jointly created worlds. Deep friendships are not just about individual growth and self-improvement; they are about creating shared worlds of meaning and significance. Through shared experiences, conversations, and activities, friends build a unique history together, a tapestry of memories, inside jokes, and mutual understandings that binds them together.

Irreplaceable bonds. This shared history makes deep friendships irreplaceable. The loss of a close friend is not just the loss of a person; it is the loss of a shared world, a unique perspective, and a source of deep meaning and connection. This irreplaceability underscores the profound value of deep friendships and the importance of nurturing and protecting them.

Beyond individual gain. The power of shared experiences in deep friendships lies in their ability to transcend individual gain and to create a sense of collective identity and purpose. Friends support each other through difficult times, celebrate each other's successes, and challenge each other to grow and evolve. This mutual support and shared purpose can be a powerful source of resilience in the face of adversity.

10. The Fragility of Resistance

The invisible hand [of the market] has been more potent for progress than the visible hand for retrogression.

Constant vigilance. Even the deepest friendships are not immune to the pressures of neoliberalism. The constant emphasis on competition, self-reliance, and economic success can erode trust, undermine empathy, and weaken the bonds of community. Maintaining deep friendships requires constant vigilance and a conscious effort to resist these forces.

The threat of instrumentalization. The greatest threat to deep friendships is the tendency to instrumentalize them, to view them as a means to an end, rather than as an end in themselves. This can lead to a transactional mindset, where relationships are valued primarily for their practical benefits, rather than for their intrinsic worth.

Cultivating alternatives. Resisting the influence of neoliberalism in our friendships requires a conscious commitment to cultivating alternative values and practices. This means prioritizing genuine connection over superficial interactions, valuing empathy and support over competition and self-interest, and creating spaces where vulnerability, authenticity, and mutual growth are celebrated. It is a constant process of tending to the garden of our relationships, ensuring that they are nourished by the values we hold dear.

Last updated: April 20, 2025