Friendship (Vices and Virtues)

1. Friendship is one of life's most significant relationships

The highest and finest of all human relationships is, arguably, friendship.

Friendship's importance: Friendship stands out as a uniquely valuable bond, often surpassing other relationships in depth and meaning. It transcends initial reasons for association, creating a special connection between individuals. Unlike familial or professional ties, friendships are largely elective, based on mutual liking and reciprocated affection.

Characteristics of friendship: True friendships involve:

• Mutual trust and respect
• Shared interests and values
• Emotional support and comfort
• Enjoyment of each other's company
• Loyalty and commitment over time

These elements combine to create a relationship that enhances life quality, providing both practical and emotional benefits. Friendships offer a unique space for personal growth, self-expression, and mutual understanding.

2. The concept of friendship has evolved throughout history

Different people provide the friendship we need at different times in our lives, even if certain very particular friends stay the whole course.

Historical perspectives: The understanding of friendship has changed significantly over time, reflecting shifts in social, cultural, and philosophical thought. Ancient civilizations often viewed friendship through the lens of virtue and moral character, while later periods introduced new dimensions.

Key historical shifts in friendship concepts:

• Classical era: Focus on virtue and moral excellence
• Medieval period: Incorporation of religious ideals
• Renaissance: Revival of classical notions with humanist influences
• Enlightenment: Emphasis on reason and mutual benefit
• Modern era: Recognition of diversity in friendship forms

These changes highlight the dynamic nature of friendship as a social construct, adapting to the needs and values of each era while maintaining its core importance in human relationships.

3. Classical philosophers emphasized virtue in friendship

'A friend is another self,' Aristotle said.

Aristotelian view: Aristotle's conception of friendship, outlined in his Nicomachean Ethics, has been immensely influential. He categorized friendships into three types:

1. Utility: Based on mutual benefit
2. Pleasure: Centered on enjoyment of each other's company
3. Virtue: The highest form, founded on mutual recognition of moral excellence

Aristotle argued that true friendship could only exist between virtuous individuals who valued each other for their intrinsic qualities rather than external benefits. This idea of friendship as a reflection of one's character and a means of ethical development has resonated throughout Western philosophy.

Other classical perspectives: Plato, Cicero, and other ancient thinkers also contributed to the discourse on friendship, often emphasizing its role in personal growth, societal harmony, and the pursuit of wisdom. These classical views laid the foundation for much of the subsequent thinking on friendship in Western culture.

4. Christianity redefined friendship through a religious lens

Augustine eventually has to find means to deal with the problem that we are ordered by God to love our enemies as well as our friends, thus blurring the boundary between what we owe to friends and what significantly cannot be owed to enemies.

Christian transformation: The advent of Christianity introduced new dimensions to the concept of friendship. Christian thinkers grappled with reconciling classical notions of friendship with religious teachings, particularly the command to love all humanity.

Key Christian influences on friendship:

• Emphasis on agape (universal love) over philia (friendship love)
• Friendship as a path to divine love
• Tension between exclusive friendships and universal brotherhood
• Friendship with God as the ultimate relationship

Augustine and other Christian philosophers struggled to balance the value of personal friendships with the broader Christian ethic of universal love. This tension led to a reframing of friendship within a spiritual context, often viewing it as a reflection of one's relationship with God.

5. Renaissance revived classical ideals of friendship

Montaigne regarded his feelings for his dead friend Etienne de La Boétie as special, out of the ordinary, not like common friendship and indeed of a kind that very few would be capable of experiencing.

Renaissance renewal: The Renaissance period saw a resurgence of interest in classical ideas, including those about friendship. Humanist thinkers revisited and reinterpreted ancient concepts, often emphasizing the personal and emotional aspects of friendship.

Renaissance contributions to friendship thought:

• Revival of Aristotelian and Ciceronian ideals
• Emphasis on individual experience and sentiment
• Exploration of friendship in literature and art
• Tension between idealized and practical views of friendship

Michel de Montaigne's essays on friendship, particularly his tribute to Etienne de La Boétie, exemplify the Renaissance approach. Montaigne's deeply personal reflections on friendship highlighted its emotional depth and singularity, moving beyond abstract philosophical discussions to explore lived experience.

6. Enlightenment thinkers brought new perspectives on friendship

Adam Smith thought that commerce expands markets and trading activities, and therefore the range of acquaintances and friends that people acquire.

Enlightenment innovations: Enlightenment philosophers approached friendship with a new emphasis on reason, social utility, and individual liberty. They often viewed friendship within the context of broader social and economic changes.

Enlightenment perspectives on friendship:

• Friendship as a voluntary, rational choice
• Exploration of friendship's role in civil society
• Consideration of friendship's economic and social benefits
• Tension between sentiment and reason in friendship

Thinkers like Adam Smith and David Hume examined friendship in relation to emerging commercial society, considering how economic interactions might shape personal relationships. This period saw a shift towards viewing friendship as part of a network of social connections rather than solely as an intimate, exclusive bond.

7. Literature and legend offer enduring models of friendship

Homer does not say that the two were lovers. In fact he seems to suggest otherwise.

Literary archetypes: Throughout history, literature and legend have provided powerful models of friendship that continue to shape cultural understanding. These stories often explore the depths of loyalty, sacrifice, and mutual understanding in friendship.

Notable literary friendships:

• Achilles and Patroclus (Homer's Iliad)
• David and Jonathan (Biblical narrative)
• Orestes and Pylades (Greek mythology)
• Don Quixote and Sancho Panza (Cervantes)

These literary friendships often serve as idealized examples, demonstrating the potential for deep connection and selfless devotion between friends. They have contributed to the cultural imagination of what friendship can and should be, even as interpretations of these relationships have evolved over time.

8. Modern views recognize the complexity and diversity of friendships

We might need a variety of relationships, not all of them friendships, and not all of our friendships necessarily of the highest quality and intensity, to live fully human lives.

Contemporary complexity: Modern understanding of friendship acknowledges its multifaceted nature and the diverse forms it can take. There's a growing recognition that friendships vary widely based on individual needs, circumstances, and cultural contexts.

Aspects of modern friendship:

• Acceptance of various friendship types and intensities
• Recognition of cross-gender and cross-cultural friendships
• Impact of technology on friendship formation and maintenance
• Blurring of lines between friendship and other relationships

Contemporary perspectives emphasize the value of having a range of relationships, including close friendships, casual acquaintances, and professional connections. This view acknowledges that different types of friendships fulfill different needs and that a rich social life often involves a variety of relationship types.

9. Friendship involves both benefits and potential drawbacks

When we make friends, we contract for grief.

Friendship's duality: While friendship is generally viewed positively, it's important to recognize that it comes with both rewards and risks. The depth of connection that makes friendship valuable also makes it potentially painful.

Benefits of friendship:

• Emotional support and companionship
• Shared experiences and personal growth
• Practical help and mutual assistance

Potential drawbacks:

• Risk of betrayal or disappointment
• Grief when friendships end or friends pass away
• Potential for negative influence or codependency

Understanding this duality helps in appreciating the full nature of friendship. It involves vulnerability and the potential for loss, but these risks are often outweighed by the profound benefits that true friendship can bring to one's life.

10. Friendship is an ethical obligation and should be actively pursued

It is an ethical obligation actively to pursue friendship.

Ethical imperative: The idea that actively seeking and nurturing friendships is not just a personal choice but an ethical duty stems from recognizing friendship's crucial role in human flourishing and societal well-being.

Reasons for ethical pursuit of friendship:

• Contributes to personal growth and happiness
• Fosters social cohesion and mutual understanding
• Provides a framework for moral development
• Enhances overall quality of life

Actively pursuing friendship involves:

• Being open to new connections
• Cultivating empathy and understanding
• Investing time and effort in maintaining relationships
• Reflecting on and improving one's capacity for friendship

This perspective challenges the view of friendship as merely a pleasant addition to life, instead positioning it as a fundamental aspect of ethical living and personal development. It suggests that developing the capacity for friendship is part of becoming a fully realized human being and contributing positively to society.

Last updated: October 5, 2024