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Get the Life You Want

Get the Life You Want

The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming
by Richard Bandler 2008 264 pages
3.94
1k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Harness the Power of Your Unconscious Mind

"Your unconscious is the part of your mind that controls your bodily functions, from your heartbeat to your breathing. It is where all your memories are stored and where your wisdom, creativity, and problem-solving capabilities reside."

Unlock your potential. Your unconscious mind is a powerful tool for personal change and growth. It controls automatic functions, stores memories, and houses your creative abilities. By learning to communicate with and reprogram your unconscious, you can achieve rapid and lasting change in various aspects of your life.

Practical applications:

  • Use visualization techniques to tap into your unconscious wisdom
  • Practice self-hypnosis to access deeper levels of awareness
  • Engage in activities that promote creative thinking and problem-solving
  • Pay attention to your dreams and intuitions for valuable insights

By developing a stronger connection with your unconscious mind, you can unlock hidden potentials, overcome limitations, and achieve personal growth more effectively than through conscious effort alone.

2. Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Understanding Submodalities

"The qualities of your thoughts, these submodalities, determine how your thoughts affect you."

Master your mental representations. Submodalities are the building blocks of our thoughts and experiences. They include visual aspects (size, color, brightness), auditory elements (volume, tone, location), and kinesthetic sensations (intensity, movement, temperature). By manipulating these qualities, you can change how you feel about any experience or memory.

Key submodality techniques:

  • Increase or decrease image size to amplify or reduce emotional impact
  • Adjust brightness and color to enhance or diminish vividness
  • Modify sound qualities to alter the significance of internal dialogue
  • Change the location or direction of feelings to transform emotional states

Practicing submodality shifts can lead to rapid changes in how you perceive and react to various situations, enabling you to take control of your emotional responses and behavior patterns.

3. Master Your Internal Dialogue and Beliefs

"Beliefs are what trap most people in their problems. Unless you believe you can get over something, get through something, or get to something, there is little likelihood you will be able to do it."

Transform limiting beliefs. Your internal dialogue and beliefs shape your reality and determine what you think is possible. By identifying and challenging negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, you can open up new possibilities and achieve personal growth.

Strategies for belief change:

  • Identify the submodalities of strong beliefs vs. doubts
  • Use the "swish pattern" to replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones
  • Practice positive affirmations and self-talk
  • Seek evidence that contradicts limiting beliefs
  • Visualize yourself succeeding with your new, empowering beliefs

By consciously reshaping your internal dialogue and belief systems, you can create a more positive and empowering mental framework that supports your goals and aspirations.

4. Overcome Fears and Phobias Through Mental Reprogramming

"People think they are afraid of elevators. People think they're afraid of flying. People think they're afraid of driving. They're afraid of bees. They're afraid of spiders. They're afraid of snakes. They're afraid of heights. People think they are afraid of these things, but they are not. It's not the object. It's not the height that makes you afraid, it's your brain."

Conquer irrational fears. Phobias and anxieties are learned responses that can be unlearned through mental reprogramming techniques. By changing how you represent fearful situations in your mind, you can dramatically reduce or eliminate your fear response.

Techniques for overcoming fears:

  • Use the "Fast Phobia Cure" to dissociate from fearful memories
  • Practice the "Threshold Pattern" to build up disgust with your fear
  • Employ humor and laughter to change your emotional state
  • Utilize the "Reversing Anxiety Exercise" to spin feelings in the opposite direction
  • Gradually expose yourself to feared situations while maintaining a calm state

Consistently applying these techniques can help you overcome even long-standing phobias and anxieties, allowing you to live with greater freedom and confidence.

5. Transform Bad Memories and Heal from Past Trauma

"The best thing about the past is that it's over and when it's not over something is amiss in your mind. It's not the original event or perpetrator that's making you remember—it's you, inside your own mind, holding on to terrible memories."

Let go of the past. Traumatic memories can continue to cause pain long after the event has passed. By changing how you represent these memories in your mind, you can reduce their emotional impact and move forward with your life.

Memory transformation techniques:

  • Shrink the mental image of the bad memory and push it into the distance
  • Use the "whiteness knob" technique to fade out distressing images
  • Run the memory backwards with silly sounds to reduce its emotional charge
  • Create a compelling, positive future image to replace the negative memory
  • Practice "Changing Your Bad Memories Exercise" regularly

By actively working to transform negative memories, you can free yourself from the emotional weight of past traumas and create space for more positive experiences in your life.

6. Break Free from Negative Habits and Compulsions

"All of the time you spent feeling bad, you could be feeling good."

Rewire your brain. Negative habits and compulsions are learned behaviors that can be unlearned and replaced with more positive ones. By understanding the structure of your habits and using specific mental techniques, you can break free from destructive patterns.

Habit-breaking strategies:

  • Identify the trigger, behavior, and reward cycle of your habit
  • Use the "Switching Your Craving" exercise to redirect desires
  • Build strong determination through mental rehearsal
  • Replace negative self-talk with positive, encouraging internal dialogue
  • Practice the "Become More Determined Exercise" to reinforce new behaviors

Consistently applying these techniques can help you overcome even deeply ingrained habits and compulsions, allowing you to create healthier, more fulfilling patterns in your life.

7. Boost Motivation and Achieve Your Goals

"The more you can spin pleasure forward and make it so you're drawn toward things, the easier it will be."

Cultivate intrinsic motivation. By learning to generate positive feelings and associate them with your goals, you can create a powerful internal drive to achieve what you want in life.

Motivation-boosting techniques:

  • Use the "Become More Motivated Exercise" to link desired activities with strong positive feelings
  • Practice the "Visual Squash" technique to resolve internal conflicts
  • Create vivid, compelling mental images of your desired outcomes
  • Break large goals into smaller, manageable steps
  • Regularly review and celebrate your progress

By mastering these motivation techniques, you can overcome procrastination, maintain enthusiasm for long-term projects, and consistently move towards your goals with greater ease and enjoyment.

8. Improve Relationships and Social Interactions

"The more you focus on the outside and others out there, the less you'll focus on the inside."

Enhance social connections. By shifting your focus from internal anxieties to genuine interest in others, you can dramatically improve your social skills and build stronger relationships.

Relationship-building strategies:

  • Practice active listening and empathy
  • Use the "Being at Ease with People Exercise" to reduce social anxiety
  • Learn to recognize and respond to nonverbal cues
  • Develop curiosity about others' experiences and perspectives
  • Regularly express appreciation and gratitude

By consistently applying these techniques, you can overcome social fears, build deeper connections, and create more fulfilling relationships in both personal and professional spheres.

9. Enhance Time Management and Organization Skills

"If you plan to have good habits, you will and if you don't, you won't."

Master your time. Effective time management and organization are crucial skills for success in all areas of life. By developing the right mindset and habits, you can dramatically increase your productivity and reduce stress.

Time management and organization techniques:

  • Use the "Speeding Up Time Exercise" to make tedious tasks feel shorter
  • Break large projects into smaller, manageable tasks
  • Create and maintain a consistent organizational system
  • Regularly review and prioritize your goals and tasks
  • Practice the "Getting to Be More Organized" exercise

By implementing these strategies, you can take control of your time, reduce clutter in your life, and create more space for the activities and relationships that truly matter to you.

10. Increase Financial Success Through Strategic Thinking

"There are two kinds of income. There's generative income and time-based income."

Build wealth strategically. Financial success comes from understanding the principles of wealth creation and applying them consistently over time. By changing your mindset and adopting strategic approaches to money, you can increase your income and build lasting wealth.

Financial success strategies:

  • Focus on developing skills that generate value
  • Seek mentorship from successful individuals in your field
  • Invest in your education and personal development
  • Look for opportunities to create passive income streams
  • Practice the "How to Make More Money Exercise" regularly

By adopting a strategic approach to your finances and consistently applying these principles, you can increase your earning potential, build wealth, and achieve greater financial freedom over time.

Last updated:

FAQ

1. What is "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler about?

  • Practical Guide to Change: The book is a hands-on guide to making quick and lasting life changes using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a method co-created by Richard Bandler.
  • Focus on Solutions, Not Causes: Instead of analyzing why problems exist, Bandler emphasizes finding and applying solutions to overcome fears, bad habits, trauma, and negative beliefs.
  • Step-by-Step Techniques: The book provides over 35 NLP techniques, exercises, and mental strategies to help readers "run their own brain" and achieve personal freedom.
  • Broad Application: Topics range from overcoming phobias and grief to building motivation, improving relationships, and achieving goals in health, work, and personal life.

2. Why should I read "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler?

  • Fast, Lasting Results: Bandler’s NLP methods are designed to produce rapid and enduring change, often in a single session, making it appealing for those frustrated with slow or ineffective therapies.
  • Accessible and Actionable: The book is written for both beginners and experienced NLP practitioners, with clear, actionable exercises that can be practiced immediately.
  • Addresses Common Life Challenges: It covers a wide range of issues—phobias, anxiety, bad habits, grief, motivation, and more—making it relevant to almost anyone seeking self-improvement.
  • Learn from the Source: As the co-creator of NLP, Bandler offers original insights and the most up-to-date techniques, rather than secondhand interpretations.

3. What are the key takeaways from "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler?

  • Change Is Fast and Possible: You can change deeply ingrained habits, beliefs, and emotional responses quickly by altering how you think, not just what you think.
  • Submodalities Are Key: The qualities of your internal images, sounds, and feelings (submodalities) determine the intensity and persistence of your experiences; changing these can change your life.
  • Beliefs and Mental Habits: Most limitations are learned beliefs and mental habits, not permanent traits; you can reprogram them using specific NLP techniques.
  • Personal Freedom: The ultimate goal is to gain control over your mind and emotions, so you can choose how you feel and act, regardless of past experiences.

4. How does Richard Bandler define and use Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in "Get the Life You Want"?

  • NLP as a Toolkit: Bandler describes NLP as a set of tools and techniques for understanding and changing how people think, feel, and behave.
  • Modeling Success: NLP is based on modeling the mental strategies of people who have successfully overcome problems, then teaching those strategies to others.
  • Focus on Submodalities: A core NLP concept is that changing the submodalities (qualities) of your thoughts—such as the size, color, or location of mental images—can change your emotional responses.
  • Not Just Therapy: NLP is presented as an educational and practical approach, not a philosophy or therapy, aimed at empowering individuals to make changes themselves.

5. What are submodalities, and why are they important in "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler?

  • Definition of Submodalities: Submodalities are the sensory qualities of your internal experiences—such as the brightness, size, or distance of images; the volume or pitch of sounds; and the location or movement of feelings.
  • Impact on Emotions: The way you code experiences in your mind (using submodalities) determines how strongly you feel about them and how persistent those feelings are.
  • Change Through Manipulation: By consciously changing submodalities (e.g., shrinking a scary image or changing a critical voice to a silly one), you can reduce negative emotions and reinforce positive ones.
  • Foundation for Techniques: Many of the book’s exercises, such as overcoming phobias or building motivation, rely on identifying and altering submodalities.

6. How does "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler help readers overcome fears, phobias, and bad memories?

  • Fast Phobia Cure: Bandler introduces step-by-step NLP techniques like the "Fast Phobia Cure," which involves mentally replaying fearful memories in new ways to break their emotional hold.
  • Disassociation and Re-coding: Readers learn to disassociate from traumatic memories by changing their submodalities—making images smaller, distant, or in black and white, and adding humorous elements.
  • Threshold Pattern: The book teaches how to reach a point of being "fed up" with fear, which is often the catalyst for change, and then to reinforce new, empowering responses.
  • Practical Exercises: Each chapter includes practical exercises for specific fears (e.g., public speaking, flying, heights) and for processing grief and trauma.

7. What techniques does Richard Bandler recommend in "Get the Life You Want" for breaking bad habits and compulsions?

  • Belief Swish Pattern: Bandler shows how to change the belief that a habit is permanent by shifting its submodalities to those of uncertainty or disbelief.
  • Swish Pattern for Cravings: The "Swish Pattern" is used to replace the mental image of a craving (like smoking) with a compelling image of being free from the habit, making the new behavior more desirable.
  • Building Determination: The book emphasizes creating strong feelings of determination and associating them with the desired new behavior.
  • Step-by-Step Habit Change: Readers are guided to identify triggers, change their internal responses, and reinforce new habits through repetition and mental rehearsal.

8. How does "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler address changing limiting beliefs and building new, empowering beliefs?

  • Identifying Belief Submodalities: The book teaches readers to compare the mental qualities of strong beliefs (like certainty the sun will rise) with those of doubts or uncertainties.
  • Belief Change Technique: By moving the mental image of a limiting belief into the submodalities of uncertainty, and a desired belief into the submodalities of certainty, you can rewire your sense of what’s possible.
  • Doubting Limitations: Bandler encourages readers to doubt their limitations and become more certain of their potential, using mental exercises to reinforce this shift.
  • Rewriting Personal History: Techniques are provided to "install" new, positive beliefs into your mental timeline, effectively changing how you feel about your past and future.

9. What is the role of the unconscious mind in "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler?

  • Unconscious as Habit Center: The unconscious mind stores all your memories, habits, and automatic responses, both helpful and harmful.
  • Trance States: Bandler explains that we are always in some form of trance—absorbed in our thoughts—and that change often involves shifting from unhelpful trances to resourceful ones.
  • Direct Access for Change: Many NLP techniques work by communicating directly with the unconscious, either through hypnosis or focused mental exercises, to install new patterns.
  • Self-Directed Change: The book empowers readers to make unconscious changes themselves, without needing formal hypnosis or therapy.

10. How does "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler help with motivation, procrastination, and getting things done?

  • Motivation Through Submodalities: The book teaches how to take the mental qualities of something you’re highly motivated to do and apply them to tasks you’ve been avoiding.
  • Propulsion Systems: Bandler introduces the idea of creating propulsion systems—attaching strong positive feelings to desired actions and negative feelings to inaction.
  • Overcoming Procrastination: Techniques include visualizing the unpleasant consequences of not acting, and mentally rehearsing the steps to completion, making action feel natural and urgent.
  • Planning and Mental Management: The book emphasizes the importance of mental management—allocating attention and planning for both tasks and enjoyment.

11. What are some of the most impactful exercises and methods in "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler?

  • Fast Phobia Cure: A process for quickly eliminating phobias by changing how you mentally replay the feared event.
  • Belief Swish Pattern: A technique for transforming limiting beliefs into empowering ones by shifting their submodalities.
  • Switching Your Craving (Swish Pattern): Used to break habits and compulsions by replacing the craving image with a positive, desired outcome.
  • Feeling Better at the Right Times: An exercise for flooding your timeline with positive feelings, helping to heal past trauma and build hope for the future.
  • Speeding Up Time Exercise: A method for making unpleasant obligations pass more quickly by manipulating your perception of time.

12. What are the best quotes from "Get the Life You Want" by Richard Bandler and what do they mean?

  • "The best thing about the past is that it’s over." This quote emphasizes the importance of letting go of past traumas and not allowing them to dictate your present or future.
  • "If you can learn to have fear in a short period of time, there’s no reason why it should take a long period of time to learn anything else." Bandler highlights that change can be as rapid as the onset of problems, challenging the belief that transformation must be slow.
  • "Thinking isn’t a passive process unless you do it passively." This encourages readers to take an active role in directing their thoughts, rather than being victims of their mental habits.
  • "There is no such thing as a hopeless case. There is always hope, and there is always a way out of your problems." Bandler’s core message is one of empowerment and

Review Summary

3.94 out of 5
Average of 1k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Get the Life You Want receives mixed reviews, with an average rating of 3.93 out of 5. Many readers praise the book for its practical NLP techniques and exercises, finding them helpful for personal transformation and problem-solving. Some appreciate Bandler's insightful approach and report positive results. However, critics point out the book's outdated format, confusing explanations, and questionable scientific backing. Some readers find the writing style boring or difficult to follow. Overall, the book is seen as a valuable introduction to NLP for beginners but may not satisfy more experienced readers.

Your rating:
4.41
20 ratings

About the Author

Richard Bandler is a renowned figure in the field of personal development and psychology. He is best known as the co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a methodology aimed at understanding human behavior and facilitating personal change. Bandler has authored numerous books on NLP and self-improvement, drawing from his decades of experience in the field. His work focuses on practical techniques for transforming thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Despite some controversy surrounding NLP's scientific validity, Bandler's contributions have influenced many in the self-help and therapy communities. His writing style is often described as direct and anecdotal, reflecting his extensive experience working with clients and teaching NLP techniques.

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