Girls & Sex

1. The sexualization of girls starts early and permeates society

"When little girls play at 'sexy' before they even understand the word," I'd tell them, "they learn that sex is a performance rather than a felt experience."

Early sexualization: Girls are bombarded with sexualized images and messages from a young age. This includes:

• Bikinis for infants and padded bras for young girls
• Disney princesses with unrealistic body proportions
• Hypersexualized pop culture icons and music lyrics

Performance over experience: This early exposure teaches girls that their value lies in their sexual appeal, rather than their own desires or experiences. As a result:

• Girls learn to view themselves as objects for others' pleasure
• Self-worth becomes tied to physical appearance and sexual desirability
• The focus shifts to how they look during sexual experiences, rather than how they feel

2. Social media amplifies body image issues and self-objectification

"It's like cell phones, Facebook—all of it comes back to the issue of: Am I pretty? How many friends do I have? How do my profile pictures look? Let me stalk myself."

Digital self-evaluation: Social media platforms create new arenas for girls to judge themselves and seek validation. This manifests in:

• Constant comparison to peers and celebrities
• Obsession with likes, comments, and followers
• Pressure to present a perfect, sexualized image online

Selfie culture: The rise of selfies has led to:

• Increased focus on physical appearance
• New beauty standards (e.g., "thigh gaps", "bikini bridges")
• Editing and filtering photos to meet unrealistic ideals

The digital world blurs the line between empowerment and objectification, as girls struggle to distinguish between expressing themselves freely and conforming to societal expectations of sexiness.

3. Hookup culture dominates college campuses, often leaving girls unsatisfied

"I'm very sensitive about porn," said Alyson Lee, tugging nervously at her dark, purple-streaked hair. "It makes me feel super insecure."

Casual encounters: Hookup culture has become the dominant form of sexual interaction on college campuses. Characteristics include:

• Emphasis on casual, often alcohol-fueled sexual encounters
• Lack of emotional connection or commitment
• Expectation of sexual activity without dating or relationships

Female dissatisfaction: Many girls report feeling unfulfilled by hookup culture:

• Lower rates of orgasm and sexual satisfaction compared to men
• Feelings of regret, shame, or being used
• Pressure to conform to male-centric sexual scripts often influenced by pornography

This culture often prioritizes male pleasure and can leave girls feeling disconnected from their own desires and sexual agency.

4. Oral sex has become commonplace, but often prioritizes male pleasure

"Girls don't get oral sex. No. Not unless you're in a long-term relationship."

Early introduction: Oral sex, particularly fellatio, has become increasingly common among teenagers:

• Often precedes intercourse as a "safer" option
• Seen as less intimate or significant than penetrative sex
• Used as a way to gain social status or please partners

Gender imbalance: There's a significant disparity in oral sex practices:

• Girls more likely to give than receive oral sex
• Boys often expect oral sex but are less willing to reciprocate
• Girls' pleasure and satisfaction often overlooked

This imbalance reflects broader societal attitudes that prioritize male sexual pleasure and reinforce double standards in sexual behavior.

5. Virginity and purity are complex, evolving concepts for modern teens

"Usually the opposite of a negative is a positive, but in this case it's two negatives. So what are you supposed to do?"

Shifting definitions: The concept of virginity is increasingly fluid and contested:

• Traditional definition of penis-in-vagina intercourse is outdated
• Oral and anal sex often not considered "real sex"
• LGBTQ youth may have different concepts of virginity loss

Purity culture: Some communities still emphasize abstinence and purity:

• Purity balls and virginity pledges remain popular in certain areas
• Can lead to shame, guilt, and lack of sexual knowledge
• May paradoxically increase risky sexual behavior

Modern teens navigate conflicting messages about virginity, trying to balance personal values, peer pressure, and societal expectations.

6. LGBTQ youth face unique challenges in exploring identity and sexuality

"To some parents in school communities, that doesn't sound right," Denison told me, "but it is right. [Teens] abstain with more information because they have options, because they have knowledge, because they have alternatives."

Identity exploration: LGBTQ youth often face additional hurdles in understanding and expressing their sexuality:

• Limited representation in media and sex education
• Risk of rejection from family and peers
• Higher rates of bullying and mental health issues

Online resources: The internet has become a crucial tool for LGBTQ youth:

• Access to information and communities not available locally
• Ability to explore identity anonymously or semi-anonymously
• Potential for both support and increased vulnerability

Comprehensive, inclusive sex education is essential to support LGBTQ youth and promote understanding among all students.

7. Alcohol plays a significant role in campus sexual assaults

"You'd need self-esteem of steel to remain immune."

Facilitation of assault: Alcohol is often used as a tool by perpetrators:

• Lowers inhibitions and impairs judgment
• Makes it harder for victims to resist or seek help
• Can be used to justify or excuse assaultive behavior

Blurred lines of consent: Alcohol complicates issues of consent:

• Difficulty in determining capacity to consent when intoxicated
• Societal attitudes that blame victims for drinking
• Legal and ethical debates about responsibility and culpability

Addressing the role of alcohol in sexual assault requires a multi-faceted approach, including education, policy changes, and cultural shifts in attitudes toward drinking and consent.

8. Comprehensive sex education is crucial for healthy sexual development

"My job," as she told today's tenth-graders, "my whole job is to help you make as many decisions as possible that end in joy and honor rather than regret, guilt, or shame."

Holistic approach: Comprehensive sex education goes beyond biology to include:

• Healthy relationships and communication skills
• Gender identity and sexual orientation
• Consent and sexual ethics
• Pleasure and sexual well-being

Evidence-based benefits: Research shows comprehensive sex education leads to:

• Delayed onset of sexual activity
• Increased use of contraception and protection against STIs
• Lower rates of unintended pregnancy and sexual assault
• Improved body image and sexual satisfaction

Despite these benefits, many schools still rely on abstinence-only or limited sex education programs, leaving students ill-prepared for sexual experiences.

9. Parents struggle to discuss sex openly, leaving teens ill-informed

"I guess I would feel icky if my number started to climb into the double digits," Brooke admitted.

Parental discomfort: Many parents find it challenging to discuss sex with their children:

• Embarrassment or lack of knowledge about current issues
• Fear of encouraging sexual activity
• Cultural or religious taboos around sexuality

Information gap: This lack of open communication leads to:

• Teens relying on peers or the internet for information
• Misconceptions and myths about sex and relationships
• Difficulty in making informed decisions about sexual health

Open, honest conversations between parents and teens about sex are crucial for healthy sexual development and decision-making.

10. Consent and sexual assault awareness are improving but still lacking

"Maddie," the girl said, "you were raped."

Evolving understanding: Awareness of consent and sexual assault is growing:

• Increased focus on affirmative consent ("yes means yes")
• Recognition of alcohol's role in facilitating assault
• More open discussions about sexual violence on campuses

Persistent challenges: Despite progress, issues remain:

• Victim-blaming attitudes still prevalent
• Difficulty in prosecuting sexual assault cases
• Lack of comprehensive education on consent and healthy relationships

Continued efforts are needed to educate about consent, support survivors, and change cultural attitudes that enable sexual violence.

11. A more positive, pleasure-focused approach to sex education is needed

"I want sexuality to be a source of self-knowledge and creativity and communication despite its potential risks."

Shifting focus: A pleasure-positive approach to sex education emphasizes:

• Understanding and exploring one's own desires and boundaries
• Mutual satisfaction and reciprocity in sexual encounters
• Healthy communication about sex and relationships

Potential benefits: This approach could lead to:

• Increased sexual agency and self-confidence
• Better negotiation of consent and safer sex practices
• More satisfying and equitable sexual experiences

By framing sex as a positive, natural part of life rather than a source of shame or danger, we can empower young people to make healthier, more informed choices about their sexual lives.

Last updated: January 23, 2025