God, Marriage, and Family

1. Marriage and family are foundational to God's design for humanity

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

Divine institution. Marriage was established by God at creation as the foundational human relationship. It is not merely a social construct or human invention, but a sacred bond instituted by the Creator. The family unit, built on the marriage of one man and one woman, was designed to reflect God's image and fulfill His purposes on earth.

Ongoing relevance. Despite cultural shifts and attempts to redefine marriage, the biblical model remains God's ideal. The New Testament reaffirms and elaborates on this original design, with both Jesus and Paul grounding their teaching on marriage in the Genesis account. While sin has distorted God's plan, the church is called to uphold and model God's design for marriage and family.

2. The biblical model of marriage is a covenant, not a contract or sacrament

Marriage is "an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by a public leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership, and normally crowned by the gift of children."

Covenant vs. contract. Unlike a mere legal contract, marriage is a covenant relationship before God. It involves a solemn commitment that goes beyond mutual agreement to a sacred bond. This covenant view emphasizes the permanence, sacredness, intimacy, mutuality, and exclusivity of marriage.

Not a sacrament. While marriage is sacred, it is not a sacrament in the sense of conveying saving grace. The Roman Catholic view of marriage as a sacrament goes beyond Scripture. Marriage is a good gift from God, but it is not a means of salvation or spiritual merit.

Characteristics of the marriage covenant:

• Permanence: intended for life
• Sacredness: a holy union before God
• Intimacy: the deepest human relationship
• Mutuality: partners give themselves to each other
• Exclusivity: faithful to one spouse alone

3. Husbands and wives have distinct, complementary roles in marriage

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." (Ephesians 5:22-23)

Complementarity, not sameness. God designed men and women with equal worth but different roles in marriage. Husbands are called to loving, sacrificial leadership, while wives are called to respectful submission. This pattern reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.

Mutual submission and love. Both spouses submit to Christ and serve one another. The husband's headship is not domineering but self-sacrificial, like Christ's love for the church. The wife's submission is not demeaning but a willing partnership in the marriage's mission. When both fulfill their God-given roles, the marriage thrives and glorifies God.

Husband's role:

• Loving leadership
• Provision and protection
• Spiritual direction

Wife's role:

• Respectful submission
• Supportive partnership
• Nurturing the family

4. Parenting is a sacred responsibility to raise godly offspring

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Divine stewardship. Children are a gift from God, entrusted to parents for nurture and training. The primary goal of parenting is to raise children who know, love, and serve God. This involves both instruction in God's ways and modeling a life of faith.

Balanced approach. Effective parenting requires both love and discipline. Parents should create an environment of grace while also setting clear boundaries and expectations. Physical discipline, when applied appropriately, can be a loving tool for correction. However, parents must be careful not to exasperate their children or provoke them to anger.

Key aspects of biblical parenting:

• Teaching God's Word
• Modeling godly character
• Consistent, loving discipline
• Encouraging faith and obedience
• Preparing children for adulthood and service to God

5. Divorce, while sometimes permissible, falls short of God's ideal

"What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mark 10:9)

God's design for permanence. Marriage is intended to be a lifelong union. Divorce, while sometimes permitted due to human sin and hardness of heart, always falls short of God's ideal. Jesus emphasized the permanence of marriage, tracing it back to God's original design in creation.

Limited exceptions. While views differ among Christians, many understand Scripture to allow divorce in cases of adultery or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Even in these cases, reconciliation should be pursued if possible. Remarriage after divorce is a complex issue requiring careful biblical and pastoral consideration.

Perspectives on divorce and remarriage:

1. No divorce or remarriage allowed
2. Divorce allowed for adultery, but no remarriage
3. Divorce and remarriage allowed for adultery or abandonment

6. Singleness can be a gift for undivided devotion to God

"I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." (1 Corinthians 7:7)

Affirming singleness. While marriage is the norm, both Jesus and Paul affirm singleness as a legitimate and even advantageous state for some believers. Singleness can allow for greater focus on serving God without the responsibilities of marriage and family.

Not second-class. The church should affirm and include single members, recognizing their full worth and potential for ministry. Singles should be integrated into the life of the church and not marginalized or pressured to marry. At the same time, the church should support those desiring marriage in finding godly spouses.

Benefits of singleness:

• Undivided attention to serving God
• Greater flexibility for ministry
• Potential for unique contributions to the church

7. Homosexuality is incompatible with God's design for human sexuality

"God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another." (Romans 1:26-27)

Clear biblical teaching. Both Old and New Testaments consistently condemn homosexual behavior as sin. This is grounded in God's created order of male-female complementarity. While same-sex attraction may not be chosen, acting on those desires is prohibited.

Compassionate response. The church must uphold biblical teaching while showing Christ-like love to those struggling with same-sex attraction. Change is possible through Christ, but even those who continue to experience same-sex attraction can live godly lives through celibacy and the support of the Christian community.

Biblical perspective on homosexuality:

• Consistently condemned in Scripture
• Contrary to God's design for sexuality
• A result of humanity's fallen condition
• Forgivable and changeable through Christ's power

8. Church leadership requires exemplary family management

"He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Family as proving ground. A man's ability to lead his family well is a key qualification for church leadership. This includes having a faithful marriage and well-behaved children (if he has them). How a man manages his household reflects his character and leadership capacity.

Ongoing requirement. Church leaders must continue to prioritize their families even as they serve the church. Neglecting one's family for the sake of ministry is not acceptable. Leaders should model healthy family relationships for the congregation.

Leadership qualifications related to family:

• Faithful to one's spouse
• Children who are believers (or well-behaved)
• Good household management
• Respectable family life

9. The church should strengthen families while maintaining its distinct role

"The church is said in the New Testament to have a variety of roles. First, it is called 'a pillar and buttress of the truth' (1 Tim. 3:15). In a godless culture, it stands as a witness to God's revelation of truth and to God's redemption in Christ."

Supporting families. The church has a vital role in strengthening marriages and families. This includes teaching biblical principles, providing counseling and support, and creating an environment where families can thrive. However, the church is not merely a collection of families but a spiritual family united in Christ.

Distinct missions. While there is overlap, the church and the family have distinct roles in God's plan. The family's primary role is nurturing its members physically and spiritually. The church's mission includes worship, evangelism, discipleship, and administering the ordinances. Both institutions are important, but they should not be conflated.

Church's role in supporting families:

• Teaching biblical principles for marriage and parenting
• Providing counseling and support
• Creating intergenerational community
• Equipping parents for spiritual leadership in the home

Distinct roles of church and family:

• Church: corporate worship, evangelism, discipleship, ordinances
• Family: nurture, provision, protection, primary spiritual formation of children

Last updated: October 23, 2024