Parenting

1. Parenting is ambassadorial work, not ownership

Parents, here's what you need to understand: God has given you authority for the work of change, but has not granted you the power to make that change happen.

Ambassadorial mindset: As a parent, you are not the owner of your children, but an ambassador representing God's authority and love. This shift in perspective changes how you approach parenting, moving from a controlling, self-centered approach to one that reflects God's character and purpose.

Representing God: Your role is to faithfully represent God's message, methods, and character to your children. This means demonstrating patience, grace, and love, even in challenging moments. It also involves helping your children understand their place in God's larger story, rather than simply enforcing your own desires or expectations.

Long-term vision: Ambassadorial parenting focuses on the long-term goal of raising children who understand and embrace their relationship with God, rather than short-term compliance or success. This approach requires humility, recognizing that you are a fellow recipient of God's grace, not a perfect authority figure.

2. God's grace is essential for effective parenting

God never calls you to a task without giving you what you need to do it. He never sends you without going with you.

Grace for parents: Recognize that you are not left to your own limited resources in parenting. God's grace provides the wisdom, strength, and patience you need to face daily challenges.

Modeling grace: As you experience God's grace, you become better equipped to extend that same grace to your children. This creates an environment of forgiveness, understanding, and growth, rather than one of harsh judgment or unrealistic expectations.

Freedom from perfectionism: God's grace frees you from the burden of being a perfect parent. It allows you to admit your mistakes, seek forgiveness, and model humility to your children. This vulnerability can actually strengthen your relationship and credibility with your children.

3. The law guides, but grace transforms

Your children need God's law, but you cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish.

Balance of law and grace: While rules and boundaries are necessary, they alone cannot change your child's heart. Grace provides the motivation and power for true transformation.

Heart transformation: Focus on helping your children understand the 'why' behind rules, not just enforcing compliance. Use moments of discipline as opportunities to point to God's grace and the need for heart change.

Gospel-centered parenting: Regularly share the story of Jesus and God's redemptive plan with your children. Help them see how the gospel applies to their daily lives and struggles, not just as a set of beliefs to adopt.

4. Recognize your inability to change your children

Recognizing what you are unable to do is essential to good parenting.

Humble dependence: Acknowledge that you cannot force your children to change or guarantee specific outcomes. This realization leads to greater reliance on God and less frustration when facing challenges.

Avoiding manipulation: Resist the temptation to use fear, rewards, or shame to control your children's behavior. These tactics may produce short-term results but fail to address deeper heart issues.

Partnering with God: See yourself as a tool in God's hands, participating in His work of transformation in your children's lives. This perspective reduces anxiety and allows you to parent with greater patience and hope.

5. Your identity in Christ frees you from seeking it in your children

If you are not resting as a parent in your identity in Christ, you will look for identity in your children.

Finding security in Christ: Root your sense of worth and purpose in your relationship with God, not in your children's achievements or behavior. This frees you from the emotional roller coaster of parenting successes and failures.

Avoiding unhealthy pressure: When your identity is secure, you're less likely to place unrealistic expectations on your children or live vicariously through them. This creates a healthier emotional environment for both you and your children.

Modeling healthy identity: As you demonstrate a Christ-centered identity, you provide a powerful example for your children to follow. They learn to find their own worth and purpose in God, rather than in external accomplishments or approval.

6. Parenting is a long-term process, not a series of events

You must be committed as a parent to long-view parenting because change is a process and not an event.

Patience in the process: Understand that growth and change take time. Avoid the temptation to expect immediate results or dramatic transformations in your children's behavior or character.

Consistent engagement: View each interaction with your children as part of an ongoing conversation about life, faith, and character. Look for small, daily opportunities to reinforce important truths and values.

Project mentality: Approach parenting with a sense of long-term purpose, rather than merely reacting to immediate situations. This helps you maintain perspective and persist through challenging seasons.

7. Address the heart condition, not just behavior

As a parent you're not dealing just with bad behavior, but a condition that causes bad behavior.

Understanding the root: Recognize that your children's actions stem from their hearts – their beliefs, desires, and motivations. Address these underlying issues rather than focusing solely on external behavior.

Insight-giving conversations: Use moments of correction as opportunities to help your children understand their own hearts. Ask questions that prompt self-reflection and guide them toward recognizing their need for God's grace.

Pointing to Christ: Consistently connect your children's struggles with their need for Jesus. Help them see how the gospel addresses not just their actions, but their deepest heart issues.

8. Establish authority early and consistently

One of the foundational heart issues in the life of every child is authority. Teaching and modeling the protective beauty of authority is one of the foundations of good parenting.

Early foundation: Address issues of authority and submission when children are young. This sets the stage for healthier relationships with all forms of authority throughout their lives.

Modeling submission: Demonstrate your own submission to God's authority in your life. This helps children see that authority is not about power, but about living within God's designed order.

Consistent application: Enforce rules and boundaries consistently, but always with grace and explanation. Help children understand that authority is for their protection and growth, not just restriction.

9. Help children recognize their innate foolishness

The foolishness inside your children is more dangerous to them than the temptation outside of them. Only God's grace has the power to rescue fools.

Biblical understanding: Help your children grasp the biblical concept of foolishness – not just silly behavior, but a heart condition that resists God's wisdom and authority.

Self-awareness: Guide your children in recognizing their own tendencies toward foolishness. This self-awareness is crucial for seeking God's help and wisdom.

Grace-filled response: When addressing foolish behavior, always point to the hope found in God's grace. Help your children see that God's power can overcome their natural inclinations.

10. Focus on character development, not just rule-following

Not all of the wrong your children do is a direct rebellion to authority; much of the wrong is the result of a lack of character.

Character focus: Look beyond mere compliance to rules and focus on developing godly character traits in your children. This includes qualities like integrity, compassion, and perseverance.

Heart-level conversations: Use everyday situations to discuss character issues with your children. Help them see how their actions reflect their hearts and values.

Practical application: Provide opportunities for your children to practice and develop good character. This might include service projects, responsibility at home, or navigating challenging social situations.

11. Your children are worshippers; guide their hearts

You are parenting a worshiper, so it's important to remember that what rules your child's heart will control his behavior.

Understanding worship: Help your children recognize that everyone worships something – whether God or created things. Guide them in examining what captures their hearts and attention.

Identifying idols: Assist your children in recognizing potential idols in their lives – things they might be tempted to value more than God. This could include popularity, success, comfort, or control.

Redirecting worship: Consistently point your children to the superior worth of worshipping God. Help them see how a God-centered life brings true fulfillment and purpose.

12. Rest in God's presence and grace for joyful parenting

It is only rest in God's presence and grace that will make you a joyful and patient parent.

Finding rest in God: Regularly remind yourself of God's presence and sufficiency in your parenting journey. This spiritual rest provides the foundation for patience and joy in daily interactions with your children.

Embracing grace: Allow God's grace to cover your parenting mistakes and shortcomings. This frees you from perfectionism and allows you to parent from a place of security and peace.

Modeling joy: As you find rest and joy in your relationship with God, you provide a powerful example for your children. They learn to see faith not as a burden, but as a source of true happiness and fulfillment.

Last updated: September 30, 2024