Sunlit Memories, Orange Glow, Loss

The novel opens with Freya, the narrator, recalling a golden childhood memory: a sunlit drive with her niece Aubrey, music blaring, the world awash in orange glow. This memory is both a comfort and a wound, a reminder of the love she's lost and the ache that defines her life. The prologue introduces the motif of the American circus and the legend of Old Bet, the elephant—symbols of captivity, spectacle, and the rewriting of history. These dual themes—personal loss and collective myth—frame the story's exploration of memory, trauma, and the desperate search for belonging.

Bar Life, Collapse, Hospital Wake-Up

Freya's life in Maine is a cycle of bar shifts, hangovers, and greasy food, surrounded by a cast of misfits. Her world is small and comfortless, her support system nearly nonexistent. After a particularly rough night, she collapses at work and wakes up in the hospital, alone and vulnerable. The brief kindness of a nurse is a rare moment of care in her otherwise isolated existence. Freya's sense of self-worth is battered by years of neglect, and her collapse is both physical and emotional—a wake-up call that she cannot ignore.

Eviction Notice, Isolation, Maine Farewell

Recovering from surgery, Freya returns to her rundown apartment to find an eviction notice. She is broke, sick, and utterly alone, forced to pack her meager belongings—mostly books, her only true friends. The rest is left behind, a testament to her inability to hold onto anything. With nowhere else to go, she decides to return to her childhood home in Somers, New York, which she's inherited after her parents' sudden death. The move is both an escape from failure and a reluctant return to the only place left to her.

Road Trip, Inheritance, Return to Somers

Freya's journey to Somers is a grueling, painkiller-fogged odyssey. The house she's inherited is a burden, not a gift—her sister Steena got the money, Freya got the crumbling family home. The house is overgrown, decaying, and haunted by memories of family dysfunction. Hans, a quirky and kind-hearted lawyer, helps her navigate the legalities, becoming a rare ally. Freya's return is not triumphant; it's a reluctant homecoming to a place that never truly felt like home.

Haunted House, Family History, Unwelcome News

The house's history is a tapestry of hope, disappointment, and resentment. Once a symbol of possibility for Freya's father, it became a battleground of family pain. The town's mythic past—circus elephants, failed dreams—mirrors the family's own struggles. Freya's memories are a mix of warmth and pain, especially regarding her mother's volatility and her sister's cruelty. The house is full of ghosts, both literal and figurative, and Freya must confront the reality that she's inherited not just a building, but a legacy of neglect and unresolved trauma.

Old Friends, Jam's Bed, Reconnection

Desperate for comfort, Freya seeks out Jam, her childhood best friend and almost-love. Their reunion is awkward but deeply comforting; they fall into old patterns, sharing a bed, old movies, and the safety of being known. Jam, a failed prodigy now working as a butcher, is himself derailed by loss and addiction. Their bond is a lifeline, a reminder that some connections survive even the worst storms. Aubrey's absence is a constant ache, and Freya's guilt over leaving her is ever-present.

Fennel in the Fridge, Aubrey Returns

Freya discovers signs that Aubrey has been secretly staying at the house—fennel in the fridge, a pet rat in the sunroom. Their reunion is fraught: Aubrey is angry, wounded, and fiercely independent, but also desperate for connection. The two circle each other, negotiating the boundaries of trust and forgiveness. Aubrey's pain is a mirror of Freya's own childhood, and their interactions are tinged with the fear of repeating old patterns. The motif of the rat—unloved, misunderstood, but loyal—echoes their own status as family outcasts.

Bleach, Bird Heads, Dr. Singh's Help

Freya's attempt to bleach her hair (to disguise herself) ends in injury, and it's Aubrey who comes to her rescue, driving her to Dr. Singh, a retired surgeon and family friend. Dr. Singh's gentle care is a balm, and his willingness to help without judgment is a rare gift. The episode cements the bond between Freya and Aubrey, who are both used to being let down by adults. The house's strangeness—bird heads left by the cat, the ever-present sense of decay—serves as a backdrop to their tentative healing.

Aubrey's Secret Stays, Rat in Sunroom

Aubrey reveals she's been staying at the house to escape her mother Steena's neglect and emotional abuse. She's resourceful, selling furniture to pay the bills, caring for her rat, and managing her own survival. Freya is both proud and heartbroken—Aubrey's independence is born of necessity, not choice. Their shared history of being scapegoated by Steena creates a bond, but also a sense of doom: can they break the cycle, or are they doomed to repeat it?

Childhood Rooms, Sketches, Sisterly Guilt

Freya explores her old room, finding it transformed by Aubrey's presence and art. The sketches on the walls are both a tribute and a cry for help—Aubrey's way of making sense of her world. Freya is overwhelmed by guilt for leaving, for not being able to save Aubrey from the family's dysfunction. The motif of lost books and childhood treasures underscores the theme of irretrievable loss, but also the possibility of creating new meaning from what remains.

Small Town Encounters, Steena's Threat

Freya's attempts to rebuild her life are complicated by run-ins with Steena, who is furious at her presence and threatens to expose her to the authorities. The small town is both suffocating and comforting—everyone knows everyone, and secrets are hard to keep. Freya's efforts to find work, pay bills, and stay under the radar are a constant struggle. The threat of losing Aubrey again looms large.

Hair Dye, Hospital Bills, Survival

Freya juggles bar shifts, mounting bills, and the constant fear of eviction or exposure. She dyes her hair, pawns belongings, and leans on the kindness of old friends and strangers. The narrative is a litany of small humiliations and hard-won victories—every meal, every dollar, every moment of rest is a triumph. The motif of survival—physical, emotional, financial—runs through every scene.

Bar Shifts, New Roots, Old Regrets

Freya finds work at a local restaurant, reconnects with old regulars, and begins to carve out a place for herself. She starts carving furniture, finding solace and purpose in the work. Her relationship with Eddie, a kind EMT, blossoms into a tentative romance. But old regrets—over Jam, over Aubrey, over her parents—are never far away. The process of healing is slow, nonlinear, and often painful.

Eddie's Kindness, New Romance, Old Wounds

Eddie's steady kindness is a revelation for Freya, who is used to being let down. Their romance is sweet, awkward, and full of longing. But Freya's fear of abandonment and her unresolved feelings for Jam complicate things. The motif of the broken house—patched but never whole—mirrors Freya's own sense of self. The question of whether she deserves happiness is ever-present.

Aubrey's Confession, Carter's Threat, School Bullying

Aubrey confides in Freya about being sexually assaulted by Carter, a classmate, and the subsequent bullying and rumors at school. The adults in her life are either absent or complicit, and Freya is forced to confront the limits of her ability to protect her niece. The motif of the scapegoat—Aubrey as the family's and school's target—underscores the story's exploration of generational trauma and the struggle to break free.

Family Party, Confrontation, Rescue

Steena throws a lavish birthday party for Aubrey, more for appearances than for her daughter's sake. The event becomes a battleground: Carter confronts Aubrey, Steena and Charlie try to control the narrative, and Freya and Shray orchestrate a rescue. The confrontation is cathartic—Freya finally stands up to Charlie and Steena, and Aubrey chooses her found family over her biological one. The motif of spectacle—public performance, private pain—reaches its peak.

Guardianship, Blackmail, Freedom Secured

With the help of Hans and Bee, Freya uses evidence of Charlie and Steena's shady business practices to secure legal guardianship of Aubrey. The process is fraught, but ultimately successful—Aubrey is finally free to choose her own path. The motif of rewriting history—challenging the official narrative, reclaiming agency—comes to the fore.

Packing Up, Studio Sale, Goodbyes

Freya and Aubrey prepare to leave Somers, selling off their belongings in a community "studio sale." Friends old and new gather to celebrate, support, and say goodbye. The process of letting go is both painful and liberating—each object sold is a piece of the past released, each hug a promise of continued connection. The motif of the journey—literal and metaphorical—takes center stage.

Appalachian Trail, New Beginnings, Letting Go

Freya and Aubrey set out to hike the Appalachian Trail, leaving behind the house, the town, and the ghosts of their past. The journey is both an escape and a pilgrimage—a chance to heal, to grow, and to redefine themselves. The motif of the trail—uncertain, challenging, but full of possibility—mirrors their own path toward wholeness. The story ends with the promise of new beginnings, the ache of what's been lost, and the hope that, this time, they can choose their own story.

Characters

Freya Arnalds

Freya is the emotional core of the novel, a woman shaped by childhood neglect, family dysfunction, and the ache of loving those she cannot save. Her relationship with Aubrey is both redemptive and fraught: she sees in her niece a chance to break the cycle of pain, but also the risk of repeating it. Freya's psychological landscape is defined by longing, guilt, and the slow, hard work of healing. Her journey is one of reclamation—of self, of family, of agency. She is fiercely loyal, deeply empathetic, and haunted by the fear that she is not enough. Her development is marked by small acts of courage: standing up to Steena, rescuing Aubrey, and choosing to love and be loved despite her scars.

Aubrey Wells

Aubrey, Freya's niece, is a teenager marked by her mother's neglect and the cruelty of her peers. She is resourceful, fiercely independent, and deeply wounded. Her relationship with Freya is both a lifeline and a source of pain—she craves connection but fears abandonment. Aubrey's creativity (her art, her care for her rat, her survival strategies) is both a coping mechanism and a form of resistance. Her development is a journey from victimhood to agency: she confronts her abuser, claims her freedom, and chooses her own path. Her bond with Freya is the novel's emotional core.

Steena Russo

Steena, Freya's older sister and Aubrey's mother, is consumed by resentment, image, and the need for control. She is both victim and perpetrator, shaped by her own mother's cruelty and determined to avoid vulnerability at all costs. Steena's relationship with Freya is defined by rivalry, scapegoating, and the projection of her own pain. With Aubrey, she is alternately neglectful and punitive, unable to accept her daughter's difference. Steena's psychological complexity lies in her capacity for both harm and hurt—she is pitiable even as she is monstrous.

Jam (Benjamin Olbrich)

Jam is Freya's childhood best friend and the novel's most tragic figure—a former piano prodigy undone by grief, addiction, and the weight of expectation. His relationship with Freya is a lifeline for both: they are each other's safe harbor, but also a reminder of what's been lost. Jam's psychological landscape is marked by longing, self-destruction, and the desperate search for meaning. His music is both a gift and a curse—a way to connect, but also a source of pain. His development is a dance between hope and despair, love and loss.

Eddie Davis

Eddie, an EMT and Freya's romantic interest, is defined by kindness, reliability, and the quiet heroism of showing up. His relationship with Freya is a model of what love can be when it is patient, honest, and free of drama. Eddie's own life is marked by loss and disappointment, but he chooses to care for others rather than turn inward. His presence in Freya's life is a catalyst for healing, a reminder that not all love is doomed to fail.

Hans Gruenberger

Hans, the lawyer who handles Freya's inheritance, becomes a steadfast friend. He is eccentric, compassionate, and quietly wise—a rare adult who sees and supports Freya without judgment. His own life is marked by loss and reinvention, and his relationship with Freya is one of mutual respect and care. Hans's role is to facilitate Freya's agency, offering both practical help and emotional support.

Bee (Bridget Shulman)

Bee, Freya's childhood best friend and now Aubrey's guidance counselor, is steady, empathetic, and fiercely protective. Her own life is marked by the quiet ache of missed connections and the longing for meaning. Her relationship with Freya is a model of friendship that survives time and distance, and her support is instrumental in securing Aubrey's freedom.

Shray Singh

Shray, Aubrey's best friend and creative collaborator, is a queer, artistic soul who offers unconditional support and understanding. His family is loving and accepting, a contrast to Aubrey's own. Shray's presence is a source of joy and possibility, and his relationship with Aubrey is a model of chosen family. He is both comic relief and emotional ballast, helping Aubrey (and Freya) imagine a life beyond survival.

Step (Freya's father)

Step, Freya's father, wanted to do right but was ultimately too weak to protect his daughter or himself. His legacy is one of unfinished projects, broken promises, and the ache of what might have been. Step's notebook becomes a symbol of both hope and betrayal—a record of dreams never realized, and the pain of being left behind.

Lenny Juice (the rat)

Lenny Juice, Aubrey's pet rat, is a minor but potent character—a creature who survives against the odds, offers comfort, and becomes a symbol of the small, unexpected joys that make life bearable. His Viking funeral is a moment of communal grief and healing, a reminder that even the smallest lives matter.

Plot Devices

The House as Living Metaphor

The inherited house is more than a setting—it is a living metaphor for the family's dysfunction, the weight of the past, and the possibility of renewal. Every repair, every patch, every act of cleaning is both literal and symbolic—a way for Freya and Aubrey to reclaim agency, rewrite their story, and break the cycle of neglect. The house's ultimate destruction (by fire) is both a tragedy and a liberation, freeing them to choose their own path.

The Elephant/Old Bet Motif

The recurring story of Old Bet, the circus elephant, serves as a powerful motif—an emblem of captivity, spectacle, and the distortion of history. The novel interrogates who gets to tell the story, whose pain is acknowledged, and how trauma is both remembered and erased. The motif is woven through the narrative as both a local legend and a metaphor for the characters' own struggles with agency, visibility, and the rewriting of their own histories.

Nonlinear Memory and Repetition

The novel's structure is nonlinear, with memories, dreams, and historical asides interrupting the present-day narrative. This fragmentation mirrors the psychological experience of trauma—memories intrude, time collapses, and the past is always present. The repetition of key phrases, images, and motifs (the orange glow, the question "Did you dream about me?") creates a sense of haunting and the difficulty of moving forward.

Found Family and Chosen Community

**Redem

Last updated: June 19, 2025