Hotel Babylon

1. Luxury Hotels: A World of Hidden Realities

All of the following is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Behind the glamour. Luxury hotels, while presenting a facade of opulence and impeccable service, conceal a world of scams, drugs, misery, and insanity. The narrative, though compressed into 24 hours, reveals over a decade of true anecdotes from the heart of the capital's luxury hotel industry. This hidden reality exists just beneath the surface of the polished marble and crisp linen.

A microcosm of society. The hotel acts as a stage where the rich spend lavishly, the hotel profits, and the staff navigate a complex social ecosystem. Despite the high-end setting, fundamental human behaviors persist, from petty theft to illicit affairs. The contrast between the public image and the private reality is a constant theme.

Everything is transactional. Ultimately, the hotel is a business driven by profit, and nearly every interaction, whether with guests or among staff, has a financial undertone. From fighting over tips to charging exorbitant prices for basic items, the pursuit of money underpins the daily operations, often overriding the veneer of service.

2. Staff Life: Hard Work, Gossip, and Gratuities

That’s the thing about working in the luxury hotel business: you’re surrounded by so much hedonism and debauchery that at the end of a long hard day at the coalface of the service industry you just want to get hammered.

Coping with pressure. The demanding nature of the luxury hotel industry, with its long hours and exposure to guest excesses, often leads staff to seek release through drinking and partying. Hangover days are common, and staff hangouts exist specifically to cater to late-night industry workers. This shared experience fosters a strong, albeit sometimes dysfunctional, bond among colleagues.

A culture of gossip. The close-quarters environment and shared experiences fuel a constant stream of gossip among staff members across different departments. From managers' indiscretions to colleagues' affairs, everyone seems to know everyone else's business. This informal network serves as both entertainment and a way to navigate the social hierarchy.

Hierarchy and roles. The hotel staff is a diverse group with a clear hierarchy and distinct roles, each with its own challenges and rewards.

• Doormen and Concierges: High tips, often family jobs.
• Receptionists: Front-facing, deal with guest issues, manage bookings.
• Housekeeping: Physically demanding, deal with unpleasant messes, low pay, rely on tips.
• Kitchen Staff: Hot, stressful environment, long hours, bullying, but high pay for top chefs.
• Bar Staff: Good tips, late hours, deal with drunk guests.
  This structure influences interactions and opportunities within the hotel.

3. Guest Behavior: Demanding, Discreet, and Dishonest

There’s one thing that absolutely everyone does when they come to a hotel: they steal.

Petty to grand theft. Guests, regardless of how much they are paying, frequently steal items from their rooms. While small items like toiletries and towels are common, guests also take larger items, sometimes brazenly. This widespread dishonesty is a constant factor the hotel accounts for.

Varied and often bizarre requests. Guests make a wide range of demands, from the mundane (extra towels) to the bizarre (morning-after pills, specific water for baths, corn on the cob cooking instructions). Staff are expected to handle these requests with professionalism, no matter how strange or inconvenient.

Private lives exposed. Hotel rooms become temporary private spaces where guests often shed their inhibitions, leading to unexpected and sometimes shocking discoveries by staff.

• Used condoms and sex toys
• Drug use and related messes
• Unpleasant bodily fluids left behind
• Affairs and secret rendezvous
  This exposure to guests' private lives is a routine part of the job, particularly for housekeeping.

4. The Power of Tips and Backhanders

You’d be pretty happy if you took home a couple of grand a week in tips and backhanders and almost none of it ever saw the taxman.

Significant income source. For many staff members, particularly those in guest-facing roles like doormen, concierges, and bar staff, tips and backhanders constitute a significant portion of their income, often far exceeding their official wages. This creates a strong incentive to provide exceptional service, especially to guests known for their generosity.

Guest generosity varies. Tipping habits differ greatly depending on nationality and individual wealth.

• Americans and Arabs are generally the most generous.
• Japanese and Russians can also be good tippers.
• French, Italians, Spanish, and Greeks are often poor tippers.
  This variation influences which guests staff are most eager to assist.

Backhanders and deals. Beyond direct tips, staff in certain positions, like the concierge and purchasing manager, engage in deals and receive backhanders from suppliers or external businesses. These arrangements, while sometimes a grey area or even illicit, are a recognized part of the hotel ecosystem and can be highly lucrative.

5. Behind the Scenes: Kitchens, Cleaning, and Operations

Working as a chambermaid has to be one of the shittiest jobs in the hotel.

Harsh working conditions. The kitchen and cleaning departments often involve the most physically demanding and unpleasant work, with low pay and high turnover, particularly among junior staff. Kitchens are hot, stressful, and can involve bullying, while cleaning deals with the direct aftermath of guest behavior. These roles are often filled by immigrants with limited English.

Operational challenges. The hotel constantly deals with logistical challenges to maintain its high standards.

• Stock-takes to prevent theft (especially alcohol).
• Managing deliveries and checking for scams.
• Handling maintenance issues and vermin control.
• Turning over rooms quickly for new arrivals.
  These behind-the-scenes operations are critical but largely invisible to guests.

Cost vs. Price. The actual cost of providing services and goods in a luxury hotel is often minuscule compared to the price charged to the guest. This massive markup on items like food, drinks, and even basic room amenities is how the hotel generates significant profit, despite the high operational costs and staff wages.

6. Concierge: The Keymaster of the City's Secrets

He wears his concierge golden keys motif on his lapel with pride, and well he might, because they are the exclusive keys to open any door in town.

The ultimate fixer. The concierge, particularly Tony, is presented as the central figure for accessing anything a guest might desire in the city. Their extensive network and knowledge allow them to secure sought-after restaurant tables, tickets, cars, and even illicit services like drugs or prostitutes. This ability makes them invaluable to both guests and the hotel management.

Lucrative position. The concierge position is highly lucrative due to the volume of tips and commissions received from external businesses for referrals. This financial incentive drives their willingness to go above and beyond for guests, solidifying their reputation as indispensable fixers.

Navigating grey areas. While providing legitimate services, concierges often operate in morally ambiguous or outright illegal territories to fulfill guest requests. The hotel management is often aware of these activities but turns a blind eye as long as they benefit the hotel and are handled discreetly, highlighting the transactional nature of the business.

7. Unexpected Encounters: From Perverts to Parties

People behave so sadly in hotel rooms the results can be quite shocking.

Bizarre guest interactions. Staff regularly encounter guests in unusual or compromising situations, from naked men locked out of rooms to individuals engaging in public sexual acts within the hotel. These incidents, while sometimes shocking, become part of the routine and are handled with a mix of professionalism and dark humor.

Parties and events. The hotel hosts various events, from cocktail parties to weddings, which bring large groups of people and their associated behaviors. These events can be lucrative but also lead to issues like drunken guests, noise complaints, and damage, requiring staff to manage the chaos while maintaining order.

The unexpected is routine. The nature of the job means staff must be prepared for anything at any moment. Whether it's dealing with a fire alarm caused by cooking, handling a guest's lost vibrator, or mediating a dispute, the unpredictable is a constant element of the night shift and day-to-day operations.

8. The Daily Grind: Long Hours and High Pressure

No-one sleeps properly in this business.

Exhaustion is common. The demanding schedules, including split shifts and night shifts, lead to chronic exhaustion among staff. This lack of sleep impacts performance and contributes to the reliance on stimulants like caffeine and alcohol to get through shifts.

Constant pressure. Staff are under continuous pressure to perform, maintain standards, and handle guest demands efficiently. Mistakes, whether in service, operations, or guest interactions, can have significant consequences for the individual and the hotel's reputation and finances.

Repetitive tasks. Many roles involve repetitive and sometimes mind-numbing tasks, such as turning potatoes in the kitchen or polishing brass in reception. This monotony, combined with long hours, contributes to the grind and can make the job feel like a dead end for those without opportunities for advancement.

9. Maintaining the Facade: Professionalism Under Pressure

You have to be careful when approaching people in the hotel. They can easily be guests, and it is more than your job’s worth to ask them to open their bags.

The show must go on. Despite internal chaos, staff are expected to maintain a calm, professional, and welcoming demeanor for guests at all times. This involves hiding personal issues, dealing with difficult situations discreetly, and presenting a polished image regardless of what is happening behind the scenes.

Handling complaints and issues. Dealing with guest complaints, whether legitimate (like missing dry cleaning) or fabricated (like stolen money), requires tact and adherence to hotel policy, which often involves denying staff wrongdoing and offering compensation to de-escalate. Mentioning the police is a common tactic to deter fraudulent claims.

Navigating guest interactions. Staff must constantly assess guests to determine how to interact with them, balancing service standards with the potential for tips or trouble. This includes identifying potential issues like prostitutes or thieves while avoiding offending legitimate guests, a skill honed through experience.

Last updated: May 4, 2025