How to Be Ultra Spiritual

1. Embrace competitive spirituality to assert your superiority

There should be a very intentional, yet subtly expressed, competitive element to everything you do in your spiritual practice if you wish to become Ultra Spiritual.

Spiritual one-upmanship. Competitive spirituality is the foundation of Ultra Spirituality. It's not about personal growth, but about proving you're more evolved than others. Use quantifiable metrics to establish your superiority:

• Meditation duration: "I meditate for one hour every morning"
• Yoga experience: "I've been practicing for 20 years"
• Dietary restrictions: "I'm a raw vegan"

Strategic humility. Paradoxically, appearing humble can make you seem more spiritual. Use phrases like "I'm not judging you" or "I'm just making an observation" to criticize others while maintaining a veneer of enlightenment.

Spiritual materialism. Invest in visible markers of spirituality:

• Expensive yoga gear
• Exotic prayer beads
• Prominently displayed Buddha statues

2. Cultivate mindfullessness over mindfulness for spiritual growth

Mindfullessness is all of the fullness of mindfulness with none of the mind.

Embrace impulsiveness. True spirituality comes from acting without thinking. Make major life decisions based on gut feelings or "spiritual guidance" rather than careful consideration.

Reject rational thought. Claim that your actions are guided by:

• Intuition
• Channeled messages
• Cosmic knowingness

Practice selective awareness. Ignore inconvenient facts or contradictory information that challenges your spiritual beliefs. Focus only on experiences and ideas that confirm your elevated status.

3. Master the art of nonjudgmental judgment

Remind people often, "I'm not judging you." They'll surely not feel judged.

Reframe judgments as observations. Instead of saying "You're selfish," say "I observe that you often prioritize your own needs." This allows you to criticize while maintaining spiritual superiority.

Employ spiritual bypassing. Use spiritual concepts to avoid addressing real issues:

• "Everything happens for a reason"
• "It's all part of your soul's journey"
• "You chose this experience before incarnating"

Practice aggressive compassion. Accept people for who you want them to be, rather than who they are. This allows you to feel spiritually superior while still trying to change others.

4. Leverage yoga and veganism for spiritual street cred

Yoga is the gateway that brings more flow into your life—the flow of spirituality.

Yoga as performance art. Focus on the aesthetic and competitive aspects of yoga rather than inner growth:

• Post photos of advanced poses on social media
• Wear expensive, eye-catching yoga outfits
• Drop Sanskrit terms in casual conversation

Veganism as moral superiority. Use your diet as a platform to judge others:

• Loudly proclaim your vegan status at every opportunity
• Share graphic videos of factory farming on social media
• Guilt-trip friends and family about their food choices

Spiritual materialism in practice. Invest in products that showcase your commitment:

• Crystal-infused water bottles
• Ethically sourced, organic cotton yoga mats
• Overpriced superfoods and supplements

5. Adopt a guru to bypass personal responsibility

Your guru delivers prepackaged enlightenment right to your doorstep, only better because it's packaged inside of him.

Guru worship. Surrender your critical thinking to a charismatic leader:

• Follow their teachings without question
• Defend them against any criticism
• Attribute all positive changes in your life to their influence

Financial devotion. Show your commitment through monetary offerings:

• Pay for expensive retreats and workshops
• Make regular donations to the guru or their organization
• Purchase guru-endorsed products and services

Cultivate dependency. Believe that you cannot progress spiritually without the guru's guidance:

• Consult the guru for all major life decisions
• Interpret all experiences through the lens of the guru's teachings
• Recruit others to follow the guru, expanding their influence

6. Harness the power of plant medicines for instant enlightenment

Plant medicines let you experience a degree of enlightenment that you aren't enlightened enough to experience without the spirit who lives inside its particular vegetation.

Sacramental superiority. Elevate drug use to a spiritual practice:

• Refer to substances as "plant medicines" or "sacraments"
• Claim that altered states provide direct access to spiritual realms
• Look down on those who don't use psychedelics as spiritually stunted

Shamanic tourism. Appropriate indigenous practices for personal gain:

• Attend ayahuasca retreats in exotic locations
• Claim to be initiated into sacred traditions after brief experiences
• Use cultural artifacts and terminology without understanding their context

Integration avoidance. Focus on peak experiences rather than lasting change:

• Constantly seek the next "journey" or ceremony
• Discuss your visions and insights ad nauseam
• Neglect practical self-improvement in favor of chasing altered states

7. Reject organized religion in favor of spiritual individualism

Being a vegan is not only essential; it's also convenient for you as you'll get to more thoroughly hold realistic expectations about his birthplace being a place of mystical origins that gives birth to enlightened people because you've never been there before.

Religious criticism. Position yourself as above traditional faiths:

• Mock religious beliefs and practices as outdated and superstitious
• Claim that organized religion is a tool of oppression and control
• Insist that your personal spiritual experiences are more valid than scripture

Eclectic appropriation. Cherry-pick concepts from various traditions:

• Adopt appealing rituals or symbols without understanding their context
• Mix and match beliefs from different religions to create a personalized spirituality
• Claim to honor all paths while subtly suggesting yours is superior

Spiritual materialism. Replace religious devotion with consumerism:

• Collect sacred objects from various traditions as decorative items
• Attend workshops and retreats as spiritual entertainment
• Invest in expensive "healing" technologies and modalities

8. Perfect the practice of meditation for spiritual dominance

The primary benefit of being more meditative is that it makes it easier to meditate, which then makes you more meditative, leading to more and better meditation.

Quantify tranquility. Turn meditation into a competitive sport:

• Brag about the length and frequency of your sessions
• Claim supernatural abilities gained through meditation
• Judge others for their "lack of discipline" in maintaining a practice

Aesthetic meditation. Prioritize the appearance of meditation over actual practice:

• Meditate in public places to be seen
• Post serene selfies of your practice on social media
• Invest in elaborate altars and meditation cushions

Spiritual bypassing through meditation. Use meditation as an excuse to avoid real-world responsibilities:

• Retreat into lengthy meditation sessions when faced with challenges
• Claim that worldly concerns are "illusions" to be transcended
• Neglect relationships and obligations in pursuit of "inner peace"

9. Craft an awakening story to establish spiritual authority

Having a captivating story of awakening consists of one part creating the story, one part telling that story regularly, and one part telling the same people your story over and over again.

Dramatic narrative. Construct an compelling tale of spiritual transformation:

• Include elements of struggle, despair, and miraculous breakthrough
• Emphasize the depth of your previous ignorance to highlight current enlightenment
• Incorporate mystical experiences or encounters with spiritual entities

Strategic vagueness. Keep details ambiguous to avoid scrutiny:

• Use abstract spiritual terminology to describe your experiences
• Claim that certain aspects of your awakening are "beyond words"
• Deflect specific questions by saying the questioner isn't ready to understand

Constant reinforcement. Repeat your story at every opportunity:

• Share your awakening tale in spiritual gatherings and social media
• Reference your transformation when giving advice or opinions
• Use your story to establish authority in spiritual discussions

Last updated: October 1, 2024