How to Own the Room

1. Owning the Room: Presence Over Perfection

To be the speaker you want to be is much more important than the actual speech.

Focus on the speaker, not the speech. Many public speaking guides focus on content, but the most significant barrier for many, especially women, is the anxiety surrounding public speaking itself. It's more important to cultivate the mindset and persona of a confident speaker than to obsess over the perfect script.

Form matters more than content. Studies suggest that non-verbal communication accounts for a significant portion of how a message is received. Mastering body language, tone of voice, and overall presence can be more impactful than the words themselves.

Embrace imperfection. The pursuit of a flawless speech can be paralyzing. Instead, focus on being a credible, honest version of yourself. Authenticity resonates more with audiences than manufactured perfection.

2. Embrace Your Authentic Voice

Women don’t need to find a voice. They have a voice. They need to feel empowered to use it and people need to be encouraged to listen.

Focus on behavior, not culture. While structural inequalities exist, focus on honing your own speaking skills rather than dwelling on external barriers. This proactive approach empowers you to amplify your voice regardless of the surrounding culture.

Create your own opportunities. Don't wait to be chosen. With modern technology, it's easier than ever to create your own platforms through vlogs, podcasts, and social media.

Status quo is a numbers problem. Acknowledge that there are fewer women in senior roles, but focus on creating your own opportunities and feeling great about your ability to communicate. As Oprah says, "There is no discrimination against excellence."

3. Happy High Status: Radiate Confidence

Happy high status is the single most important thing about being a strong public speaker.

Happy high status is key. This concept embodies comfort, grace, and charm, even in unexpected situations. It's about being secure in yourself and your value, regardless of external circumstances.

Status is a state of mind. Happy high status isn't tied to a position or title. A toilet attendant can embody it just as much as a CEO. It's about how you feel inside and how you project that to the world.

Acquire, practice, and improve. Happy high status can be cultivated through self-awareness and conscious effort. It involves being interested in others, not taking things personally, and making everything seem easy and natural.

4. The Power of Pace and Pauses

The more complex your ideas, the slower your speech.

Slow down for clarity. Most speakers tend to talk too fast, especially when nervous. Deliberately slowing down allows the audience to process information and demonstrates confidence.

Pauses are powerful. Strategic pauses give the audience time to absorb your message and create a sense of anticipation. Voice coach Caroline Goyder suggests that those who pause naturally, 3.5 times per minute, are the most successful at influencing their audience.

Context matters. While slowing down is generally beneficial, pace is subjective. Adapt your speed to the audience and the complexity of the material. If your strength is fluency, harness it during dynamic parts of your speech and slow down for crucial points.

5. Conviction: Speak From the Heart

There is no discrimination against excellence.

Conviction is key. Projecting a solid, definite idea is crucial for capturing and maintaining attention. This requires extreme focus, strong eye contact, and a deep belief in your message.

Intimacy and risk. Share personal stories and vulnerabilities to connect with the audience on a deeper level. This demonstrates authenticity and makes your message more impactful.

Stillness amplifies conviction. Control your body movements to draw attention to your words. Stillness can create a sense of power and authority, allowing your message to resonate more deeply.

6. Defy Expectations: Be Unapologetically You

Comedy is subjective. Success is objective.

Authenticity over likeability. Don't be afraid to be yourself, even if it means defying conventional expectations. Joan Rivers, for example, achieved success by being brash, irreverent, and unapologetically herself.

Find your own style. Don't try to emulate someone else's persona. Discover what works for you and embrace your unique qualities, even if they're unconventional.

Work hard and "cheat" when necessary. Rivers used cue cards and a vast filing system to support her performances. Find systems that work for you, even if they seem unconventional.

7. Harness Vulnerability and Imperfection

We touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

Share your story. Audiences connect with speakers who are willing to share their personal experiences, struggles, and vulnerabilities. This creates a sense of authenticity and makes your message more relatable.

It's okay to be nervous. Acknowledge your nerves and imperfections. This makes you more human and approachable. As J.K. Rowling demonstrates, it's possible to give a powerful speech even when you're visibly nervous.

Focus on the message. Ultimately, the most important thing is to deliver a message that resonates with the audience. Don't let the pursuit of perfection overshadow the value of your content.

8. Create Your Own Opportunities

Choose yourself.

Don't wait to be chosen. Actively seek out speaking opportunities. Propose yourself as a speaker, chairperson, or facilitator. Create your own platforms through vlogs, podcasts, and social media.

Tell people you want to speak. Let others know about your interest in public speaking. This can lead to unexpected opportunities and collaborations.

Practice in low-stakes environments. Gain experience by speaking in easy, comfortable settings. This will build your confidence and help you hone your skills.

9. Stillness and Deliberate Movement

The world needs you and it needs the things you carry.

Stillness commands attention. Veteran politicians like Angela Merkel and Hillary Clinton demonstrate the power of stillness. Holding your ground and silently commanding a room creates a powerful impression.

Deliberate movements. Use hand gestures and head movements sparingly to emphasize key points. This draws attention to your message and prevents distractions.

Neutrality can be powerful. Projecting a trustworthy neutrality can be effective, especially in politically sensitive situations. This approach conveys calm, focus, and a clear head.

10. The Importance of Preparation and Practice

What we achieve inwardly will change our outer reality.

Preparation is key. Even seemingly effortless speakers have often put in years of preparation and practice. Don't underestimate the value of honing your skills and mastering your material.

Practice, practice, practice. The more you speak, the more comfortable you'll become. Seek out opportunities to practice in different settings and with different audiences.

Seek feedback and refine your approach. Record yourself speaking and ask for constructive criticism. Use this feedback to identify areas for improvement and refine your style.

Last updated: April 4, 2025